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Thread: Does more income = more respect?

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Does more income = more respect?

    I've been thinking about this for some time now. OK here it goes. Ever since I've become a dancer & have been improving my overall quality of life, I notice that I'm treated nicer by society in general. Before I started dancing, I was making shit income, below the poverty line in fact...I couldn't afford a professional hair dye job, I drove beat-up cars or sometimes no car at all during the times that I couldn't afford the minimal repair on my moderately restored70s Beetle, and I overall carried myself with a little less confidence. When I drove the beat-up cars, I got pulled over by cops a LOT more than I do now, even though I have a very fast sportscar that is capable of going waaaay over the speed limit without even trying. And when I got pulled over years prior, I got a lot less breaks too. Even though I had a pristine clean criminal record a few years ago, some people still seemed to interrogate me as if I was a guilty party or something. It seemed that society overall paid better attention to the people who appeared to have more money. But then again, us dancers do the same thing, when we spend more time with a rich customer than a broke one.

    Has anyone experienced this? I just feel like I have more clout with having a higher income and nicer things, such as a nicer apartment in a safer neighborhood, a new car, etc. When I was poor and it showed, even freakin' McDonalds employees would give me a hard time about stuff!! Whereas now, people in the service industry are more accomodating and willing to go the extra mile for my business. Maybe it's because people stereotype the people with more money to be a sign that they're less lazy and more motivated and responsible? Maybe when I was poor and drove a beat-up Mazda, people wrongly assumed that I'd beaten the car myself by being a careless driver(ironically, my car was beat up from 3 no-fault accidents within a yr; insteada repairing my car each time, I put the checks from the insurance company towards my college tuition because I needed money that baaaaaadly), or "white-trash," or something similar? It just seems that in this society, people stigmatize the poor to be almost worse than they view criminals/felons!! It's almost a "crime" to be poor in society!

    There was one incident(of several) that especially infuriated me. Right after I started dancing, a guy and I got arrested for some stupid immature stuff(fighting). I immediately did all it took to secure myself a good lawyer. One day, they had me visit the police station and they put me in front of the judge to be read my rights and any restrictions I had. Both my lawyer and I didn't think I'd be seeing a judge that day, so we'd agreed that my lawyer wouldn't come along that time. Apparently my mom(who was pissed at me at the time) and the boy involved in the fight had gossiped earlier to the police officer that I "made like no money" and had "sooooo much debt." I know this because the police officer involved told me this and said it in a mocking way as if my debt was something to be embarrassed of(trust me, I WAS very embarrassed). Little did they know that I'd become a dancer and was no longer in debt, but they didn't know this! So while the judge spoke to me, she made me sign paperwork, one form being a form explaining my right to a public defender. I told both her and the officer that I had a lawyer, but they made me sign it anyway. Later on, my lawyer asked me why they made me sign this if I had a lawyer, and said that if I said I had a lawyer they shoulda never made me sign that form. I think they made me sign it because they thought I didn't have a lawyer(he wasn't there that day), and because they already had the impression that I didn't have any money. During this incident, the judge was also kinda snobby to me and at one point when she asked me about my work/college status and I told her I was almost finished college but had to pay back tuition that I'd owed from prior before being allowed to finish, she said in a snooty voice, "Well if you haven't paid your tuition by a year later, you probably never will." (Little did she think that I'd pay off my tuition a short time later and graduate later that same year! I showed her!) OK I knew that I'd done wrong, so I had no problems with being treated like a criminal; it's the idea that she treated me like an INDIGENT PAUPER that totally irritated me. And whaddyaknow...next time I faced that same judge for the probation hearing, she saw that I had a very expensive lawyer and she was a lot nicer to me! A lot more reasonable, accomodating, and overall friendly!

    This isn't the first incident where this has occured, people being nicer to me after I started making money, driving nicer cars, living in better neighborhoods, etc. I also noticed a situation with creditors. During the time that I was in debt to my college and a few small credit cards, I was still paying on my bills(but minimum payments) yet it seemed that creditors were aware that I was in a state of "financial distress" and did anything they could to con me. More than one company tried to falsely place fees on my account, or try to overcharge me. I read in a few places, that people with bad credit or low income are more likely to receive false fees than people that appear to have a high income; probably because the low income/bad credit people can be more easily guilted into paying a fee that they don't even owe, or maybe because they're stereotyped to be too irresponsible to notice the extra fees added to their bill. That seemed to ring true for me. Yeah when I disputed the fees they always came off my bill because it was shown to be in error, but why were they placed there in the first place? It seemed that more people were overall picking on me when I was poor.

    Is this how American society is headed? Any similar experiences?

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    Temporarily Banned Vaughn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Maybe it's because people stereotype the people with more money to be a sign that they're less lazy and more motivated and responsible?
    Yes, I think that is exactly what causes the difference in how the general public reacts to the poor verses the middle class. I also think it is wrong on a moral level. Often people who are poor are at that income level because of reasons other than motivation or lack of responsibility.

    I am sorry that you have had to deal with being treated bad in the past. At least now though you are more aware of how things and people can be in this all too often ugly world. You can choose to not behave that way towards people with less. Be the better person and keep in mind that theory of pay it forward. Maybe if we all took that path the world can be a better place for the next generation.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    I can think of many instances where people treat me worse because I have more. I think it goes both ways. They can resent you if you have more than they do, especially if they deem you unworthy.

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    Senior Member Pinup Girl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    ^^ Yes, like when I take several hundred dollars in ones to the bank. It's been discussed ad nauseum before, but I always feel like I get the evil eye from certain bitter tellers.

  5. #5
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Well, yeah. We live in a capitalist society. Lots of $$$ means you must be doing something "right."
    OTOH, I've been exposed to upperclass people that I couldn't stand...It's too bad the idea of The Middle Class is shrinking- it used to be cool to be middle class.....
    It always annoys me when I have run-ins with governmental authorities who speak condescendingly. I can't say anything, but I smile and think of their shitty monthly wage & how I know how to hustle $1,000 in one weekend. & Then I feel better.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    Well, yeah. We live in a capitalist society. Lots of $$$ means you must be doing something "right."
    OTOH, I've been exposed to upperclass people that I couldn't stand...It's too bad the idea of The Middle Class is shrinking- it used to be cool to be middle class.....
    It always annoys me when I have run-ins with governmental authorities who speak condescendingly. I can't say anything, but I smile and think of their shitty monthly wage & how I know how to hustle $1,000 in one weekend. & Then I feel better.

    Max,

    You took the words right out of my mouth as soon as I read the original post. This IS a capitalist society and so those that are financially successful are treated in a better way than others are. We are all trained from childhood being "rich" is a good and rightous thing in this society.

    I would like to add that it isn't so much being "rich" that makes people appreciate you more as it is spending your money.

    I can tell you - those that APPEAR to be rich are certainly treated differently.

    I remember walking in a parking lot with a fellow and saw this nice European import drive by and I am like "Man, how does he make the money to buy that car?" and my bud was like "I know you make more money than he does - but he SPENDS more money than you do!"

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    IMHO there are actually two forces at work where dancers with 'middle class' incomes are concerned. If the 'world in general' sees that a girl has money and the trappings of a 'middle class' lifestyle, she generally receives a great deal more respect than when she was 'poor'. On the other hand, if certain members of the 'world in general' come to find out that the source of 'middle class' income is actually 'stripping', then most of that respect goes out the window and that girl tends to be treated more like a gangster or drug dealer who have profited handsomely from 'ill-gotten gains'.

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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    Well, yeah. We live in a capitalist society. Lots of $$$ means you must be doing something "right."
    OTOH, I've been exposed to upperclass people that I couldn't stand...It's too bad the idea of The Middle Class is shrinking- it used to be cool to be middle class.....
    It always annoys me when I have run-ins with governmental authorities who speak condescendingly. I can't say anything, but I smile and think of their shitty monthly wage & how I know how to hustle $1,000 in one weekend. & Then I feel better.
    I totally agree.

    We also tend to loose track of values and ethics.We get caught up in material bullshit and loose track of what really matters like happiness.
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  9. #9
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Yeah, I guess it is true that sometimes HAVING money can cause people to give you resentment. I can relate to the whole bank scenario, and how weird it feels to deposit hundreds of $1 bills. Even when I was in high school and didn't make much more than minimum wage at my part-time after school job, I got different treatment just for having any money at all; my mom used to buy me cover-up foundation and some new clothes/shoes for back-to-school, but as soon as I started working my butt off 5days/week, she would say, "I shouldn't have to buy this for you, you make your own money to buy this." Not only was this discouraging to a work ethic, but it also wasn't always true. At my first job(bussing tables at a restaurant), it got so dead that they started sending me home almost as soon as I arrived at work or telling me that they didn't need me to work. I would end up not making any money, but simply because I still held the job, my mom sometimes thought I had extra money to spare.

    Deogol, I agree that people care more about "spending my money" than what money I have. That's probably why salespeople--such as car dealers, creditors, bartenders, etc--treat me better now than before. As far as friends go, I haven't really had any people trying to borrow money from me or indulge in "freebies." Then again, this is probably because I'm so busy working that I have a rather reduced social life these days, and because I've newly & recently showed a firm, assertive side lately. Back when I was poor, I found that I was stepped on a lot by people and friends were always mooching off me. As soon as I started making "real" money, I bitched at these friends and put on this big attitude about the whole mooching issue so that they learned to never ask me for a single dime again. Yeah I acted rudely but they kinda deserved it, right? So for me, the friends' mooching thing has had NOTHING to do with how much money I made but EVERYTHING to do with how I dealt with the situation. But yeah, if I didn't start standing up for myself, I probably would be targeted more than ever by people seeking "freebies" because now I have more to offer!
    Last edited by PhillyDancer1982; 06-11-2006 at 06:47 AM.

  10. #10
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    I forgot to mention, the money issue with my mom. The reason my mom was pissed at me and bad-talked my debt to the police officer, was because all she saw was that I didn't have much money and couldn't land a "real" job. She couldn't understand how someone "so smart"(as she always claimed) like me would have difficulty finding a decent job. She started to wrongly think that I was lazy or wasn't trying to find a good job, and started to wonder if maybe I was attempting to mooch off her in the same ways that my friends often mooched off me. So she told me to find my own place, so that's when I began dancing. However, I never told her about dancing or my new source of money because I knew my mom had moral issues against dancing.

    After I found out that she'd told the police officer that I made no money and had tons of debt(it wasn't even true by that time), I did something kinda spiteful but it worked LOL. I "annonymously" mailed her all my recent credit card statements and other assorted bills that I'd racked up at one time but had recently paid down to zero, along with a note saying something to the effect of "next time find out the facts before you gossip to people you don't know about my 'debt.'" My at-time boyfriend warned me not to do this because it'd start trouble, but on the contrary this event caused my mom to realize that I was better off than she'd thought. This gave her the impression that I was "hard-working" and she and I got on decent terms again. My guy friend M--K has similar issues with his parents...it's been a very tough battle for him to find a "real" job after college graduation, to the point that he had to keep working his Acme gig in addition to a day job or jobsearching, and even with 2 jobs, he didn't make enough money to move away from home. There are many times that they've hinted to him that they want to kick him out of the house, or times that they doubt the amount of jobsearching that M--K has been genuinely doing.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982
    I forgot to mention, the money issue with my mom. The reason my mom was pissed at me and bad-talked my debt to the police officer, was because all she saw was that I didn't have much money and couldn't land a "real" job. She couldn't understand how someone "so smart"(as she always claimed) like me would have difficulty finding a decent job. She started to wrongly think that I was lazy or wasn't trying to find a good job, and started to wonder if maybe I was attempting to mooch off her in the same ways that my friends often mooched off me. So she told me to find my own place, so that's when I began dancing. However, I never told her about dancing or my new source of money because I knew my mom had moral issues against dancing.

    After I found out that she'd told the police officer that I made no money and had tons of debt(it wasn't even true by that time), I did something kinda spiteful but it worked LOL. I "annonymously" mailed her all my recent credit card statements and other assorted bills that I'd racked up at one time but had recently paid down to zero, along with a note saying something to the effect of "next time find out the facts before you gossip to people you don't know about my 'debt.'" My at-time boyfriend warned me not to do this because it'd start trouble, but on the contrary this event caused my mom to realize that I was better off than she'd thought. This gave her the impression that I was "hard-working" and she and I got on decent terms again. My guy friend M--K has similar issues with his parents...it's been a very tough battle for him to find a "real" job after college graduation, to the point that he had to keep working his Acme gig in addition to a day job or jobsearching, and even with 2 jobs, he didn't make enough money to move away from home. There are many times that they've hinted to him that they want to kick him out of the house, or times that they doubt the amount of jobsearching that M--K has been genuinely doing.
    There is a thread going on in members about the changing job market for technology workers.

    What the baby boomers and the like don't realize today's job market is very different from the one they entered into when they were fresh out of school. Sooner or later it might dawn on them - but the truth is most will be clueless because they always associate reality to what they have experienced - even if it was merely 20 years ago.

    There are quite a few books coming out on the subject. "Generation Debt" "Strapped" "Dark Ages America" etc. might be worth a looking at just to get some vocabulary.

    I don't see how a parent can call their kid lazy if he has two jobs.

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    Featured Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    I have always felt respect comes from within one's self. No matter who you are or what you make people will think of you what they will. It is only what you think of yourself that matters.

    Rich or poor if you carry yourself in manner that doesn't inspire respect than you wont recieve it. Often when we get extra money we feel better about ourselves and put our foot down. If we have alot of debt and feel like crap we usually dont speak up.

    I say we because I have been there myself.

  13. #13
    242_fair
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie
    IMHO there are actually two forces at work where dancers with 'middle class' incomes are concerned. If the 'world in general' sees that a girl has money and the trappings of a 'middle class' lifestyle, she generally receives a great deal more respect than when she was 'poor'. On the other hand, if certain members of the 'world in general' come to find out that the source of 'middle class' income is actually 'stripping', then most of that respect goes out the window and that girl tends to be treated more like a gangster or drug dealer who have profited handsomely from 'ill-gotten gains'.
    Well I think Melonie hit the nail on the head with this one.

    Sure I have noticed that when I have a few thousand in the bank I am treated better than when I had $1.05 to my name.

    And when I go to the airport with a full Vuitton set of luggage, I get treated better there too. And when I show up in a $40,000 car more doors are opened to my than when I was driving a junker.

    But wait until people learn where that money really came from. Then it's back to being treated like a criminal.

    A while ago I was pulled over by a cop for not wearing my seatbealt. He asked me what I do for a living. I said that I am a student in law school. He looks over my sports car and mumbles that I should wear my belt and then he leaves.

    Now, what do you think would have happened if I had said I am a stripper? He would have said 'Ma'am, please get out of the car', and hasseled me all day. I am just sure of it.

    So money does equal power. But there are trade-offs too.

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    Veteran Member StuartL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    If I can add to this a little ... I'd just like to comment that I agree - our parents lived in a world so different it is hardly believable. My parents both have jobs that they have been in for years and will be in until retirement. I can say that confidently because they are both closing in on retirement so odds are they will last.

    But they haven't really needed to look for work for quite a number of years and so seem to be (luckily) oblivious to the realities of the modern job market. They are both smart, hardworking and loyal and would be an asset to many companies, but if they weren't in their current jobs, they would likely struggle to find worthwhile alternative employment. I hope I'm wrong about that, but I fear it's true.

    Yet despite this, I know a lot of people my age (early 30's) that get non stop grief from their parents about lifestyle / occupation despite trying very hard. It is such a comptetitve world these days that most of us (aged 35 or less) are going to have very tough careers.

    I hope that you are able to get on better terms with your mother and get past this. Most of our parents just don't seem to realise the hours needed to be worked or effort put in these days just to hold down a shitty low paying job!!

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    Featured Member mild2wild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    I would totally agree that with money you get treated better - say for instance I am on holiday/working holiday on the gold coast at present (with my business) and I am taxied around in my brothers bmw... which means you are doing alright (they dont know who owns the car :-P) any way the point of my post was - I have a liking for a japanese takeaway place up the road, and in four days spent over $250 there... however the rude attendent did not know this until we ordered over 10 dishes @ $8.00 min each in just one order... when I went back in they made sure I was served first and my food was bought to the car, when recently I had to wait in the line and wait inside for the order to be cooked :-S definitely shows that money rules the world
    Australian Strippers WWW.MILD2WILD.COM.AU

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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp
    I have always felt respect comes from within one's self. No matter who you are or what you make people will think of you what they will. It is only what you think of yourself that matters.

    Rich or poor if you carry yourself in manner that doesn't inspire respect than you wont recieve it. Often when we get extra money we feel better about ourselves and put our foot down. If we have alot of debt and feel like crap we usually dont speak up.

    I say we because I have been there myself.
    I couldn't agree with this more.

  17. #17
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Quote Originally Posted by StuartL
    I hope that you are able to get on better terms with your mother and get past this. Most of our parents just don't seem to realise the hours needed to be worked or effort put in these days just to hold down a shitty low paying job!!
    Thanks, but my mom is dead. She passed away from a sudden cancer a few months ago. The problems that I experienced with my mother occured barely a year prior to her sudden death, so I feel horrible that I wasn't able to have more happy memories with her at the end of her life. Fortunately however, during the last 6 months of her life, my mom started talking to me again and was starting to finally feel that I was responsible, taking control of my life, and settling into a stable financial situation. The "turning point" for this was when I annonymously sent her my credit card statements showing 0 debt. She didn't know that I was dancing(I simply told her that I waitressed and bartended at 2 very busy, fairly good-money restaurants), but she knew that I was working hard, paid off all my revolving debt, had good credit established, etc. She was on ok terms with me, but we never actually discussed our problems in detail until the last 2 weeks of her life. I explained to her that I had been trying to look for a job but had numerous no-fault obstacles in my way, I also explained that the reason I partied sometimes was as a "release" from the frustration I felt about my dead-end career development, and I also explained to her that by kicking me out, it didn't do anything but make me more vulnerable when I was already trying unsuccessfully to find a better job. She sincerely apologized, and told me that she didn't realize all of these things because I hadn't stood up for myself and opened my mouth about it before. She also admitted that she'd been heavily bulllied by HER parents(my grandparents) into believing that I was "using" her for a place to live and not trying, when in fact I was. I agree that parents do not realize how different the job market is...for example, my mom's first-ever job was an office job at 16 that ultimately led to a full-time career after high school; whereas when I was 16, I worked at McDonalds and despite numerous applications to office jobs, couldn't land one til 23(haha, I know I know, why don't you all laugh and snicker at me for being lousy at landing jobs). I also apologized for the times I gave her a bad attitude or bitched incessantly about how much I hated my previous dead-end retail jobs, and we finally made peace with each other. Would I have wished that she'd been around so that I could enjoy times with her for much longer? Absolutely.

  18. #18
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp
    I have always felt respect comes from within one's self. No matter who you are or what you make people will think of you what they will. It is only what you think of yourself that matters.

    Rich or poor if you carry yourself in manner that doesn't inspire respect than you wont recieve it. Often when we get extra money we feel better about ourselves and put our foot down. If we have alot of debt and feel like crap we usually dont speak up.

    I say we because I have been there myself.
    Vamp, you said it perfectly. I do believe that because I have money and a decent car now(I'm not driving around the totalled 83 Mazda anymore!), that I feel more confident of myself and this confidence has helped me to carry myself in a manner that commands respect. The bottom line is, the reason I felt so stupid working dead-end retail, or driving a beater, was mostly because I felt stupid in front of myself; so when my own self disproved of my lifestyle, this probably made it even easier for others to disprove of my situation, too. Although there are always things that people will generally view as a stigma even if one's self feels confident about it; things such as severe felonies(murder, rape, etc), homelessness, bad hygiene, etc. Someone can be a dirty-faced homeless person accused of rape, and despite the way he carries himself, people will still treat him as dirt.

    I also agree 100% that when we get money and feel better about ourselves, THAT'S when we finally "put our foot down" and speak up. For example, I was letting friends use me for money and favors when I was poor; when I say favors, I mean things that helped them at the expense of my well-being, such as letting runaway friends stay with me even though my parents wouldn't have approved, or lying to my friend's parents about her whereabouts simply because she told me to do it for her. As soon as I had money, I developed self-respect and clout, so I felt more ballsy to tell some of my friends to "fuck off."

    It wasn't just friends who I didn't speak up to; it was also my parents. Recently, when my dad and I talk about "where we went wrong" over a year ago, he always asks me "Why didn't you tell us before that you were struggling to find a good-paying job despite trying, or that your car needed such an expensive repair? Why didn't you tell us you needed our help? Why didn't you ask us for favors?" The reason why?? Well, my parents kicked me out because they were convinced that I wasn't trying to help myself and that I was "using" them for a free place to live. So wouldn't the last thing they'd want, is me coming back and asking them for the very thing that they cut off from me before? The day that my mom kicked me out, we argued heatedly about my job/money situation. What I did wrong, was I raised my voice too many times and I used cursing to dramatically express my anger & frustration over the job thing. I cursed about how much I "fucking hated working retail when my friends had internships," yet I never directly disputed some of the things my mom accused me of. These cursings did nothing but anger my mom to the point that when she kicked me out, she said "Don't try to sneak back in here or call us, or we'll call the cops." As someone who's gotten in trouble for a few minor law breakings in years past(recently at that specific time), the one way to get me to follow orders is to threaten me with the cops, because I'm all about trying to stay outta legal trouble. So then they wonder why they don't hear from me for 6 months, until I annonymously send my mom all my credit card statements.

    Assertiveness has always been a big problem for me, but I'm really starting to work on it. I believe that dancing has helped a lot, because I've had to employ assertiveness, agressiveness, and sales skills to make money from customers. I've also had to be able to push my way through crowds on busy Saturday nights, because if I demurely let everyone else walk in front of me, I'll lose time that I could be using to sell couch dances!

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    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Philly Dancer, I just read your post about your mother and cried. I am so sorry.

    And then I called my mother and thanked God we have another day to speak to each other, even if we are a million miles apart.
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Your Dad has to take some responsability for making assumptions and judgements instead of asking questions. Since when is it unusual to live with your parents in your early 20s? And how can you be lazy and employed at the same time?

    You're absolutely right. This is a so-called Christian society but poverty and humanity is a repulsive sin. You must be god-like at all times and live the ideal life your parents want to believe they led.
    Last edited by Optimist; 06-13-2006 at 09:11 AM.

  21. #21
    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist
    Your Dad has to take some responsibility for making assumptions and judgements instead of asking questions. Since when is it unusual to live with your parents in your early 20s? And how can you be lazy and employed at the same time?

    Your absolutely right. This is a so-ccalled Christian society but poverty and humanity is a repulsive sin. You must be god-like at all times and live the ideal life your parents want to believe they led.

    It's called the Protestant Work Ethic, and it's a bitch.
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  22. #22
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    About my dad, the "why didn't you tell me/us this before" line is something that I hear a lot from people. I hear it so many times, that it's become one of my biggest pet peeves.

    At the time, I wasn't working two jobs...I was unemployed. I had a shitty retail job and they fired me for something trivial, probably because they had a lot of temporary workers that they could pay for even less than the crap money they paid me. (Jobs these days are cut-throat, especially low-end jobs, because they know that for every person they fire, there's 10 more people to replace that person with.) At the time I was looking for a job, but not having my car available and living in a remote town made it very difficult, plus it was a bad time of the year for hiring and I didn't have any relevant job experience. What made my mom start talking to me again was that I told her I had 2 restaurant jobs, AND had my own apartment in my name AND paid my debt to 0. Without the last 2, yeah my parents probably woulda doubted that I was trying my hardest.

    My friend M--K has held two jobs for over a year now: a low-paying office/insurance job, and a part-time evening deli job at Acme. He kept the Acme job because his $10/hr insurance job didn't pay nearly enough money, plus he wanted to have a back-up job in case the day job didn't work out. Sure enough, he got laid off from his day job 9 months after he started, so at least he still had Acme to fall onto for the time until he started temping. Recently, he got a permanent job for a bank...again it doesn't pay much, only $25K/yr, but it's something and it has advancement potential. He started today.

    So M--K lives 2mins away from me and last night, I invited him to hang out for a bit at 7pm and grab some dinner. As he left his house, his mom retorted, "Ha, if you're gonna hang out tonight, don't expect to last at your job for longer than 3 weeks." It wasn't even late and he wasn't exactly travelling far to see me!!! Now M--K is a very VERY unconfident person with major self-esteem issues. He was let go from one of the temp jobs he had, mostly because he was unsure of himself so his employers doubted that he'd work out. Most of his problem is in his confidence. So that was the absolute WORST thing his mom coulda said. He's 25, has had HORRIBLE luck with securing decent jobs, and his parents constantly nag him about when he's gonna move outta the house...these things make him bitter and self-conscious as it is, and his mom's comments are NOT helping him. I had to deal with a bitter, sad distraught dude for most of the time we hung out, all because his mom had to insult him on his way out the door. It's very annoying.

  23. #23
    Veteran Member StuartL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It sounds like you had a go at reconciling and that must bring you a great amount of relief. Better late than never. I am often amazed at how families break up over the smallest and most ridiculous things. We so often hurt the ones we really love. It all seems such a shame. Good for you though.

    Shame to read about how your grandparents were forcing the issue. It isn't really much to do with them, but they obviously wield an influence.


    Re your pal: Damn - you have a male friend, 25, with 'confidence' issues and he 'hangs out' with dancers. Can't you just introduce him to a group of your friends as 'the shy one' and let them bring him out???

  24. #24
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    StuartL, trust me when I say that I'm really trying to help this guy!!! I'm the only dancer he hangs out with. He knew me in my humbling, degrading pre-dancing days, when we first met at college. He's seen my transformation from similarly unconfident girl with no career, no money, and no boobs...to self-assured dancer with money and the increasing attention from guys(lol the boobs probably help). I've taken him to my past club(Wizzards) and even bought him a few lapdances from my friend L--i. I try to introduce him to my friends, but most of them have boyfriends or I can tell that he's "definitely not their type," or it is hard to find a compatible time/place for them to meet up. M--k's schedule isn't the most accomodating, since he works 9-5 at his bank job and then 3nights/week.

    Plus, he needs a makeover and bad!!! It's not that he looks bad, he is a decently good-looking guy, it's just that he doesn't always dress/groom in the way to optimally accentuate his features. He kinda dresses real generic, typical of a middle-aged man's casual weekend wear...and he's not even middle age yet! More importantly, I think that a physical makeover might boost his confidence and make him feel like a "new person," which would be a very GOOD thing since he seems determined to hate himself for who he is. You want a good depiction of M--k's personality and self-esteem? Think of the female main character in that teen flick "She's All That"...bitter, skeptical that members of the opposite sex would ever find her attractive, reclusive, reluctant to come outta her shell and allow herself to have fun. Just saw that movie on TV again the other day, and it reminded me a lot of M--k!

  25. #25
    Veteran Member NoCoverLover's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does more income = more respect?

    I call this phenomenon "social profiling". Society tends to place us into a pigeonhole where they think we belong. The pigeonhole you wind up in determines how you get treated.

    This applies on many levels: how much you *appear* to make, how you dress, how you carry yourself and on and on...

    Ugly though this may be, it's the way our society works.

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