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Thread: Getting a place with an SO

  1. #1
    Senior Member Pinup Girl's Avatar
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    Default Getting a place with an SO

    What are you experiences living in the same apt. or house with an SO? Is it a good time? Does anyone have any tips to making it a cool living environment for both parties?

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    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    My bf just kicked me out of his house, so I'd say I haven't had the best experiences. My advice, is to start out fresh if you can, like move into a new apartment together, don't move one person into the other's home. That way you can make it your own and decorate it etc. It can be fun, but it is very very stressful as well. Make sure you have some personal space.
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  3. #3
    Miss. Kristina Lee
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    agreed. dont ever have one person move into another space. it will never feel like both of yours. also make sure both names are on the lease, so if all hell breaks loose, your not out on your ass, and he still has to pay his share of the full lease terms.

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    Veteran Member danijamesxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    I've been dating my man for almost 3 years, living together for about 1 year officially. I guess it depends how your relationship is, we are pretty chill and have only had a few arguments over the last while......I like it. It depends on how well you know them though. Because, there are annoying habits that you WILL notice when you live togehter that you may not have noticed before. hah.
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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    my opinion....stay in separate places as long as you can. Until marriage preferably. Why tie yourself down when you're single?

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    Veteran Member kittykat1971's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    Agree, agree, agree with the posters above!

    Try not to share a residence until you are married, or close to it. Especially do NOT buy a home together unless you're married! It may seem like a financially wise decision at the time, but trust me, it is not.

    For one, it reduces your ability to leave. If you have a fight, where do you go?

    Also, what is his incentive for marriage if he's already getting all the perks?

    Lastly, it subconciously makes you feel less able to leave since you already feel committed to the relationship. Especially if you have purchased a home with him. If the relationship isn't working and you want to leave, you'll first have to worry about splitting up the home equity first.

    I recommend trying to live on your own as long as possible. You may feel as though your relationship is currently on very solid ground, but things can always change. If he feels strongly enough to move in with you, he should feel strongly enough to make a solid committment to you!

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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    It was better when we had more space. In Manhattan space is more limited. Studios in Manhattan for $2,500/mo are not uncommon.

    The smaller space contributes to tensions.
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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    ALWAYS KEEP YOUR FINANCES SEPERATE!

    My boy and I pay rent as we feel like it depending on who made more that week (it's weekly)... but I'd say split it 50/50 OR split it by percentage on who makes more. If he makes 1000 a month and you make 1000 a week and rent is 1000.... I'd say he pay 250 and you pay 750.

    It can be great if everyone knows their boundaries.

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    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    I lived with a bf once...ugh, never again. HE WAS ALWAYS THERE! It drove me insane.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    ^ I almost moved in with my bf once... But, no. Shit, I would die if I had to have a roommate, even! I need my space and privacy! If it's possible, get two bedrooms. I know it sounds weird, but that space will make everything a lot easier.
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    Veteran Member kdogg247's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde
    my opinion....stay in separate places as long as you can. Until marriage preferably. Why tie yourself down when you're single?
    I agree except for the part about getting married.

  12. #12
    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    1) Do it for love and love only. Too many people do it for convenience or necessity rather than love, which leads to fights, obligations, and trust issues.
    2) Don't collaborate on purchases. If you move out, it'll be easier to divide up the stuff.
    3) Keep an emergency stash of a few months' living expenses on hand in case something happens so you're not labeled as a deadbeat and you're not obligated to your SO. Too many will use this against you, like "I'm supporting you, so you have less of a say."
    4) Don't borrow money from your significant other, because if something happens, he or she will want that money back right away.
    5) Divide up household chores and stick by them.
    6) Keep in mind that when not cohabitating, going home means "me time." When cohabitating, going home means "us time," so "me time" = "us time." Keep up a life independent from your significant each other, but make sure to spend quality time with each other as well.
    7) Have backup plans in case something happens.
    Some famous last words are, "But we spend so much time together that we might as well be living together." Trust me, it changes.

    I learned most of this by counterexample. God, I'm such an idiot and a kid. I don't plan to live with a significant other unless he's my future husband.
    Last edited by Krazyjane; 06-21-2006 at 09:40 AM.

  13. #13
    Cally
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    I've been living with my man for 5 months now... and I love it. We were always together anyway. So we went apt hunting and moved into our own place. It wasnt either of ours so it works out great. Both our names are on the lease, we have sperate finances as well as a joined account. We pay everything 50/50 except the car, that payment is all his since its his. But I will chip in for gas and stuff since he drives me everywhere. We've been together about 3 years now and knock on wood have yet to have a huge fight... hell we hardly even bicker outside the loving little squabbles...

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    Featured Member hot4ablackchick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    I live with my fiancee, and have been living with him for over a year now. I just give him money when needed. I would advise to wait until you're married, in case shit hits the fan. I love living w/my man, he is cool and my best friend. I get enough "me" time b/c he works 7-5 everyday. Really, only YOU know if you're ready to live together, but if you're asking this question I suspect that you're not. The apartment is in both are names, but my car is in his name (I have bad bad credit). He pays almost all the bills, and is ok with that as long as I can get him a couple hundred a month and handle the groceries (which I do)
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    Veteran Member danijamesxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    Yep I agree with Carmen. My bf and I both make decent money but all I do is give him like 300$ a month for groceries and the cell phone bill.
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    God/dess FrustratedBunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    I've done it twice and both times I was really happy when I moved out. Both times I rushed into living with the guy too early and it was a mistake. I say make sure that's what you want to do. I think it can work out great IF it's the right person for you.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    If it's natural, you'd have no questions. If you have cold feet, don't do it. Wait till you are comfortable enough that it would feel unnatural NOT to live with the person.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    Never done it.

    I would do it if it was someone who I see myself possibly marrying.

  19. #19
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    wow.

    maybe americans dont move as fast as us....

    i met my current SO 3 years ago on a saturday night, the following sunday he had moved into my apartment,and never moved out like all couples we do have ups and downs,btu no more then a couple living apart.finances are equally each others. there is no "your money" and 'my money' we did recently toy with the idea of living seperatly,but that never eventuated to anything

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    Veteran Member NoCoverLover's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    I can't emphasize space enough. I lived with an ex for 2 years. We rented an entire towhouse, so we had more than enough space.

    It had two important features going for it. It had two bathrooms. Life would be nearly unbearable with only one! It also had a third-floor loft. We had a computer and TV up there. That way either of us could surf or watch the tube. That space was invaluable at times! A second PC and TV were available elsewhere in the house, to make things completely flexible.

    You can survive in much less space, but you'd better be compatible, or it won't last long.
    Last edited by NoCoverLover; 06-21-2006 at 07:55 PM.

  21. #21
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    I have only read the OP.... my one and only experience with living with a SO opened my eyes up to the fact that it would have to be a two bedroom place as I would need a room for me that is just for me ... none of his crap or stuff in there.. all my energy.. it will allow me to be me still instead of feeling like I am being cramped inside a place.

    It can work out good if you are really really prepared to live with someone.

    Oh yeh, make damn sure only one name is on the lease! It's a bitch to get out of a lease you are sharing with someone if the relationship goes sour... and you have to decide if you or his name will be on the lease and thus who the "lease-holder" of the unit is as that is a powerful stance to have in the relationship. The lease-holder is the one that will get the privelage of always saying "Well, if you don't like it.. get the f out of this unit!" as why should the lease-holder move when you are just a boarder (don't have any rights to a certain extent due to not being on the lease).

    Then there is the expenses... you will have to come to an agreement with who will take care of what expenses or percentage of what expenses and so forth ... or if you will divide everything 50/50 incl. a phone bill that's $100 and you only made $10 worth of phone calls on...

    This is why I am not in a rush to share a place with a SO anytime soon.. if ever! LOL!


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  22. #22
    Veteran Member bella du jour's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting a place with an SO

    I moved into my BF's place a little over a year ago. Before that we had been together for 2.5 years. I'll tell you what makes it work for us

    A) We do not plan on getting married until both of us are determined to have kids... so possibly never. It's important to be on the same page when it comes to these sorts of things, and that's just a relationship issue, not a moving in together issue.

    B) Our finances are seperate. I keep a spreadsheet of all expenses (groceries, utilities, rent, etc) so we can make sure to split everything down the middle. Who cares who makes more money (he does) ... I don't want to start living beyond my means. Being financially independant means always being able to take care of yourself first.

    C) We both work full time and have outside interests that keep us occupied, so what alone time we get at home is just as valueable as ever.

    D) We compromised on how space would be used. We have totally different aesthetics, so I got free range to decorate the bedroom and kitchen, while he made the computer room (what would otherwise be the dining room in our one bedroom apt) totally his own. The living room and bathroom are nuetral territories.

    E) We split up chores as best we can. He prefers doing laundry and vacuuming, but hates the dishes. I hate laundry, but like to cook.

    It's great sleeping in the same bed every night, and we spend a lot less wasted time commuting from one apt to the other (Brooklyn to Northern NJ). His sleeping and eating habits have improved tremendously over the last year, and I feel less frantic and disorganize now that I have just one home. Plus my pets (cat and parrot) are much happier now that they have two people to poop on all the time, instead of one person to poop on some of the time.

    Most importantly, it allowed me to be with him 24/7 when a serious family crisis struck him shortly after I moved in. It really made it clear to both of us how it just makes sense for us to be together, not just for fun but also for support. And believe me, I'll be happy to have him around when I get my boobs done- someone has to keep those frozen peas coming my way!

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