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Thread: Best Breakup reasons and stories

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    Senior Member put a stop to collar pop!'s Avatar
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    Smiley Best Breakup reasons and stories

    So let's hear it. How'd you break the news, or have it broken to you in the most memorable way?



    My little WebDate girlfriend, from earlier this year, confided in me that she voted for Bush in 2000. Now, being in Florida, I'm sure you know the potential gravity of this.

    When we broke up, I told her I couldn't be with someone who was potentially responsible for the results of the implicated election.

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    Okay, but this wouldn't have been memorable if not for my reaction.
    A guy I didn't even really like (but had been seeing for a bit- good kisser) took me to a nice restaurant (Olive Garden-y) for dinner one night. It was a nice meal, but a little light on conversation. Waiting for the check/dessert, he broke the news. "I don't think I could fall in love with you. You're too brassy for me to bring you home to my mom. And you've gotten a little chunky since I met you" Huh. Okay, maybe I'm 120 dripping wet. Well, I was fine with that, but then came the other half of his proclamation. "Don't make a scene." Now, after hanging out with me for a bit, he really should have known better. I was going to let it go, even though he insulted me, but to tell me what to do in a hushed voice? That doesn't happen.
    I bolted to my feet, causing my chair to tip backward onto the floor. I threw my drink in his face, threw his drink in his face, and leaned in nice and close to whisper in his ear "I drove" before rushing out the door. In his haste to catch up with me, he must have forgotten about the bill, but the waitstaff didn't and barred him from the door as I got into my car.
    I know I'm going to hell for it, but I laughed the whole way home.

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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    There were all these funny breakup memos in the newspaper this morning (a joke on that vaughniston movie I think). My favourites were:

    -a credit card bill listing endless porn sites with a scribble at the bottom: "I'm leaving you- Julie"
    - a "While You Were Out" post it written with "...I started dating Jack from down the hall. Please send me a bill for the hydro I owe (march- june). Just slip it under the door (apt. 1117)"
    - a note that said something along the lines of "You know when you gained all that weight and I said 'just more of you to love!'? Well, I guess there was also more of you to hate. Adios, Tom. ...PS- I'm covering my tattoo of your name with a hamburger. It feels poetic"

    and my favourite was an open matchbox with the note "this hurts me more than it hurts you...which isn't really fair. Please set yourself on fire"

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    Veteran Member oulala's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    ^^ Oh my god, that is priceless! LOL

  5. #5
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    He dumped me. I was crushed. He gets dumped by the girl he dumped me for. I laugh. He gets hurt in an auto accident. I stupidly f*ck him out of pity. I stay away. I see him a couple more times, feeling more and more ashamed of myself. I move 6,000 miles away. He buys a plane ticket to see me as a "surprise." I ruin his plan by telling him a large sailor from Wisconsin is plowing my a*s nightly & I couldn't be happier. He acts like a manb*tch the next time I see him (yes, I stupidly f*cked him one last time.) I never see him again, & good riddance.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    Well, one guy tried to completely degrade and humiliate me in front of his friends to make himself look like a "man" and all. Which completely, obviously, pissed me off. So, right in front of all of his guy friends (and their SO's) I told him..."You know, I was going to wait to tell you this in private, but since you seem to think it's appropriate to demean people in public, I figured I'd say it now. It's over, not just for the fact that you're a complete asshole, but also because I could never be in a serious relationship with somone who's dick is smaller than his pinky finger."

    I walked out the door with his friends ragging on him. From what I heard, they never let him get over it...even years later when he was engaged to another woman. heh

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    Veteran Member pipermarau's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    my most interesting break up happened when i lived in colorado. he was a nice russian guy who adored me. we went to LA for valentines day and while i was out shopping he was out with some of his friends..not to odd. said he lived there before. as it turns out, the trip was really because he got drafted while he was on vacation out here and his visa was revoked or something but he didn't want to go back to his country to serve in their army, so he was running from the law and trying to get political assylum under a false identity. he didn't get it so naturally he fell in love with me that night. this guy confessed every thing he had done and showed me pictures of his family and told me a sob story, then tried to take me shopping for "something nice". i told him i didn't love him, he lied to me and if he ever called again i would call the INS and tell them where he lives. that scared him pretty good and i think he moved after that.

    i once had a guy leave me for his ex. she hated his guts and tried to kill her self with some pills. while she was in a coma he broke up with me to be with her day and night, till she woke up and told him to fuck off. he came crawling back and i took him, only to smear his bad repuation all over town and leave him for some revenge.

    my all time favorite though, i had just returned from a summer vacation and my boyfriend wanted to go out to dinner with me that night, so while i was catching up with an old friend i decided i didn't really like him all that much any more so i called to cancle dinner with him and tell him its over, well he told me the only reason we were going to such a nice restaurant that night was because he wanted to leave ME! it was great. we were both so happy we were sick of eacother it was the best break up i've ever had.

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    Senior Member put a stop to collar pop!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    Quote Originally Posted by rozz
    Okay, but this wouldn't have been memorable if not for my reaction.
    A guy I didn't even really like (but had been seeing for a bit- good kisser) took me to a nice restaurant (Olive Garden-y) for dinner one night. It was a nice meal, but a little light on conversation. Waiting for the check/dessert, he broke the news. "I don't think I could fall in love with you. You're too brassy for me to bring you home to my mom. And you've gotten a little chunky since I met you" Huh. Okay, maybe I'm 120 dripping wet. Well, I was fine with that, but then came the other half of his proclamation. "Don't make a scene." Now, after hanging out with me for a bit, he really should have known better. I was going to let it go, even though he insulted me, but to tell me what to do in a hushed voice? That doesn't happen.
    I bolted to my feet, causing my chair to tip backward onto the floor. I threw my drink in his face, threw his drink in his face, and leaned in nice and close to whisper in his ear "I drove" before rushing out the door. In his haste to catch up with me, he must have forgotten about the bill, but the waitstaff didn't and barred him from the door as I got into my car.
    I know I'm going to hell for it, but I laughed the whole way home.


    I must be a glutton for punishment, but I like you. ROFL


    -

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    Relationship #1 - I told him straight up that I didn't feel anything for him anymore. So I had to end it. It broke my heart dumping him bc he was such a great guy. But I was never in love, just cared for him.

    Relationship #2 - I got dumped this time bc I was "too jealous" When he was playing me the fuck out right in my face. Yeah, i'm jealous. I don't take shit. Fuck you. I'm glad I got the dumpedtation, haha.

    Relationship #3 - I just stopped calling the motherfucker once I found out he lied to me, found a girl's#, & he had pictures of him and his ex on his fridge. Didn't even waste my breath explaining the break up.

    Relationship #4 - Hopefully will last forever.

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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    <---- Relationship #5 if it doesn't

    I predict you'll dump me because I poke you in the back while trying to spoon you whilst you sleep!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus
    <---- Relationship #5 if it doesn't

    I predict you'll dump me because I poke you in the back while trying to spoon you whilst you sleep!
    hahahaha




    My man does that & I love it.

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    I would do everything to you.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    I laughed at Rozz's story the most, although the one about the girl coming out of the coma and telling her ex to fuck off is pretty priceless too!

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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    Im usually never the dumpee; Im the dumper and a pro too. Ive gotten rid of more guys than I can remember.
    The last one was just a douche though. I still can't believe he told me my "job wasnt a reall job" Dude fuck you!
    So a few days later of not talking and I wrote him an email (should have been a post it) saying basically this isnt going to work and that he was a douche for not thinking I work just as hard as any other job.
    A few MONTHS later he sends me an message through my myspace saying "wassup"....I never responded. As Bella21 would say he can have a "foot in ass" package.


    *Mollyzmoon that was sooo funny!
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  15. #15
    Senior Member put a stop to collar pop!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    That shit reads like a scene in a Farley Bros. flick.

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    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    I broke up with a guy I'd dated for roughly two weeks after we went out to breakfast one morning and he told me he didn't have any money to pay for it. I'd pretty much already made my mind up to dump him anyway... we'd gone to see "Brokeback Mountain" the night before and he totally cried about it for maybe 20 minutes in the bathroom (red flag, anyone?)... but the final straw was that after I paid for our breakfast, he decided the man behind the counter was awesome, pulled out some money, and put it in the guy's tip jar! EW. It's not like we were eating some kind of amazing brunch either... it was bagels and coffee.

    The counter-guy was totally salt-of-the-earth South Philly, too, and even before the tip jar incident, kept looking at me like, "What the hell are you doing with this weenie?"

    I stopped calling him or responding to any of his emails, but he didn't get the point. About a month later, I finally wrote him a long message telling him flat-out that I dumped him because of the tip jar incident.

    I don't need a guy to be rolling in cash unless I'm at work... but come on, if you can't pay for a fucking bagel, you should not be whimsically deciding it will bring great joy to your life to tip the counter guy while on a date with a girl who just paid for breakfast.

    It's funny... he tells people this story now like it makes me some coldhearted golddigging bitch... but they all come back and tell me that I did the right thing.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    ^^^You did do the right thing-that would annoy me too. He shouldn't have lied and said he had no money and then tipped that guy! WTF? Something similar happened to me. Awhile back, I was dating this guy, and I was hungry, so I asked if we could stop at IHOP. He said okay, so we sit down to eat, and he doesn't order anything. When my food came, he said "That looks good," so I said "Want to try it?" Well, I thought he was only going to take a bite or two, but he ended up eating half my food. He didn't offer to help pay for any of it or leave any of the tip. I dumped him shortly after that. I hate cheap ass guys! Don't get me wrong-I don't expect expensive steak dinners all the time, but paying should at least be a 50/50 thing!

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    Default Re: Best Breakup reasons and stories

    I dumped ten boyfriends I was dating at the same time (including a fireman, an NFL quarterback, and a rich surgeon) in one night then sent all of them a video of me getting gang-banged by their laughing best friends. Men suck.

    Life is good.

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