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Thread: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

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    Default 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    I've been dancing for 3 weeks now and I sold my first VIP last night, a half hour. In another thread that I started I was saying it's hard to sell VIP's, it is so hard, but have been taking your advice and have been getting better. Last night I sold my first half hour. I always make sure to get paid unfront for something like that. Anyway as I'm dancing and stuff this guy was a really grabby guy. He kept putting his hands on my legs, my butt, I kept taking his hands and putting them off me, I was also holding onto his hands so he wouldn't touch and he kept trying to pull me down onto him. When I went to sit down on the couch he touched my kitty through my underwear! I hurried up and moved and told him that he cannot touch me, this is not that type of club. So he said sorry and stopped. A few minutes after I drank my drink he asked me to start dancing again, so I did. I was dancing for a minute or so, but wasn't facing him. When I turned around to face him, he did what dancers in my club call the "sweep" where he in a very fast motion moved his hand up my leg and touched my kitty again and this time I was fully nude. We were only about 10 minutes into the 30 minute session. That's when I said that's it, I'm done here and I put my clothes back on. THen the stupid molesting fucker said "I'm sorry, I didn't know I wasn't allowed to touch you" What Ever!!!! I said that's bullshit, you knew, don't give me that shit, I just told you. I then walked off because I was so shook up and in such a state of shock! Plus, he asshole was married, he had his ring on! I'm just so mad at myself that I didn't have him kicked out. I guess I didn't because I was so shook up that I really couldn't think, I was kinda panicky and just wanted to get away from him. Now I'm just so mad at myself for basically letting him get away with it. Yes I did get away from him and yes I did get his money but he should've had his ass kicked and gotton thrown out on his ass. Has this happened to any of you and have you been so shook up that your first instinct was to just get away and you didn't kick someone out but wish you had later on after you had time to absorb what happened? Gosh, I feel very discouraged that this is how I celebrate my first VIP sale. I have to go into work tonight and am so not up for it and am a little afraid to ever try another VIP again. I'm not going to let this fucker ruin it for me but still, it sure didn't feel great for that to happen. ANy advice, comforting and encouragment would be very greatly appreciated right now. Thank you!

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    Oh wow i am so sorry that happend to you good job at telling him like it is. Please try to keep selling vips not all custys are like that. next time tell the bouncer. Good Luck

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    It's good you got your money up front. I don't know what the norm is for your club on touching, but in some clubs girls tell the guys they can touch our legs and butt, but not our crotch and boobs. And what you can do when they go for the kitty is GRACEFULLY move their hands while sexily laughing and placing them on your hips, saying "bad boy" you know you can't touch between my legs, don't you?

    Some guys are grabbier than others, and in some clubs the girls allow more to go on in VIP and the customers expect that.

    You'll get the hang of how to gracefully manuever these guys with time.

    Hang in there. Just remember, guys are always going to try to get sex from us. Just learn how to tell them no without breaking the mood.

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    well, damn. he better be glad he didnt run into me cause i'm on the rag and he'd be smacked with a bloody tampon.

    just trying to cheer you up.

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    Hahahaha! Thanks you all! I'm feeling much better tonight and had a much better night too! I learned my lesson though, have his ass kicked out! I was just in such a panic state of shock that I couldn't think and all I knew was to get as far away from him as possible. Next time, I'll be better prepared. At least I got his money and he paid for time that he didn't get! hahahaha!

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    sometimes you can't avoid guys that try this crap, but you will start to learn cues about guys who are like this.

    basically, if he's rowdy during a lap dance...
    or asks what he gets in the VIP as a way to illicit that it's going to be full service or close to it...
    or you sell him when he learns that he's allowed to touch more....
    or he's trying to get you to meet him OTC for sex...

    but then men are like children in that if you let them get away with a little, they will try to push the envelope. Sometimes guys act that way because they can, not because they want to. You can sometimes redirect them. I've seen guys do 180s once I've engaged them in conversation. I've also seen the same guy treat two different girls totally differently.

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    What always worked for me with the grabby guys was, the FIRST time they touched me I would tell them that they couldn't touch me and if they did it again, then I would leave. We got paid up-front as well...and there was a time I left 15 minutes into an hour VIP. He did complain to the mgmt, but I had already told the bouncers what happened and one of them actually saw it...so he got kicked out without getting his money back. If you keep moving their hands away (if they are touching your legs or your back or whatever and you are ok with that, just let it go...but if they start to touch your kitty or your boobs...then it's a kicker...depending on what the laws, etc in your state are and what you are comfy with).

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    There is no touching whatsoever in my club, even if the girls are ok with it, they just don't tolerate there. He had touched me prior to that (on my breast and on my kitty with my panties on) and I had told him it wasn't allowed and he better not do that. He also then kept on touching me on my legs and hips and as I was dancing I held his hands so he wouldn't and when I turned around that's when he grabbed my kitty when I had no panties on. I guess I should have just walked away right then and there when he was touching my legs & hips because that was after he had touched my breast & kitty before. He obviously didn't care what the rules were and was going to break them regardless of what I said. I've definitely learned a lesson and with everything else, that's what it has taken so far to make me better in this business so far.

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    ^ If your club does not tolerate it, then the FIRST time he touches you, you need to tell him that the NEXT time he does this, you will end the dance. And, then do it. Some men are like children and need to be treated as such. Most men will respect that and keep hands off...however, the touchy-touchy guys you can do without. Don't do the whole "next time, next time, next time." You are encouraging him to "try again". Give him one warning and then end the dance if he keeps it up.

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    Smiley Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    Oh Girl...I can completely relate to your first experience, because mine was basically identical. The only difference was mine was in a topless place and the guy actually proceeded to take his pants off. I was horrified...it turns out though he was just a creepy regular that everyone called "Hampster Hands" (haha)
    He was just thought he would be able to get away with more..assuming your more vulnerable since your new. I hope you got payed.
    My incident lasted 5 minutes..and I got $50 for that awful experience.
    Just shake it off...not all customers are creeps like that.
    Live and Learn...right?

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    Yes, I did get paid. I got paid $150 for about 10 minutes worth. He paid for a half hour but since he molested me after I told him it wasn't allowed. When he took his hand and touched my bare naked kitty, I grabbed his hand hard, threw it off me and said "that's it, I'm done and out of here, you've crossed the line too many times" and he was like "I didn't know I wasn't allowed to touch" I said that's bullshit, you know damn well you're not allowed, I just told you. And he then kept on saying something else but I just bolted out of there. I'm just so irritated at myself for not having him kicked out. At least I know what to look out for and what to expect when it comes to a grabby person and I know now that if I have someone like that again, I'm not even going to give them the time of day. It's such a creepy feeling, that night I went home and went to sleep I had nightmares about it that I was raped at my club! It was a horrible dream! I guess it was my brain's way of processing all the traumatic info!

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    Leo, I had a similar experience last night.... The guy was extra touchy feely... I started to get very tense bc this guy was scaring me.... I just simply start conversating and trying to let it go... ... I know the feeling though.... not good.
    Last edited by KamrynAnne; 05-26-2006 at 08:30 AM.

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    Once you see them acting that way you have to decide whether you see it as an assault or just a 'frisky' guy. For girls who do extras he probably isn't a problem but to me he sounds like a would-be rapist. People like that aren't really customers. They're predators like those Dateline guys.

    I dance standing straight up and facing them. I'm not OK with being sneak assaulted. I have walked out on customers like this and had them thrown out. Remember that the whole point of getting the money up front is to be protected financially if you get stuck with a predator posing as a customer.

    Your fear is 100% healthy. You've been sexually assaulted. You're not crazy, he is. Try to use the memory of how frightened and disgusting you feel to decide how long you want to stay with someone like this. You may decide you gave him waaay too many chances. Take the money and walk much faster. He's a predator. You don't owe him customer satisfaction........because he's a predator. Break off contactthe first time you know he's taking advantage.

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by leogirl876
    Anyway as I'm dancing and stuff this guy was a really grabby guy. He kept putting his hands on my legs, my butt, I kept taking his hands and putting them off me, I was also holding onto his hands so he wouldn't touch and he kept trying to pull me down onto him.
    Sorry to hear about this.

    This sounds more like a wrestling match than a private dance.

    If it's a genuine misunderstanding, most guys will stop immediately. This guy didn't. He kept trying it on. There will always be a small minority of customers who are predatory and get their kicks from molesting dancers.

    They'll try and "justify" it by saying because you take your clothes of for a living, you should expect that sort of thing. Predatory idiots like this still have to keep their "self respect", and they'll try and "rationalise" what they do. Bet you that, although this guy undoubtedly knew he'd upset and offended leogirl876, he still went and bragged to his mates about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by leogirl876
    Then the stupid molesting fucker said "I'm sorry, I didn't know I wasn't allowed to touch you"
    After repeatedly having his hands removed - not likely. I doubt it was the first time this guy has done it, and I doubt it will be the last.

    Quote Originally Posted by leogirl876
    When I turned around to face him, he did what dancers in my club call the "sweep" where he in a very fast motion moved his hand up my leg...
    Most guys, if they have doubt in their minds, will move slowly enough that the dancer has time to say no. The speed of this action suggests this guy was in no doubt his actions were unwelcome.

    It was leogirls876's first VIP and this guy took advantage of her inexperience - indeed her inexperience may have been a major motive in selecting her for the dance. Most of us shy away from confontation, ar least in the early stages, and that's what this guy relied on.

    He knew that he'd be able to get away with more a newbie. Leogirl876, being an honest person, tried behave decently and deliver the dance the guy paid for. When leogirl876 tried to stop this guy being an anal retentive, he relied on her being too nice to call for a bouncer. Hence, he got to make with the wandering hands a bit longer. Hesitation suits a predatory customer - a dancer with more experience would probably have stopped the dance earlier.

    Leogirl876 only fault was to be too nice to what sounds like a total arsehole. I only hope things go better for her in the future.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    It's OK, Leogirl. Stuff like that hapenes to every new girl. Phil- w is absolutely right. Some guys live to be assholes, and they deliberately pick out new girls or scared girls to fuck with.

    Time and experience are your friend. You already know what to do if some idiot acts like that again. You have rehearsed it in your mind and next time there will be ONE warning and one warning only.

    You will get better at recognising such idiots.

    You will have a game plan for "taking the money and running." (The deserve to get their $$ taken, if they are going to act like that. It is a quick turnaround, which is good for you in the long run.)

    In case they suddenly turn into an asshole once you have got them back in VIP, you will learn how to dance faster and keep away from them. In time, you will be able to feel a touch almost before it happens.

    You will develop an attitude of confidence that will deter idiots like that from considering you easy prey. Startng now, walk around like you are the MOST georgous thing on the face of the planet. Smile at every acquaintence (custy, dancer, and staff alike) as if they are your best friend, and act like you own the club. You will exude confidence and also make it clear that the staff are on YOUR side. Once you start doing this, the predators will pass you over and go loking for easier prey.

    Remember always that YOU are in charge.

    Also, congratulations on not letting this one incident stop you. I am proud of you for having such determination and a thick skin! Some girls have come on this board after an incident such as yours, whining that they were assaulted and would never ever work in this business again. Legally, it probably is assault, but I don't think many people would actaully think about it that way.

    Although guys should follow the rules, and most do, random inappropriate touching happens and happens frequently. You were not physically harmed, and the only person who can allow such a situation to become mentally or emotionally harmful is YOU . Just chalk this up to an occupational hazzard (sadly, that is what it is) and go on with your life.


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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    Thank you so much for all your support and advice, and thank you Colleen for saying you're proud of me. That really means a lot! I refuse to let some stupid, cowardly jerk ruin my desires to be a dancer and ruin my desires to have financial bliss. I am taking this as a learning experience and that I know what to do faster and better next time. Everything in life is a learning experience and learning makes you better at everything you do. After everything you all have said, looking back, I see "signs" and that I know that he is a predator and he was finding out if I was an easy target. Before we went back to VIP, he asked me how long I've been a dancer, I told him this is my 3rd week, he asked if I've danced before, I told him no. So first off, he knew I was inexperienced. When we were back in the VIP room, he told me the reason he picked me was because I was wearing a school girl outfit and that it really "fit" me well. Looking back, he definitely is a rapist/child molester, just like the ones on dateline. He picked me because not only was I inexperienced and a little more naive than experienced dancers, but also because I had a school girl outfit on which probably fed his sick fantasy of being with a young girl. I'm 29 but look much younger than I am, so he was probably visualizing me as a 14 yr old girl, dancing naked for him that he was going to take advantage of. He knew exactly what he was doing. I'm just mad at myself for not getting him kicked out, but at least I can take this as a learning experience and be much better prepared and on guard for any future predators. I definitely know better what the signs are and will not be giving chances. It's one thing to maybe give a chance to a guy that touches your legs or hips but another guy to touch your breast or your kitty. Those will never be second chances ever again and a guy that's trying to pull me onto him, that's also never a second chance. WHen he was doing that, trying to pull me on him, I didn't know what the heck he was doing, it was hurting my back and that's when I turned around to face him so he'd stop and that's when he grabbed the kitty. I'm sure he has this whole routine down perfectly and that's probably why he only got the half hour instead of the hour. He knew the half hour would be enough time for him to assault me and be done with it. I do know what goes around comes around and yes, he will do it again but one of these days he's either going to wind up in jail or be beaten so severely that he'll be in the hospital! I just hope it's sooner than later!!! Again, thanks for all your support with this, it's helped to make me feel better about this.

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    If you see him again, tell him you are not so inexperienced as you were the first time, and if he wants to have some really special time with you, you can spend a hour in VIP. Then when he reads into that what he pleased, and makes his move, have his ass kicked out! (He porbably wouldn't go for it, but it never hurts to fantasize!)


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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    Oh trust me, I have fantasized about having his ass kicked, having the sh&t kicked out of him, getting kicked out and being banned from the club forever, etc. And I've fantasized that he was one of those guys on dateline that's exposed on national television and then arrested right on television for everyone to see.

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    Leogirl,

    If you have decent management, you could consider telling them what's happened. If this guy comes back again, you could hopefully get him permanently banned from your club.

    You've now got the wisdom and experience not to get caught again, but predatory idiots like this will be looking for the next inexperienced girl. Getting him permanently banned would at least stop what happened to you happening to another girl in your club.

    (Who knows, if the bouncers are aware what he's done, they might just throw him out with as much "enthusiasm" as they can get away with).

    And on a more personal note - as far as a guy can understand - this must have been a massively upsetting experience for you. I'm glad you're dealing with it so well and not letting it get to you more than it has to.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: 1st VIP disastrous!!!!!!

    Yes, this has been a very upsetting experience for me but I consider myself to be a strong person and won't let this idiot or any other idiot ruin things for me. The thing is if you constantly let it bother you then he wins and every time you think about it and get upset about it, he wins again. I won't let that happen. I doubt he'll be in the club anytime soon because he lives in Charlotte (so he said) and he told me that he rarely comes to Atlanta. But you can guarantee if I ever see him again his ass will be thrown out permanently.

    I honestly think me being a little older is what helps me to stay strong and that's why I'm able to move on with this. I'll be 30 this August and have had many life experiences which has made me wiser and stronger. Quite honestly I don't think I personally would be able to handle the world of dancing if I was much younger starting. I give a lot of credit to women who start at 18 yrs old who can handle it and have their life together. I know for me I wouldn't have been able to handle it emotionally. But that's just me. If something like this would've happened when I was 18 I probably would've run back to the dressing room crying and either never come back or would haunt me much worse than it does now. I think one other reason I'm handling it as well as I am is about 5 yrs ago I was at a party, this same type of guy slipped some GHB in my drink and took major advantage of me. Luckily a friend of mine happend to walk in and saved me right before the jerk was about to rape me. What was so bad about that experience was I remember everything, and was fully conscious but was pretty much paralized from the GHB. I remember I kept telling myself you need to get up, you need to get out of here and no matter how hard I tried, I could not move my body. It was like I had a thousand pounds on me. That experience was pretty traumatic and took me quite a while to get over that but it did make me stronger and maybe that's why I refuse to let this jerk in my club ruin anything for me. Because of what happened to me a few years ago, I rarely drink at work and if I do, I never set my drink down for a second. You never know who's out there waiting to prey on their next victim.

    I can say that I'm lucky to have really good bouncers in my club and they're really good about keeping their eye on the customers. When this guy did what he did, he waited until the bouncers had left the area for that short period of time. Because I know if a bouncer had seen that, they would've kicked him out right then and there, no questions asked whatsoever. This jerk may have gotten away with it this time but won't get away with it next time he's in my club.

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