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Thread: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    I just can not stop thinking about this and I need some advice. I'll try to edit the ramblings and keep it short....

    My bf and I have been together for 3 yrs total (1 yr on, 1.5 off, 2 on). I have known him very well for about 9.5 yrs. I've never had a jealousy issue. When we lived together, I never felt the need to check his msgs/email/wallet/etc. We have a very good relationship, and I have very few complaints about him.

    Every Sunday, he goes to a local dive bar with his friends and does their little 'guys night' thing. A few guys bring their gf's once in a great while, but I've never wanted to intrude, so I've never gone.

    A little over a week ago, we went to a bar with his cousin and cousin's wife, who were in from Iraq & Afganistan. Well, this chick walks past us to go to the washroom and she smiles at my bf and says hi, all sickeningly sweet. He says "hi (name)" and she walks into the washroom and he tells me that she is a bartender at the dive they go to on Sundays. I didn't care at that point, but then she comes out of the washroom and literally makes a big deal about wiping her hands on his (very muscular) upper arms. He didn't have any clear reaction to it, as it happened quickly and then she walked away, but then she turned and gave me this bitchy-ass devil-smile.

    I didn't want to make a scene at the bar, but I was fuming!!! Afterwards, I did tell him that it bothered me b/c obviously she feels very comfortable with him to do that while he's sitting next to his gf! And it makes me think ... what does she do and how does she act when I'm not there.....every single week!??!! He says I am getting annoyed over nothing and that she's never done anything like that and he doesn't know why she did it. (Also FYI, he used to bounce there for a few months about 2.5 yrs ago and she worked there back then too).

    Anyhow, I can't stop thinking about it and it is REALLY bothering me! I don't know why, b/c I have never cared about stuff like that. B/c really it was nothing, but WHO does that in front of some guy's girlfriend?! I am so insanely jealous of this and I don't know why or what I should do about it. Part of me feels like inviting myself every Sunday now, just popping up randomly, but that's not me at all.

    What's a girl to do? i feel so irrational and crazy, but it keeps popping in my head out of nowhere and won't go away.
    Last edited by Hello_Kitty27; 06-06-2006 at 08:12 PM. Reason: spelling issue






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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    i dunno...

    giving your bf the benefit of the doubt...maybe she's just a psycho bitch who has a little crush on your man and likes to stir the shit?

    i think if he had anything to feel guilty about, you would've noticed it in his reaction...unless, of course, he's just a sociopath who has no conscience. But you (unlike me) would never date a guy like that...right?
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    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    Go to the dive, punch that bitch in her face, and say (sickeningly sweetly), "Hi......."

    No, seriously, you need to have a serious talk with your man about what's going on with the girl. That girl has a set of balls on her and she was obviously trying to test you. I suggest getting very fabulous one night and accompanying your man to the bar. If she does it again, let her know, in a nice-nasty way, that you don't play that shit and that that's YOUR dick. Again, do it politely. Also, tell your man to have a little chat with her about her "friendliness". If he cares about you, he will set her straight.
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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    Originally posted by francescadubois
    Go to the dive, punch that bitch in her face, and say (sickeningly sweetly), "Hi......."
    I like this idea the best ......

    I'll be honest, I am a little afraid that if he says anything to about it, it'll only add fuel to the fire, like she'll really go after him, or something. It's weird b/c I'm notreally afraid he'd cheat on me, I just can't stand the thought of it being blatantly presented, you know?

    ....But, I was kinda planning on squeezing into these kick-ass jeans I have that make me look about a million lbs lighter and popping in on Sunday 'on my way out with the girls'.....but I feel a little nutty, b/c I've never done that before.


    Originally posted by Nicolina
    But you (unlike me) would never date a guy like that...right?
    Well, I wish I could say I've never dated people like this. Fortunately, he has never been anything like *them*...so here's hoping that's not it!






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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    Time time time time time.

    don't look at her. You wont be able to solve her attitude towards your boyfriend.

    HOWEVER, You've known him for 9 years. How's he been treating you? Think about it that wauy. How he treats you in comparison to the time you've spent together will show you more than any of us can

    Good luck!

    Mast!
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    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    I will go spy for you, if you like!


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    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    Yay!! Spy trip!!
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    Well, he has always treated me really well, and still does. Nothing has declined in that respect, nor has he been over-compensating out of guilt, or anything like that. It's funny b/c at first, I voiced my feelings to him and didn't really think anything of it, but I can't stop thinking about it. It just keeps popping in my head, for no reason, and now that "Sunday" is approaching, it's killing me even more!

    Colleen, being from the south burbs/Chicago area, you may even know the bar ..... obviously, I won't say the name, but I'll just say that it's on the southside.....are you at all familiar with the Garfield Ridge area? I think I'm just gonna show up this weekend, but I feel like such a weirdo. I've never had to 'check up on him' before. And I know there's a lot of people that say that if you have to do things like that, you shouldn't be together anyway. GRRR! This is making me nuts.

    Thanks, guys....for being here for me and everything. I appreciate it.






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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    she comes out of the washroom and literally makes a big deal about wiping her hands on his (very muscular) upper arms.
    Am I the only one who thinks that's really gross?

    I think if there was anything besides fliration going on, they would have both gone to extremes to hide the fact that they knew each other.

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  10. #10
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    She's just a witch. Someday I'll tell you the story about how I was humiliated in front of an entire family because their daughter was a sociopathic Drama Queen, much like this bartender chick...so I threw up on their porch. LOL Funny tale!
    Also, I'm sure all of you have seen Guns N Roses' famous video for "Don't Cry" where Stephanie Seymour lays a beatdown on a blonde who touched Axl Rose. And Steph was pretty bony. LOL
    I have a feeling this girl is an Alpha who has her eye on your man, and is inching her way to her goal. (Not all sexypants girls are amoral. I was once scared off of a good lay by the guy's huge Michelle Rodruigez-looking Puerto Rican ex-girl. UH, "piece of a*s OR a*s kicking?" I voted against the a*s kicking & went home alone.)

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    Yeah, so my bf doesn't think it's a big deal, b/c he used to work with her, but that was over 2 yrs ago, so I don't see the relevance. I did calmly and rationally ask him to suggest that he and his friends frequent another local dive in the area (there are plenty) out of respect for me. I mean, after all, she did blatantly disrespect me, therefore, I don't feel that he should continue to go to patronize this bar she works at.

    I don't feel this is out of line for me to ask such a thing, b/c "Bar A" usually closes early and there is a "Bar B" that they sometimes go to afterwards. So I'm hoping they can just go to "Bar B" all the time. We'll see. I know I probably sound nuts, but the whole thing just bothers the hell out of me.






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    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    Honestly? Don't go to that bar. If this girl smells fear, it's just going to make it worse. And don't tell your boyfriend any more stuff about her either. Just put a big silence tourniquet on the whole operation and watch it die. It was her little game, not his, and she's not worth your attention, let alone your stress.

    Wait a few months. THEN go in, order a vodka and cranberry, and hope she's wearing a white shirt. Ooops, you spilled. Make a big deal out of apologizing. Say, "you hate me! you hate me! oh my god! what can i do? can i pay for that shirt! you ha-a-a-a-ate me!" every few seconds, up to three or four hours after the incident occurs. Get drunk and say, "hey, you're really nice. I was so jealous of you when we first met but now I can see that I had no reason. Sorryyyyy. Do you hate me?"
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Hello_Kitty27
    ...after all, she did blatantly disrespect me...
    Yeah, she sure did--but if you go in there because of this, or ask you boyfriend and all his friends to go somewhere else because of it, she'll win. Don't let her.

    She was obviously trying to get to you, and unfortunately it worked--but don't let it work anymore than it did, that's my advice.

    Guys pull this kind of shit constantly, and it can be really provoking to have someone direspect you so blatantly. I've had it pulled on me, so I know--and it's really hard not to get mean about it and bust them a good one, lol...
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    Girls can be such BITCHES! Dude, the fact that your bf didn't have a reaction to it is a very good thing. Probably nothing is going on BECAUSE she did it. If she had something to hide with him, she would have NEVER been like that. What a cunt. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! Let it go, I guess.
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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jealousy issue ....need good advice

    There are realities here you need to understand Kitty. You did the right thing.

    Above all else if this is 100% true:

    bf doesn't think it's a big deal
    then

    I did calmly and rationally ask him to suggest that he and his friends frequent another local dive in the area
    Should not be an issue if his feelings for you are a bigger deal than the situation at hand. He can always go back in time when you're ok in it.

    No point in needless drama.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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