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Thread: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

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    Veteran Member showmethemoney's Avatar
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    Default Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    How do you guys stay focused and avoid discouragement when turned down repetitively for a dance? I'm in Ohio right now, the money isn't exactly "here" at the moment. But recently it seems like nobody comes into clubs to buy dances anymore. It's just incredibly hard to muster up the guts to approach another customer or go back to work the next day after so many let downs. I'm very professional. I never just ask a customer for a dance on the spot. All of the clubs here have up-times aka promo's every 20 mins. -So that's annoying enough as it is, but then to be turned down again & again for a promo??? Ugh!
    Why do some guys come into clubs to only tip girls on stage a dollar? It's like why the F*** are you here? Go to McDonalds and spend your measly dollar on a cheeseburger you cheap mother F*****!!!!! I'm sorry but these types of "customers" annoy me to know end. Besides all of this, I'm driving an hour and 1/2 to get there. I think it's about to be that time of the month for me. Maybe I was just spoiled in Vegas. I can't handle anymore of this. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like the times you need the money most is when it's nearly impossible to obtain. It's like they can sense your desperation.
    Patience is a virtue, I guess. *Inhale*Exhale* Well, I'm definitely babbling now...thanks for listening.
    Any input would be truly appreciated.
    Thanks a lot!



    constipated people don't give a crap --unknown

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    Featured Member MadisonM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    I finally had an awesome night tonight, but earlier in the week it was really slow. One night this week I left with only $56. When I have a bad night like that, I try to look at it in a different way. I just say to myself, "Well, that's $56 that I wouldn't have if I hadn't worked tonight." That $56 was enough to pay my cable bill, so thats a good thing. I just try to make the best of it. Yeah, it sucks, but at least what you make each night is money you wouldn't have if you hadn't worked. Yeah, it might not be much money, and it still might not seem like it was worth it, but it will still pay for something, right?
    Take the road less traveled- just make sure you have a map.

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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    Just try to remember that some nights are going to be great and other nights are going to suck. We're in sales and that's just how it is. Like Cinn said, if you hadn't gone in, you wouldn't have gotten any money, so whatever you got was more than you had before you went in. I always pep talk myself up before each night I go in. While I'm getting ready, I look at myself in the mirror, I say outloud, "you're going to have a great night tonight, you're beautiful, you're fun to be around, and the customers are going to love you". That helps to put me in the mood and helps to pump me up for it. It helps a lot. Try it and see. Maybe your customers can sense your discouragment, even if you're smiling, maybe they can sense something's wrong and perhaps that's what's keeping them from buying dances. When you go in there, you have to know that you're the best one in there and everyone ought to want you, if they don't, then they are totally f&cked up. Try having that attitude and see if that helps your earnings. And don't think it's being conceited, it's helping you be confident and gets you in the dancing mood.

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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    Keep me informed as to if that helps you!

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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    Quote Originally Posted by showmethemoney
    How do you guys stay focused and avoid discouragement when turned down repetitively for a dance?
    OK, here's the customer point of view.

    Don't take rejection personally. We all have our own likes and dislikes. I might turn you down because you're a blond, and I like redheads, (or vice versa). I'd only start worrying if you aren't getting dances, and most of the other dancers are.

    Quote Originally Posted by showmethemoney
    I'm in Ohio right now, the money isn't exactly "here" at the moment...Why do some guys come into clubs to only tip girls on stage a dollar? It's like why the F*** are you here?
    If money's tight, it could be they've not got it to spend. In that case they can come in for a hour, tip the floor shows, have a couple of drinks and leave. If they buy a dance, their money's gone in 10 minutes.

    It's income to you, but it's expenditure to them.

    Quote Originally Posted by showmethemoney
    I'm very professional. I never just ask a customer for a dance on the spot...It's like they can sense your desperation.
    Maybe you're being too professional. Us customers like our illusions, one of which is you enjoy dancing for us. If you come across as too professional, you might prompt the thought that you'll give a similarly professional, slightly robotic dance. [I don't mean this in a rude way - just men think differently from women].

    Ditto the desperation. Another illusion us custy's have is that you like us. If you come over as desperate for a dance, the thought pops into our minds that, "she doesn't like me, she only wants my $$$'s". [True, but what customer actually wants to think that].

    I think you might benefit from thinking over your sales skills, and trying a slightly different approach. Try to think how you can project the impression:

    (a) You personally like the customer you are talking to.
    (b) You're going to enjoy dancing for him.

    Your real thoughts are your own, it's the impression you give that counts.

    Good Luck...

    Phil.

  6. #6
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    I think Phil's advice makes a lotta sense...it also explains why I might not have been making much money when I first started dancing! When I first started dancing, I was the type that Phil described as "too professional." This is because nearly all of the jobs I held before dancing, were stupid retail jobs that preached about professionalism and this whole "customer is always right" attitude. Yeah that can be a good thing because at least I won't break club rules or do extras or drugs or anything that could potentially get the club shut down, but yeah I guess being too professional can be uninteresting to the customer.

    I can relate so much to the feelings of defeat! When multiple customers turn me down in a row, it really stings. I usually cope by taking a break in the dressing room to kinda let off steam and take a breather. A tactic that sometimes works though, is to immediately move to the other side of the club and start hustling there. This is to avoid asking a guy who might travel in the same group/clique as the guys that rejected you, because guys in the same group might share common ideas on their "type" of girl. Sometimes also guys can communicate with each other on girls to choose or avoid. There is also a theory I call the "bandwagon theory," in which guys tend to reject someone if he sees the girl getting rejected numerous times prior, because these rejections alter the guy's perception of how "attractive" or desirable the girl is(this theory applies to MANY different areas, not just stripping! e.g., dating, jobsearching, applying for credit, etc) So yeah, taking a break from that portion of the room and trying a different part of the bar might do the trick.

    Sometimes it's just "in the cards" to be a bad night! We call these "cheap bastard nights" because of a certain DJ who would announce "Please remember that this is NOT cheap bastard night!" on the mic. When I have a bad night, I try to look at it the way Madison does; I think of a small bill(such as cable or electric) that my small earnings pay for, and that the bill wouldn't be paid for if I hadn't worked. HOWEVER I'd certainly get very pissed when I make NEGATIVE money, i.e. leave with less than I came in with, or spent more money on the work commute than I made. This only happened to me twice. The one time was last summer when I made -$7, because it was THAT DEAD that I didn't even make enough to cover house fee; I started at a new(more profitable) club the very next day. Maybe I shouldn't even count the other time, because I left an hour into my shift on a very dead day due to illness, so I barely worked at all. But what happened was, I went to work and within a single fucking hour, I picked up another dancer's strep throat AND came down with symptoms so bad that I had to leave early because it hurt like hell to talk and I was embarassed to approach customers when I sounded like a croaking frog. It was a lousy day for everyone, and I only made $33 but because I'd taken off a whole week after my mom's death, the manager still charged me the full $30 house fee, probably because I hadn't been to work in a while(isn't that nice? sarcasm). So I left with $3, but it costed more in gas to drive to work and back. If I hadn't shown up for work that day, odds are I woulda missed the strep throat girl and might not have even caught the strep. I had to miss my work shifts for the rest of the week because of this illness, so overall the incident costed me well over $1,000. And this happened AFTER I'd already taken a week off for an unexpected, very traumatic event so I was hurting badly for money. Yeah I was pissed. But that is a very rare event to occur.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    Whenever I start getting bummed about money... I just think about how much less I'd make at some dumb retail job or something... THEN I spend some time rememebering any particularly horrible customers at past jobs (food service, retail, etc). It helps me appreciate dancing SO much more!

    Customers can totally sense your desperation. You need to convince yourself that you're having fun... This works ESPECIALLY well if you can do this when all the other girls are desperate for money. (that and you actually start having fun, hehe)
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    Everyone's advice here is right on! Thanks for your customer POV, Phil. My boyfriend has been similarly enlightening. There could be any number of reasons - and if you're not someone's type, there's no sense in bemoaning that fact. Nothing you can do about it. The good news is that you WILL be someone else's type. I'm still relatively new at this, but I can tell you that every time I start out with a bad, slow night, feeling rejected by the puny few that are even there, I end up getting worshipped by someone(s) else by the end of the night.

    I also know what he's getting at about someone not having that much money to spare. I don't think you should come to a strip club if you're BROKE, but I can see wanting to have a drink or two and watch a few stage sets without getting a lap dance (as long as they're tipping at the rail). I also know that my boyfriend sometimes comes in with a budget for one or maybe two lap dances, and needs to wait and see who he'd like to spend it on the most. Sometimes "maybe later" is literally true. I also know that he sometimes finds a dancer very attractive, but has already decided on another. Do your best not to take it personally.

    Now, I should also take my own advice - I do get discouraged. Sometimes I find that taking a break really helps. I don't mean hanging out in the dressing room for hours constantly complaining about how much it sucks out there (and thus missing opportunities), but take a few minutes to put your feet up, have a snack, change your outfit, etc. I think it beats tirelessly circulating the room over and over, especially since your frustration can start to show, even if you're doing your best to keep your chin up. Sometimes that energy just seeps through.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

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    Veteran Member showmethemoney's Avatar
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    Smiley Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    Wow! So many great replies already Thank you sooo much Everyone! All of your advice is extremely helpful and relieving to me.

    I've tried all of your guy's suggestions before. They do all work, it's just I lose focus of how to keep my game. After so many rejections it's hard to not take it personally.

    I realize how much fun & rewarding this job can be. It's the best feeling in the world to come home with your goal amount or higher at the end of the night. Especially when you know that you couldn't have made that in a week waitressing, retail sales...etc @ your previous job(s). The fun part is easy...as long as there's money to be spent. It seems like many customers forget that that is why we are there.

    Phil: You are right about the "robotic thing" It's not my dances that are robotic, but just my persona after so many "not right now, thank you's". After a while, I start forgetting customers names after they just told me...I zone out during conversations..& yada, yada, yada.

    I think Las Vegas was a bad thing for me. Since then, it's like I've almost quit caring. Why should I care about what you have to say to me, if you're not even going to pay for my time or even a single dance? That's horrible for me to say that, I didn't used to think that way. But I can't help but be honest about it, this is how I feel now. This may be what's fucking me up most. Aside for that, I also used to have an acquaintance to go to work with too. It's good to have someone familiar to share your thoughts with throughout the night. Unless it turns into a competition..which is only making the situation worse. I'm not exactly a competitive person. I really don't give a shit how much money anyone has made but me. Details are better left unsaid. (This is partially what I meant about professionalism.) It urks me when people exaggerate how much money they made and even worse when someone asks how much I've made. Maybe you guys do this and don't have a problem with it; to me personally it's like asking to see my pooty. Haha!
    God what have I turned this subject into! Sorry, hope you guys can withstand more venting.

    I've practiced all the things you guys suggested , sometimes it works for me and others it doesn't. It seems like lately, I've been so wrapped up in the thought of "I'm broke", I forget what kind of a luxury this job can be alot of the time. Staying on the band wagon is a matter of taking nothing personal.
    Unfortunately, I happen to be one of those fragile femailes. It's hard to stay positive when there's a lack of socialization in your life. That's where work buddies did come in handy. It's very comforting to know that your not alone, and there are people who can relate to these types of experiences.

    You guys are fantastic!
    Thanks again for your opinions and reassurance.



    constipated people don't give a crap --unknown

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    Quote Originally Posted by showmethemoney
    It seems like lately, I've been so wrapped up in the thought of "I'm broke", I forget what kind of a luxury this job can be alot of the time.
    A case of self-fulfilling prophecy, perhaps? If you're focussed on how much money you don't have and how much you're not making, maybe you're subconciously setting yourself up to not make money. Focus instead on how good you are at you're job.

    I used to notice that any time I had a bad day, it was because I let myself get discouraged. If I stay positive, I always make decent money -- maybe not great, but decent. I've learned to smile and laugh a lot at work, and customers comment to me a lot that I'm happy and friendly. I don't think of myself as the world's happiest person, but smiling and laughing automatically trick your brain into making happy chemicals. If you can't find anything to laugh at, ask your customers to tell you dirty jokes. Always an icebreaker.

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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    Quote Originally Posted by showmethemoney
    After so many rejections it's hard to not take it personally.
    I think you've got to view it more as a shortcoming in your sales skills rather than a rejection of you personally. You start with an advantage in that a significant percentage of guy's will come in with the intention of buying a dance. You just have to make sure it's you, and not some other dancer.

    Quote Originally Posted by showmethemoney
    Phil: You are right about the "robotic thing" It's not my dances that are robotic, but just my persona after so many "not right now, thank you's". After a while, I start forgetting customers names after they just told me...I zone out during conversations..& yada, yada, yada.
    You've got to look at it from the guy's viewpoint. He's come into the club to be entertained, yet when he looks into your eyes there's no-one home. I've no doubt you've got worries about money, and problems in your private life, but 99% of the guy's who come into the club aren't going to be interested in that. [I'm not trying to be harsh - just realistic]

    Us customers are looking for two things in a dance:

    (a) You're interested enough in us to watch us to see how we're reacting to you dancing.
    (b) You're interested enough in us to put some effort into doing a good dance.

    If you're not interested in him while you're talking, he's going to expect exactly the same thing when you dance.

    Don't forget you've got very different objectives. You want to earn money. He wants a pleasingly erotic dance. You'll only meet your objective if you can convince customers you can satisfy theirs. You have to think a bit from the customers' viewpoint as well as your own.

    Quote Originally Posted by showmethemoney
    Unfortunately, I happen to be one of those fragile females
    I'd regard several dancers as friends, and they all suffer from a lack of confidence at some time or another. You're in a business where things can feel personal, and it's got to be dispiriting to think that customers don't like you.

    Go back to my first point - look at your sales skills. Go in with a positive attitude that you will sell dances. When you see a potential customer size him up first. Think; "what is this guy looking for, and how can I sell it to him?" Every customer will require a slightly different solution - what you have to work out is what buttons to press for that particular customer.

    Get your sales skills right, and the dances will come. When the dances come, you'll get your confidence back.

    Phil.

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    God/dess anomar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    Oh man, the rejection game hurts! I just always try to look at it like it's that first dance that will really get things started... it might take me 20 guys to find that first customer, but he's going to be a repeat and then after that the ball will start rolling. It's not always the case (more than once I leave work having only given one dance, blah!), but when I'm in that mindset I just look at those 20 "no"s as a warmup for the "yes" time.

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    Veteran Member oulala's Avatar
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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella21
    Whenever I start getting bummed about money... I just think about how much less I'd make at some dumb retail job or something... THEN I spend some time rememebering any particularly horrible customers at past jobs (food service, retail, etc). It helps me appreciate dancing SO much more!
    To enlighten on this one a little more, I need motivation going in to work at my job. I go in thinking - gee, I'm going to leave today having made 64$ after a good 8 hours of solid work. No more, and probably even less after taxes. Now THAT'S discouragement. Keep positive. Those big $$$ days will come.

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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    It's hard to develop thick skin, but you will have to do it. Just force yourself to ask everyone, even the guys you are grossed out by, and ask them five times. Set a goal for yourself, like a certain amount of dances a night and try to reach that goal. This sounds really weird, but I used to punish myself by making myself work an extra night if I didn't reach my goal. I usually ended up working a few extra hours to make the money so I didn't have to come in on a Sunday or Monday. I would also do something like anomar mentioned. When I get totally tired of everything, I tell myself that I would ask 15 more guys for a dance, and if I didn't get one then I could go into the back to take a break.

    And last thing, don't be so hard on yourself. Money comes and goes. You have to take the good with the bad.

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    Default Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    Oh one more thing. We all have to deal with discouragement in one form or another. Dancers and nondancers alike. So, it's normal. Don't be so hard on yourself. When the money starts getting better, you'll be motivated to ask for dances. And then it will seem like everyone wants a dance from you. It's that streak you get one night.

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    Veteran Member MonicaF's Avatar
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    Re: Discouragement: How to Avoid it?

    I'd suggest tat you take a break for a couple months - maybe work from home or find a regular job to reset and "reboot" yourself. Too much rejection can lead to lowered self esteem and men can sense that.
    Either travel to a different state if you feel it's your location or do the break thing.

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