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Thread: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

  1. #1
    ainevui
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    Arrow Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    Hey, I'm new here. This is a great forum, soo many helpful people and useful information, I didn't realize how lost I was before I joined. Anyway,

    Let me introduce myself. I'm 18, want to start dancing in the fall. Right about the time when I start college.

    I live in a 100,000 population town. There are a grand total of TWO strip clubs here. Wooh. Lots of choices, right!

    Now, I have not checked out these two places yet. No one in my life knows about my plans on this... Nobody.
    Not even my mom.

    I figure that eventually, someone that knows me will find out; it's pretty much inevitable. So when the time comes,
    How should I tell the people closest to me about me being a dancer?

    Also... I have heard to never give anyone your real name or address on the job, (obviously) but not even to your fellow dancers. Based on the theory that, potentially, it could be dangerous if someone 'sold you out' to a creep who is paying well to know. Is that being a bit paranoid, or is that just protocol?
    How much personal information do you give to the people you work with?

    I'm sure I'll have more questions later...But that's it for now. Thanks in advance.

    xo
    Aine Vui.

  2. #2
    Cally
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    No one needs to know anything about you. The clubs managers will need ID, thats okay. You may be required to get a license, thats fine. But your co-workers dont need to know anything about you.

    Do a search and read the newbie forum.

    Welcome

  3. #3
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    I danced in a town about that size when I first started. Everyone will know you are there by the end of you 5th shift or so. It is next to impossible to keep a secret like that in a small city (expecially if it is a college town!).

    Yes, you should keep your real name and address secret. I even went as far as having a p.o. box address on my drivers license. You can do that if you tell the folks at the DMV that you have a crazy ex boyfriend or a stalker or something. They keep you actual address on file for the cops (I have a fake one of those too, but that is another story!).

    I drive an annonmous looking car (silver late model economy car), and try really hard to not have any distinguishing charatersistcs on the car (like rear view mirror decorations or bumper stickers etc.). My car is so annonmous that I am constantly walking right past the damn thing in parking lots.

    Your best bet to not be recognized as a stripper is to wear you hair short and practical and then wear a wig at work. Heavy makeup is also a good way to hide your identity. Sally Hansen makes a body makup called Air Brush Legs. I have used that to quickly and temporaily fake a tan. Be warned: that stuff is really messy and may rub off on your clothes and your customer's clothes. Not recommended for heavy contact clubs or high end gentlemen's clubs.

    Even if you take all of these precautions, you may well still be recognized. Are there clubs in a nearby city that you can try first?


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  4. #4
    ainevui
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    Thanks! That cleared up one of my questions. I take it my co-workers wont even ask for my real name then. Okay, cool.

    So did you not ever tell your family? Close friends?

    (I will tell my SO, no doubt about it.) But what about everyone else?

  5. #5
    Cally
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    How do you think your family will respond to you dancing? Are they strongly religious? Do you have a threat of them dissowning you? When it comes to friends/family you have to do what you think is right.

  6. #6
    ainevui
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris
    It is next to impossible to keep a secret like that in a small city (expecially if it is a college town!).
    Yaah, that's what I figured!

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris
    I even went as far as having a p.o. box address on my drivers license. You can do that if you tell the folks at the DMV that you have a crazy ex boyfriend or a stalker or something.
    Great idea!

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris
    Are there clubs in a nearby city that you can try first?
    Hmm. I'm not sure, but I doubt it. This is, sadly, the biggest city in this entire state.

  7. #7
    ainevui
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cally
    How do you think your family will respond to you dancing? Are they strongly religious?
    No, they're not strongly religious.

    I only intend on telling 4 people. My best friend, my boyfriend, my mom and my brother. My brother has to know because he is in his 20s, also in college, and has alot of friends. I def want to avoid any embarassing situations for either of us.

    My boyfriend will be the easiest to tell. I'm most open to him, known him and dated him for years. Coincidentially, i'll feel the worst telling him. But I know he'll understand.

    My mom... now I'm just scared. lol She'll probably react by being upset, shocked, and/or plainly disappointed... And the worst: angry. I know she wont be happy about it, at all. But i'll have to suck it up.


  8. #8
    Cally
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    Maybe just ask your mom what she thinks of strippers? Ask her how she would feel? Seeing as it is a small town she will find out one way or another so I guess your going to have to tell her. Surprisingly my mom is really cool and supportive about it. My dad on the other hand.. well he will never know Though im sure he has a feeling. Just break it lightly.. tell her you have another plan for life, this is just a stepping stone. I wish you the best.

  9. #9
    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    as far as telling friends and family that you're dancing, well, use your judgement on that. i've told all my friends, but none of family knows. i lost one "friend" over it, but it's kind of nice to find out who you're real friends are anyway.

    when it comes to the people you work with, i think it's best for them to know as little personal info as possible. you don't want anyone revealing this information to a customer, either on purpose or by accident. none of the girls i work with know my real, where i live, etc.

  10. #10
    ainevui
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    Thanks Cally. Yeah in the long run, I believe my mom will grow to be supportive about it too.

    GeorgiaPeace- Thanks for the advice. I'm not necessarily worried about losing friends over this, I dont plan on telling any of them anyway, Only my bestie.

    The iffy thing is, now that i'll be a freshman at this university, new place, new people, and when I'm asked "where do you work" by curious aquaintances, I guess I'll have to lie?

    I am not ashamed to be an exotic dancer, but I'd rather not tell anyone who doesn't have to know. It lowers the chances of it getting spread around the campus. For one, I don't want to kickoff the year being stereotyped and viewed as 'easy' by the guys, ya know? Second, I don't want it to seem glamorous to other girls. It's not a game or a bunch of fun times, it's a job. And for me, its as a means for education, and predominately my future. Otherwise, I'm a straight-edge girl. I doubt anyone will be suspicious.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    I have an entirely fake job with details. It's a real place, and I looked up its hours and details so I won't be easily caught. It is a place that is close to my club, so if my car ever breaks down around there, my story will make sense.

    Some of my friends know, and my sister knows. The rest of my family doesn't, my bf, even my roommate doesn't know. I got a good eyemakeup remover to use before I come home at night

    I usually don't care what people think of me, but people see you as a totally different type of person when they know you're a dancer. I want to avoid that as far as possible.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    Quote Originally Posted by carolina6
    I usually don't care what people think of me, but people see you as a totally different type of person when they know you're a dancer. I want to avoid that as far as possible.
    Speaking as a custy who's drifting into friendship with several dancers outside of work - only too true. One of the reasons I stay friends with them is that they know I never discuss their business with anyone outside of dancing.

    My more conventional friends know I go out for a drink with "X" or "Y" but they don't have a clue what they do. I've heard too many dumb comments made about dancers to want:

    (a) The dancers I know to be on the end of snide remarks.
    (b) To have to explain to my more conventional friends I like the dancer for who she is, not what she does.

    I'd be very cautious about telling people what you do. You can always tell them at a later date, but you can't "untell" them once you've said you're a dancer.

    As you say, people see you in a different way: one dancer of my acquaintence told a female "friend" of hers after a year or two that she was a stripper. The "friend" promptly told her she was a "slut" and, despite being specifically asked to keep it a secret, told as many people as she could.

    Quote Originally Posted by ainevui
    I am not ashamed to be an exotic dancer, but I'd rather not tell anyone who doesn't have to know. It lowers the chances of it getting spread around the campus. For one, I don't want to kickoff the year being stereotyped and viewed as 'easy' by the guys, ya know?
    Very wise words. The average 18 year old guy will have a distinctly stereotypical view of a dancer, (as indeed will 95% of the male of the species). As soon as it gets about, you'll have a campus of people reacting to you as "Aine Vui", not you in real life.

    I mentioned at the start of this post I regard several dancers as friends: I can say that from both my experience and theirs, you'll meet very, very few guys in your personal life that you'll want to trust with the knowledge you're a dancer.

    Think it over very carefully before you tell anyone you're a dancer - it only takes a few minutes to tell someone, but the consequences could be with you for months, if not years.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    That's so true!!! I told a "friend" who is an ex-dancer, so you'd think she would understand of all people! I told her not to tell anyone and what did she do within a few days of me telling her. She went and told people. I immediately ended whatever friendship it was with her. What's so interesting is that I specifically told her that if she told ANYONE, I would never speak to her again. She either didn't take me seriously or didn't care or both. I honestly thought though as an ex-dancer she would be more understanding about it. Obviously not, you can't trust anyone so be careful who you tell.

  14. #14
    Veteran Member heidimonster7's Avatar
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    I made the mistake of telling my parents. I was suprised how terribly they took it, because I thought I knew them better... I thought they were "liberals". If I had it to do all over again, I would have said something along the lines of, "Mom, dad, if you found out one of your friends (FRIENDS, not daughter...) was a stripper, how would you feel?" to get a sense of their reaction.

  15. #15
    ainevui
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    Smiley Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    Quote Originally Posted by carolina6
    I have an entirely fake job with details. It's a real place, and I looked up its hours and details so I won't be easily caught. It is a place that is close to my club, so if my car ever breaks down around there, my story will make sense.

    I usually don't care what people think of me, but people see you as a totally different type of person when they know you're a dancer. I want to avoid that as far as possible.
    True, nobody wants to be seen first and forthright for what they do instead of who they are! (Well, i'd hope not!) I have a good idea for the false-job thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W
    I'd be very cautious about telling people what you do. You can always tell them at a later date, but you can't "untell" them once you've said you're a dancer.

    As soon as it gets about, you'll have a campus of people reacting to you as "Aine Vui", not you in real life.
    Agreed. Thats why I'm telling the people in my life who have to know. As for everyone else - no way. Also, i'm transferring out of state after this school year,(06-07) to a bigger city where the anonymity of it will be much easier.

    Quote Originally Posted by leogirl876
    I told a "friend" who is an ex-dancer, so you'd think she would understand of all people! I told her not to tell anyone and what did she do within a few days of me telling her. She went and told people. I immediately ended whatever friendship it was with her.
    Bummer. Yeah I'm having some doubts on whether I should tell my bestie, (I'm deciding not to). I do trust her, but she does talk alot! Although she tries she isn't the 'keeping secrets' type like I am.

    Quote Originally Posted by heidimonster7
    If I had it to do all over again, I would have said something along the lines of, "Mom, dad, if you found out one of your friends (FRIENDS, not daughter...) was a stripper, how would you feel?" to get a sense of their reaction.
    Well, dispite all reactions I'm still going to do it. I'm not thinking about it anymore, I made up my mind. Thanks for the advice though, I considered beating around the bush and decided it was pointless for me.

    Appreciate all the responses/insight!

    Aine Vui.

  16. #16
    Jordan.
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    Default Re: Questions on: Speaking up; and keeping quiet.

    Heyy everyone, I decided upon my 'dancer alias' and here it is. No more Aine Vui. Woop

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