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Thread: Having a boyfriend....

  1. #1
    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Smiley Having a boyfriend....

    Hey! just joined this website. the subject of becoming an exotic dancer has been on my mind lately. ive been wanting to get in touch with my sexual goddess side. hehe.

    i was wondering, when you give lapdances, are the men allowed to touch you?
    in topless bars, its strictly topless, right?

    i do have a boyfriend, whom i love, and i have brought up this subject before, and he told me "You can do better, i wouldnt like any guys touching you and staring at your 'treasures'." (as he put it..)

    I, however dont see it as degrating, or thinking i could "do better". but i do love my boyfriend, and would see why he would have a problem if the men are allowed to touch/grope me when im giving them lapdances and what not. if you work in a topless bar, there is no lapdances involved?

    and also, for any of the dancers here who have or had boyfriends, any problems that you ran into? how did u overcome it? if not, why so? what happened?

    THANKS SO MUCH!

  2. #2
    Senior Member beckysnot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    my boyfriend pretty much told me the same thing. which i felt okay with cause i really dont want guys grubbin' all up ons me either! but i think as far as customers touching its a dancer preference and most dancers dont like to be touched. so it all depends on you, cause if a girls gonna lets customers touch her i really dont think it matters if the club lets it or not
    i can only dream of a circus life....

    aka chloe

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    you are allowed to set your own limits. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You can work at a topless club with no touching allowed (even if the club allows it, YOU don't have to.)

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    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    oh...thank you. so beckysnot, is yer boyfriend okay with it now, since he knows no touching will be involved????

    so if u dont want to be touched,do u just tell the men who u are gonna give a lapdance to that? how wud u really say that?? or do most clubs just dont allow touching?

  5. #5
    Member Jim_MI's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    In some sates your not allowed to touch, Michigan is one all though I'm sure it happens. I had a friend whos wife was a dancer and I was at the club with him while his wife was working the one particular night. I had just had a dance and the club has the talk to you the song after the dance. she asked me about him being bothered by her dancing which I then said ask him that I'm not sure. He responded "NO IT DOESN"T BOTHER ME"! clearly by his response he didn't like it but that's where he met her. the last I heard the were cheating on each other.

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    Veteran Member sugartaste's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    I work at a club with no touching, so it's definitely possible. But if your bf doesn't even want other men just looking at you naked and/or topless, it's going to be an issue. It takes a rare man to be able to deal with having a stripper girlfriend, all I can see is keep the communication going and if he doesn't at least compromise, you're going to have to choose. Good luck.

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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    If you want to help measure his resistance, go to a few clubs with him. If you are comfortable letting him look at other girls and if you buy him a dance or two, that will help spark some meaningful conversation.

    If he rejects the idea of getting a lap dance in your presence, its probably a sign he really doesn't want you to dance. Then again, if you really want to dance to explore and enjoy your sexuality a bit more, then you may need to find someone who's a bit more open minded.

    I had this discussion twice last week, once with a friend and another with a dancer. I'll have to admit that a few years back, I wouldn't have felt comfortable dating a stripper. Now I have no problem whatsoever. I wouldn't have a problem if my girlfriend danced and did some high touch dances. Once you go into the club, it's your job and your world as a stripper.

    However, if she was someone who enjoyed the high touch dances herself and played around a bit with other gals, then I'd expect her to allow me to get a few dances as well. (more to gossip about, right?)

    In my experience, relationships are about constantly discussing boundaries and exploring what you are and are not comfortable with. At least fun relationships are.


    "Life is not about the number of breaths you take.
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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    even if the club permits touching, just tell the guys, "you are not allowed to touch."

    You are probably going to make less than the girls that allow it, but you can still make pretty good money.

  9. #9
    Cally
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    Okay.. it all depends where you are really. You can still make money not allowing touching but you better be damn well good at being seductive with zero contact. My bf was the same as your man, he hates the idea of other guys seeing me naked and being able to touch me. Once he realised that the only place im allowing guys to touch me is my hips/stomache/back and legs he is a little more okay with it now. He still hates the idea of me being a dancer but he understands where i am in life right now and why im doing it. The funny thing is he proposed to me about two months after I started dancing and we now live together. So hey its still working good
    You are lucky your in a country that has the 'topless' option.. where i am its all nude with heavy contact so I had to really figure out where to draw my line.

    Good luck with what you decide

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    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    hey thanks for all the replies.

    im trying to look in the phonebook for topless bars, but i dont really see any! how am i suposed to find out? im just looking under the adult etertainment section.

    thanks so much!

  11. #11
    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    If you give your location, I'm sure there's a host of folks here willing to help.

    Also, go to the club reviews section, they have excellent information from dancers and customers including some of the club rules.

    Finally, please go to a few to see the differences. Here in AZ, each club has it's own atmostphere. Depending on your body and hair type, you might do fine in Babe's or Skin dancing with little to no contact. But the clientele happens to be younger and may be more of the types your boyfriend would get jealous of.


    "Life is not about the number of breaths you take.
    It's about those moments which leave you breathless."

  12. #12
    Senior Member beckysnot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    my boyfriend was comfortable with me dancing since the beginning, but knowing that i wont want any touching makes him feel better about it.
    he knows im not going there to meet guys, he knows its just my job, so hes okay with it. hes usually really insecure about stuff so i thought it was weird that hed be okay with me dancing. you have to make sure that you have a really strong relationship. and dont keep any secrets about your job, even if nothing goes on, a guy (at least my guy) is gonna think horrible things are happening and trying to keep stuff secret makes things look suspicious.
    you can go to www.stripclublist.com
    its got a buttload of clubs listed
    i can only dream of a circus life....

    aka chloe

  13. #13
    Member Laila.oz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    I have have a boyfriend when I have worked as a dancer and I think it comes down to how strong your relationship is... As has been mentioned there are clubs out there that don't allow touching, so maybe start off there first and see how your boyfriend handles it. I definately wouldn't advise having him come in while you work though ! If he'd like to see the club, take him in on a night off and show him how safe, clean and friendly it is ! Good Luck x

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    Veteran Member KennedyWinters's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    I started dancing BECAUSE I was single and would tell people that, like, "This is exciting for me" "This gets me off" etc etc and I let alot more groping fly than I do now. I've been dating this DOLL of a man for a few weeks now and on one hand it changes my whole approach to the club but on the other it makes me all that much more loyal to him I think. You see, I still need to get the "Sexual goddess" out of my system and being with one person for a few nights a week is just not enough I guess. The extra attention from patrons keeps me from wondering if I could do better or shouldn't have settled or other lame-chick thoughts like that. He is very hands off about my job, I guess because it was like the first thing we discussed- ytou know, right from the start I was like "Can you handle the thought of me giving lapdances?" and wheras it may bother him a little bit I'll probably be the LAST to know because he knows it's part of the deal and he's really into me. yay! score one for the boy's team my opinion on guys is really changing though him...

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    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    hehe thanks everyone. faboulous comments! oh and that stripclublist is really good! thanks!

    well i am still a newbie, curious as well..so expect 2 see more lil questions from me haha.

    thanks so much, and if anyone else wants 2 say anything else bout this topic, please do!

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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    Windy,

    I may be naive, but your posts seem to be legitamite.

    Please do not hesitate to post here. I have found great guidance from the folks here. (Thanks all).

    Have fun and let us know the next issue you face.


    "Life is not about the number of breaths you take.
    It's about those moments which leave you breathless."

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    Curious Guest
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    Hey I'm new to this site..and I've beenthinking about stripping..but have never done it before..I also have a bf..does anyone have any information for me about stripping?please let me know...thanks alot!

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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    Quote Originally Posted by Honey611 View Post
    Hey I'm new to this site..and I've beenthinking about stripping..but have never done it before..I also have a bf..does anyone have any information for me about stripping?please let me know...thanks alot!
    The search function is your friend.

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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    my boyfriend was ok with me dancing from the beginning. i was so nervous when i first brought it up to him, i thought he was gonna get mad and yell. but he didn't, he told me to "go for it" so 1 year later i'm still at it. he looks at it this way, guys stare in clubs but they also stare outside of clubs. if there's a woman a man thinks is beautiful he's gonna look, whether you're in a strip club or at the beach. the only difference is in a club they can see you topless or fully nude.

  20. #20
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    Quote Originally Posted by Windy View Post
    Hey! just joined this website. the subject of becoming an exotic dancer has been on my mind lately. ive been wanting to get in touch with my sexual goddess side. hehe.

    i was wondering, when you give lapdances, are the men allowed to touch you?
    in topless bars, its strictly topless, right?

    i do have a boyfriend, whom i love, and i have brought up this subject before, and he told me "You can do better, i wouldnt like any guys touching you and staring at your 'treasures'." (as he put it..)

    I, however dont see it as degrating, or thinking i could "do better". but i do love my boyfriend, and would see why he would have a problem if the men are allowed to touch/grope me when im giving them lapdances and what not. if you work in a topless bar, there is no lapdances involved?

    and also, for any of the dancers here who have or had boyfriends, any problems that you ran into? how did u overcome it? if not, why so? what happened?

    THANKS SO MUCH!
    I lucked out with that situation when I started dancing, because I was single and had some supportive friends that saw what a bad financial situation I was in, and thought that stripping was a "Godsend" because it would allow me to get onto my feet.

    In the past, this guy I'd been seeing off and on again had suggested that I go into dancing, because he saw the bad spot I was in and how I had such a struggle obtaining any kind of decent-paying job(bad economy, bad luck, lack of experience, whatever you want to call it). So a few months after I started dancing, we crossed paths again and he was actually happy for me. We started dating again soon after, and he didn't have a problem with it, because he trusted that I wasn't doing extras or anything illegal.

    HOWEVER, there were a few problems that my at-time boyfriend had with it:
    1) A few months after I obtained my Bachelor's degree, he was annoyed that I was still dancing full-time and not in a rush to get out of the business. I found this a little hypocritical, since he'd praised it only a year before. Meanwhile, he argued that stripping was fine for someone in college and/or a bad money spot, but now that I'd established a decent amount for myself(money-wise), that I should get a full-time "real" job and not even strip on the side.
    2) He wasn't exactly fond of me groping or fooling around with some of the bisexual girl friends that I had, whom I'd met from work and/or worked with at clubs before. I think this made him doubt a lot of the girls that I worked with. He claimed that it would be "cheating" if I kissed a girl(WTF?).
    3) Back when he liked the idea of me dancing, he didn't mind bikini or topless clubs, but had a HUGE problem with full-nude clubs(even though there's generally a lot less contact at PA/NJ nude clubs than at PA/NJ topless clubs).

    Okay now your questions about lapdances and contact:
    1) Most clubs these days(nude or not) offer lapdances, and the bulk of your money is generally made from lapdances and/or VIP rooms(basically a long 30-min or 60-min session where you can lapdance, sip wine, talk, etc).
    2) In PA, generally the topless and bikini clubs offer more contact than the nude clubs...but you can set your limits. No club can force you to allow more contact than you'd prefer!
    3) A lot of the nude clubs have customers keep their hands completely to the side, and they cannot even touch the girl's thigh, knee, arm, etc. The bouncers tend to be more attentive to contact. (This is a genearlization though)
    4) If you're seeking a strip club without lapdances, they still do exist(although uncommon). These clubs are usually small, casual old-school style strip clubs. Suzy's(they didn't have lapdances until <1yr ago, but even now, the bulk of your money comes from tips as opposed to dances) and Penn's Port are examples. Your money is made from collecting tips from customers around the bar. But I do not know of any gentlemen's clubs(at least in the Philly area) that do not offer lapdancing, or ones where you make most of your money without lapdancing/VIPs.

  21. #21
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    Y'all, this thread is 1 year old....

  22. #22
    Senior Member burnedrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having a boyfriend....

    my boyfriend is perfectly fine with me dancing - he even calls me his "little exotic princess" - dorky but cute!

    Regarding lap dances. I work in a topless-only club. They dont force us to do lap dances, but thats where all the money is. Guys, for the most part, dont touch. Occasionally, I may have a guy try to grab my thighs and pull me onto his lap correctly - maybe Im not grinding him in the right spot, or maybe it hurts - in which case, I ask him if everything is ok or if he needs a quick breather. If a guy gets too grabby, I take their hands and smack them away..one strike and they are out. Next offense, I call in the bouncers - issue taken care of! The only exception was last night where some guy kept buying lap dances as long as he could rub my feet - foot fetish, I guess - and I wasnt one to complain. a 3 dance foot rub? RIGHT ON!!

    make sure you find a club that has a good bouncer team if you are worried about grabby guys.
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