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Thread: My man wont let me dance anymore!

  1. #26
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: My man wont let me dance anymore!

    Hmm... yeah, I don't think so. The "fantasy" of a strip club is build into the strip club - that is the idea that guys are in charge, that they get to choose, that they get to command attention, etc. It doesn't translate into personal relationships. Or I don't see that it does.

    I don't think it is so much about idealism, as a decision to live your life in a certain way - like, yes, some people lie. You cannot avoid it, you cannot get around it but some people don't. It's matter of deciding what will be your default opinion on people - particularly people with whom you are choosing to pursue an intimate relationship.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  2. #27
    Featured Member Lyssa Lynn's Avatar
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    Default Re: My man wont let me dance anymore!

    Back to the OP...IMO, this stinks. He 'won't let you' ...I don't know about you but I already have parents. While I value and respect my mans opinion, it is not the end all in my decisions! I don't like that HE was the one pushing you to get up and dance. I don't like that HE picked out the place for you to work. I don't like that when he said HE didn't want you dancing anymore, you quit. And the fact that he gets pissed simply because you talk about it.. WTF girl? Maybe this type of controlling relationship works for you? Please consider YOU taking care of you above all.

  3. #28
    Senior Member terra's Avatar
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    Default Re: My man wont let me dance anymore!

    A guy shouldn't "let" you do something... if you want to do it, go for it! Also... why didn't he explain to you WHY he doesn't want you dancing anymore? It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me O_o

  4. #29
    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: My man wont let me dance anymore!

    Dump him. You have your whole life ahead of you to find a guy but not that many years to enjoy stripping. I could see if it was your mom. But some guy?

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


  5. #30
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: My man wont let me dance anymore!

    No kidding... adults don't have anyone who "lets" them do things or not. Children need permission, and adults do not. If you're so young that you need a grownup to let you dance or not, then you're too young to dance. If, however, you are a grown woman, then you have the final say over what you do.

    My bf may express his views and I may consider them when I'm debating a course of action, but the final decision is mine. He can then choose whether he wants to live with it or not. But it's not his place to "let" me do anything, nor is it my place to grant him permission to run his own life.

  6. #31
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: My man wont let me dance anymore!

    Um... well, no we don't need "permission" from our SO's before doing things, but we all modify our behaviour sometimes for the sake of other people. Like not every divergence can be a deal breaker.

    I would consider how much you love your boyfriend - because as much as we act it, I think we all know that it is not WILDLY unreasonably to not want your SO to take off her clothes and let men touch her and simulate various kinds of intimacy for money. Really, that is a fairly normal and standard and reasonable thing to want. So if it is a deal breaker essentially you need to consider why he is doing it (like is it to assert control, sexual jealousy, insecurity), whether you are alright with those reasons (like sexual jealousy is frequently a normal part of a healthy relationship; meaningless assertions of control are not and simple insecurity can be addressed through adequate reassurance) and whether or not dancing is a deal breaker for you. If this is someone that you love, and are thinking about forming a long partnership and future with, I would not be too quick to toss it for this.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  7. #32
    Featured Member GnBeret's Avatar
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    Default Re: My man wont let me dance anymore!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny
    ... If this is someone that you love, and are thinking about forming a long partnership and future with, I would not be too quick to toss it for this.
    Aja... but, then again, when viewed in such macro terms ("a long partnership and future"), the 'this' you speak of (dispute re her dancing) should be considered from a similar perspective, i.e., 'should I even be thinking about forming a long partnership and future with a guy whose method of resolving our differences/disputes basically amounts to putting his feelings ahead of mine and then issuing ultimatums to me on the basis of same?' Maybe it's just me but, in my view, the concepts of 'partnership' and 'ultimatum' don't go together very well - and I trouble envisioning much of a future for any partnership formed on that basis.
    "That's your answer Old Man? I guess you're a Hard Case too...."
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    it's that you can always see it coming, but you can never stop it.
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  8. #33
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: My man wont let me dance anymore!

    ^^^
    I agree with what you are saying in a way, but all relationships have deal breakers, and if his reasons are not a simple exercise of power, it may not be such an unreasonable ultimatum. Like, consider: if we were behaving the way we behave for money for free there would be no question that an ultimatum would be in order (like don't mess around with other people or we're over), and would actually be perfectly reasonable. While I see the limitations of my analogy (like I think there is a difference in what we do for money and what we do for not-money) our job is a special and unique one, and not being okay with it is not the same as not being okay with your girlfriend selling real estate. I'm not saying that she should just do everything her boyfriend wants, but that she should consider why he is making the demand, and whether that is a good reason from her point of view, and whether this is a deal breaker for her.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  9. #34
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: My man wont let me dance anymore!

    Quote Originally Posted by GnBeret
    Aja... but, then again, when viewed in such macro terms ("a long partnership and future"), the 'this' you speak of (dispute re her dancing) should be considered from a similar perspective, i.e., 'should I even be thinking about forming a long partnership and future with a guy whose method of resolving our differences/disputes basically amounts to putting his feelings ahead of mine and then issuing ultimatums to me on the basis of same?' Maybe it's just me but, in my view, the concepts of 'partnership' and 'ultimatum' don't go together very well - and I trouble envisioning much of a future for any partnership formed on that basis.

    There are always ultimatums in relationships. Some are spoken of, some are just known, some are discovered.

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