The curriculum will be quite informative and useful...
How to Keep Your Dick in Your Pants 101--a basic introductory course in the control of spontaneous sexual impulses.
Session 1--Consensual Relations With Dancer Personnel: avoidance of canine mating behavior patterns, applying techniques with entire staff, effect of dancer personnel apparel.
Session 2--Review of Session 1
Session 3--Review of Session 2
Announcing Dancers 201
Session 1--The Use and Abuse of Cheese--avoidance and control of nasally orientated speech modes; excessive use and control of blatantly false excitation levels; avoidance of referral to dancer personnel manipulation of poles (a:with reference to self b:with reference to customers); avoidance of referral to dancer personnel genetalia; control of impulse to announce own availablity for dancer personnel entertainment upon closure of establishment.
Session 2--Creative Methods in Introducing Questionable Dancer Personnel (Special Guest Speaker: Djoser)
Session 3--Vocabulary, Grammar, and Etiquette (Textbooks: Fun With Dick and Jane, See Spot Run)--necessity of abstinence from flatulence-oriented humor; necessity of abstinence from verbal destruction of former sexual partners; verbal destruction of other dancer personnel and customers, reasons for avoidance of.
Dancer Relations 102
Session 1--The Package Check: significance of, appropriate response to, advisablity of reciprocation. Techniques for aiding dancer personnel in determining visibility of feminine products, and avoidance of canine mating habits when doing so.
Session 2--Violence in the Work Environment: intervention, advisability of; self defense--non violent measures to avoid injury; avoidance of airborne dancer footware; removal of small appliances from vicinity of combatants; medical assistance for combatants; medical assistance for those who missed self defense segment; law enforcement assistance, advisability of.
Session 3--advisability of consensual relations with entire staff (review of How To Keep Your Dick in Your Pants); use of protective disease control devices for those who missed first segment; medical treatment options for those who missed first and second segments.
Managerial Relations 403
Session 1--Dichotomy in Managerial Policy: managerial rationalization of managerial exemption from policy enforcement: controlled substances, consensual relations with dancer personnel.
Session 2--Negotiation & Communication--dealing with substandard species; methods for revealing superior intelligence without termination; techniques for illusion of compliance with defective managerial policy originating from substandard intelligence capacity.
Session 3--Policy issues: dealing with conflicting managerial policies of different managers; applying this technique to simultaneous presence of different managers; explaining innappropriate nature of managerial music programming without termination (special topics--Michael Bolton, Celine Dion, Backstreet Boys, Elton John, Truck Drivin' Jams #5)
Session 3--Anger Management: avoiding termination due to reciprocal verbal abuse; avoiding termination due to use of violence against managerial personnel; methods for verbal destruction of managerial personnel without their comprehension; safe methods for verbal destruction of managerial personnel when communicating with other personnel.
Customer Relations 201
Session 1--Effective Customer Repellent Products: Shoo-Off, Geek-Away; comparative effectiveness of aerosol and pump-spray products; alternate methods--use of headphones, pretending to search for CDs, simulating sudden emergency cell phone calls, instantaneous closure of barricading devices in result of emergency.
Session 2--Methods for Refusal of Unacceptable Request (see coursebook for managerial music programming)
Fabrication of legitimate reasons for refusal: managerial prohibition ploy; previous use of selection prior to customer arrival.
Plausible explanations for unavailability of Top 40 #1 hits (loss, theft, temporary misplacement of desired selection, loan without return, damage to CD due to excessive use)--Note: also useful for dancer personnel relations.
Session 3--Customer Negotiation: dealing with substandard species; comprehension of customer dialects ('thug', 'redneck', incomprehensible foreign languages); reciprocation of verbal abuse, use of microphone for maximum effectiveness; avoiding termination due to use of violence; methods for verbal destruction of customers without their comprehension, use of microphone for maximum effectiveness; methods of verbal destruction of customers in communication with dancer personnel.
Session 4--Miscellaneous--dealing with absence of customer odor control and hygiene; avoidance of negative facial expression when interacting--musical suggestions, customer apparel, availability of dancer personnel for sexual relations, selection of dancer personnel for same, substandard species-oriented humor.



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