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Thread: Soooo sooo true!

  1. #1
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Soooo sooo true!

    Sorry if someone has posted this before. I saw it on myspace and loved it!


    1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

    2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

    3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

    4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

    5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

    6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

    7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

    If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

    9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

    11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

    12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

    13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

    14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

    15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

    16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

    17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

    1 STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.

    19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

    20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

    21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

    22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

    23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

    24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!

    25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

    26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

    27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

    2 Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

    29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

    30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

    31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

    32) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

    33) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

    34) Hey DJ! You suck!

    35)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

    36)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, Bjork, or anything we need a translator for. For the love of God, Please.

  2. #2
    Featured Member avacheetahs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    [QUOTE=AlexxaHex]32) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.QUOTE]

    OMG I hate the claw feet!! HATE HATE HATE them!

  3. #3
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    ^^^ obligatory customer response to stripper rant

    It's normal to bitch about your job, but to bitch about being a customer in a SC?

  4. #4
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Lol, I remember that list... I haven't seen it in soooo long.. Looks like she added to it... Looks like she's a little bitter in some of them... Funny funny... And yea... I can't understand the girls who have their toes hanging out! Yuck! I've had quite a few guys complement me on how my shoes FIT. Lol.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  5. #5
    Featured Member Crow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Not every customer is nice/sweet/generous/kind/thoughtful and respectful. Please do not be so myopic and self centered to think that they ( every patron of every strip club ) is.
    Plus, not everyone has a good day and not all of us ( strippers in general, as I seem to need to generalize with this retort.) are so saintly as to not take our bad days out on the first schmuck that crosses our path.

    I've seen that before and with everything else you have to take it with a grain of salt. Personally I had that printed out and taped up in my locker, as I found it amusing.

    Again.. from our point of view ( dancers/strippers who wear the big shoes, t-bars, thongs and itty bitty outfits) it is rather hilarious, and as you will note ( as you obviously did not read all of it ) there are some rather sarcastically side, darkly humorous things that applied to other dancer/strippers. So no, it was not directed at customers in general.

  6. #6
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Quote Originally Posted by Emily
    ^^^ obligatory customer response to stripper rant

    It's normal to bitch about your job, but to bitch about being a customer in a SC?

    Heh heh heh... imagine that.

    8TJ - check your private messages.

  7. #7
    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Quote Originally Posted by Emily
    ^^^ obligatory customer response to stripper rant
    It was mere days ago that I commented in another thread on this recent trend. Doesn't it seem like every time a dancer dares to express a negative thought, opinion, or even (how DARE she) rant, she is immediately chastized by a customer who comes in and starts some ode to male privilege? Somewhere in this soliloquy, wherein he makes it clear he has never read the guidelines* to this section, he inevitably tries to make it clear that HE is not one of the cretins that said rant addresses. That's the point, honey. If this is actually true:

    "I try and treat dancers with respect. I always ask for their rules before a dance and follow their lead. I have never been slapped, yelled at or even lectured. One time my hand roamed because of how the dancer moved and she politely moved it away. I understood it was by mistake and I think she did to."

    . . . then the list that Alexa posted does not apply to you. We all know and appreciate good customers. Brace yourself for the forthcoming deluge, 8TJ, and congratulations on turning a dancer's thread into a conversation all about you, you, you in record time! Hey, two posts in, I have to give credit where credit is due.

    *(FYI, it's not as black-and-white as the Ladies Only section, but men are to keep it to a respectful minimum. I didn't make that up. Look it up.)
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  8. #8
    Veteran Member ChristyWild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Like it has been mentioned before in other threads- SW is mainly a place for us in the stripping industry to let down our hair and bitch/rave about what's bothering us. If custies want to put in their two cents is fine, but remember that these forums are about 85-90% chicks or guys that work in the industry. Though I feel 8TJ might have a couple valid points with the list he posted, i.e. the glitter and heavy perfume gals, so, too did Alexa have a valid point, considering that all us girls have had to deal with at least one or more of the things on her list...however, I object to the Sade comment- mainly cuz I work dayshift and Sade sometimes works- note, I said SOMETIMES, not always.

    Other than that...the only thing I have is to rant about this bitch, cuz 8TJ reminded me- her stage name's like "Sparkle", and boy does she! She found this outfit that I don't think does anything for her post-baby figure yet, and it sheds glitter all over the place! If that wasn't enough- dumbass bitch feels she needs to put more under her eyes cuz "it makes me look/feel pretty" ...um, babe, more than just me has tried to warn you in the past 3 DAYS you've worn this outfit that it was a bad idea...yes, you'll still get dances, as you shoved in my face after the first day I warned you...yes sweetie, 2 dances is more than none, but I guess you missed the point of the exercise- you got those two, can you think of how many others you might have been able to get, had the glitter from your outfit NOT migrated to your skin- all over- by the end of the shift? And I know she was desperate by the third day cuz I happened to hear the bitch ask a couple if they'd like a 2-4-1! Ok, so if you're desperate, you start charging less???? No, you idiot- you CHANGE YOUR OUTFIT!!! God, I'm sorry to go off on a slight tangent, but this girl is just driving me nuts....all I can say is that it better not shed on me, or I WILL shred that damn outfit to pieces! I'll give her a couple of my old ones to make up for it, but still!!! Tell me none of you in this situation wouldn't feel like this:
    Age is only important when it comes to wine and whiskey!



  9. #9
    Veteran Member danijamesxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Yeeeah......................calm yourself, 8TJ. The post by Alexxa was funny, and yes you do have to be a dancer to get it, I think. Yours just sounded immature and disrespectful. Just like not all custies are pervs....not all dancers are flaky money grubbers. Although, I do like money Hah.
    It's just weird you would spend so much time thinking of how to retort to this thread.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #10
    Member noshi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Everyone has a right to an opinion (workers and customers).
    Now all I have to say about hating your work is what my mother said all the time about losers complaining about their jobs. If you HATE your job... "no one is forcing you to work there". You CHOSE that job. Either get a new industry or "stfu" and suck it up. Don't clammer like the "nice girl" that clammers about looking for a "nice guy" but actually dates "jerks" and complains about jerks. Drama, drama, drama (which no one wants).

    (although the OP was probably trying to make a funny post but it has a lot of serious tones to it)

    Just an edit (just thought of it). Lets pretend things could be perfect and no customer was offensive. Most women would end up feeling spiteful towards men because they would create the opinion that all men are soft spineless losers that are easy to manipulate with sex. Of course the majority of guys in a SC are just average and have a spine so you get attitudes whenever they feel like it. Thank god. You should be happy the customers aren't all "nice guys" that are pushovers and don't have an attitude. Just think of it as the spice to your work. The bad parts keep you on your feet.

  11. #11
    Featured Member Crow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Quote Originally Posted by noshi
    Everyone has a right to an opinion (workers and customers).
    Now all I have to say about hating your work is what my mother said all the time about losers complaining about their jobs. If you HATE your job... "no one is forcing you to work there". You CHOSE that job. Either get a new industry or "stfu" and suck it up. Don't clammer like the "nice girl" that clammers about looking for a "nice guy" but actually dates "jerks" and complains about jerks. Drama, drama, drama (which no one wants).

    (although the OP was probably trying to make a funny post but it has a lot of serious tones to it)

    Just an edit (just thought of it). Lets pretend things could be perfect and no customer was offensive. Most women would end up feeling spiteful towards men because they would create the opinion that all men are soft spineless losers that are easy to manipulate with sex. Of course the majority of guys in a SC are just average and have a spine so you get attitudes whenever they feel like it. Thank god. You should be happy the customers aren't all "nice guys" that are pushovers and don't have an attitude. Just think of it as the spice to your work. The bad parts keep you on your feet.

    Bad parts keep you on your feet?

    I'm assuming your not a stripper/dancer. If you are, well, all I can say is gosh and for the first time in a long time I would be stuck speechless.

  12. #12
    Senior Member 8TJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Quote Originally Posted by danijamesxxx
    Yeeeah......................calm yourself, 8TJ. The post by Alexxa was funny, and yes you do have to be a dancer to get it, I think. Yours just sounded immature and disrespectful. Just like not all custies are pervs....not all dancers are flaky money grubbers. Although, I do like money Hah.
    It's just weird you would spend so much time thinking of how to retort to this thread.




    1.Ok, "offensive" post removed. You are right it is your board and I respect that.

    2. So maybe you have to be a dancer to get it, maybe you have to be a custy to get mine?

    3. Mine is immature and disrespectful, yet the one about customers is "funny".

    4. It was an easy thread to respond to. I just changed a few words in the original post. It took maybe 10 minutes.

    Look, in some ways I thought that I was representing some issues that some, but not all dancers might want to think about.

    In no way did I mean it to be inflammatory.



    Last edited by 8TJ; 06-17-2006 at 04:58 PM.

  13. #13
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    See, I liked this, because though it looked like it was the same humorous rant I've seen several times before and enjoyed, there's some new additions to it, which make it even better--especially...

    34) Hey DJ! You suck!
    I love it--and I laughed, even if I'm a DJ. That's because most DJs that I've seen in stripclubs do suck, and many of them quite blatantly, as in monkey balls...

    35)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.
    This is also good, especially in Daytona Beach, where there are more really shitty tattoos than anywhere else I've ever been.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  14. #14
    Member Helle Hairpin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    [QUOTE=noshi]Everyone has a right to an opinion (workers and customers).[/QOUTE]

    Not here. This is Stripperweb. Not Stripclubjunkie. This is not a democracy!!
    * Helle Hairpin *


  15. #15
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Guys! Yes, we are laughing at you. I bet you didn't know you were so funny! And doesn't every girl want a guy that makes her laugh? Okay, maybe not laugh at you, but whatever.

    I'm sure every customer in the world has never had a laugh at the expense of some poor, pathetic, washed up, geriatric stripper, right? Or, hell, even the hot ones are good for a laugh with the guys every now and again! (Never watched/ listened to Howard Stern?)

    SO... get over yourselves and let us have some fun at the expense of customers who AREN'T YOU!


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  16. #16
    Veteran Member chitownchick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

    haha thank you, amen
    "I need a Win Dixie grocery bag full of money right now to the vip section...."

  17. #17
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Y'know, I'll say it again.

    It's not about YOU it's about BAD CUSTOMERS. If you think it's about you, you're a BAD CUSTOMER.

  18. #18
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    That's fucking great. LOL!!

  19. #19
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Quote Originally Posted by noshi
    Everyone has a right to an opinion (workers and customers).
    Now all I have to say about hating your work is what my mother said all the time about losers complaining about their jobs. If you HATE your job... "no one is forcing you to work there". You CHOSE that job. Either get a new industry or "stfu" and suck it up. Don't clammer like the "nice girl" that clammers about looking for a "nice guy" but actually dates "jerks" and complains about jerks. Drama, drama, drama (which no one wants).
    Um... did anyone say they hate their job? Nope. We are registered to this site to talk about the good and bad things about our job. This post was to make light of some of the bad things. As for relating it to that whole "nice guy vs bad guy", nice guys never win shit... Dude... that makes no sense (plus, I am SERIOUSLY tired of hearing guys whine about that).
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  20. #20
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Yeah I agree with what Bella said above. And Stripperweb isn't the only site for voluntary strippers to vent about their job. In my area, there's 2 diners/bars(owned by the same guy) called The Great American Diner & Pub. On Myspace, a lot of the employees of the Great American formed a Myspace group called "Shut up and tip me!" or something similar, where they bitch about the loud, drunk customers and similar inconveniences of the job in a similar way...if anything, worse than Stripperweb does.

  21. #21
    Featured Member hot4ablackchick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    I love this. So true
    CARMEN IS HOTT 4 A BLACK CHICK!!!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings View Post
    Why does he have a headset on his head, like Janet Jackson or some shit?
    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    why does Janet Jackson have a headset on her head?!

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    My Documents / Stripper Research / Stripper Notes / pg. 1:

    "Strippers usually have a delinquent or anti-social outlook."

    Soooo sooo true!

  23. #23
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    ^ Why are you here? To psychologically analyze us? Go away.

  24. #24
    Featured Member GenWar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    QUOTE=8TJ:
    Look, in some ways I thought that I was representing some issues that some, but not all dancers might want to think about.

    In no way did I mean it to be inflammatory.


    -------------------------------

    It's like this, dude. You may be a nice guy. So am I. Doesn't matter.

    Dancers get crap spewed at them all day. Guys asking for sex. Guys questioning their bodies without any logical right. Guys who are being just nasty because the strip club is the only place on earth they can get away with it.

    Stripperweb is the only place many of them get to try and deal with it. You can't come here and try and represent the "fair" point of view. That's not what this is for.

    So reading that list hurt your feelings, eh? No? You just represent fairness? Well, I am man enough to admit that it hurt mine. I have seem similar lists about men, about blacks, jeez, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a lawyer joke. (I am a black male lawyer.) They are not nice, not fair and not meant to be. But, and here's the kicker, we came looking for it. Us nice guys who really want to believe the world and the strip club are nice places are not cut out to read stripperweb.

    Stripperweb is not meant to be a place of solace for us nice guys. Luckily, the strip club is. A nice guy who spends has a wonderful time in the club, time and again. Well, I know *I* do So, as much as we love clubs, it is logical to think we would love stripperweb. Well, I'm here to tell you buddy, the logic is flawed.

    We're behind the curtain here and the secrets of the show ain't pretty. It never has been and probably never will be. So, if you can't accept that, you need to stay away. Just come by once in a great while to make sure you keep your perspective and don't get too big a head. Some of the lovely actresses we meet in the club can seriously mess with the most calm, ordered and structured mind. Whenever you feel yourself slipping, the pink side will always be here to help you readjust. But don't come looking for fairness or nicety or to be liked...if that is all you are looking for...stay away.

    One man's opinion...

    -gen
    "See, believe it or not (and I don't care whether you do), it's never been about the sex. I get sex at home, anytime, and we like it, and it's good for both of us. No, my stripclub experience has been about acceptance, and affirmation, and desirability...There have been some women who have a personality that just clicks with mine, and in the faux-sex atmosphere of the club, it's a mix that is completely seductive." - Jay Zeno

  25. #25
    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Soooo sooo true!

    Quote Originally Posted by GenWar
    QUOTE=8TJ:
    Look, in some ways I thought that I was representing some issues that some, but not all dancers might want to think about.

    In no way did I mean it to be inflammatory.


    -------------------------------

    It's like this, dude. You may be a nice guy. So am I. Doesn't matter.

    Dancers get crap spewed at them all day. Guys asking for sex. Guys questioning their bodies without any logical right. Guys who are being just nasty because the strip club is the only place on earth they can get away with it.

    Stripperweb is the only place many of them get to try and deal with it. You can't come here and try and represent the "fair" point of view. That's not what this is for.

    So reading that list hurt your feelings, eh? No? You just represent fairness? Well, I am man enough to admit that it hurt mine. I have seem similar lists about men, about blacks, jeez, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a lawyer joke. (I am a black male lawyer.) They are not nice, not fair and not meant to be. But, and here's the kicker, we came looking for it. Us nice guys who really want to believe the world and the strip club are nice places are not cut out to read stripperweb.

    Stripperweb is not meant to be a place of solace for us nice guys. Luckily, the strip club is. A nice guy who spends has a wonderful time in the club, time and again. Well, I know *I* do So, as much as we love clubs, it is logical to think we would love stripperweb. Well, I'm here to tell you buddy, the logic is flawed.

    We're behind the curtain here and the secrets of the show ain't pretty. It never has been and probably never will be. So, if you can't accept that, you need to stay away. Just come by once in a great while to make sure you keep your perspective and don't get too big a head. Some of the lovely actresses we meet in the club can seriously mess with the most calm, ordered and structured mind. Whenever you feel yourself slipping, the pink side will always be here to help you readjust. But don't come looking for fairness or nicety or to be liked...if that is all you are looking for...stay away.

    One man's opinion...

    -gen

    I think I like this guy,^^

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    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-14-2006, 03:11 PM
  5. Thought this was cute and sooo true!
    By ExtacyInDaytona in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 04-22-2006, 08:03 PM

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