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Thread: "You do WHAT for a living?"

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    Featured Member rusdancer's Avatar
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    Default "You do WHAT for a living?"

    I'm not sure whether this should go in this section or in "the Lounge",so please feel free to move it.Just out of curiosity I went to look a Plentyoffish for the first time ever,and saw this in their forums section.There are 4 pages of posts,some of them nice, but most of them seem to be against dating dancers or the industry as a whole.Just wanted to show you guys...

    http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts4189192.aspx

  2. #2
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    This is such a red herring and I grit my teeth upon how dancers are so put upon by society "just because of their job!"

    How many people wouldn't date someone because they were a weapons manufacturer? Or an arms dealer?

    Or how about the dreaded "sanitation engineer" (or others who work unglamorous jobs.) Yea - the guys who are perfectly nice, responsible, and work a hard honest day for average pay.

    Yea, this is a pet peeve of mine - but I find it hard to listen to absolute babes going on about how they are put upon while my friends have put themselves into the poorhouse buying cars and houses simply to attract an average looking girl.

    Ya all want to hear about being judged by one's job, then hang out at the next table when the guy confesses he works at Target.

    I am just saying EVERYONE is judged for their job in one way or another - especially men.
    Last edited by Deogol; 05-20-2006 at 01:09 PM.

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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    Thanks Rus,

    There were some interesting posts in the thread. The guy who wouldn't date someone who took their clothes off for other men seemed to me to be a bit insecure.

    This is a timely topic for me as during my last two trips to a certain club, a dancer who I found interesting and smart made repeated hints about our dating. Now we all know this is a great way for dancers to make polite good tippers a staple source of income.

    On the first night, she asked me twice if I'd date strippers. Made the inquiries as to my type of woman, etc. Then on the second night, as we were getting friendlier, one of the bouncers took offense to my putting my hand on her shoulder during a dance in the VIP. She apologized for him and tried ease the mood by saying she thought he had a crush on her. At the end of the dance, she made some broad comments about how bouncers were lame and they only took the job because they wanted to date a stripper. She then said: "I'd never date someone who wanted to date me because I'm a stripper."

    Anyway, all this got into my head and caused me to do some soul searching.

    Question: Would I date a stripper? Honestly I'd say that before I got to know some, no. Now, certainly. Just like any profession, there are good people and there are louts. I like to surround myself with people I like from varying professions. Getting the opinions of friends with varying backgrounds is very helpful. Learning from people with varying points of view in a dating relationship is fun.

    Question: Would I consider her arm candy? Prior to my marriage, probably yes. But I was married to an arm candy type who was always the center of attention. Nothing wrong with it, but the idea lost it's charm.

    The challenge is how to approach a dancer you do want to date without having her feel you want to date her just because she's a dancer. Honestly, I find the need to move much slower than with other women.

    During one of my early trips to a SC, one of the dancers said she wanted to go home with me that night. I will honestly say that my initial response then was to allow the glamour and fantasy of having sex with a stripper got the best of me. But after the initial hormonal rush, I realized that she wasn't the type of person I would normally want to have sex with and recanted. I now realize during dances from different girls that while sometimes the dancer is able to remind me that I do have a willy, willy is sometimes affronted by their tactics. e.g. I'm sure there are some dancers who aren't all that great in bed.

    The story shared in the original post of the thread at plentyoffish was interesting. The guy found himself slowly getting into a dating relationship with a gal and was later shocked when he found out she was a dancer, ended the relationship, and now is having mixed emotions.

    I thought the way she hinted of her job when she dramatically changed her style of dress for a public date was a very good hint and should have sparked a conversation on the subject. It sounds like he didn't get the hint so she needed to hit him over the head a bit and his ability to react reasonably was impaired.


    "Life is not about the number of breaths you take.
    It's about those moments which leave you breathless."

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    Member bananachica25's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    I feel that I'm judged more for my line of work than most people are judged for theirs, although I agree that all people are judged. It's part of human nature to judge people, but being aware of doing it helps. I just get annoyed when I initially tell someone that I'm a stripper, and thereafter they feel the need to refer to me as a stripper when addressing me or introducing me to people. It's not who I am, it's just part of my life. I'm a good student at a very respected private college, I was valedictorian in high school, I do theatre, sing, take all sorts of dance classes, play multiple musical instruments, and am a natural exhibitionist from a poor family. That's who I am, that's why I do what I do. I'm not just a stripper, and I think a lot of people lose sight of that when they find out what I do to pay for school. Many other dancers are wives, mothers, successful women in all walks of life. I'm dating a guy right now who's a porn photographer (I didn't meet him at the club) and he gets the same thing a lot.
    Will I not date someone because she works at Target? Well, maybe if she's not driven or uneducated and boring to talk to, because those things are important for me to have in a mate. But solely because she works at Target? No. Would I be embarassed to tell my parents she works at Target? No. Will she get denied her next job because of it? Probably not. Long story short, don't tell me someone struggles because of this as much as I struggle because of the social stigmas relating to working in the adult industry.

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    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    I try to think of my various stripper dating difficulties as social Darwinism. Honestly, it's hard for anyone to find someone who accepts them fully for who they are and is willing to stand by them regardless of what they're doing... strippers seem to just find this out faster and a bit more rudely than others. Before I danced, I probably "accidentally" dated guys like these messageboard tools all the time and thought they were perfectly fine, open-minded people. Now, there's sort of a built-in litmus test. I've found that an intolerant, self-righteous person will be that way regardless of what's put in their path, be it a stripper, someone from a different culture, someone with different religious or political beliefs, etc... anything that doesn't fit neatly into their little box of what their life is supposed to be like won't fly, and that's not my fault or my problem. Who wants to be with someone like that anyway?
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  6. #6
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    Quote Originally Posted by red red red
    I try to think of my various stripper dating difficulties as social Darwinism. Honestly, it's hard for anyone to find someone who accepts them fully for who they are and is willing to stand by them regardless of what they're doing... strippers seem to just find this out faster and a bit more rudely than others. Before I danced, I probably "accidentally" dated guys like these messageboard tools all the time and thought they were perfectly fine, open-minded people. Now, there's sort of a built-in litmus test. I've found that an intolerant, self-righteous person will be that way regardless of what's put in their path, be it a stripper, someone from a different culture, someone with different religious or political beliefs, etc... anything that doesn't fit neatly into their little box of what their life is supposed to be like won't fly, and that's not my fault or my problem. Who wants to be with someone like that anyway?
    Very well put!

  7. #7
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    I am going through that problem now. (for the first time)

    This particular man doesn't want to be serious unless i quit. Says he would rather support me then me do what i am doing.

    I am in the process of getting out of a bad relationship now... but at least he was behind me 100 percent.

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    I would not date one of those resembling the stereotype. But I've known a few exceptions who could keep me interested, and one that has.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Member Zanestrip's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    I have found that women are happy to date me and are completely trusting. It's odd, I didn't think it would be that way. I'm not sure they realise the offers of sex that are thrust upon dancers inthis industry. Although, I generally have little interest in the drunks that are throwing themselves at me anyway, as I'm sure all others on this site aren't either.

    I have had adverse reactions though. My mother now assumes I am also a hooker and I must surely be making porno films too! My ex-wife was concerned it would ruin her reputation.

    Most people I have encountered though are pretty cool with it.
    Zanestrip
    New Zealand

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    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    Any idiot who doesn't want to date you because you're working the job you want to work is not worth the time and effort. There are better ones out there.

    Now, if YOU are seriously frustrated and stressed out by your job, to the point that it has a big impact on your life and leaves you drained all the time, sure! anyone who likes and loves you is going to want you to quit, as well they should if they like and love you.

    But if you're working your job because it's the kind of thing you can handle well and you like it, then the implication is that they just want you to be miserable in order to become their "ideal". Run, Luke! It's a trap!

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    Featured Member rusdancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    Thanks guys for taking the time to read all those posts.I absolutely agree with all of you.Besides the stereotyping thing,it also seemed odd to find this kind of discussion on a dating site forum.Shouldn't those be helpful for people finding dates?It seem that since the internet took over the stereotyping got a lot worse.And then people wonder why we are shying away of telling them soon about WHAT is it that we do for a living.

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    Temporarily Banned Vaughn's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    I just accept that there will always be people who will have serious objections to stripping as a profession. I find it a blessing in disguise to find out early if a person is going have a problem with the job. That way I don't waste a lot of energy or invest myself into a relationship with them. I look at it like this, if they can't accept stripping then that will probably be the least of problems to come.

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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    I think most of these people feel that way out of fear and ignorance. I can honestly say at one time in my life before I really knew and understood dancing that I pretty much felt the exact same way. I've only been dancing for a couple weeks and it honestly itsn't a big deal at all. So you're dancing naked in a public place, so what? Naked is natural and normal and I don't understand why so many people frown upon it. If someone can't/doesn't/won't accept you for who you are then they are not worth your time because if they're not judging you for this then they'll judge you for that the only difference between being judged for being a dancer is that most people will tell you they're judging you for it as for anything else they're judging you for, they'll be a phoney and pretend to be your friend when they're secretly judging you behind your back! All of us dancers I think are doing a great job keeping our head up high and standing up for what we believe in and living the our life the way WE WANT TO, not the way others think we should! Let's keep that up and stand strong together!!!

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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    Thanks Leo,

    Rus, your post is interesting. At first I disagreed because personally the internet helped me understand strippers better and completely washed away the sterotypes. Not just from this site, but others which have reported on stripping outside the traditional media.

    Currently, traditional media seems to reinforce the sterotypes of strippers more often than challenge them. People who are intrigued about the profession have a better opportunity to understand it from the web.

    All that being said, there are plenty of websites dedicated to promoting the stereotypes and commenters with strong negative opinions which would never be reported in traditional media have a voice.

    Personally, I've decided to not believe the sterotypes exist. The reason, because I feel acknowledging the sterotypes only reinforces them with those people who hold those negative feelings. That is, they are normal and society at large agree with them.

    I love it when someone laughs at a person who says something as vile as all strippers are "sluts" or "whores". Laughing at them marginalizes them. Arguing with them just gives them something to resist with more energy.


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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    Oddly enough, the less people know about a subject (here strippers), the more wrong-headed they are in their opinions. Many, however, are in fact rebellious youngins or spoiled brats in an uneducated and completely hedonistic lifestyle, oblivious to the damage they are doing to themselves, their LE record, and even their future. That is actually a bunch of those out there I've gotten to know a little. I believe that the SW members in large part have considerably different motivations and lifestyles. They have already exhibitied their seriousness by being members.

    You need to remember that most people will form their opinions based on the types that get the most publicity, basically (IMO) the ones I've described above. I personally know a few who are pretty level-headed and business-oriented. Somehow those are the ones I like to be around. But those do not get bad publicity, or rarely so, so the public does not even know that type exists.

    I do not believe there is a solution to this. And as strip clubs have gotten more publicity, and the Internet seems to have ramped up all sorts of sexual issues, this has influenced the people who express opinions of dancers based, as I've said, on the stereotypes (who may or may not be predominant numerically, but who dominate the publicity of the industry).

    Of course there is still a lot of prudery and religious-based intolerance in this country, and probably many others. So what are you going to do? I say just live a quiet life and try not to get unnecessary publicity about your work. And just understand what is going on out there and stop complaining about it. You might just as well complain about the weather.
    Last edited by threlayer; 05-23-2006 at 04:06 AM. Reason: to correct bad initial edit
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    I have trouble with guys sometimes when i meet them. I never know if i should tell them right away because (hey i am proud of my choice and you either like it or leave.) Then, i worry about telling them right away and the guy pursuing me because he thinks stereotypically(like wanting sex or just always wanting to date a STRIPPER.) My solution, as i posted before, is to wait 2 weeks or... so but hint around to the idea one day. For example, i may bring up a pretend batchelor party my friend is going to and i have to be his dd for the night...blah blah...i get the convo going and see what he says. After, i can state my position and evaluate where it goes from there. This can backfire on my part though because if he says horrible things about dancers,not knowing i am one, i may not be willing to educate him on the issue and pursue the relationship if he wanted to.
    Another issue...is this. One time i was asked...how would you feel telling the mother of the guy you love what you do? this question boggles me because in all honesty i would not look forward to that...and yet i claim to be so proud...Has anyone ever faced the parents of a loved one? Pretty much...i look at it this way for now...stripping is one of my many enjoyed things so there is no need to. If it was my full-time career i dunno? I may be a coward...i never have been in a serious relationship where the issue came up...

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    Everytime I try to read threads about men hating strippers and not dating them for his job my boyfriend makes me close the window so I never get to read them all. Damnit.

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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    Quote Originally Posted by Silky
    One time i was asked...how would you feel telling the mother of the guy you love what you do? this question boggles me because in all honesty i would not look forward to that...and yet i claim to be so proud...Has anyone ever faced the parents of a loved one? Pretty much...i look at it this way for now...stripping is one of my many enjoyed things so there is no need to. If it was my full-time career i dunno? I may be a coward...i never have been in a serious relationship where the issue came up...
    Silky, some thoughts.

    The answer is: It depends on the situation.

    I sort of dated a stripper once and at the time was asked by my brother about my dating life. I told him about a gal I was dating but made up some story of what she did. Why? Because my brother shares everthing with his wife and while she is very open minded, we've never discused the issue of stripping. I love my neice and nephew dearly and didn't want to put my brother and his wife in the position of either having to discuss the issue with their kids or withold information from them, or worse, lie.

    Your post made me think about my own mom and dad who are 65 years old and divorce. If I were to decide to marry a stripper, I'd ask my dad to go to a strip club with me to spark the discussion, then after some time I'd tell him. My dad grew up on a small farm in Iowa and while he's open minded, he's also been sheltered so I'd have to help open his mind. At the end of the day, I know he wouldn't care as long as I was happy.

    My mother. Well, since my mother is still trying to gain the approval of her now 30 years dead father who despite having seven kids, insisted he didn't believe in sex or drinking. I hope Silky doesn't take offense to this, but I'd lie to my mom. I know she lied to her dad and is happy because she didn't offend him. I also know my mom would figure it out and would probably tease me and my wife about happily knowing something that she didn't want us to openly admit.

    Sometimes, people want to be told white lies and they don't care. Other times, people are happy to openly accept just about anyone.

    All that said, I frankly think that stripping is becoming more and more acceptable. Twenty somethings today who told their mom they were marrying a stripper are more likely to have their mom's ask for lessons from you.


    "Life is not about the number of breaths you take.
    It's about those moments which leave you breathless."

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: "You do WHAT for a living?"

    Mmm, didn't read Silky's.

    My partner's family is terribly Christian. I tell them I'm a caterer. I do not lie - I DO cater - just not to who she thinks. I really can't tell her otherwise. She loves me and loves how good I've been for her son (she says I'm the best thing to ever happen to him) but she'd...just never understand. It would be this sorry battle where'd she'd cry everyday and tell me I was undervaluing myself and hurting the family and - guilt trip.

    My family, on the other hand, knows.

    I would love to tell his family and have it all be good. I just can't.

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