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Thread: Is this hypocritical??

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    Veteran Member Mesmorized113's Avatar
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    Is this hypocritical??

    Okay. So basically, I was going to do this photo shoot...think King Magazine, XXL type shoot. So anyway, I told my boyfriend about it and showed him some of the work the guys done. Well, he got all weird about it and was like I don't want some perverted guy staring at you while you're naked. Right. Well, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal except he oogles and drools over pics of other women in these magazines all the time, with me there. It doesn't bother me at all cause I enjoy looking at them too and I really don't care if he looks, but I find it kind of fucked up that he can sit and stare at them and fantasize about fucking em (just an assumption but I'm sure it's true) but yet a guy can't see me in the same position when it is strictly for a job. It doesn't even matter if this guy is checking me out and wanting to fuck me. That's what he does all the time, and he has a girlfriend. I don't know. Am I out of line for feeling that he's being hypocritical?

    Oh yea, and the icing on the cake is....I was doing this photo shoot to have the pics for him so I could surprise him before he went overseas. Of course he doesn't know that, but I did ask him, what if they were for him and he said he didn't care cause some pervert would still be staring at me.
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  2. #2
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Yeah, he's a hypocrite. But we've already extensively covered what an asshole he is, so this is nothing new. You should expect this sort of thing from him.

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Quote Originally Posted by Mesmorized113
    Okay. So basically, I was going to do this photo shoot...think King Magazine, XXL type shoot.
    Who is the photographer? Are you paying or is the photographer paying you..plz say the photographer is paying you! Also, did you get references??







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    Veteran Member Mesmorized113's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Oh no Yekh. That guy is long gone. I left after he nearly broke my shoulder. Yea, he's garbage. This is a new guy, who is really a great guy, he just has some jealousy issues I guess. I mean, he doesn't care if guys look at me on the street and want me...he kinda likes that. I guess it makes him feel good with a "sexy girl". He just doesn't want them seeing me naked.
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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    I suppose you could pick a female photographer, if you still want to try to do it and he has a problem with it.

    What I don't get is that you are a dancer and he apparently has no problem with that, but the idea of a photographer bothers him.

    I had a girlfirend who was going to do this for me, which was really sweet of her, but it would have cost her a lot of money. Also, she told me the guy was perfectly willing to do very explicit self-pleasuring shots--and since this was a guy she met in her club, the thought did cross my mind that he might be a little too willing.

    I told her for my birthday I would rather be the photographer myself, and she could save that money for something else. But I like taking pictures, and loved the idea of drawing her using a photograph--something I need to get back into doing.

    Maybe your boyfriend is worried the photographer will react the same way he does when he sees the pictures, lol...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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  6. #6
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Jealousy is always a bad sign. The kind of guy who flips out over things like this and acts like a hypocrite regarding your body is the same kind of guy who will break your shoulder later on.

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    Veteran Member Mesmorized113's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Cin~ It's TFP. Nobody's paying anybody. It's my first shoot ever.

    DJoser~ No, I'm not a dancer. But yea, I think he is worried that the photographer will react the same way, lol. I would love to use a female photographer, but I don't know anybody. There seems to be far fewer women in the business, especially with that type of photography.
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    Veteran Member Mesmorized113's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Well, he definitely didn't flip out. He was very calm about expressing the way he felt. It just really pissed me off. Honestly, we didn't talk about it for more than two minutes. I'm planning on bringing it back up with him, and telling him what my intentions for doing it were. Maybe it will change his mind. I know if I got a female he'd feel much better. Actually, if I got a woman to do it, he would want her and I to get freaky. He'd probably want pics of that too. He told me while he's overseas I better get a "lady friend" to satisy my needs. Lol.
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    Veteran Member Mesmorized113's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Oh yea...by the way Cin, great avatar! Haha! I love it!
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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah
    Jealousy is always a bad sign. The kind of guy who flips out over things like this and acts like a hypocrite regarding your body is the same kind of guy who will break your shoulder later on.
    I don't know Y, having a guy who is a little bit jealous isn't a bad thing. It means he takes ya pretty seriously.

    Now flipping out shots fired jealousy is a problem.

    But a guy not wanting a bunch of other guys looking at his woman naked? Sounds kinda normal to me.

  11. #11
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    As a mind trick on my ex, I told him I was going to do nudie shots for $200 & art modeling. He flipped. This guy had a massive online porn addiction....hypocrite much? I left him & went on to bank at private shows & bachelor parties.

    Since he sounds otherwise allright, I think you should compromise...of course, is he going to be one of those guys who obssesses about you cheating on him while he's away?

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    Temporarily Banned Vaughn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    I think all humanbeings are hypocritical about something or at some time in their lives. I wouldn't hold it against him too much as long as this isn't pattern behavior.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Quote Originally Posted by Vaughn
    I think all humanbeings are hypocritical about something or at some time in their lives. I wouldn't hold it against him too much as long as this isn't pattern behavior.

    Wisdom written.

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Mes, I'm confused. Is this a photo shoot to share the pics only with your boyfriend, or is this a photo shoot for publication or other professional use (but also you'll give a set to your guy for his enjoyment)? Perhaps you were using the "cover" of a professional shoot in order to discuss his likes and dislikes so you could then surprise him with the fact that they're just for him? It seems unclear from your posts.

    Regardless, I'd say he's simply afraid that other guys will see your photos with the same thoughts he has about photos of the women he views. You stated you know he's thinking about f*cking them but you don't have a problem with that, I assume, as long as it stays in the fantasy realm of mental masturbation. Why would it be unusual for him not to want to give other guys the same access to lustful thoughts about the naked you? His hyprocrisy is that he's not giving other guys the same leeway to have harmless fantasy thoughts without acting upon them as you're giving him, but then he doesn't know their intentions like you know his. Is that really hypocrisy? He's probably certain that he would never really do anything inappropriate in real life to hurt a woman posing naked in a photograph, but he surmises that at least some of the guys looking at you would not have the same harmless intentions. Thus, the protective instinct engages.

    -Ev

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    Veteran Member Mesmorized113's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Mad~ Nah, he doesn't, or at least hasn't ever even mentioned me cheating on him, except that he wouldn't want me to cause his ex (his first love) did it to him. But no I don't believe he will.

    Vaughn~ Yes, I definitely agree with you.

    Ev~ Basically, I was going to do it to try it out and see if I liked it. The photographer said he does run into people with paid jobs here and there and (if it was okay with me) he would show them my pics to see if they would want to use me. But, the main reason I actually decided to go ahead and do it was to surprise him with pics of me the day he left to go overseas. I thought it would be nice for him to have pics of me to look at instead of just random chicks all the time.

    No, I don't think he's being hypocritical in the sense of not knowing the other guys intentions, but he should know and trust mine. That's the key. Who cares if this guy would want to f*ck me. Who even cares if he asks me to...I would say no and that would be the end of that. He says that he trusts me, maybe he doesn't fully because of his past relationships, but either way I do feel it is a jealousy issue to a certain degree. I am not mad at him, I'm just frustrated. It's like, I don't want him to go overseas at all, but I haven't said one negative word about his decision. I respect him and support him for it and that is all I have shown, even though it kills me that I'm not going to see him for an entire year. Anyway, I guess now I just have to figure out what a good compromise would be for this. I mean, it is something I would really like to try and I don't want to regret giving something up down the road, but at the same time, I'm not sure this is something I want to lose a relationship over. I'm just not sure how to compromise.

    Oh yea, and one weird thing is, he is always making comments about how I should use my body to get things for free such as food/alcohol/whatever. He tells me I should show my ass so they're so mesmorised that they just give it to me for free, and then when they ask if they can lick it, then I say it'll cost you. So then in the end I've completely turned the tables around and they're paying me. Haha. I know he's just joking, but it just seems weird to go from one extreme to the other. I mean, I don't know that there isn't some seriousness behind it. Oh well....can anyone come up with any suggestions/compromises?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Quote Originally Posted by Deogol
    I don't know Y, having a guy who is a little bit jealous isn't a bad thing. It means he takes ya pretty seriously.

    Now flipping out shots fired jealousy is a problem.

    But a guy not wanting a bunch of other guys looking at his woman naked? Sounds kinda normal to me.
    I so totallly agree.


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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    He's not being hypocritical because the situation being used to compare stands no commonality with the situation at hand.

    Hypocritical would be if HE went to have nude photos taken of himself with a female photographer that would more than likely have some attraction to him and you had no problem with this, but he does have this problem in reverse. THAT would be an apples vs. apples comparison and would indeed by hypocritical.

    In this case, it's a simple case of typical relationship trade-off's. He has a problem with you being alone, in a room, naked with some unknown photographer. Be it for work or not, from what you've described it's not so much the photos but instead the photographer he's concerned about. If this is a valid assumption, then would it be fair to say he'd be less hesistant or positive if a female photographer was used? If so, then it's simply the character of the photograher he's concerned about.

    Like all relationship trade-offs, you have to decide how much of a personal impact this has on you... and if it's a big impact, work with communication to see if it's a reconcilable difference or something that stands a healthy, balanced compromise.

    I can kinda feel for this guy since, at least in my area, most all the photographers are really sketchy individuals. Even those with extensive portfolios for major publications are basically in this industry moreso for personal benefits than the artistry itself. Nude photoshoots are about 50/50 for personal arousal or "score" connections as they are another set of photos for their portfolio. You find this in every facet of the sex industry (i.e. not all strip club managers, bouncers or DJ's are in it 100% for the money either..).

    I'd never send a female friend OR relationship to a local photographer that is unknown by friends/relations without escort- be it a paid security person, another female friend, or with boyfriend. If the photographer has a problem with this then this is the first red flag. If he needs to be alone with a naked woman for "inspiration"... then it says alot about the character of the creep behind the lens. Having a husky guy over 6-foot standing motionless, silent in shades by the door has no real tangible impact, but try as they might, they'll make a plethora of excuses of why this isn't doable.

    Perhaps that might be another option- to get some form of security or a trustworthy female friend (trustworthy to him, not so much you) to go with. It's only safe and if this photographer is "on the level"... he should have no problem with this.
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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Invite him to the photo session.


    "Life is not about the number of breaths you take.
    It's about those moments which leave you breathless."

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    Veteran Member Mesmorized113's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Well I was going to take my best friend. Unfortunately, lately he has really started to dislike her. The photographer was totally okay with her coming. I did also think about inviting him, or trying to find a female photographer. Unfortunately I've had no luck with that. I will bring it back up eventually, but right now he's going through a rough time. His mom just was in the hospital and many other issues are weighing on his mind, so I'm definitely going to wait until things die down before I add yet another stress in his life.
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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Perhaps I'm being way naive, but I think you should tell him what you've told us about this. You understand how he feels about it; I think he should understand how you feel. Including how you feel, even though you support him, about him being gone for a year. Including the part that you're willing to compromise on the photos to ease some of his concerns but you're not willing to give it up entirely and you don't quite know what a reasonable compromise would be. From everything you've said, every way you've phrased things, you'll find a way to say it in a non-acccusatory fashion that won't put him on the defensive, and from your description of his earlier ability to respond calmly, he'll be able to discuss it rationally.

    However you approach it, you've got my best wishes, darling.

    -Ev

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    Veteran Member Mesmorized113's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this hypocritical??

    Thank you very kindly. I'm glad that even though it bothers me, I still come across well. Again, thanks.
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