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Thread: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

  1. #1
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    Default Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    My earnings have been decent lately, though not the awsome tide that flowed a while back. But last night I almost had a panic attack. It seemed that EVERY SINGLE guy I danced for tried to either stick his tongue in my ear, suck my nipples or paw at my crotch. And the one lovely fellow who spent the whole dance trying to get me to go to his hotel. I said "no, no, no...no, NO, no". And the guys who, when I have had enough and am up and dancing far away hump and grind at the air between us. It's so gross. It's just so very, very gross. If they could see themselves, ugh. I just...it's all I can do to keep their lips off my boobs and their hands no farther than my hips. "Oh, don't worry, I won't touch" they say, as their fingers crawl closer and closer. "No!" I say "that's too close!". God, they ARGUE with me over what constitutes my crotch area. ANYWHERE NEAR THERE is not to be touched! And how they whine and groan when they can't put their lips on me. Like that's such an awfully prudish rule.

    They're not all like that, thank god. But I just kept getting creep after creep last night, and I can't all out freak at them because I won't get another dance. I have to keep my voice under control and keep them in line as cheerfully as I can fake to get a measly $60 or $80 out of them. It was at the point where my teeth were grinding and I just started shaking all over and I thought I was going to have an all out panic attack with one guy. I was honestly about to lose it.

    It's like my numbness is just gone and I'm so hypersensitive to the way some of them even look at me all of a sudden. I want to say I need a vacation but I just had two weeks off. This is just like- despair. I dunno. I don't hate my job, but what do you do when it's one of those nights that you have to deal with utter animals to make any money? Do I sound unreasonable? Maybe this is getting beyond me.

  2. #2
    Miss. Kristina Lee
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    i dont deal with it. they get one warning. if they do it again, i walk away and tell the bouncer and they still have to pay me. if they get really bad, i grab there little finger and twist them back till the wince in pain. they ask why and i say well hunny if you can touch me then im really going to touch you.

  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Yes. I went home at 12:30 on Saturday night with $160 because I was throwing up from this.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    I don't think it's just from the grabbiness and physical contact but also from being treated badly and not being listened to. Allow yourself to tell one of these guys, "You aren't listening to what I'm telling you. You can't do that. I am going to leave now." and walk off. I did this when they would get out of hand in Austin and it saved my sanity.

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    Featured Member avacheetahs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan Wayward
    I did this when they would get out of hand in Austin and it saved my sanity.
    I've noticed the tourists that come to my club from Austin are pretty handsy.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Oh, honey. That is a bad night. I think it gets to all of us, some nights. Honestly, a couple of weeks ago I was just thinking "what am I doing here? I could, more conveniently, with less legal compromise, be paid $1500 just to go these two tiny steps further; and I could do it without this humiliating beauty pageant of "wanna dance?" "wanna dance?""

    Don't know what to tell you - I mean, you're not wrong, you're absolutely right. That is why we get paid (potentially) the big bucks (at least for a job with no special skill, ability or training). Because we are willing to part with small pieces of our dignity on a nightly basis. Gosh, this isn't much of a pep talk is it? Do you still have a day job? Maybe you can come to Toronto and work with Cally or me - sometimes its fun having a partner. This job has not been the same for me since I lost mine.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon
    It's like my numbness is just gone and I'm so hypersensitive to the way some of them even look at me all of a sudden. I want to say I need a vacation but I just had two weeks off.
    It's probably because you just had two weeks off. You lose your armor, y'know? Plus, you need the money more cuz you just had the time off.

    We've all been there. It'll pass. Here's wishing you a kind, smart customer who forks over outrageous sums of cash just to sit in VIP and talk about the latest research findings in neuropsychology.
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Yep, so much so that I've decided that I'm not going back. See my signature for further details.

    Since I've quit dancing my sex drive has returned (my husband is happy to know it wasn't a permenent affliction), I've quit smoking ciggarettes, and I don't panic in public anymore. Oh, and I haven't broken down sobbing over stupid stuff in a while either. I always thought it was PMS or something that was making me crazy, but it appears to have been stress brought on by the job.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Senior Member Pinup Girl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Set your boundaries. Get paid upfront for a dance/VIP session and if they cross the line, give them the boot. Make sure you work in a club with bouncers that are going to stick up for you/defend you. Don't worry about gritting your teeth and putting up with them because you want to get more dances from them. There will always be another customer who will get a dance from you.

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    Featured Member hot4ablackchick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    I work in a no contact club, and most guys seem to keep their hand to themselves. But nothing makes me feel cheaper and more degraded than a guy pawing me. I place their hands back on the sides if they reach up. If they fail to get the hint, then I will tell them no. Sometimes they will say "come on, nobody can see," but I don't put up with the bullshit anymore. I cannot give a good lapdance if a guy can't keep his hands off. On to the next customer.
    CARMEN IS HOTT 4 A BLACK CHICK!!!!!!!!

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    why does Janet Jackson have a headset on her head?!

  11. #11
    smartcookie
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Yes, it got to me. I figured, why should I grind on twenty erections a night and leave with $250-400 when I can spend an hour with one man with whom I'm more compatible for more money than that? I already felt like a "whore". So I became an escort (I'm now retired). I don't really see a difference between high-mileage dances and full service escorting; to me it's the same end result and same psychological stress with the former being a lot more work. I realize that puts me in the minority, and I'm in no way denigrating strippers comfortable with high contact or suggesting that Molly become an escort - these are merely my personal feelings and choices.

  12. #12
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    ^^ Thank you Smartcookie! I agree 100% with your statement. The customers spend because of sexual stimulation, not because they are so impressed with an awesome pole move!

    I've never heard of a pole dance making a girl hundreds of dollars in an hour.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Senior Member Pinup Girl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    I agree that escorting is not "that" much different than stripping. But for me, dealing with penetration/fluids/condoms is a non-negotiable.

  14. #14
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Quote Originally Posted by smartcookie
    Yes, it got to me. I figured, why should I grind on twenty erections a night and leave with $250-400 when I can spend an hour with one man with whom I'm more compatible for more money than that? I already felt like a "whore". So I became an escort (I'm now retired). I don't really see a difference between high-mileage dances and full service escorting; to me it's the same end result and same psychological stress with the former being a lot more work. I realize that puts me in the minority, and I'm in no way denigrating strippers comfortable with high contact or suggesting that Molly become an escort - these are merely my personal feelings and choices.
    Sometimes it really does seem like it is only inertia keeping us in this business.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  15. #15
    Cally
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Thats it... Jenny, Molly wanna escort with me? We can offer foursomes! LoL... we just ignore the guy and go at it with eachother while the guy happily jerks off like the moron he is *giggles* okay seriously though..

    I know how you feel Molly... I cant stand the guys who try and hump you.. the guys who try and grab and tweak and lick. Im really getting sour from everything but at this point I just need the money and I dont know what else to do. I've tried getting a real job but the only way you seem to be able to get a job in this city is if your sucking off the right people

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon
    ...EVERY SINGLE guy I danced for tried to either stick his tongue in my ear, suck my nipples or paw at my crotch...

    It was at the point where my teeth were grinding and I just started shaking all over and I thought I was going to have an all out panic attack with one guy. I was honestly about to lose it....

    Do I sound unreasonable? Maybe this is getting beyond me.
    No, you don't sound unreasonable. You sound like a self-assured, confident, well-adjusted woman who dislikes being sexually assaulted and harassed on a nightly basis.

    And the despair, Christ have I ever seen it! At least half of my job (the way I do it) is figuring out how to keep the dancers' spirits up so they can go onstage and put on a show, even if the thrill is long gone for the vast majority of them. I cannot count the times I have had to go back in the dressing room and console a dancer who had reached her limit, or gone beyond, and was either crying hysterically, catatonic, or enraged.

    This is why I am so vehement in my oppostion to extras, though it may be a lost cause...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
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  17. #17
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Feeling you're a whore, in a society that comdemns whores is mentally stressful to many women.

    And guys seek sexual stimulation and regard dances as a waste of money if they don't get aroused from them, and get to touch.

    I believe guys have always wanted sexual stimulation and more in a club, but conditions didn't warrant it in the distant past, so they just went with the flow at the time.

    VERY soon, most of us who are dancers are going to have to decide if we can become numb to getting guys off during dances and allowing full touching. Those of us who don't desensitize ourselves to getting guys off and full touching, will need to quit this business, probably before the next president is elected into office.

    Young, or first time dancers who want guys to give them money with no contact need to stay out of this business. They need to realize that this is a contact and sexually driven business today. Air dances are rapidly if not already becoming a thing of the past. This is not 1993.

  18. #18
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    One-way contact doesn't bother me in the least. I wouldn't do it if it did. I DO have a problem with guys groping all over me and the licking, so I keep away from places where that's a major issue. I also have a problem with having someone "rent me" in private - just doesn't feel safe to me - otherwise I'd probably be a high-priced hooker because I have no moral issue with it.

    Then again, I still like the chaotic-ness of a busy club, the attention, the stage, the dancing, the tease.....so I guess my heart is really in the club thing.

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  19. #19
    242_fair
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Yes it really got to me before. I started having lots of pannic attacks and it fucked with my head. I havn't been to work in about 8 months now and I am (sort of) recovered.

    I really feel what smartcookie was saying, I also got to a point where I was like, 'why should I put myself here for all this public humiliation, if I could be in private with one of them for the same money'.

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    this trend was 50% of the reason that I retired from live dancing. The other 50% of the reason is that, in most jurisdictions, the legal penalties and fines for being busted doing a one way contact lap dance are now precisely equal to the penalties and fines for being busted performing an outright sex act for money.

  21. #21
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    It seems like lately the customers can tell that it's been slow and they try getting away with more and more. I used to think that I wouldn't let it get to me but sometimes its so hard. Since our dancing area is private at least everyone else can't see if they guy makes me mad and and I go off on him. It's even worse when your club is not supportive and wont even kick out these assholes that try crossing the line just cause they want to see if another (sleazier) girl can take their money and give the club their cut. Sometimes it just really sucks.

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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    oh man this is the story of my life right now, i'm going to rant a little myself....hope you don't mind!

    so sunday we had a biker run. cool, fine, whatever. they don't spend money but its only an hour. Anyways I got a dance from a guy named 'Spank', he wanted nude. I told him I didn't allow touching my breasts my butt my vagina and minimal elsewhere. Did that stop him? Everytime my chest got anywhere close to his face he'd go for my nipples, I'd move, he'd try to grab me. He'd hold my hips and rub right above my cookie and I loudly told him to stop because it hurt. I couldn't stand him staring in my eyes like a 5 year old waiting to get in trouble as his hand gravitated closer and closer to my cooter. So I turned around. I told him to stop. He was allright for awhile. Then at the end of the third dance I was still turned around and he grabbed my vagina and I could feel his dirty fat fingers wiggling around and I elbowed him in the neck. "Oops you startled me hehe" I said as he threw $50 at me and quickly ran down the stairs. He owed me $90 and possibly more for therapy (I charge an extra $5 every time they grab my no-no's, this is explained at the end of the dance). I was outraged. I felt like I was molested I went to talk to management to see if I could go home. I told him what happened, he half heartedly listened then flat out turned and walked away. Then I asked if I could go home when I caught up to him "WHHHHYYYYY" he whined as he again walked away. So I asked my lovely dj to take me off the board and I sat in the corner fuming trying not to cry cause I would if I went to the dressing room. Manager walks by again "Smile, whats wrong?" he says I start to explain thinking he cares, a waitress skips up starts talking and hugging him, she leaves he walks away AGAIN!!!! I figured if I was stuck I might as well make SOME money so I went up to the champagne room with my best friend and got a dance from a guy who seemed to be way awesome, she liked him. We get back there he wanted to play the trust game where you spread your legs and he touches real close to you but never touches your cookie. I said no thanks, I believe everyone until they prove me otherwise. Now I have pretty freshly bleached and dyed hair, my scalps sensitive. He says he likes to 'play'. He pulls my hair and starts making orgasm noises in my ear while bucking me around. I jump up and make him pay me get dressed and leave. I might've been over sensitive but he should've understood. I talked to our head manager and pretty much forced him to listen to me by blocking the door and (in tears) TOLD him I was going home.

    Now I have this problem a lot. I'll need to talk to a manager and they walk away while I'm talking, or before answering me. Even when I'm paying my fees. It's a fucking wild goose chase. Then they tell me not to take it personally. No as business partners and semi employee/employer its rude to walk away from one another when the other is talking business. If I was a girl who would cause trouble when disgruntled I might get listened to, but I don't cause trouble, I'm responsible etc. Theres a girl who took two weeks off without requesting it, would show up for a shift then just leave etc. because of a break up. If I did that, I'd get fired. The better worker you are the shittier you're treated.

    It's been getting to me so much I had a dream last night where I actually ended up beating the shit out of two random dancers who upset me....so the dj didn't put me on the board until 8(arrived at 6) and at 12 I still hadn't gone back on stage so I went back to yell at him a dancer looked at me the wrong way and I beat her ass. A girl I work with who always tells me 'not to worry about it'/'don't do that'/'it's not worth it' when I'm having problems but when theyre her problems its the end of the world ..she told me to 'calm down and just go back to work' and I beat her ass. I needed to talk to a manager he turned and started to walk away and I chucked my shoe at the back of his head. A customer grabbed my ass as I walked by and I woke up while I had him on the ground punching him in the face.

    So yeah, I think I need to switch clubs or take some time off cause that dream scared me. I'm not violent at all. I think I'm just too much of a pushover as an employee and need to tell them exactly what I need instead of 'asking'.

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Management is not concerned by the fact that you are uncomfortable with being touched Tori 1982. You become a thorn in their side every time you complain. They feel if you're not unbothered by sexual contact, and don't enocurage it as a way to make more money, quit so another girl who will allow if to happen can take your place and please the customers. Plenty of other girls will let the guys touch and finger them during dances. Why do they need you?

    This club obviously doesn't have strictly enforced contact rules nor is it in a city where it will be shut down if contact violations are made.

    That is the very point I made about customers expectations changing, and owners and managers where they can get away with it want as many sexually vulnerable girls working as possible. They want girls to put out for them too.

    I imagine you can go to work in most Denver clubs where this is not the norm.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    oh i know they don't give a care one way or the other tina! i just expect them to answer me with a yes or no when i say i'm going home! respect my decision to take the rest of the day off after paying them their fees and i'll come back my next scheduled day and be done with it. i pretty much make a point to not go into details with them and keep it short and say and i cant freaking work after that.

    the thing is even my dj was shocked that i had explained what happened to him and he still didnt let me go when they've done it for other girls.

  25. #25
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Contact girls- does it ever REALLY get to you?

    Tina has probably got the correct take on your clubowner/manager's true position ... if you get pissed off enough to quit, then this creates an opening for another girl who will earn much more money for the club by giving the customers what they want (and are apparently willing to pay for). On the other hand, they probably won't risk firing you for a variety of self-serving reasons.

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