Ok, so I auditioned last night for the very first time. The club had me do a stage set, and it went fairly well - I didn't trip and fall, the custys were for the most part very nice and respectful, the other girls were all fairly nice, I received several compliments (one biker dude even bet his friend that I had implants [when I don't] because my boobs "looked too perfect"), and I made $31 for the set on a fairly slow night.
Thing is, I still feel kinda weird after this, and I don't even know why. During the audition, I was obviously nervous, but once I started dancing I felt okay and barely even noticed that I was taking my clothes off. I was still really shaky after I finished, kind of like, "Wow, I can't believe I did that," in both a positive and negative sense. But on my way home I just felt like, "Maybe I shouldn't be doing this." Part of this is because I know it would be difficult to hide from my family; I was just planning on telling them I'm bartending there, but I know they still won't be thrilled. I don't want to hurt them, but then again, I am 18 and I can make my own choices. I don't think they'd kick me out or anything, but if they did I'd just go live my boyfriend.
The other part...I don't know, but maybe I'm not completely comfortable with this. On a conscious level I am, but maybe on a subconscious level I'm not. I think it would be a little better if I was at a slightly bigger club with more than one stage, not just a "titty bar" atmosphere - you know, just a little more anonymity? I think also I get a little worried because I'm really not comfortable with any custys touching me at all.
I was originally hoping to dance this summer because it would be the quickest way to make enough money for room and board next school year, and I could start saving up for an apartment for in the future. I'm just wondering if maybe I ought to go back to a "regular" job. Either way, I think maybe I'll stick it out for a week or so and see how it goes, or else check out a bigger club.



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