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Thread: Rant: Stressing Me Out!

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Rant: Stressing Me Out!

    Okay, so there's a custy who's an accountant... I've known him for a long time, and I truly care about his well-being. He makes sure I'm financially secure (I dance for him) and we go out to restaurants and stuff. But, he's always griping about the economy and how horrible it is and stuff like that. I'm running out of things to say to him. I usually just put a concerned look on my face and nod. But, he usually manages to freak me out everytime. I mean yea, there are a million threads on here about there being less and less money in the clubs. But, it's still decent money, and definately good money enough to continue to dance... That's why we're still dancing. But, hearing him say this not only freaks me out that I'm going to be living on the street next year (even though that would never happen) but it also makes me feel bad about taking his money.
    Last edited by Bella21; 05-19-2006 at 04:04 PM.
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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant: Stressing Me Out!

    I would not feel bad about taking his money when offered. It sounds like he is not obsessed or something like that. So he is making his buying decision with a sane mind.

    But, ya know - even though the TV goes on about the DOW going up or down - it doesn't really effect 80% of the population's income. In general, wages are stagnant or going down while inflation is on the rise.

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    Default Re: Rant: Stressing Me Out!

    Bella, take him for what he's worth. He's not saying he's broke, it sounds like he is commenting on what most of us progressive people have known all along, that the government, and the collusion between big business and govt is causing the masses of working class and middle class people to suffer, while those greedy, caniving people at the top get richer.

    He's giving you money isn't he? Is he saying he can't afford to "take care of you" for much longer?

    How do you feel about the economy and the obvious crookedness of big business and politicians at the expense of working people? I'm sure it is affecting your income just like the rest of us. That has made a lot of difference in people's disposable incomes and when people have lower disposable incomes, the strip club is not a priority. Plus, where you live gas is $3.25-$3.30 a gallon compared to where I'm working in the Midwest where today I paid $2.66. Plus people have to drive more there, and houses are overvalued and more expensive than the majority of the US, and grocery prices are also much higher, so he is telling it like it is.

    Other guys are most likely thinking what he is verbalizing to you, and that is why the clubs are slower.

    Just hear him out, maybe ask him why he thinks that way in an intelligent manner, and have a plan B up you sleeve if you money starts getting a lot worse.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant: Stressing Me Out!

    I wouldn't waste too much time feeling guilty--accountants, like doctors and lawyers, are generally the last guys to feel the pinch.

    He may have a good insight on the hurting going on elsewhere, but even businesses doing poorly still need guys like him.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: Rant: Stressing Me Out!

    Dont feel bad about takin even a dime from him. He has it and freely gives it to you. Theres nothing to feel bad about.
    Besides, he's an accountant (if he has many clients) then he's not doing that bad. Tinas idea of asking him why he thinks that way may also indicate if he can help you out much further. I wouldnt worry too much though. He seems like he's been around for awhile. As long as he's not falling in love with you then I think youre ok.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
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    Default Re: Rant: Stressing Me Out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella21
    Okay, so there's a custy who's an accountant... I've known him for a long time, and I truly care about his well-being. He makes sure I'm financially secure (I dance for him) and we go out to restaurants and stuff. But, he's always griping about the economy and how horrible it is... hearing him say this not only freaks me out that I'm going to be living on the street next year...but it also makes me feel bad about taking his money.
    Depends on the exact nature of your relationship with this guy. Is your priority:

    (a) Seeing him outside of work because you like a (platonic) friendship, and the money is a nice side effect?

    (b) A necessary source of income for you, and you wouldn't see him outside of work if it wasn't finiancially worthwhile?

    In the case of (a) I'd guess you'll see him from time to time even if the money dries up.

    In the case of (b) you need a graceful exit strategy. If he's spent a lot of money over the years, just walking off when it dries up will leave a bad taste in his mouth. Best to part as "friends", than to have him develop a feeling of animosity towards the "stripper who ripped off his money"

    More generally, I wouldn't feel necessarily feel bad about taking his money. If you've known him for a long time I doubt he's got too many illusions about the nature of your relationship. It just could be a no-ties situation suits him as well. From his perspective he's got the company of a pretty woman when he needs it, plus, to be honest, the chance to study your body carefully when he wants.

    If he's married for example; taking you out to dinner and seeing the sights might be as much as he's prepared to do while staying faithful to his wife. I'd only feel guilty if you were actively misleading him as to your personal situation.

    Think through carefully what he wants out of the relationship. It's not beyond the realms of possibiity that he's content with the situation. if you truely care about his well being, it's just possible he might think the same about you.

    Financially, if the money you get from him is a necessity, then that's not a good position to be in. However, you have time on your side. Even if the worse came to the worse, the money would not dry up tomorrow.

    I'd use the time you've got to reduce your financial dependence on this guy. Nothing wrong with continuing to see him, while making sure you're secure financially without him if the worse comes to the worse.

    Phil.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant: Stressing Me Out!

    Phil, it's both. The amount of money he gives me adds up to about 2k a month. At the same time, I would still talk to him even if the money wasn't there just for the fun times and he's really good at doing my taxes to boot. It really helps for y'all to tell me not to feel bad about it... He's not an idiot... He doesn't really think it's going to go any further, and he's not married. For awhile, he thought it WOULD go further, I dodged it for a long time and told him to get tested first. Well, he eventually did that and found out he had herpes. So, that was my out and I didn't TELL him that I wasn't going to sleep with him because of it, but it was a given.

    TM, he "fell in love" with me a long time ago. I think that's why he's still around. It's been... like three years.

    Tina, thanks. And, you're lucky... It's 3.57 for me... 50 bucks a fill up!
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: Rant: Stressing Me Out!

    I think he's got some good reasons to feel the way he does because the economy does indeed seem headed for a slowdown, but obviously, obsessing on the gloom and doom of it all is tedious, boring and stressful for both of you. If you can't divert attention to something else more entertaining, I'd try to at least turn the economic conversation into something positive. Ask him what he thinks the best financial strategies are during these types of periods. What's he doing to weather the storm? What are his clients doing? What should you be doing? What's worked in the past in similar downturns? How can you both make out like bandits while others lose their shirts? Er, I mean financially and independently make out like bandits, not literally make out. Heh. And you know, use your stripper superhero powers to give him a little well-deserved ego boost about how smart he is to see all this on the horizon and know how to navigate it and help others like you. Sounds like you truly enjoy his company so hopefully he's not the type who is steadfastly committed to enjoying his misery over these things. Hopefully steering the conversation to the positive will help lift both of you out of any doldrums.

    Hey, good luck with it.

    -Ev

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    Default Re: Rant: Stressing Me Out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella21
    Phil, it's both. The amount of money he gives me adds up to about 2k a month. At the same time, I would still talk to him even if the money wasn't there just for the fun times and he's really good at doing my taxes to boot.
    Hi Bella,

    If he's giving you 2k a month and you've got other income from dancing, I'd try and bank some of that into a pension fund, high interest account or what ever. You've got a good chance to build up a nest egg. If the bad times ever do come, then you've got sonething to fall back on.

    Sounds like he's accepted the situation, although I suspect there's a bit of unrequited love there. (That's me putting my "guy" head on). If it's been going on for several years, he can have few illusions and he probably catches up wth you because he enjoys it and gets something out of it.

    The only thing I'd be a little worried about is his gripeing about the economy. If he's done it all the time I'd not be too concerned. If it's recent, and increasing from week to week, maybe he's trying to gently wind things down without hurting you.

    If you've known this guy for 3 years, you must have a fair idea of his interests. He's got to have some hobby or passion outside of his work and seeing you. Is he a military history freak, in classic cars, a golfer or what ever. It wouldn't do any harm to read up on his interests - you can then divert the conversation away from the economy to his hobbies.

    If you're not already doing so, it probably also wouldn't do any harm to think of little gifts and other ways of showing him you value his friendship. As you say you genuinely do, it shouldn't be a problem for you. Doesn't have to be expensive, just has to show you care about him. Little gifts can leave a warm glow in their wake.

    What I wouldn't do is feel guilty about this guy spending money on you. If he's a professional, then he's not stupid and he's walked into this with his eyes open. After this length of time he got to be pretty aware he's not going to sleep with you, so his motive must be otherwise. As I said in my earlier post, perhaps he just enjoys your company and the chance to see you nude.

    We can get very set in our ways sometimes - he may be set in his. All you've got to do is make sure you make him feel valued by you - maybe your affection is a sufficient return on the money he spends on you. And if you're both relaxed about the situation; hell, enjoy it.

    Phil.

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