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Thread: Military Men

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Mesmorized113's Avatar
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    Default Military Men

    Last night my bf told me that he was going to go into the reserves and fight over seas for a year. It's not 100% official, just what he really wants to do. It's not because he supports the war, it's more to right a wrong from when he was in the army before (he failed two drug tests) not to mention get the money. Anyway, he's really gotten his life on track since then, and I guess wants to set things straight, which I find very admirable. I just don't know how to be away from him for a whole year!! Granted, we haven't been together that long, but that makes me even more nervous! I know I won't be with anyone else, but how can I be sure he won't. Besides that, I don't know how I can emotionally handle being alone for a year. I'm about to start school and he tried to assure me that while I am in school a year will go by super fast. Apparantly he is also going to get 2 plane tickets for a 2 week vacation to anywhere in the world, and he'd take me, but regardless that's still 50 weeks of not seeing him! How the hell do people do it? Women go on and on doing this for years and I'm worried about one year. How do you deal with not knowing if they're with someone else or not. I mean, I don't care how much you trust someone, the question has got to arise at some point. How the hell do you deal? Any suggestions for how to go through this whole thing would really be great, especially people who maybe weren't together for too long when all this happened to you. But seriously, anyone would be great!
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  2. #2
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Military Men

    I'm a military wife, the first year my husband and I were married he was deployed for six months, he's getting ready to go back for another six months shortly. How do I trust him? First of all, he's not going to throw anything away for one night of fun, second,the conditions that they are in, no showers, no running water, etc.. and having to literally FIND a place to do the deed with someone (porta potties??? eewww) is almost impossible. HOwever, it does happen.

    As for the trust issue, that's your own issue to deal with. For me, its not hard. I know what he does for a living when he's over there, I know he is working 12-16 hours a day and completely exhausted when he's off work. I trust him 100%, and he already knows that one night of fun with someone isn't worth losing what he and I have together.

    You will either do fine by yourself, or you won't. If you require to "be with someone" all the time, you won't do well. If you are an independent person and capable of doing just fine on your own, you will be just fine.

    Many women bitch about how their boyfriends/husbands are going on a vacation when they are being deployed. I have no respect for women who assume that they are going to cheat, etc... or "what goes TDY stays TDY"... out of most military men, there are only about 3% Of them that are like that, and most of them are always in trouble... and the girlfriends/wives, already know that their marriages/realationships are in trouble.

    If I can give you one piece of advice that will help you, it would be to not complain about being alone, not complain about how horrible you have it while he is away, because, if you had any idea what these men deal with, what they see, what they live in, what they go through and then have to hear from back home that things are crappy, and the woman they care about isn't able to take care of herself, let alone stop nagging about being alone so much, you will have a man who comes back who will be much different than when he left. Granted, he's going to change, but helping him while he's away by being able to fend for yourself and take on responsibilty will help your relationship more, than you asking him if he's been with other women, or you nagging about how much you hate being by yourself.


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  3. #3
    God/dess JustJayda's Avatar
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    Default Re: Military Men

    Mes, it sounds like you are getting worked up for nothing, If he failed 2 drug tests in the army, how on earth is he just going to decide to go in the reserves, and fight overseas for a year? Wasn't he dishonorably discharged?

    Also, the government is going to give him 2 plane tickets to anywhere in the world, and 2 weeks of vacation??? If that's what he told you, it sounds like he's lying already. lLeave is accrued at a rate of 2.5 days a month (30 days a year), and nobody gives away 2 plane tickets to anywhere in the world., unless you are about to retire, and have a spouse/family members.
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    God/dess JustJayda's Avatar
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    Default Re: Military Men

    p.s., If you do have any questions, feel free to ask. Colleen is also prior service. In any event, best of luck with this.
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  5. #5
    Veteran Member Mesmorized113's Avatar
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    Default Re: Military Men

    Gynger~ I'm not sure how you took my questions, but I in no way would ever sit and bitch to him about how bad I have it. I have been nothing but supportive of his decision and plan on being that way for the rest of this journey. I am not really that concerned with him cheating on me, but we have only been together for a few months, so I don't really think it's that big of a deal that the thought popped in my head. I'm not freaking out about it or constantly thinking about it. I trust him that he won't, if he really wants to be with me, but I also know that if he doesn't really want to be with me, he probably won't hesitate(unless he is just very considerate of me, which he is). Nevertheless, I was just being realistic. Besides, he isn't going to be in Iraq, he would be in Kuwait. From what I have heard of Kuwait, it is a rather rich area that is pretty developed. It's not just straight up war zones, but regardless of how he's living over there I am not going to complain. I commend him on what he wants to do. Anyway, I was mostly just wondering how women deal with missing their husbands so much for so long.

    JustJayda~ My understanding of failing drug tests while you're in the military is they basically just give you a slap on the wrists and tell you not to do it again. Unless you do it a ton of times, you're not gonna get in a lot of trouble. No, he was not dishonorably discharged. He signed himself out after he failed the last one because his Seargant told him a bunch of things to try to scare him, and it worked. His Seargant didn't want him to leave at all, but I guess he didn't want to deal with his consequences at the time(he was young and rebellious) even though his Seargant was just exaggerating. Now he just wants to set things straight, cause he is not a failure and does not want to go down as a failure. He told me he had an honorable general discharge which is next down from an honorable discharge.

    As far as the two weeks, he told me you get two weeks R&R while you're gone. He told me they give you two plane tickets to anywhere in the world. Maybe he is mistaken, but the military is doing anything they can to get you to sign up because they are in such need for people. I mean, the Reserves gives a 20,000 sign on bonus! That's a ton of money for only having to go one weekend a month and two weeks out of the year. It really wouldn't surprise me if they did give tickets. If not, I am positive he's not lying to me, he is just mistaken. We will see what happens. He will be going in a month to try to get back in, so I guess we will find everything out then. I have been feeling a lot better about all of this, and hopefully it'll get easier and easier.
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  6. #6
    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Military Men

    Quote Originally Posted by Mesmorized113
    Gynger~ I'm not sure how you took my questions, but I in no way would ever sit and bitch to him about how bad I have it. I have been nothing but supportive of his decision and plan on being that way for the rest of this journey. I am not really that concerned with him cheating on me, but we have only been together for a few months, so I don't really think it's that big of a deal that the thought popped in my head. I'm not freaking out about it or constantly thinking about it. I trust him that he won't, if he really wants to be with me, but I also know that if he doesn't really want to be with me, he probably won't hesitate(unless he is just very considerate of me, which he is). Nevertheless, I was just being realistic. Besides, he isn't going to be in Iraq, he would be in Kuwait. From what I have heard of Kuwait, it is a rather rich area that is pretty developed. It's not just straight up war zones, but regardless of how he's living over there I am not going to complain. I commend him on what he wants to do. Anyway, I was mostly just wondering how women deal with missing their husbands so much for so long.

    I didnt' take your questions in any way negative, I was merely being blunt as I always am. Since becoming a military wife I hear more women complain than they should, I was merely explaining what NOT to do.. And yes, Kuwait is highly developed and a much richer country. I suppose what you should also keep in mind is that if you and he have a good relationship and both of you are worth waiting for, then you aren't going to jeopardize things. Also think of it this way, he could think the same things (cheating) about you. Have a talk before he leaves, tell him how you feel and that you are not going to blow things.

    How do we women survive missing our husbands so long? My husband is 17 years in the Airforce, so he's got a management job mainly, but he still deals with a lot. We talk on messenger for an hour when he's deployed... we exchange pictures, I send him care packages from home, I don't count the days that he is gone, but rather I concentrate on getting my goals started. I set a goal for myself when he deploys, I don't need to lose weight as I am thin as it is, but sometimes a goal is to save money for a family trip while he's gone, I take college classes towards my masters degree, I decorate the house, I take a cooking class, a voice class, I play the piano, I throw all my energy into things that I don't have time for when he's home because we're busy being a family.. I use the time that he is deployed for my kids and for me.. I have to keep my kids focused and their minds off the fact that he's gone...

    There are good days and there are bad days, there are days when you sit down and bawl your eyes out because you can't handle one more crying child missing their dad, a dog who won't behave, losing your sanity because you haven't had sex in months, and shutting the t.v. off because you are sick of hearing all the negative press instead of the good stuff...


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  7. #7
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Military Men

    Wow i don't know how you ladies do it! My friends bf just went in the Army for four years. Boot camp killed him, she said, but now he loves it in North Carolina! She misses him madly! He is due home for 1 week then off. They write via computer and snail mail alot!!!

    She says she is not sure if she can wait she is honest. She heard stories, so this makes her wonder what he may do.

    I met a nice man 22 years navy. Now he writes navy manuals for PAFB here in Fl. He is 46 yrs. old, great guy. We still date!

    Another one....(sheesh) i am dating a police officer MPD, who has 17 yrs. Marines..he's s NUT..lol, but right now my heart is really with him.

    He told me stories too. I guess it depends on the guy. He was single and did what he wanted (sex) when they could he said. He said if he had a woman at home he would not have slept around. Also he was young and dumb!

    Strange this thread popped up. I had alot of questions for both since i was at first seeing both of them for about 5 months to decide who i liked better.

    Officer K. is my better choice. He is a Lieutenant...and you would not know! They say the Marines are crazy...i think that is bs with this guy. He is WAY cool. Like him much.

    If he was going in the marines now, i would trust him! Very much!

    Pamela

  8. #8
    Member panaceadisease's Avatar
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    Default Re: Military Men

    Being engaged to a navy man, who worked in recruiting for awhile..... they will tell guys anything to get them to join, he'll get the vacation time eventualy but the only "plane tickets" he gets is the flight that gets him to boot camp and the flight that takes him were he's stationed. And as for drug tests.....they'll kick you out. Happened to a friend of mine. You only get slaped on the wrist(aka shit beaten out of you but no paperwork) if you're a marine and the right people catch you, but that goes for anything you do wrong when you're a marine.

    Hang in there, it's tough. It takes patience, perseverance and trust to survive in a relationship with military personel. Time and distance is the test and in the end only the strong truly survive. Being apart and lonley sucks. Keep yourself busy with friends and hobbies and write him often.

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