What are your thoughts/opinions on this? Experience if so?
Dating a person from a different culture/religious belief than you.





What are your thoughts/opinions on this? Experience if so?
Dating a person from a different culture/religious belief than you.
Last edited by Vyanka; 05-18-2006 at 08:05 PM.
Well if you're asking whether I am for it or against it, frankly, it aint non of my business and as long as neither member of that relationship is supressing the freedoms of the other in my sight, then it's no different to me.
I have and always will be in a set-to-learn mode, and the person I am dating HAS to have some quality I feel I can learn from, if that's their culture or religion, than as long as they respect me enough to share their experiences so I can learn from them, then naturality takes over.
And naturality is all it's ever really about. When you WANT to date someone, very few things will keep you from it.
Mast!
People are not ruled by their memories.





Well, I'm a product of a family's actual centuries of cultural mixing. Huzzah! I say its all groovy. I mean, we're all damn humans, why not? Mutts rock. As for belief? If the folks can handle each other's beliefs, and if they choose to spawn, they have a plan for the belief teachings for the kid(s), rock on.
Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
*******************************
Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."
Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."





Yeah, I love mutts. lol. I'm all for delic exotic mix.Hey now.
Last edited by Vyanka; 05-18-2006 at 08:53 PM.
Its easier said than done. Having said that, I am a slavic mutt myself and turned out well, but we're not talking about the past are we?
If someone is very religious, and so is their family, and they are close to their family, that presents a huge problem for some of us militant atheists.
OTOH, some of us have racist families, and are close to our family, and couldn't handle the thought of being disowned (again) so we stay away from dating certain races not favored by family, sadly.
"Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
"And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion
Originally Posted by Mia M





I'm PR decent(every culture's nightmare, lol j/k)/raised Catholic. My bf is Arabic/raised muslim. We've been together for over a year. His family is very religious and so is mine. We're not. But we're are very close to our families. I'm so sick of ppl asking me what about our future kids. I say, "what about them?" "they'll have two loving parents."
Yadda yadda, well you know already.
His mom warned him about PR/Latin women. She's not too fond of us, lol.Um...Sucks. I can't dress sexy around her(clothes too tight or show a little cleav)...which isn't even an issue bc I wouldn't dress slutty in front of anyone's mom. lol.
Another thing, most latin ppl(me for sure) are very affectionate - touchy feely. ei...hugs and peck kisses. I have to remind myself not to show any public display of affection in front of his mom.
Maybe I watch Lifetime to much but... I would be careful about children and the family running back to like - where ever. Is your boyfriend born in the country you are living in now? And arabs born in arab lands seem to be particularily crazy these days.
Wow, that's a huge generalization!Originally Posted by Deogol
Lemme tell you about some arabs in this 'arab land' I'm living in.
On Sunday I see them in church. Because many arabs are Christian. They live by the 10 commandments, including Thow Shall Not Kill, Shall Not Steal, etc. They baptize their babies and divorce is super rare. Nobody here wan't their kids to grow up without a mommy or daddy.
THESE arabs are not crazy. But they wonder why everyone THINKS they are.
Especially since Jesus was from Jerusalem and he therefor was most likely a bronze-skinned man, resembling a modern-day Middle-Eastern dude. (Of course this is not uncontested, but since all the pictures and sculptures of Jesus in Arab countries make him look like an arab, that kind of drives them 'Crazy', haha.) My bf is an Arab, Christian, and so forgiving and loves God and doesn't act crazy at all.
********For the poster who asked the question about dating a person from a different culture, I don't think that is necessairily a problem. Just be careful, because you two are not from the same RELIGION, and the fact that he does not discuss this with you at length is MORE reason to worry than it is to believe it is not an issue.
...Because the reason he does not address the religious issue, and the reason he appears 'non-'religious' when you are together, may very well be that he is just having a good time with you, AND that he is planning to NEVER marry you and so he does not feel he needs to address these things.
It is very common in Arab-Muslim culture for these guys to have super-hot white / Western girlfriends as a novelty, but after a while, they almost always (99.999999%) go find a nice Muslim girl to marry, hopefully a virgin and maybe circumcized (so she won't roam).
It's not pretty, but it's the truth.
Also, if you don't speak Arabic, and he uses his language in front of you in phone-calls and with his family (like when you are with his mom), you really have no idea what his is saying about you. A while ago I was with a European girl and her Arab-Muslim boyfriend in a cafe, and some of the guys friends came over, and not realizing I understand arabic, he says to his boyz about the European girl "Yah I know she's hot, too bad it's only temporary" This is a rough translation but you get the idea. And this behavior is very common and 100% acceptable culturally.





I was born & raised here in NJ, he was raised in NY(by the age of 10 he came here).
We have talked about marriage. He has told me plenty of times that he wants to marry me and have my kids. We've been together for 15 months now. We truely love each other, but now i'm thinking how is this going to be in the future for the kids(if that happens). It's not so much the culture, but the difference of religions we were both raised by & our families. He does speak the language to his mom, but I do it too. He doesn't speak arabic to his friends around me.
I haven't brought this topic up yet to him when I should've in the beginning, anyway now it's time. I mean, we haven't discussed that, but marriage. I have to find the right timing too. And he just told me that he found out his dad has prostat cancer.![]()
I don't understand your post. Yes or no, can you understand arabic?
Hey.
In good relationships, problems get solved.
In bad relationships, problems end them.
If it's good, you'll look for a way to make it work.
People are not ruled by their memories.
And what country exactly are they from?
It does not matter if he was in USA since 10.
And I'll tell you a couple things before you answer.
Gulf states: 1 in a million he will marry you. Problem is more cultural than religious.
Upper Africa: Chances are slightly better for marrage but still not so good. Best hope is Morocco.
Look, the religious aspect is so pervasive, it is inescapable.
He is monitoring your fashion (albeit only) in front of his mother, does this tell you anything about his socialization history? Doesn't it give you the impression that the religious dimension is still present although he has been in america for 15 years or whatever? Does this indicate to you how deep those religious feelings run, to survive all these years and still affect your life? Don't you think he will also censor your eventual daughters in a similar way?





Sorry, it's early and i'm at work half asleep. lol.Originally Posted by 242_fair
No, I don't understand it.





Mom is Palestinian and dad Lebanese.
Yes 242 all that has come to mind and i'm aware. We just never spoke about it, which is bad I know. But at the same time i'm with Mast. It's a tough situation.
Whoa?! When did this happen?Originally Posted by Vyanka
I'm not a one woman man vyanka, I need to be free to go after my hordes of dead ends female-less options. Please, while you're with me, try not to crimp my style yo.
People are not ruled by their memories.
My 8 ball says "doesn't look good". Sorry.Originally Posted by Vyanka
I don't know how to say this nicely.
In this culture & religion, when a man loves a woman, he wants to get married ASAP.
His mother and father dream of the day when their son will have a proper Islamic wedding (hopefully to a virgin), and their children will be raised to follow sharia and the hadith.
It is impossible to concieve of a Palestinian Muslim mother happily sending her son off to marry an American stripper. In her birth country, she wouldn't even want him to be seen giving you directions in the street if you were lost.
Let me tell you something. I am in the most liberal of all the Islamic countries. I am looking out my window into the gardens, and what do I see? Two women dressed up in black bedsheets from head to toe, just a slit for the eyes. To most people here, this represents the ultimate religious devotion. They love Allah and their husbands so much that they are wearing gloves in 100 degree heat so nobody sees their hands and gets sexually attracted to them
This is the scenery and ideology his parents grew up around. Regardless of how long they have been in the states and how the dress now, below the surface, and not too far below the surface, there are very seriously held beliefs which you cannot understand.
My bet is that culturally, you have no idea what you are dealing with.
I don't mean to be a bitch or put you down or something, but if I tell anyone I know here in an Islamic country that I know this stripper and she has been with this Arabic Muslim guy for over a year with lots of sex but no marrage proposal, and she wonders if the religion might be a problem, they would laugh their asses off at you. Because you don't have a chance in hell with this guy.
Now, I may be totally off, you might be one of the .00005% who actually get married and stay together and religion is not an issue. But how can you bet your future on .0005%, I know I wouldn't.
It's only 0.00005% If she has 15 months of dealing with him and any one of the personality traits you've defined.Originally Posted by 242_fair
Otherwise it's really no different than anything else.
I mean, sure he could be hiding all this, but that would make him damn good, and still not something she should assume if she is with him, and happy.
If he was anything you described tho, take heed vyanka, only you know how right in this situation 242 is, and some value has to go into the fact that you did, in fact, ask which shows fear in this situation.
People are not ruled by their memories.
Look, you can't take Islam out of it.
It's not 'personality traits'.
I'm talking about 1600 years of socialization that has been handed down through hundreds of generations. This is taken very seriously.
Just because he lived in NYC for a decade or so, don't get your hopes up that he will abandon his family's legacy of Islam.
Go read some relationship threads on .
Better yet, read some threads on Religion.
Lots of Palestinians living in Egypt since we're neighbors, you will get the idea there.
Vyanka, go post your situation on that forum and see what you get back. Don't wait around, just do it.
i dated a guy who's father was born and raised in India and mother was white... this was the crazy ex i'm always talking about....very controlling people.. Indians that is.... i've heard many mixed things about arabic men... i had a friend who was latino (Puerto rican) who dated an arabic guy and he was nuts... he was constantly questioning and controlling everything she did... she wasn't allowed to have friends. she had to sneak places to hang out with me.... kinda weird...
I'm all for it. I just refuse to date Republicans and people who will preach during sex.





Yeah, I'm all about "Let Love Rule" Vyanka but I gotta keep it real. It's not that they're not hot it's just they aren't merely offered Islam and are free to take it or leave it. They are hammered with it! I consider it emotional blackmail but they (Arabic boys) are told if they step outside the lines they will be disowned. If the girls step outside the lines they can be beat down by a brother, father or other male relative. A Scottish friend in high school dated a Lebanese boy for years. EVERY summer she worked for his family and accompanied him to their summer home. Sounds sweet but she HAD to. They pressured her to! He mocked her independence and told he she didn't need to socialize with anyone but his family. Her family didn't like the relationship and felt he/they were using her. After four years he didn't offer her a ring. She found out at the clinic he'd moved on. Cheating just isn't a big deal and when she confronted him he said it was her fault for not being 'the kind of woman he deserves'. Soon after he went to Med school, throwing away the untraditional life he pretended to want. Truth is, his angry baby sister had been warning her all along about him and their family's real attitudes. We stupidly talked her out of believeing the sister.
One more thing, another friend who is Pakistani dated an Indian boy and like clockwork they married right after high school. When they're serious they seriously don't wait! There's too much social planning within the family and outside in the larger community. You're a loser if you aren't hitched with kids by your early twenties. Marriage isn't even necessarily about love--it's a social contract and obligation.
Don't stay in the relationship longer than you feel comfortable. He should be open and matter of fact with family and friends about the untraditional choices he's making. He should argue FOR your acceptance and comfort. He should not ask you to change your appearance and personality dramatically for them. Enjoy today. I know PR culture is big on marriage and if that's where you're leaning judge if he's committed to you or his family more. Judge how he interacts with your family and community. Check out 242_fair's site http://www.egyptsearch.com/forums/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum;f=3
Last edited by Optimist; 05-19-2006 at 02:06 PM.
I've dated a (non Druze) Lebanese man and met his family. He (and they) were as secular as can be. They drank and did more drugs than I ever did.
Optomist had a good post.. i totally know what she is talking about.... i hate to sterotype arabic men but its they usually are not the greatest guys to date.





Thanks Kam! I totally agree.
Please understand that I liked this guy and worked for him as well and they were our cliques' Luke and Laura (80s reference). We all hung out so I don't want to cast aspersions on all Arab men. My Pakistani girlfriend and Indian girlfriend gave me the lowdown. Some of them are very American. My vocal coach was Egyptian and GAY and super cool! I don't see them all as one. I just don't want your heart put through the meat grinder hers was put through after 4 YEARS with this guy. He talked of marriage for years. My friend put her foot down and started studying hard (towards her doctorate). He didn't like that. She later caught him living a double life. He took his new chickie to the shore house, she had been close with his FAMILY and didn't have to earn her way in like my friend did. He walked away from my friend like she was nothing. Like they hadn't cried together about his restrictive family and like she hadn't supported his independent dtreams when his family crushed them and threatened to cut him off!
It's like the way some Italian men have a wife and a goomah (chickie on the side) and it's just culture. It's not seen as horrible--except when it happened to me and he found out black chicks don't PLAY that shit!!!I digress. It's like that when Arab men lie to their temporary girl. That's just how they are. I was like one of the guys hanging with my friend's man/my boss and his friends expressed that sentiment. Not him because he knows I'd bust him--boss or no boss. That's just how many of them roll. They lie seamlessly.
My Pakistani friend's Indian husband started dating again one year after their baby was born. He and his family was outraged when she got all American and left his ass! He won't even pay child support "For his wife to be free" of him. His family could do nothing and her family had to take her in. (She's OK now and their baby is a strong beautiful young lady.)
Just look carefully before you leap.
Last edited by Optimist; 05-19-2006 at 02:46 PM.
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