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Thread: I can't wait to be old...

  1. #1
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default I can't wait to be old...

    Heehee my boyfriend's mother just told me that nana will see a guy and go "HE's cute, watch me get that one!!!" and then she'll PURPOSELY get her automatic scooter chair stuck in front of him so he has to help her. XD

    Heehee, any funny elderly stories from you guys?

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't wait to be old...

    Dammit....all those gal's I help across the street are playin' me?? Clever old broads!
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I can't wait to be old...

    ROFL!! That's awesome. Go Nana!

    My grandmother is a senior citizen but she'll never be old. She's the coolest person I know and I want to be just like her (except not as neurotic). She's about to retire from her second career - she got bored with retirement the first time, so started a new one. Now she's bored with it, and she's looking forward to more travel and volunteer work. She jogs or walks for an hour every morning at dawn, except on Sundays when she sleeps in and takes a two-hour walk through the woods or around the lake with my grandfather. She listens to loud music, plays air guitar, dyes her hair bright purplish-red, wears big funky earrings and running shirts, and drinks beer every evening. I love her and I hope I'm just like her when I'm her age!

    (Except not as high strung or neurotic. She freaks out really easily and is nervous all the time. My mom says she's "the poster ad for Xanax." But other than that... she rocks!)
    Last edited by Yekhefah; 06-04-2006 at 09:29 PM.

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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't wait to be old...

    I worked in a nursing home, so I have some great ones:

    1) There was a 97-year old lady who had been hospice for 3 years but is too tough to die. She has an incredibly foul mouth, and I admire her because she's so brave. She doesn't start screaming and panicking and fighting like some demented patients. Rather, she would placidly cuss you the fuck out. While I was changing her diaper, "Quit lookin' at my pussy. I know you like lookin' at my pussy, you goddamn bitch. I'm gonna get Nadine to shoot you." Another time while changing her diaper," That kinda hurt, but it kinda felt good." Her hospice caretaker has been caring for her for 3 years, and he told me of even more hilarious stuff, like how she'd sing, "Ohhhhhh lord... Ooooohhhhh Lord... I pray you get him the fuck out of my room, oohhhhhh Lord. I'm gonna get Willa Mae to go after him with a shotgun, ooohhhh Lord." I learned some new cuss words from her, as she'd call you everythign from bitch to cocksucker to nigger (which was ironic, since she was black and I'm whiter than milk).

    2) I asked a lady with Alzheimer's if she needed anything, and she screamed, "I need a man!"

    3) I was changing a very demented woman, and she started panicking and screaming, "Don't take my clothes!" I explained to her a few times that I was changing her into her pajamas. After the fifth time explaining, she said, "You got them? For me? God Bless you!" and gave me a huge hug.

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't wait to be old...

    My grandmother lives in a "community". She was telling me one day about this woman there who ALWAYS has "a better story." Grandma told me "If I said I cooked a 50 pound turkey...then she cooked a 60 pound turkey. She really pisses me off...one of these days I'm gonna say, 'YEAH? Well, I have syphillis! What do YOU have, you old bitch???"

    Last year when I visited her, I said, "So how's that woman that's always one-upping you?" Grandma thought for a moment, then said, "Well...she finally got me. I got a cold....and she died. HAHAHAHAHA!"

    Ahhh, Granny...ya crazy coot.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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