Hi all! (Warning, long post, but I'd really appreciate any and all input).
I have worked at an outcall agency doing bachelor parties and privates for the last 4 years in a small town in central CA. I was a manager/dancer there. A recent move to San Francisco meant I no longer felt safe going to strange houses/hotels with just one or two drivers to protect me. I've always been very straight about my boundaries, and am very concerned about my safety. I'd always heard club girls were catty, but assumed it was just some people over reacting. I expected some rivalry, but my first night makes me really wonder if I'm doing something wrong....
Last Sunday, I went to a club's amateur night- their 'hiring' night. After doing a three song set, the manager took me aside and said that although it was very unusual, he was going to hire me on the spot, since it was clear that I knew what I was doing. I was stoked! I was so nervous going to the audition- and to have gotten hired at my first one, at a club I'd heard really good things safety wise about made me totally stoked! I later found out from a bouncer that the last 2 weeks, 9 girls had auditioned, and none had been hired.
There were 2 girls in back when I got there. I had introduced myself and said it was nice to meet them- the usual 'cordial' greeting thing- when I was getting ready to go onstage. When I came back, I didn't brag, I just said, "Hey- looks like we'll be working together. I'm stoked to be here. If you guys don't mind, if you can think of any advice or let me know if I'm breaking any rules, please let me know, because the manager wasn't really clear with me."
I asked the girls how long they'd been working there. One said a few months and one (who I could tell was a very experienced dancer) said, 'Not long.' (Later in the evening I found out she'd been working there for 3 years).
Throughout the night, I was friendly, but not overly so. I made a few comments about universal dancer things (the grabby guys who expect alot for nothing, the whole 'I don't understand English' thing when we hear them speaking clearly in the other room, etc.'), but otherwise, kept to myself besides the occasional compliment if I really thought a girl was a good dancer, and an occasional question about pole work. (I have no clue what to do with a pole, and I know it!)
By the end of the night, out of about 15 girls, there were about 3 who were friendly with me. There were about 7 who pretty much ignored or put up with me, and there were 4 who were very specifically catty. There were a bunch of little things all evening, but some of the incidents that really stuck in my mind were:
1.) The dressing room is really hot, and I have actually passed out from heat stroke in the past a few times. I asked one of the two girls in the locker room if there was a drinking fountain. One girl spoke and said there was no drinking fountain, and that I'd either have to buy my own bottled water from the store across the street, or drink from the tap. Later, I noticed some cups hidden behind the door, and learned that we're supposed to get drinks from the soda machine. I'm not picky about water, so I drank from the sink in between shifts when noone was in the room, but still, if I'd listened to her and been paranoid about the tap, I could have passed out.
2.) I asked the dancers if I could use toys on stage, since there was a sign outside that said 'Babes in toyland' that had a pic of a girl using a dildo. The woman who'd said she'd been working at the place for 'a few months' said that a performer could do anything she wished. Two of her friends backed her up. At bachelor parties, I'm used to and comfortable with using dildos, candle wax, etc., as part of my shows. I double checked with the manager before I went onstage, and guess what- if I'd done that, I would have been fired!
3.) At the end of the night, all the girls were gathered in the dressing room. The fan had been turned on, (it was off all night and it must have been 100 degrees in there- no exaggeration) and everyone was complaining about how it was on when it was cool, but off when it was hot. I said something along the lines of, "What if all of us got together and took the manager aside- can't we get control over the switch?" The girl who'd been leading the conversation turned and gave me the most scathing look I've ever gotten, then proceeded to ignore me as though I hadn't said anything. Noone else really made eye contact with me after that. I shrugged, and packed up my stuff- not making a big deal about it but feeling really shitty.
I am a naturally very friendly and outgoing person. I'm not very competative. If someone wants a dancer who's a different body type/face type then me, then I'll introduce him to a coworker- just because it's the right thing to do. Yes, I really am that honest. I don't lie, don't believe in head games, and think that those who start them/engage in them are quite frankly, kind of pathetic. I didn't say anything like this when I was working. I was just friendly and tried not to step on any toes. Is this the 'dancer catiness' that I've heard about? Can I expect the other girls to treat me worse, or was this just a 'first night' thing? Is there anything I can do to stop any potential escalation?
I noticed that alot of the girls were watching me dance when I was onstage. (Translation: all of them). I also noticed that the guys were tipping me more than most of the other girls. I assumed it's because I'm new and they've never seen me before. My ego is healthy (mabye a little too healthy sometimes....but I know it), and I'd put myself as being a 7 on the 1-10 scale in terms of looks, however, I do think I am one of the more attractive girls there if only due to my personality. I definitely DIDN'T make any comment about my opinion, though, because I know all of us have ego issues, and so I don't usually say anything about looks. (Wow, I feel really snobby for saying this, but I have to ask!) Is it possible that some of these girls are threatened by me? I have a different kind of look and show than most of them. I wear a nice black gown and do the whole 'sophisticated' gig, as opposed to a more blatantly raunchy theme for my shows. Most of them wear bikinis or lingerie. Am I in the wrong club? The manager said they were really glad to have me, and that the club is trying to put out the image I display.....they actually encouraged me to smoke outside to bring in customers...
Am I being really naive here? I'm used to running an agency (I managed at the outcall service) in a small town- not working at a club in a big city. I understand the 'have a girl outside to show the customers = free advertising' as good business. Still, could this have pissed off the other girls? PLEASE-any advice is welcome. I just want to get along with my coworkers and make some money. I won't kiss people's proverbial asses or lie, but I also won't stoop to the catfight level. I think that sort of behavior is demeaning to all dancers. Seriously- we're all in the same boat, so why not just all be civil to each other? Please help!!! Thanks!!


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