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Thread: Ways to deal with Stalkers...

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    Veteran Member JettaNyx's Avatar
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    Default Ways to deal with Stalkers...

    I was poking around crimelibrary.com and came across an atricle about stalkers. since some gils here have been having problems i'm gonna post it here. i hope the advice helps



    Gavin de Becker, a private consultant on security in southern California and author of The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect us from Violence, offers services to a long list of celebrities. He believes that the media is partly responsible for the increased incidents of celebrity stalking since so much attention is focused on these people. He sees all the gifts, notes, and messages sent to the stars, from razors and half-eaten food to nude photographs and locks of human hair to flagrantly sexual items or body parts. There was even a letter that numbered over one thousand pages, and one person received a coyote's head. Some stalkers, such as the woman who broke into David Letterman's home, believe there's a relationship already intact.

    Among the signals to beware of when a potential stalker approaches, according to de Becker are:

    Forced teaming: He will try to get you to be a "we" with him in some predicament.
    Charm, which usually has motive driving it. Be aware of the possibilities.
    Too many details in some narratives indicate possible deception.
    Loan sharking, or doing something to make you feel you owe him.
    Unsolicited promises
    Ignoring the word "no," through things like proposing alternatives}
    De Becker has designed a computer program to help law enforcement analyze stalkers and their correspondences, yet unfortunately there's no good method yet for determining when the threat of violence will turn into a genuine danger.

    Dr. Park Dietz, a psychiatric consultant to the FBI and head of California's Threat Assessment Group, notes that an expressed desire for contact is more likely to lead to real contact. He notes that a stalker who threatens someone using specific dates or spells out a method of approach is more likely to carry out his threat than if the stalker left things vague. An enduring correspondence filled with threats was also something to take seriously, yet all predictions are based on probability, and a single threatening call or note is not to be ruled out.

    It's difficult to protect yourself against a stalker, since the most casual encounter on the street may trigger the aggressor. It may be something you wear or the color of your hair, or just the fact that you were in a specific place on a specific date. One stalker told a woman that the fact that she was in the same bookstore as him on the anniversary of a European battle that captured his fancy meant that God had ordained their entwined destiny.

    If a stalker comes into your life, there are certain safety precautions to take:

    Do not personally respond to the stalker's attention, not even to tell him (or her) to get lost. (People erroneously believe that a rational conversation will dissuade such people.)
    Beef up your home security and in the event of a threatening letter or call, alert your local police so they have it on record. (The local police will often give a free home security consultation.)
    Remove landscaping behind which someone can hide or keep surveillance.
    Keep detailed documentation of all actual contacts.
    If others witnessed an encounter, talk to them about testifying in court.
    Learn self-protection techniques, such as pepper sprays and self-defense skills.
    Keep a cell phone and an emergency number with you, and tell family and friends about any threat.
    Keep a pen and paper in your car to write down license numbers of cars following you.
    Alternate your routes.
    Research the legal remedies available in your state.
    If letters or calls persist, have an attorney send a registered cease-and-desist letter.
    Keep travel plans to a trusted few.
    In the event of actual trespass, get a restraining order.
    Inform security staff where you work about the problem.
    If you know what the stalker drives, give the description to friends and family.
    Keep a camera handy for photographic documentation.
    If you can afford it, install a surveillance camera.
    Install activity lights around your house that light up at night when someone walks close.
    Don't accept unexpected packages
    Identify people before opening a door.
    Seek therapy if you experience the symptoms of extreme anxiety.
    Avoid blaming yourself for the situation.
    Refrain from retaliation or counter-threats; the stalker is seeking {any} form of contact.
    Be sure that someone knows where you are going and when you are coming home.
    Try to go places with a friend or associate, especially health clubs and parking lots.
    Don't let the stalker rule your life.
    Prepare a safety kit with overnight items in the event you feel you need to leave your home and go to a hotel.
    Use caller ID and possibly get a second line with an unlisted number; then use the line on which he calls to record his harassment without him realizing that you're not using that phone.
    If it works for you, get a dog with a protective temperament.
    If you don't want to or know how to use a gun, assess your living space for possible defensive weapons and have them ready.
    Locate support groups, threat management groups, or hotlines that can offer specific strategies.
    Use a gender-neutral and non-provocative email address.
    Don't give out your Internet password and change it regularly.
    Use a chat network where harassment is not permitted.
    For Internet chats, use a different screen name than your email address.
    Don't give a lot of personal details to strangers.
    Be aware that stalkers can employ others to get information about you.

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    Veteran Member DJ_Duane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ways to deal with Stalkers...

    Well, I'm back after a long absence and this article immediately caught my attention. Some of the girls I work with have had problems with stalkers, some were customers who were obsessed with them and others were husbands or boyfriends the girls were breaking-up with.

    Maybe I missed it in this article, but I didnt see anything about one aspect of dealing with stalkers that I always made sure to impress upon girls I spoke to about their problem: your garbage.

    I know, it's an icky topic. But, its iportant enough that it should be given special attention. Going through some one's garbage is a very good way to learn more about them. Details about what they eat, where they shop, banking/credit card info, etc. can be gleaned from discarded items found in the trash.

    A paper shredder is a good investment when you want to protect your privacy. While some people will go cheap and buy a low-priced model, these shredders simply cut the papers into strips which can be reassembled by some one with enough will and time to do so. Buy a shredder that will cut the papers into the smallest pieces. If you're not able to find such a machine, first tear the papers into pieces by hand and then put those pieces through the shredder. It will make it harder to reassemble them, though not impossible. Naturally, the best way to dispose of papers is by burning them. Use this option, if it is available.

    Any papers which can give a lead to a stalker should be destroyed. Bank/credit card statements, store receipts, letters from your landlord, personal letters, credit card offers, etc. I know, it's a long list, but even the most innocent store receipt can give a stalker an idea of where you shop regularly and present a pattern of your movements. Rather than go through the trouble of following you or having you followed, they can go through your trash and get all the information right there.

    If you use a distinctly-colored trash bag (e.g. your trash bags are white, but most of your neighbors' trash bags are black) use the most common color for your trash bags. No need to flag which trash is yours.

    If you put your trash in a communal dumpster for an apartment building, anyone can go through it, as it is deemed abandoned property. Same thing with trash left out on a public curb. So, make sure to place nothing in your trash that could compromise your personal privacy or security.

    Just a few thoughts.

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    Featured Member Jezzebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ways to deal with Stalkers...

    I was about to post about this book The Gift of Fear, as Im re-reading it again. As it has taught me how to spot trouble, but not how long a stalker type person will go on for?

    Basically I spotted trouble with someone I had one date with about 4 months ago, once a month, when he comes to my part of the UK to saty at his holiday flat my phone will be ringing off the hook, at all hours. I know its him as Iv kept his number.
    Anyone had something similar as Im wondering when it will quit?
    Im not answering the phone by the way and never have.
    A civilian spends money to look good
    A stripper looks good to make money
    A civilian may be after your wage
    A stripper laughs at your wage

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