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Thread: Oh no! Not me too!

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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Oh no! Not me too!

    All right, I've been a good custy for a long time now. Go in, be polite, tip the stage a little bit. Get a couple of dances, enjoy those moments when she fakes a connection with you - but never, never, believe that they are really interested in talking to you OTC.

    Then just the other night, I go to a club I haven't been to in a while. It's so slow that there's a bunch of dancers sitting at empty tables just smoking or talking to each other. I buy a couple of dances from the gal who plops down next to me because she seemed pretty nice and although she's not my type, her presence seems to be keeping the wanderers away.

    But I digress, (and she wanders off)
    ***************
    As I'm watching the game, I barely notice a gal who walks up and asks if she can sit on my lap. I ask her a few questions about her night, the rotation, other gals etc. We swap a little info on our backgrounds and strangely get into a engaging discussion on the cultural differences between Americans and Latin Americans (she's Colombian, and I used to travel there for work).

    There's a lull in the conversation so I ask for a dance. I keep my usual focus on her eyes and try to play along as well as I can with her dance. Shortly into the second dance, she mentions the VIP and although I rarely go, I wasn't planning on staying much longer and I had already mentally spent the $250 when I drove to the ATM so, what the hell? I wait until the third dance to mention the VIP and she tells me she'll make it worthwhile.

    *************
    During the move to the VIP, we talk a bit more - swap divorce stories over a chuckle and settle in.
    She then tells me she's going to give me the best dance of my life.
    She then procedes to give me the best dance of my life.
    I couldn't believe how intimate we got - she repeatedly asked me what I liked and guided my hands. At the end of the third song, she's clearly working up a little sweat so I ask her to rest.

    More polite conversation about family, relationships, discussing how it's weird how different people can get offended in weird ways etc.

    She mentions that she's at the end of her shift and asks if she can finish me off (her words, not mine, and it was clearly directed at the dance, not what some of you might think). Of course, I'd love to

    After two more songs of the best stripper encounter in my life (it's no longer possible to call it a dance) she stops and we go back to the bar to settle up. As she's collecting herself, she laughs and tells me she doesn't always enjoy her dances that much.

    *************************

    At the bar, I order a beer and get her a water. I ask her a question about her experiences stripping and she suddenly stops and says I have to know some strippers to ask the question. I admit that I have and do know some strippers.

    Then she asks me:
    "So, you have no problem with dating a stripper?"
    I answer that I of course wouldn't have a problem. She then asks if I had dated a stripper. To which I answer honestly that I've done things OTC with strippers, but no, I haven't dated one.

    Then she screws with my head:
    "So, you wouldn't have a problem dating a stripper?"
    Head spinning, I've lost control, can't resist: Noooo! Don't believe it! Don't believe it!
    She... does... not... want... you to ask her out!
    I quickly dart my attention to the floor in an attempt to regain some semblance of control.

    I order a beer and she leaves to go change. Thankfully since it was a slow night and a bunch of gals saw me settle up with her, I'm quickly mobbed by a bunch of "wanna dance" 'ers to distract me from obsessing.

    One of those assertive young party gals avoids my deflections and plops herself right down on my lap. As I attempt to be polite while engaged in some discussion about the difference in party atmospheres in various parts of the country, the gal who screwed with my head walks by winks and waves.

    ********************

    Now I am totally fucked. I allow myself to actually believe that I may have offended the gal by not asking her to meet OTC for a coffee or lunch to continue the engaging conversation.

    I am so screwed. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

    Please, someone help me get my head straight again?


    "Life is not about the number of breaths you take.
    It's about those moments which leave you breathless."

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    ummmm, well.....ask yourself this:

    would you be interested in OTC activities with this woman?
    If the answer is yes, then I would say,
    as LONG AS you know that you have about a .01% chance of this woman actually wanted to date you (but it DOES happen, so I'm not going to shoot you down) then I would find out when she's working and get more dances. Maybe throw out an apology about how you would have loved to talk to her more but the blonde pirhana latched on.

    if you want to take it slow, give her your email and judge it from there.
    if you want to "get your head straight again" asap, I would go for the direct route, and say that while normally you wouldn't take the liberties, her actions towards you seemed more intimate than most.

    Then ask her if she would be interested in either hanging out OTC, or possibly going out to see if there's a romantic connection. Tell her that she gets to define the terms so she knows you're not some nut trying to buy her, but also get across that if she's genuine-- you are too, and if she's not, well then you're still definitely interested in getting dances from her again.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    Relax, she's just a woman. If you like her and she keeps hinting she wants to go out, do it.

    Don't worry about the fact she's a stripper, and you'll be fine, just take it as it comes like you would with anyone else.

    Of course, one good acid test to see if her interest is genuine, is to stop spending money on her--but this means you shouldn't spend money on anyone else there, either, just tip lavishly (not just her) so you're not coming off like a freeloader. Pay another dancer a dollar or two to tip for you if you like--some don't want to bother, but a lot of them think it's fun and know it gets the attention of the guys, so they like it.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Senior Member NikkiWest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    Could be fake or it could be real. There was one customer I started falling for. I saw him once a week for three weeks in the club and by the third he asked me out. I refused because I have a rule that I will not date customers. I let a week go by and decided the next time I saw him I would say yes and brake my rule. He never came back to the club. The point is, it could be for real but even then proceed with caution and know that the odds are against you.

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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    Go back to the club and ask her out. The description you gave was somewhat similar to how I met my fiancee' in the club 7 years ago. I strung him along for about 4-6 weeks just to test him out though. LOL.

    If you don't go back to the club and approach her, you'll never know what could be, right?

    Djoser is right, and my fiancee always said the same thing regarding spending money on a dancer that may have dating potential. If she keeps trying to sell you dances after the second encounter in the club, you are just a customer to her. If she sits with you without trying to sell you when it is slow, your situation has dating potential.

    Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

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    Featured Member Wwanderer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    Quote Originally Posted by azcustomer
    although she's not my type, her presence seems to be keeping the wanderers away.
    See, this is why it is so vital that everyone use both the w's in my screen name when referring to me, else I don't know whether or not I should be offended by this sort of comment.

    Yeah, unless you are just totally not interested, pursue it a bit and see where it leads; it could easily turn out to be interesting, or much better than interesting, in any number of ways. But also be sure to keep your eyes open and your mind clear/objective about how things are going, or it could turn out to be unpleasant and/or expensive.

    -Ww
    "At this moment what more need we seek?
    As the Truth eternally reveals itself,
    This very place is the Lotus Land of Purity,
    This very body is the Body of the Buddha."
    - Zazen Wasan

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    Oh come oonnn. She doesn't care if there was a girl in your lap. Be offended? Pfft. She's made a lot of money off u, she knows the game, she knows they're wanting some too.

    I'd be tempted to think she was just trying to lure you in as a regular, however.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    azcustomer, just one word.....
    Last edited by WiseGuy_TX; 02-24-2007 at 06:42 AM.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    Quote Originally Posted by azcustomer
    But never, never, believe that they are really interested in talking to you OTC.
    I would really encourage you to let go of this. It's not true. It's so not true. It depends on the city, the club, who you are, who she is, and the connection the two of you have established. I understand that it's good psychological defense, and a healthy exercise in polite club practice, but if you treat it as an inflexible rule, it can undermine your connection to reality.

    Above all, remember this: The only inflexible rule is that the dancers do the choosing. This beauty of this rule is that it permits you to be a gentleman at all times (an absolute requirement) but it also makes you available when needed. If she chooses you, and she makes that crystal clear, playing defense based on your own rule will just make you look indecisive and weak for no good reason at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by azcustomer
    Please, someone help me get my head straight again?
    You've already had some excellent advice in the thread.

    My sense is that her repeating the question "So you would have no trouble dating a dancer?" after you'd already answered it ("No, I would have no problem with it,") strikes me as playful SS. Good SS, though. I'm really sorry. I could be very wrong, and truly hope I am. But in my experience, if she were truly interested, she wouldn't be asking you a question you'd already answered. She would have already put her phone number in your phone and had you walk her to her car.

    Having said that, please take the other advice in this thread seriously. Within the constraints of being an absolute gentleman, allow the situation to unfold naturally, and in the way she wants it.

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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    TOO,

    Nice post.

    Thank you all for the guidance and advice.

    Each of you have provided excellent insight into different ways to view the situation.

    Writing my story prove to be very thereapuetic in itself. This is what I love about forums.

    At the end of the day, I really enjoyed the 'session' this dancer gave me the other night and look forward to relishing in it for some time.

    It's funny how I feel the urge to evaluate the events and each of our intentions in terms of absolutes.

    Certainly, there were signs of a connection with the hope of making it into something more. The definition of what 'something more' is, will play out over time (I hope). I think the truer answer of what caused the events lies in a mixture of intentions and hoped outcomes.

    A budding friendship
    A new great regular or all time favortite
    Mutual attraction with the promise of physical pleasure

    What makes this event great was that it happened between a customer and stripper who maintained respect for each other and the rules we must abide in the club.

    By the way - I found each of your posts to be very accurate introspections of various feelings I had. (A couple of posts led me to wonder if I gave the wrong impression. I have absolutely nothing wrong with dating a stripper. In fact, I find most of them to be quite enchanting and more interesting than the average Jane. It just so happens that thus far, while my OTC relationships with strippers could have been classified as 'dates' they didnt' lead onto anything serious. When she asked if I had dated a stripper, I confused myself by wondering if by saying 'yes' I would be throwing myself in the pool of guys troling SC's looking for dates. When she ambiguously pushed further, tha's where she got me hooked.)

    Yes, I use my "rules" to protect myself and need to lighten up.

    Yes, she certainly wants another good 'regular' - just as I too want another 'ATF'.

    Nikki's right, during the exchange you could tell both of us were struggling with preconceived notions of how we should act.

    Djoser touches on an important point. If I was in need of a relationship, I would follow your advice to a 'T'. Alas, one of the additional challenges is that one of the reasons I go to the SC is because I'm avoiding relationships at the time. That being said, I'll try some of your suggestions just to enjoy the game/dance a bit more and see what happens.

    Who knows? Maybe things will change. Oops, sorry, I'm sure they will change.

    Most importantly, I feel the need to respect the stripper and her need to make money in the club.

    Thanks again all.


    "Life is not about the number of breaths you take.
    It's about those moments which leave you breathless."

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    My only suggestion is to not change anything. Day by day it, but don't come off as a needy guy by exerting a level of control over the situation because you can choose her you can see her all the time, you can pay for that.

    It's when you're not paying for it that matters, but you know this.

    I agree with TOO. Her repetitive asking strikes me as Fantasy and Mystery creation/elaboration. I would strongly suggest going about your business and continue to be a perfect gentleman without focus on her. Again, as TOO said, if she is seriously interested (she may be after a while), she'll let YOU know.

    Allthough, hey, you had a kick ass experience right? So I'm happy for you for that much!

    MAST!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Veteran Member Docido's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    You're really in a win-win situation here. She might be interested in an OTC relationship. If so, the questions could be her way of testing you. As TOO said, she will do the choosing. And if it's not destined to be, then you've found someone who can reliably "rock your world." That's not so bad is it?
    Summer afternoon - Summer afternoon... the two most beautiful words in the English language. Henry James

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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    I'd advise you to ask her "Let's go out sometime when you're not busy". Then, give her your card. I dated a customer and he gave me his card and I kept it. What sealed the deal was running into him at my other club a week later. He wasn't mad just more intrigued (very George Clooney in Intolerable Cruelty). We were together for six years! It's totally possible. Her teasing sounds like something I'd do. I wouldn't give some dude my number but if he gave me his in a no strings attached way...I'd call!

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    Get a couple of dances, enjoy those moments when she fakes a connection with you - but never, never, believe that they are really interested in talking to you OTC.
    Hey, it happens--even to the most PLish customers.

    She'll eliminate any hint of ambiguity if it's for real.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  15. #15
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    Well if nothing else comes of it, she's got her hustle down!!!!

    Pamela

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    Veteran Member Miss_Eliza's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    just because she had fun and asked you if you would have a problem dating a stripper. Does not mean she wanted to date you. It was just a question.
    Why would she ask. Because your answer says a lot about what you think of dancers. But mostly she probaly just wanted to see the confused look on your face.
    You say psycho like it's a bad thing

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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Eliza
    Why would she ask. Because your answer says a lot about what you think of dancers. But mostly she probaly just wanted to see the confused look on your face.
    Oooh!

    I suddenly find myself strangely attracted to Miss Eliza.

    Miss Eliza, are you open to a long distance, purely plutonic, electronic message relationship?


    "Life is not about the number of breaths you take.
    It's about those moments which leave you breathless."

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Oh no! Not me too!

    One thing's for sure--if you act like it's a really big deal that she could actually maybe possibly like you, you'll cut down your odds.

    I want you to be happy as you can be--but for god's sake don't get eager--play it cool, and you'll do much better, whatever the end result.

    I don't mean 'play it' cool, and pretend to be something you're not, but be cool--as in knowing you deserve the attention of a good woman--maybe her, maybe someone else.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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