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Thread: Rejection hurts (rant)

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    Sad Rejection hurts (rant)

    I work at an air dance club. It's not about who gives the best grind or FS. When I am rejected, it is for one of two reasons:

    1. The customer does not find the way I look attractive.
    2. The customer does not find my personality attractive.

    It's not supposed to be personal if a guy doesn't want to spend an hour with me, but it is! When he says no, he tells me that he does not want me around for the next 10+ minutes. My company is not his idea of fun.

    Logically, I know that it is impossible for me to connect with everyone who walks through the door. If I connect with 25%, I'm doing great. The prom queen is lucky to get 25% of the votes. A customer has to really like me, and at least on some level for me to like him, for us to have a good time in the VIP rooms or for a single dance. Otherwise, it's a labor for both of us. That said, rejection still hurts! I hate being reminded that not everyone finds me fun or pretty.

  2. #2
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    I can relate! Sometimes I'd feel the same way, that the reason customers aren't getting a dance is because they don't find me attractive. Especially the asshole customers who put up their hands and say "no, no" as soon as I approach(I'd usually respond by giving the customer a bizarre weirded-out look and saying in an annoyed voice, "I didn't say anything" because at that point, I know that I don't have a chance to make any money off the customer so what's the use). This was especially true when I first started dancing, because I wasn't used to viewing some of the guys as "customers" instead of personally. Also, when I first started dancing I didn't have implants yet, and I honestly felt that some of the customers didn't like me because my boobs weren't big enough. For example, some of the black guys who would come in and always go for the curvier girls, not any race in particular, but she had to have nice boobs; I didn't really "hit it off" with these kinds of guys, but noticed that they went for me a little more after I got my boobs done. There were also the young assholes who actually taunted me about my chest, literally 3 days before my scheduled surgery.

    I know that we should remember that customers are business, not anything to be taken personally. But still, it can be hard! Especially since the stripping industry IS primarily based on looks and personality.

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    For some to do well I think its key to find yourself fun and attractive. If you dont believe your own shit - who will? You maybe be projecting your lack of self or selling confidence onto customers. They can sense that stuff. I also work in an air dance club now too. Obviously, 25% is not selling well. Maybe you should try some different hustle styles or dress differently to not only sell better but boost confidence from within.
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    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    They don't find you attractive? No, unless you're the ONLY dancer in the place, I think you have to look at these things from a different perspective: they're grading on a curve.

    If you hand in your test and it has 27 out of 30 questions right, that's 90% -- an A on a grading scale without cross-comparisons. But if someone else gets 30 out of 30, your grade is lower. That doesn't mean it's any poorer by an objective standard.

    And every customer has different "test questions." One will think long blonde hair is the "right answer", another will think short black hair is "correct". One will think that a red dress is perfect, the other will prefer a schoolgirl skirt. Everybody has different wet dreams. (And a lot of customers who walk into air dance clubs only bring enough cash to watch the stage. At least around here. )

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk
    For some to do well I think its key to find yourself fun and attractive. If you dont believe your own shit - who will? You maybe be projecting your lack of self or selling confidence onto customers. They can sense that stuff. I also work in an air dance club now too. Obviously, 25% is not selling well. Maybe you should try some different hustle styles or dress differently to not only sell better but boost confidence from within.
    Confidence sells. It is difficult for me to pitch a VIP after being rejected 10 times in a row. I let rejection get to me. You're right, they do sense it.

    25% success rate for selling rooms is pretty good, considering my experience. One of the girls who earns $1000+ every dang night says that 1 out of 3 men she approaches will get a room. 67% of customers reject her, but why does she care? It doesn't bother her one bit.

    I'm doing well, I think, financially. It's just that I think more about the guys who say no than about the guys who make my night. Like tonight, I had a good night, and here I am stewing about the 2 customers who said no instead of rejoicing about the 2 guys who said yes. It's a horrible attitude to have. In time, I hope to learn deal with that fact that every guy is not going to like me and learn how to appreciate the guys that do.

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Quote Originally Posted by thechaosfairy
    They don't find you attractive? No, unless you're the ONLY dancer in the place, I think you have to look at these things from a different perspective: they're grading on a curve.

    If you hand in your test and it has 27 out of 30 questions right, that's 90% -- an A on a grading scale without cross-comparisons. But if someone else gets 30 out of 30, your grade is lower. That doesn't mean it's any poorer by an objective standard.

    And every customer has different "test questions." One will think long blonde hair is the "right answer", another will think short black hair is "correct". One will think that a red dress is perfect, the other will prefer a schoolgirl skirt. Everybody has different wet dreams. (And a lot of customers who walk into air dance clubs only bring enough cash to watch the stage. At least around here. )
    This is fantastic! I'm going to repeat this analogy over and over to myself.

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    i defnitely know what you mean. some nights i'm full of confidence and a "no, thanks" won't get to me at all, but other nights it makes me a little sad. especially if i glance over a few minutes later and they're getting a dance from some other girl

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Grading on a curve is a great analogy, chaosfairy! Take it to heart, Scout.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    I think it gets to all of us, I think the longer we do it the longer we get thicker skin. The other night was working, I had the worst night of my life, I came home with $55!!! But almost everyone had a bad night except for those few who always do well or who've been there a long time & had regulars. That night towards the end of the night I saw a man sitting alone so I decided to go over there to say hi to him. When he saw me coming towards him he got up from him chair and walked away. Talk about rejection! Hell, a slap in the face!! So as he got up he was walking near me, I pretended to ignore him and walked over to someone else so he'd think I wasn't coming over to talk to him. Yes, rejection sucks!!!!

  10. #10
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Quote Originally Posted by leogirl876
    I think it gets to all of us, I think the longer we do it the longer we get thicker skin. The other night was working, I had the worst night of my life, I came home with $55!!! But almost everyone had a bad night except for those few who always do well or who've been there a long time & had regulars. That night towards the end of the night I saw a man sitting alone so I decided to go over there to say hi to him. When he saw me coming towards him he got up from him chair and walked away. Talk about rejection! Hell, a slap in the face!! So as he got up he was walking near me, I pretended to ignore him and walked over to someone else so he'd think I wasn't coming over to talk to him. Yes, rejection sucks!!!!
    Good plan, leogirl876! OK now this thread reminds me of a similar personal situation that occured with my male friend M--K a few(OK MORE THAN A FEW!) times before. I've talked about M--K before...one of my best platonic guy friends, an ok guy but lacks confidence in a major way. He's faced rejection upon rejection in the areas of job searching and dating girls, so yeah by now the constant rejections have gotten to him and have made him kinda bitter and hopeless.

    OK so the other week, M--K was at this bar he frequents with his hockey team. He was sitting alone at the bar, minding his own business and playing the bar games(you know, the kind on the computer screen) when some chick approached the bar nearby where he was sitting, to pay for a drink tab or something. He just happened to look up as she was standing near him, and next thing you know SLAP! and the bitch says rudely, "And THIS is for you thinking you actually have a chance at talking to me!" and saunters away before M--K has a chance to say anything else. One of the bartenders who was familiar with M--K saw and said pitifully, "Gee, that was kinda harsh" but didn't really do anything. TALK ABOUT REJECTION!! And what's worse, is we're not talking about a strip club environment where guys might be poor/cheap and have limited money to spend...we're not even really talking about whether/not M--K was the girl's "fantasy" or "type" of man...we're merely talking about politeness and common "do onto others" courtesy! Poor M--K...no wonder he has such low confidence. I try to help him all the time, by telling him that he IS smart and he ISN'T ugly(he has no real bad qualities!!), but with dumb bitches like that chick at the bar, he doesn't really believe me anymore.

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk
    For some to do well I think its key to find yourself fun and attractive. If you dont believe your own shit - who will? You maybe be projecting your lack of self or selling confidence onto customers. They can sense that stuff. I also work in an air dance club now too. Obviously, 25% is not selling well. Maybe you should try some different hustle styles or dress differently to not only sell better but boost confidence from within.
    Just as a thing - sellling 25% of the guys in the club is pretty good. Say there are 16 guys in the club (we hope that there are more, but let's just say). 4 of them (25%) buy 5 dances (which tends to be around where most guys spend on each dancer in my club - that's $100). That is $400. Say there are 20 - that is $500. Etc. If I was selling 25% of the guys in my club, I would be doing very well indeed.

    Of course, that said, there is no "right" way to say no to me. Really, I'm at work, all I want to hear is "yes" and anything that is not a yes is a rejection. Nobody likes that part of the business.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Well I should clarify - selling one guy only 25%. What happened to selling them all the way (100%)? You see I hate numbers...I count my money and thats about it.
    When I get rejected say several times in a row I go back into the dressing room and mentally regroup. Then I return to the floor and tell myself Im going to talk to 3 more guys and try like Ive never been rejected at all. Ive been rejected so many times in many ways through this short time dancing it doesnt really bother me much anymore - unless its something racist.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Oh. Well, I assumed that she meant 25% of the customers, not 25% of each customer. I can see that selling each customer or rather attracting each customer 25% would be ineffective.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    It can be hard to deal with at times, especially when everyone is banking. I just try to remember that everyone is rejected at some points. I've had guys say no, I'm broke, then get a dance with the next girl that asks them. I've also had guys turn several girls down, then say yes to me. It can suck, but I have gotten a lot tougher in this business. I can now appreciate when a man says no, when I ask if I can join him. He is not going to waste my time and I can move on to another custy who wants a dance from me. Do Not let it bother you that you aren't someones "cup of tea." No matter how hot u are, you are butt ugly to some people.
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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Rejection does suck and its hard to not get upset sometimes. This business is for people that are confident even when men constantly tell them no because they know that they look good. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those girls. However, improving sales skills helps a lot. I'm sure there are plenty of clubs where the top earner is nowhere near the top in attractiveness, she just knows how to hustle really well. Sometimes I have to keep remindidng myself that its a job, not a beauty contest. I really do hope it gets better with more time.

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982
    OK so the other week, M--K was at this bar he frequents with his hockey team. He was sitting alone at the bar, minding his own business and playing the bar games(you know, the kind on the computer screen) when some chick approached the bar nearby where he was sitting, to pay for a drink tab or something. He just happened to look up as she was standing near him, and next thing you know SLAP! and the bitch says rudely, "And THIS is for you thinking you actually have a chance at talking to me!" and saunters away before M--K has a chance to say anything else. One of the bartenders who was familiar with M--K saw and said pitifully, "Gee, that was kinda harsh" but didn't really do anything. TALK ABOUT REJECTION!! And what's worse, is we're not talking about a strip club environment where guys might be poor/cheap and have limited money to spend...we're not even really talking about whether/not M--K was the girl's "fantasy" or "type" of man...we're merely talking about politeness and common "do onto others" courtesy! Poor M--K...no wonder he has such low confidence. I try to help him all the time, by telling him that he IS smart and he ISN'T ugly(he has no real bad qualities!!), but with dumb bitches like that chick at the bar, he doesn't really believe me anymore.
    I got a knot in my stomach reading this. I hope some great things come his way soon. He needs it.

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982
    He just happened to look up as she was standing near him, and next thing you know SLAP!

    WHat if he had done this to her? He probably would have gotten his ass beat by the guys at the bar and/or pressed with an assault charge. I hate this stupid "women are free to slap men whenever they like" double standard.

  18. #18
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Yes, I agree! Why should dumb bitches get away with slapping my friend?? If I was there, I probably woulda said something mean to the girl, or yelled at her or possibly slapped her back...and then I sure as hell woulda gotten tossed outta the bar! I can't stand it when stupid bitches are mean to my friend, especially when they're overweight, not very attractive girls who do it, because they have no reason to be picky, considering that my friend M--K is better looking than them. No wonder he has such low self-esteem! Why do people act like such assholes these days?

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    I totally feel ya. I also work in one of those clubs. It does hurt. I acutally have to take days off to regroup sometimes when I have a few bad days in a row.

    -e

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Try to put each rejection is hte past as soon as you walk away from the guy. Remember that you generally make 80 % of your money from 20 % of the guys. On a slow night, that means two or three guys may be your big spenders. but maybe they are jsut not there yet. Maybe you have not met them yet. Get it into your head that ANY GUY you approach could be the one who is jsut looking for somebody to spend money on, and you just might be the girl, if you play it right. Start fresh with every customer.


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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Definately! For the past 2 days my night had been going average, met that one customer and bang, made my money and had a good night. You never know who is going to walk in that door and be that guy. If you are feeling down, find someone in the room that you know and can hang out with. At my club, there are always 2 or 3 regulars that can be counted on to cheer me up a bit and get me a drink. That gives me the time to sit out, regroup, and then go back to it. Something that also helps me is going back to stage. It breaks up my night a bit and often once I'm off stage and get offer for dances.

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    I'd rather be rejected outright than waste time talking to someone who then rejects me when I try to make a sale.

    I walked up to a guy the other night, and as he said hello to me and shook my hand, he wasn't even looking at me, he was watching the TV or something. I told him my name and then I walked away without even saying goodbye. If he didn't even want to look at me, he sure as heck didn't want to spend his money on me. I'd rather know right away.

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Quote Originally Posted by Scout
    I hate being reminded that not everyone finds me fun or pretty.
    How have you managed to survive this long in the real world?

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    Quote Originally Posted by leogirl876
    That night towards the end of the night I saw a man sitting alone so I decided to go over there to say hi to him. When he saw me coming towards him he got up from him chair and walked away. Talk about rejection! Hell, a slap in the face!!
    Ha! Now you know what its like to be a guy.

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    Default Re: Rejection hurts (rant)

    It really helps me to repeat the mantra "I wouldn't give you the time of day outside this building." Not aloud, just implied with a wry smile and dismissive ass shake to the next customer.
    "I've been in more laps than a dinner napkin."
    ~Mae West

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