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Thread: Dirty Jokes

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    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Dirty Jokes

    These are so good to break the ice with groups of guys that look like they aren't having any fun/just walked in. I always make them tell ME dirty jokes, though, and don't have any of my own. What are some of your favorites?
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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    ^^^ Is this necessarily always a good idea? If you break the ice with a request for a dirty joke, you could be fixing an image far different from the real you in their minds.

    Specifically, if a guy's come in looking for the quiet, girl next door type to buy a dance from, are you not putting yourself out of contention with that customer?

    I know if you came up to me with a request for a dirty joke, I'd tend to mentally pigeon hole you - and possibly do you an injustice in the process.

    Phil.

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    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    Okay, then: I need a backlog of dirty jokes to tell customers that like them. Got any?
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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    Actually, when I could remember it, I had a gem of a joke that would help develop rapport. It wasn't dirty at the least yet one of those "this guy walks into a bar" type of jokes. Just find one that you found humourous (sp?), remember it.. and use it.. then get them to tell you a joke (doesn't necessarily have to be dirty).

    Instead of a dirty joke, you could come up with a dirty lymerick instead? I have a book that has quite a few.. some of them quite funny. Yet I generally try to not "talk dirty" in whatever when I am hustling... just isn't me.


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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    have you done a search? I remember reading at least one funny joke on here. Wish I could remember it, I would tell you.

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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    DancerWealth, what do you think of dirty jokes? Do you think they're a bad idea, or are they a good way to break the ice? I'm curious to hear your opinion.

    I know lots of dirty jokes, and I've found that they can be a good way to break the ice. I won't tell them to everyone though. I won't tell them to the quiet, conservative business man in a suit, but I'll tell them to the laid-back group of guys wearing jeans and drinking Budweiser. Do a search for dirty jokes on the Internet-there's lots of them. One that is short is:

    What's the similarity between a dick and a Rubik's Cube?
    The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

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    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    hahaha... thank you, blondhottie.

    Basically, i used this last night on a mostly younger-to-middle-aged Friday night post-baseball game crowd, and I targeted men in groups who looked like they weren't having fun yet. It was basically giving myself an excuse to laugh hysterically at their cleverness while figuring out something about the group dynamic so I had a better idea of who to target for dances. I found that it worked very well for me with this particular crowd. However, when it was my turn to tell one, I couldn't think of any off the top of my head.

    I do agree that this wouldn't work for everyone, however, I enjoy switching things up when I start getting bored/not making as much money as I'd like. That way I have fun, and it becomes easier to sell dances.
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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    Truthfully, a good joke doesn't neccesarily have to be dirty to amuse me. It just has to have a good punchline. I do think its imperative though to give the customer the notion that you're cool with discussing matters of a sexual nature. Jokes are a good vehicle for that.

    Just make sure you don't tell anything that could be considered political. I'm a government employee, and while I find this joke about the "four cats" to be hilarious, I'm not sure all my co-workers would be laughing at it.

    If you're blonde, you might want to tell blonde jokes.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    Hah, I think you should tell blonde jokes anyways. I like trading jokes with guys; it's an easy way to get the conversation going and get them laughing. Mostly though I crack wise and make dirty puns, ie "I don't like to call myself a stripper. I think of myself as a carpenter since I work with wood."

    oh, I knew there would be website full of them and here it is:

    http://www.dirtyjokesinc.com/jokes-dirty_jokes-p1.htm

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    Veteran Member kdogg247's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    Most of the dirty jokes I know involve a parrot for some reason.

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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    If the Mod's will let this stay up cos of copyright issues, here's a great poem by Robert Graves.

    DOWN, WANTON, DOWN.

    Down, wanton, down! Have you no shame
    That at the whisper of Love’s name,
    Or Beauty’s, presto! Up you raise
    Your angry head and stand at gaze?

    Poor bombard captain, sworn to reach
    The ravelin and effect a breach –
    Indifferent what you storm or why,
    So be that in the breach you die!

    Love many be blind, but Love at least
    Knows what is man, and what mere beast;
    Of Beauty wayward, but requires,
    More delicacy from her squires.

    Tell me, my witless, whose one boast
    Could be your staunchness at the post,
    When were you made a man of parts
    To think fine and profess the arts?

    Will many-gifted Beauty come
    Bowing to your bald rule of thumb,
    Or Love swear loyalty to your crown?
    Be gone, have done! Down, wanton, down!

    ----------------------------------------

    Funny and "blue" at the same time.

    Enjoy...

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    Thanks for the poem Phil however it would be waaay too long to use during the inital hustle yet probably great to use during the time spent in VIP or something (where you need things to talk about etc). As long as you quote the author of the poem (and possibly the book or website of the author's work) there shouldn't be any copyright issues.

    Here's one I found in a friend's blog today - it might work ...

    One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen.

    "What's wrong dearest?" asked the confused husband.

    "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?"

    "Well," replied the man, "I guess we will have to ground her as spanking is out of the question"
    Last edited by GoldCoastGirl; 06-19-2006 at 12:16 AM.


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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    A man thought his wife was cheating on him so he goes to the pet store and asks for a talking parrot to use to spy on his wife. The only parrot smart enough to do the job was one with no legs. This parrot stayed on its perch by hooking its dick around the bar.

    So the guys brings the parrot home and leaves it alone with his wife. Later the guy returns and asks the parrot what happened.

    "Did my wife have a man over?" the man asked.
    "Yes. She sure did," the parrot replied. "She had a man over and they started kissing, they started taking off their clothes, and they got in the bed."
    "What happened then?" the man asked.
    The parrot replied, "I don't know. About that time, I fell off the perch and hit my head."

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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    There was this trucker who made his living hauling chickens. Because he drove long hours, he bought a parrot to ride in the cab with him.

    One day they were riding down the road and they saw a female hitchhiker. He pulled over the truck. "Can I get a ride?" she asked. "Well you've got to fuck me," he replied. "Oh, I can't do that," she said. "Well," he said, "no fuck, no ride."
    Then the parrot said, "Squalk, no fuck no ride no fuck no ride." "Shut up," the trucker told the parrot.

    They rode a little further down the road and they saw another female hitchhiker. He pulled over the truck. "Can I get a ride?" she asked. "Well you've got to fuck me," he replied. "Oh, I can't do that," she said. "Well," he said, "no fuck, no ride."
    Then the parrot said, "Squalk, no fuck no ride no fuck no ride." "Shut up or I'm gonna make you ride in the back with the chickens," the trucker told the parrot.

    They rode a little further down the road and they saw yet another female hitchhiker. He pulled over the truck. "Can I get a ride?" she asked. "Well you've got to fuck me," he replied. "Oh, I can't do that," she said. "Well," he said, "no fuck, no ride."
    Then the parrot said, "Squalk, no fuck no ride no fuck no ride." "That's it. I'm putting you in the back with the chickens," the trucker told the parrot, and he took the parrot and threw it in the back.

    A little further down the road, a state patrol car pulled over the trucker. Oh no, he thought, one of those women called the law on me.

    The state trooper walked up to the side of the truck and said, "Sir, I need you to step to the rear of the vehicle."

    The trucker followed the state trooper to the rear of the truck and saw the parrot kicking the chickens off the back of the truck. "Squalk, no fuck no ride no fuck no ride."

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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    A guy joined the Foreign Legion and was stationed in the middle of nowhere.

    He asked his commanding officer, "Sir, there aren't any women within a hundred miles of here. What do the troops do for sex? Do you bring women in?"

    The commanding officer replied, "Don't worry soldier. We have already made arrangements. At the west side of the fort, there is a fence with a hole in it. You just need to go and stick your dick in the hole in the fence."

    The soldier thought that this was strange, but one he got to wanting sex enough, he decided to try it. So the soldier walked over to the fence, unzipped his pants, and stuck his dick in the hole. He felt something warm wrap around his dick, and he fucked whatever it was until he finished. "That was great," he thought, "I'll try that again tomorrow."

    Well the soldier used the hole in the fence all week until Saturday, when he stuck his dick in and nothing happened. So the soldier went to his commander.

    "Sir, I went to the fence today and nothing happened. What's going on?" the soldier asked.

    "Oh," the commander replied, "I forgot to tell you. Today, its your turn to suck them."

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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    Superman was flying around one day, and using his x-ray vision, he saw Wonder Woman lying naked on her bed writhing around like she was hot and horny. Superman thought that if he used his super speed, he could swoop down there, get it, and fly off before Wonder Woman knew what happened.

    So Superman flew down so fast you couldn't even see him, fucked the hell out of Wonder Woman and flew off in a flash.

    "What was that?" Wonder Woman asked.

    The invisible man said, "I don't know but my asshole sure hurts."

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    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    Yay! Thanks, guys!
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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by blondhottie
    DancerWealth, what do you think of dirty jokes? Do you think they're a bad idea, or are they a good way to break the ice? I'm curious to hear your opinion.
    When going in cold to any negotiation/sale, it's always best to feel out the situation first and then make a move. By just starting off telling a dirty joke, you run a lot of risks with your customer that may not be a good idea. The exception to this is if he makes the first move then you should mirror it back to him. In sales, you use this mirroring technique a lot. I call it "echoing". For example, if you're showing a house and the customer says, "Wow, the cabinetry in this kitchen is really beautiful" you respond with, "Yeah, I agree, the cabinets in this house really are beautiful." The key is to use their exact language pattern back to reinforce the fact that when they make a cold statement about something, they're right about it. It's also important to understand that given the exact same circumstances, you never want to blanketly state that "this house has awesome cabinets" when the customer is looking at them because for all you know, the customer hates the cabinets and you just made a fool out of yourself.

    The same thing applies here with the dirty jokes. While it's obvious that most guys going into a SC are not prudes as they are there to see semi or fully unclothed women, some people may hear a woman tell such a joke as being "un-lady-like" and have a much different opinion of you after the fact. So while I would never just openly start telling dirty jokes, it would be a different circumstance if the customer did it first and opened the door for them.

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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    My question then would be.. what if the joke wasn't rude? What if it was just a normal joke that I thought was funny? From a one liner to something a little longer ("A man walks into a bar...") or even blonde jokes ???


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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    Just your average, "everyday" type jokes GCG would be great actually. There's no reason to go to dirty jokes unless your customer does first. Heck, I even met a dancer once in Los Angeles that would walk up to customers and say, "knock knock" and then tell a Knock Knock joke. It was a great icebreaker.

    On a slightly more adult side though, here is a fun one to use that could be great for leading to a sale.

    What's six inches long, has a head on it, and makes women go, "oooooooooooohhhh"?
    A Hundred Dollar Bill!

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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    A little boy came home from school one day and ran up to his dad.

    "Daddy. Daddy. I heard the kids at school using a word , and I don't know what it means. Can you tell me?"

    "Sure. What is it?" his dad replied.

    "Daddy, what is pussy?"

    "Well, son. That's a bad word. I don't want you to be using it."

    "OK. I won't say it. But what does it mean?"

    "I'll show you son," the dad said. He took his son into the garage, pulled out a Playboy magazine, turned to the centerfold, took a red marker, and drew a circle around the woman's pussy. "That son, is pussy."

    "OK I undstand now," the little boy said. "I also heard another word at school. Could you tell me what it is?"

    "Sure, son. What is the other word?"

    "What is a bitch," the little boy asked.

    "Everything outside the circle."

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    Senior Member robinbanks's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dirty Jokes

    Thanks Dancerwealth. I think Ill give that one a try tonite.

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