My earnings have been decent lately, though not the awsome tide that flowed a while back. But last night I almost had a panic attack. It seemed that EVERY SINGLE guy I danced for tried to either stick his tongue in my ear, suck my nipples or paw at my crotch. And the one lovely fellow who spent the whole dance trying to get me to go to his hotel. I said "no, no, no...no, NO, no". And the guys who, when I have had enough and am up and dancing far away hump and grind at the air between us. It's so gross. It's just so very, very gross. If they could see themselves, ugh. I just...it's all I can do to keep their lips off my boobs and their hands no farther than my hips. "Oh, don't worry, I won't touch" they say, as their fingers crawl closer and closer. "No!" I say "that's too close!". God, they ARGUE with me over what constitutes my crotch area. ANYWHERE NEAR THERE is not to be touched! And how they whine and groan when they can't put their lips on me. Like that's such an awfully prudish rule.
They're not all like that, thank god. But I just kept getting creep after creep last night, and I can't all out freak at them because I won't get another dance. I have to keep my voice under control and keep them in line as cheerfully as I can fake to get a measly $60 or $80 out of them. It was at the point where my teeth were grinding and I just started shaking all over and I thought I was going to have an all out panic attack with one guy. I was honestly about to lose it.
It's like my numbness is just gone and I'm so hypersensitive to the way some of them even look at me all of a sudden. I want to say I need a vacation but I just had two weeks off. This is just like- despair. I dunno. I don't hate my job, but what do you do when it's one of those nights that you have to deal with utter animals to make any money? Do I sound unreasonable? Maybe this is getting beyond me.![]()



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), I've quit smoking ciggarettes, and I don't panic in public anymore. Oh, and I haven't broken down sobbing over stupid stuff in a while either. I always thought it was PMS or something that was making me crazy, but it appears to have been stress brought on by the job.



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