Ok.
So.
I decide to hit my old haunt. Roxy's. I'm TOLD (From SCL) that my ATF from the ancient days is there on a break from school. I want to see her. Just to say hi. This is incredibly PL but i have never gotten a dance from my ATF, ever. Isnt that weird. It was always Carmen and Scott nagging me into going, even if i had no money. Carmen, my whacked out kid's mom (and wife upon a time), was always like "it's ok, you're with me." Like that ever meant a fucking thing. Back then i'd sit there feeling just shitty. I was broke, then. Like, Courier broke. Scott was a weirdo. He thought he was a 'Goth', but you'd have never known it. My kid's mom, perfectly able to pick up on stuff like that, wrapped his ass around her finger and when i was without a place to pad she came to my aid. Takes a hustler to get the PL she's living with to take the broke ex hubby into the ol' household.
But, see, My ex is crazy, too. She decides on something it's over. There's no discussion. You argue and argue, and all she does is start you over again. Just when you think it's over she's back at the beginning. This being before she became someone else, which is a different story alltogether, and is not open for discussion.
This girl, though, stage name Rianna, would always kinda i guess take pity on me. Nowadays i get the feeling she clued in to what was up. A couple of times it boiled down to either sit in the car or sit in the club. At the time i had not two nickles to rub together. And several times it was " We're going, you don't want to and we'll drop you off at Bullfeathers" (that was a bar that i kind of 'knew' one of the bartenders, and Carmen was *not* happy about that). At any rate, this girl would spend her 'free' time with me. And i was usually there looking like the fisher king. I sunk into the corner. But this one chick, Rianna, was always interested in Computers...
For that she took a sorta special place in my heart.
Once upon a time, a Madcap graduated. A Madcap met someone that would give him a job, that he might have more than two pennies to rub together. Went back to Roxy's to see her and her along and did everything wrong. And this kills me. I did everything wrong. Everything. I didn't get handsy or nothing, i didn't buy any dances (I just tipped the fuck outta the stage). I was just stuuuupid. It was Forrest Gump at the SC. She didn't remember me (natch), and some dumb part of me expected her to. It was soooo retarded. But i didn't know it then.
Then came stripperweb.
Man, you learn a lot here if you are willing to let it slip into your thick skull.
Thing is, though. On stripclublist some guy on may 29th of this year said he saw my atf, Rianna. I never got a dance from the girl, well, the only girl that has ever been my atf. The girl that came and smiled at me and made me laugh way back when i had not a dime and imprinted herself so on my memory. I meant to rectify that "never having gotten a dance from my atf" thing.
I haven't seen her in years, went to see. She would not remember me, of course. But i wanted to go treat her like a lady, make her feel good (If i could, i would at least try). Try to pay her back a little bit.
She wasn't there. I guess she went back to school.
God-damn-it.



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