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Thread: Does your mother know?

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    Member bumb7ebee's Avatar
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    Default Does your mother know?

    The title of a rather snappy ABBA song...

    But seriously - I was wondering who is out of the stripper closet entirely, who just tells close friends, at what stage do you tell a partner, if you have two jobs do your "straight" colleagues know?

    Personally - I have 3 friends who know, and I've got to constantly be on the lookout for colleagues/clients as I work for a big 4 accountancy firm and it wouldn't go down too well!

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    Featured Member avacheetahs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    My mother knows, my friends that I work with at school know. Hell, some of my advisors know. It's not that big of a deal- plus I get to tell the funny stories. I have a great relationship with my mom, and when i decided to start dancing again, she is the only person I told beforehand. In the past she has also helped me with my taxes.

    The only people I have kept this from are my friends in recovery. It's kind of taboo to work in a bar when you're trying to stay sober, but so far I'm doing just fine. I have a feeling that many of them couldn't keep it a secret, and pretty soon the whole NA community would know about it and that's kind of scary to me. So much for anonimity.

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    Member bumb7ebee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    i'd love to tell my mum - i've sort of hinted - cos we have such a close relationship eg she knows if i've slept with a new man. but this is the one thing she wouldn't like: she has very old fashioned views about how adult men should behave, especially when they're in relationships and it basically means they should be working, playing golf, going to car shows and attending dinner parties with their wives - and that's it! married men going to bars of any kind really bothers her, so me contributing to that behaviour would be a problem

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    my friends know. my parents DO NOT. my parents think i still teach. when i went back to school last year i told them i was going to start subbing instead of teaching full time. what i really did was quit teaching all together and start dancing. the truth is there's no WAY i could go to college full time, and teach enough hours to make anywhere NEAR the ammount of money i need. i mean hell, i had to teach 60+ hours a week just to make it before i started going back to school and dancing. i could never tell my parents. my mom would feel guilty (even though i'm 27) i have a feeling that she'd feel like if she would have had more money to help me through school and etc i wouldn't have "had" to strip. my step father (who i've considered my real dad since i was 12) would be INSANELY pissed. he would also give my boyfriend of 3 years hell for "letting me dance". i can hear it right now. luckily, they live a little over an hour away, so the chances of them "driving by and seeing my car" or anything like that are slim to none.

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    Member bumb7ebee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    i totally get the mother's guilt thing.

    i got myself into a lot of debt bailing out an ex boyfriend a few years ago, my dad paid it off and i'm paying him more than half my monthly salary every month. i'll be paying it off for the next 6 years.

    when i told my mum i was considering stripping she looked really sad and said "no, honey, don't" i could tell she was wishing dad could let me off the debt then i wouldn't need to do it.

    but in reality, it's a giggle and the money's just a bonus

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    Featured Member avacheetahs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    I think I lucked out- my mom is this feminist hippie kind of a person. Whereas when you think feminism, it might be assumed their opinion about dancing is it's degrading- but it can also be interpreted as the opposite. Mine chooses to view it as empowering.

    I feel for you girls who have to keep it a secret. The most important thing though is that we have each other here on SW for support- it goes a long way.

  7. #7
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    My mother is dead, but before she died no I didn't tell her I was dancing. The rest of my family still does not know. My parents were very strict with me and there were times that they treated me like a child even though I was an adult and supporting myself. It's just easier to avoid all the drama and aggravation. Plus, my family gives me no financial support in any way, shape, or form, therefore they do not have a right to know. Part of the reason I even started dancing, was because my parents kicked me out at a time that I was penniless, and I needed SOME way to get money for my own place because I could only stay with my friends for so long before feeling unwelcome. (As for working "normal" jobs, the only jobs I was able to land before dancing didn't pay shit) Since I had the falling-out with my parents, I got on much better terms with them, so I didn't want to ruin any of that by spilling the beans about dancing.

    As for my friends? My close friends know I dance, and they are happy about it. They saw the near-traumatic struggles I went through with unsuccessful jobsearching, working my butt off at shit jobs and not making enough to support myself independently, then me having my parents kick me when I was already down. They knew that I needed the money probably more than anyone else that they knew, and they also saw that I used all my dancing money for good things. Dancing has allowed me to support myself, maintain good credit, and it has actually encouraged me to STOP doing drugs and risky activity. The people who do not know? High school classmates I grew up with, because they'd probably never look at me the same way again; acquaintences and new friends, because most likely they wouldn't view stripping to be a positive thing unless I explained my whole sob story about my past shit jobs, huge past debts, my family kicking me out, etc. I hated being the pity party when I deserved to be pitied, and I especially do not want to be pitied now. For all the friends who do not know I strip, I simply tell them that I have a job in the field that I am pursuing, which isn't a complete lie because it's only a matter of time before I land that job.

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    Veteran Member Natalia108's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    m mothert knows and supports me heaps even my grandmother fixes and makes my outfits at times.. my son dont know as his only 3 and wouldnt understand

  9. #9
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    Quote Originally Posted by bumb7ebee
    i got myself into a lot of debt bailing out an ex boyfriend a few years ago, my dad paid it off and i'm paying him more than half my monthly salary every month. i'll be paying it off for the next 6 years.

    when i told my mum i was considering stripping she looked really sad and said "no, honey, don't" i could tell she was wishing dad could let me off the debt then i wouldn't need to do it.
    I was in a similar situation. A few years ago, I had a roommate that defaulted on his share of the rent and I had no money to pay it myself, so I crawled to my parents for help. They took the money that they woulda used for college, and put a portion of it towards paying this bill so that I wouldn't face a credit-destroying eviction. This totally demolished any relationship I had with my parents, and from there it was a downwards spiral and my parents never seemed to think of any good about me again. At the time that this asshole wasn't paying me and the others his rent, I would threaten to become a stripper but because I wasn't very assertive, I was all-talk and that never happened. I regret not acting upon that, because I missed out on stripping back when the money was good. A cascade effect of bad events occured from there...the money that went towards the debt resulted in no money for my college, then I got kicked out of college for not paying my tuition, then I wasn't able to find a decent job without experience or a degree, then it ended with my parents kicking me out because I didn't have a decent job so they were convinced that I wasn't working hard enough. At that point(2yrs after the initial event), my situation had gone from bad to much much worse, so I kinda HAD to start stripping if I wanted to stay alive. And yeah, telling my parnets woulda brought about a lotta guilt and made them feel that they hadn't done enough for me or else I wouldn't NEED to strip. But there is a happy ending: stripping gave me more than enough money to pay back my college and finish my degree, PLUS not long afterwards, I sued the asshole in court for his share of the rent and put it towards the down payment of my sportscar. (I still hate the asshole, for that amongst many other things, so I ruin his rep any way I can)

  10. #10
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    My family lives a couple thousand miles away and officially they don't know... but I'm a bad liar and my mom's not stupid. They know I take pole dancing classes and have a pole in my house, and they know I have some stripper friends (I always jump in to defend strippers who are badly portrayed in the media, LOL). Officially it's just a hobby, but my mom knows I struggle hard to live out here. If she asked me about it, I'd either tell the truth or blow it off with something like, "Please, if I had that kind of nerve I wouldn't be so broke!" Don't know which. But it'll never happen because she doesn't really want to know.

    My friends do all know. I lost a close friend over it, but the others know me well enough to accept it. I've always been an exhibitionist and pretty open-minded sexually. And my boyfriend knows all the gory details and supports me 100%. I'm very blessed!

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    the fam doesn't know. I've gotten better at telling close friends, or even new friends, but that's mostly because I graduated so I don't have to worry about attacks from classmates or teachers.
    As for when to tell the SOs, I tend to average at about three months because I figure they know me well enough to trust me when I say that I don't do extras, and that I only do x. Mostly though, I keep my eyes out for girls in the business that I could be friends with. I travel sometimes and have picked up some great friends who I can call occasionally and just chat about work, and that's nice. Often, I get some weird ass questions that are even insulting from people close to me who've just found out, like "so is your bouncer your pimp?" -eye roll-

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    Veteran Member candie00's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    All My friends know. My Mums knows and shes cool about it she even went to the club with me ones night when I wasn't working and met my co- workers and had sum drinks with me but she does worrie about me. Even My Aunt and brothers know..the only one who doesn't kno is My dad and I will tell him later. He willl get over it.

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    Member stripperskipper's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    My mother doesnt know. My mom is kind of a close minded snob and hates women. . She already hates me enough for any kind of femininity I have so learning of this would probably kill her.

  14. #14
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    its kinda fucked up...

    go back 22 years, my mums mum (my grandmother) was an escort. she was murdered. my mum found her, and cannot stand the fact that i dance.i understand her feelings completly. my grandfathers new wife (the woman i call my nana) was who i grew up living with (longer story!) basically, my nana told me stipping would be good etc, and glamified the industry (she used to be friends with my real grandmother before the murder, and helped run the business side of it all) she planted the seed, and i started dancing after talkign to her about it.

    she was fine with it.
    after a few months the rest of the family found out, and must have had negative opinions of it all. now my nana has disowned me and bad mouthed me to everyone in ym family about how im a stripper. like ive let her down or shamed her or soemthing.
    its fucked up.

    my dad thinks its kinda cool- him and mum mainly just worry for my safety.rightly so i guess.

    i dont hide what i do from anyone.why should i? to hide it would mean i was embarassed or ashamed. i dont think i have reason to feel that way. im proud of who i am and where i came from. i like me, and if part of me is that im a stripper,well,so be it

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    My mum knows and loves me for it.

  16. #16
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    My family would love me anyway, but like MermaidNZ's mom, they would worry. I could gun down a preschool and burn down a church and rape all the little old ladies in the local nursing home and they would still love me. But they hear all the horror stories about bad things happening to strippers, and it would make their lives a nightmare from worrying about me. I'm not ashamed, but I don't want to put them through that.

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    Veteran Member redvelvetrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    I wish I could tell my parents...

    I'm still living at home for the summer, which means I'm gonna have to work really hard to hide this, but I think it's best my parents don't know. They're overprotective and would worry way too much. And I know if my whole family found out I'd have to put up with way too much shit. I'm not ashamed of what I do, I just don't want to hurt my parents and cause a big family fight. I need to figure out what to tell my parents (bartending, waitressing, some sort of BS). It just makes me kind of mad because I really wish I could tell them and put this out in the open, but I know they wouldn't handle it well.

  18. #18
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    Officially, I tend bar when I'm stripping. It's a convenient excuse because it has a lot of the same perks. Just be sure you can actually mix if the situation calls for it; the last time I went home, I had to pull draft beers and make margaritas and mojitos from scratch. I can do it, but you better be sure you know how just in case it comes up, or you could find yourself forced from the closet.

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    Member SilverSaturn0's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    my mom hired someone to stalk me to find out that I was a stripper. Haven't talked to her since. Couldn't be any more tickled to death about it!
    "Man is least himself when he is in his own person. Give him the mask and he will tell you the truth."
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    Veteran Member blayze's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    no my mother doesnt know. my g-ma knows, and thinks it's hilarious! she used to do topless when she was young, i guess. my mom is the super prude, uber christian, hardcore naive type. i actually have her on video asking me and my friends what a dildo is! she's of the mindset that sex is evil and anything having to do with sex is evil. and that women should all belong in nunneries and such.
    i find it ironic though because from talking with my aunt (my mons sister) and my dad, my mom is a closet freak!

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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    I'm the family little secret. My younger brother knows and as a true sibling doesn't really have an opinion on it all. My father and step-mum know and think it's immoral of me therefore do not support me in it at all (all I can talk about is the financial side of things as they really aren't comfortable with talking about anything else so my relationship with them is not close due to it). They both also told me to NOT tell my step-brothers or any other family members therefore I am the family secret (as such). My late mother wasn't around when I started (I said "late" hint hint). My step-brothers are clueless as I really don't speak to them at all and really are complete utter strangers to me. One aunt and uncle knew however I don't know if they still know I'm still doing it (lost contact with my extended family - both my late mother's side and my father's side).

    All my friends know as I wouldn't be friends with them if they weren't "kewl" or "indifferent" about it. My lover (The Fireman) definately knows... he's known from the start as I wasn't really looking for anything more than a lover/casual sex partner (and still am not looking) so had no real reason to hide it from him from the outset.

    Due to how I'm the family secret, it can be a rather lonely existance at times and is always painful for me to really think about (it hurts me that my family is so unsupportive and that I feel I could never ever go to them).


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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    My parents would absolutely KILL me if they knew! They're both very old-fashioned and my mom is extremely religious. My brothers are younger than me but very protective and would be the ones to try to make me quit. My little sister knows, but we know everything about eachother because we're best friends. My bf knows, I told him the day I met him... I usually give "straight" friends the chance to know me first... Well, I USED to only let my close friends know... But since some creep told a bunch of people at my school... I'm much more liberal with it and will give people a semester to two... If we talk regularly, that is.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Featured Member hot4ablackchick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    My parents know. I don't really have any friends, but the few of them do know. I did not tell my parents, my ex told them out of revenge for leaving him. They are pretty cool about it though.
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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    I told my mom the day i started all my freinds know, my grandparents even know. My grandparents remember me dancing on the support pole when i was younger. My freinds male and female, have come to watch me dance.

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    Default Re: Does your mother know?

    My mom told me to do it!

    She was a single parent cocktailing in SC to raise me, so she's seen the good and bad of this industry. WHen I told her I was dissatified with my 9-5 job and was thinking about cocktailing, she said, "hell, you're a smart girl... Get on stage, make twice the money and work half as hard!" I gotta say, if this really is easier I'm never serving a beverage!

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