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Thread: OK..What CAN we say?

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    Featured Member GenWar's Avatar
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    Default OK..What CAN we say?

    OK...what CAN we say?

    I have been reading the pink side a bit now and again and I have noticed threads about some things customer's say. The feedback, often in rant form, discusses specific statements and why they are stupid and annoying. There is often some pretty unique feedback from other dancers on flippant or smart ass remarks that can be used in response. What strikes me is that most, if not all, of the offending remarks are statements I have used, time and again, with success. Maybe all of the dancers I interact with are just exceptional actresses, but I don't get a vibe they they do not appreciate my small talk at all.

    So sure, I can just go "my name is GenWar and I will purchase exactly 4 dances from you over the course of the evening. Please let me know when the best time for you and I to complete this business tranaction comes about..." I respect that you are working and not partying and I am totally sympathetic (to the point of being a PL) at how much you must put up with, but, honestly, that just ain't my style. I am seeking GFE and I am a connoisseur of SS and that is what I want. Further, I am prepared to pay for it and I take my time debts VERY seriously. Small talk questions, even slightly inane ones, open paths to allow you to work your game.

    So, I ask...what should I say when I make small talk? What statements are considered acceptable? And how does one stimulate game or SS, without asking questions like the ones discussed? Just wondering...

    -gen
    "See, believe it or not (and I don't care whether you do), it's never been about the sex. I get sex at home, anytime, and we like it, and it's good for both of us. No, my stripclub experience has been about acceptance, and affirmation, and desirability...There have been some women who have a personality that just clicks with mine, and in the faux-sex atmosphere of the club, it's a mix that is completely seductive." - Jay Zeno

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    Featured Member kikin's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Quote Originally Posted by GenWar
    What strikes me is that most, if not all, of the offending remarks are statements I have used, time and again, with success. Maybe all of the dancers I interact with are just exceptional actresses, but I don't get a vibe they they do not appreciate my small talk at all.
    No, the difference is that the dancers you interact with don't have internet access. You'd be surprised what that does to a stripper's mind.

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    Member shark_bait's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Quote Originally Posted by kikin
    No, the difference is that the dancers you interact with don't have internet access. You'd be surprised what that does to a stripper's mind.

    Well than thank god for the internet so that us mortals can now understand

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    huh. interesting dilemma. I tend to sit and chat for a minute or two as long as it's not a super busy night, so it doesn't really bother me. If you're serious about showing a girl that you're willing to spend, without tipping your cards that you'll spend x amount, then I'd say, buy her a drink and give her a five or a ten to just sit for a song or two. If it's not crazy busy, then she'll probably know that you're a source of income, but also a gentleman who knows how the game is played and appreciates a girl's time.
    You do know that most day shift girls are the talkers. Night time in a lot of clubs is just too busy. We get burned by a lot of guys who want to talk and not spend, but during the daytime it's not as busy so dancers tend to risk conversation time a little more.

    You could always be up front and honest about what you're looking for. I'm equally honest back with guys, and will often suggest websites like sugardaddy, adultfriendfinder, or even craigslist. -shrug-

    Does that help?

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    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Man I just wish guys would have NORMAL conversations with us. Yes, we're nekkid... or mostly nekkid... but damn! Talk to me like you would if you chose to have a conversation with the counter girl at McDonalds, or the bank teller down the street, or the lady bagging your groceries. We really arent any different. There is no real need to talk to us in a special way. If yer trying to just get laid, why bother trying to talk to us any different then if we were girls at the local night club or bar? Not that we go to work to get laid, but still. It really annoys me when guys treat us like we're different JUST because of the nature of our work. Treat us like normal women at a "normal" job.
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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter
    Man I just wish guys would have NORMAL conversations with us. Yes, we're nekkid... or mostly nekkid... but damn! Talk to me like you would if you chose to have a conversation with the counter girl at McDonalds, or the bank teller down the street, or the lady bagging your groceries. We really arent any different. There is no real need to talk to us in a special way. If yer trying to just get laid, why bother trying to talk to us any different then if we were girls at the local night club or bar? Not that we go to work to get laid, but still. It really annoys me when guys treat us like we're different JUST because of the nature of our work. Treat us like normal women at a "normal" job.
    PaigeDWinter: Hey there, would you like to go for a VIP dance?
    Prester John: Sure, but what exactly is your opinion as to how Otto von Bismarck's 1866 "Blood and Iron" speech to the Reichstag influenced the German militaristic mindset well into the 20th Century? What do you think about the counter argument that his speech merely embodied the German militarism mindset that had existed since the Thirty Years War?


    You mean that kind of normal conversation?
    Last edited by Prester_John; 07-02-2006 at 12:21 AM.

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    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    ^^^ "the great questions of the day will not be decided by speeches and the resolutions of majorities but by blood and iron."


    Ahhh the good ol' Duke of Lauenburg!

    Well, I personally wouldnt mind conversations such as these, but to each their own. I just dont think I need to be spoken to differently than anyone else JUST because of what I do for a living.
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    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Yeah, I love this one, "Well, you're so intelligent...what are you doing working here?" Um, I make a lot more money than I would make answering phones which is what my philosophy degree would get me. The way I look at it, that makes me SMARTER than the girls busting their a**es for ten dollars an hour.

    Anyway, I do enjoy small talk, as long as it goes somewhere. You tell me what you do for a living, the most recent movie you saw, and we go from there. Act like you're talking to a girl you just met at a party. That's what it is, really.

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    Veteran Member calliope7's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Genwar--what types of conversation mentioned on SW are you specifically addressing? Obviously small talk questions are a part of most normal conversations (e.g. "Where are you from? What are your hobbies?" etc) inside a strip club as well as other venues where people are getting to know each other. I am a GFE oriented dancer myself and I've found that most of the guys who like that don't tend to ask annoying questions (like "Are you wet right now baby?"). Yes the typical getting to know you questions can get repetative for us but if the customer is a good conversationalist, these types of starting questions can lead to a more interesting conversation.

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    Featured Member GenWar's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Fair enough, calliope. Here are the questions I can remember that were classified as objectionable, some recently, some were discussed a while ago...

    "Is this your only job, or do you do something else?"
    "Do you have a boyfriend/husband?"
    "You must make LOTs of money doing this..."
    "how long have you be doing this?"
    "Is this the only club you dance at?"

    I see your point. I consider myself an ok customer. I focus on being polite and not saying or thinking stupid stuff. And I mainly do keep it on a "get-to-know" basis. I don't do extras because I consider that cheating on my wife. I don't condemn those who do do extras (hence my status as blueballer and not pinkie) but they are not for me.

    My problem is, I would say any of those things to any lovely lady I met in public with whom I am sharing a few moments and a drink or 2. Truthfully, I don't tend to meet counter girls or grocery baggers (though I have seen some HOT ones) because that situation is uncontrolled. If I started trying to charm a counter girl, there is a chance (probaby a small one) but a chance nonetheless that it might go some where. While I am a loyal husband and reasonably self aware, I am not going to put myself in the path of that temptation. The strip club is wonderful, for me, because the charm, the flirting, what I call 'the game' can go on unchecked and be an absolute blast without there being any danger at all of it being taken OTC or becoming something adulterous. (Now, I have learned that this isn't always true but that is the rare exception and not the rule, so I'll take what I can get.)

    So I would never say something stupid like "Are you wet right now?" unless the dancer took the conversation there, like noting how horny our conversation is making her or something like that. It would seem that that statement, outside of a context, would just be rude. But that is not the thing I am worried about...most guys won't go there, I think. But, I might ask, "What kind of car do you drive?" which is NOT designed as a means of guaging income, or a path to begin stalking or anything untoward. Still, I think a lot of dancers, especially ones I have seen posting here, might immediately suspect such motives. That, to me, is troubling.

    Does this help clarify where I am coming from at all, Calliope?

    -gen
    "See, believe it or not (and I don't care whether you do), it's never been about the sex. I get sex at home, anytime, and we like it, and it's good for both of us. No, my stripclub experience has been about acceptance, and affirmation, and desirability...There have been some women who have a personality that just clicks with mine, and in the faux-sex atmosphere of the club, it's a mix that is completely seductive." - Jay Zeno

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    I manage to have some great conversations-and great LD experiences- by not asking any questions at all. I let the dancer take the lead. If she isn't capable or interested in conversation I don't try to do anything to encourage it. If find that, with the right lady, conversation will flow with a minimum of effort. I'm not really looking for SS or drama and, fortunately I don't have any trouble finding dancers who feel likewise.
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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Gen, you are using the SC as a safe place for a pleasant encounter with no extras and strings attached.

    I expect that most strippers have a few stories to tell about lurkers/stalkers and strange pervs which causes them to get their guard up.

    One thing I try to keep in mind is the gal's right to privacy.

    Regarding your questions, they are very non-threatening coming from you with your SC agenda. However, that might not be the case coming from a lurker/stalker.

    This is another reason why I don't feel comfortable talking about dancers with other dancers or with any other customers.

    "Is this your only job, or do you do something else?"
    • This is a little tough because while many dancers do have other jobs, they may keep both lives very separate and don't want to risk having a good customer unwittingly violate those wishes. Another thing to keep in mind is, would you be offended if one of your clients asked you this questions? I suspect that you're very good at what you do and this would be a silly question.

    "Do you have a boyfriend/husband?"
    • If you are wearing a wedding ring or offer up your status first, I suspect that this question would be less personally invasive. However, I've known a few married guys who troll for affairs with dancers.

    "You must make LOTs of money doing this..."
    • This doesn't seem too bad for me, but you never know, you may have touched a nerve on a bad personal financial crisis.
    "how long have you been doing this?"
    • I don't see a problem with this one. However I've noticed some gals offer up this information as a means of giving me a range of their age, and some gals don't like to discuss age. Personally, I don't like them asking those leading questions to figure out my age as the information is most often used to generate a stereotype image of a person.
    "Is this the only club you dance at?"
    • Again, I don't see a problem with this, unless the gal had a problem with another club or maintains different persona's for each club. I like talking about different clubs with gals but have noticed a few react strangely after a while when they realize that I'm a connisuer of clubs.

    Personally, I prefer to ask the stupid ice breaker questions like: "What's your favorite color?", or "What was your favorite vacation?" - things which are personal, but not used to stereotype people. Usually if I compliment the gal and return with a well thought out or slightly witty answer for myself, it gets the gal wanting to be more interesting to me, and she starts to lead the convo in a direction she's comfortable with.

    Signed, the recent convert.


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    Glamazon
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    What is "SS?"

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    Featured Member kikin's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamazon
    What is "SS?"
    Schutzstaffel (the SS)

    (just kidding)

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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    The rants you read were just that, rants..... just be yourself and the dancers who have problems making small talk will gravitate to the raincoater types who will just shut up and pay for a grind and you will be left with those able to stimulate your mind as well as your....

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    Featured Member kikin's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamazon
    What is "SS?"
    SS = Stripper Shit or Sob Stories told by strippers to get empathy from customers (most of the time they are made up stories).

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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamazon
    What is "SS?"
    Stripper Speak
    Stripper Shit

    Basically, the bullshit used to "hook" a customer. Could be fake compliments, leading customers to think you want to date or sleep with them, or playing to the white knight types by lamenting about your recent woes, etc.


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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    GenWar, I really appreciate this question, and the respectful way you're asking it. It's a fair topic, and I can see why it can become frustrating for a customer who genuinely wants to be a good guy (and I don't mean getting ripped off, either). I have to say that I think Azcustomer's answers are pretty much spot-on!

    Especially the answer about our privacy being a factor. That is one thing that does set us apart from the kind of conversation you might have with a nice woman at a regular bar. In that situation, you are usually trying to get to know the entire person. It becomes trickier to get to know a fantasy AND be respectful of the person behind the facade at the same time. Again, believe me, guys, I sympathize! know this isn't easy to figure, but the fact that you're interested shows that you are one of the guys we love to dance for.

    I only want to add to one thing here:
    Quote Originally Posted by azcustomer

    "You must make LOTs of money doing this..."
    [list][*] This doesn't seem too bad for me, but you never know, you may have touched a nerve on a bad personal financial crisis.
    This is true. I would also add that it depends on the spirit in which it is said. If by the above you mean " . . . and therefore I have no intention on spending anything on you," then it might be interpreted negatively. If, however, you mean " . . . and rightly so, because you're fabulous! Allow me to reinforce this with my own generous contribution," then it just might be appreciated.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

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    Featured Member kikin's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    I hate when strippers ask me where I live, what I do for a living and whether I am married. I think those are too personal questions to be asked at a strip club. But many dancers do it and it turns me off quick.

  20. #20
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Quote Originally Posted by kikin
    SS = Stripper Shit or Sob Stories told by strippers to get empathy from customers (most of the time they are made up stories).
    I see.

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    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    I liked AZ's bullet points so much that I'm just going to shamelessly rip them off, cut and paste, and add my own thoughts in italics. What I will say as a preface is this: it's not the questions themselves, it's the conversations that these questions often prelude. Often, they highlight the customer's cheerful ignorance of the both the stripper's job and her lifestyle in ways that are less than flattering. This is aggravating enough in and of itself, but the initial aggravation is heightened when your objective is making the customer like you in order to get paid. So we come on the boards and blow off steam about it, since it's not very lucrative to sit the customer down and give him an earful of reality in the club... although I know I've been guilty of that more than once or twice. But anyway...


    "Is this your only job, or do you do something else?"
    • I suspect that you're very good at what you do and this would be a silly question.
    Ding ding ding!!! While this is a perfectly fair small-talk question, it's a red flag that the conversation will then segue into the classic establishment-of-superiority scenario that many customers like so much. After you say "yes, this is my only job," they then feel free to treat you either like you're some pathetic brainless twit who is unable to perform the strenuous tasks of a regular job, such as he has... or... that your self-esteem needs a good healthy pump from a really nice guy such as himself so that you can get out of this degenerate, dead-end lifestyle and into one more healthy and normal, like his. These assumptions burn, no matter how convinced you are of the customer's general good intentions and/or honest ignorance.

    "Do you have a boyfriend/husband?"
    • If you are wearing a wedding ring or offer up your status first, I suspect that this question would be less personally invasive. However, I've known a few married guys who troll for affairs with dancers.
    That's part of it. But again, this is a red-flag question that signals the beginning of the conversation that goes like this: "So what does your boyfriend think of you stripping? He must hate it. I would never let my wife/girlfriend/whoever strip. I love her too much." Ouch, right? Again, it's a subtle denigration of the entire profession that lets us know exactly what the customer really thinks of our job, even while enjoying its services.

    "You must make LOTs of money doing this..."
    • This doesn't seem too bad for me, but you never know, you may have touched a nerve on a bad personal financial crisis.
    Yeah, the guys who say this seem to scent the fact that you have $50 to your name and rent's due. It's also an indicator that they're not going to contribute much to the funds since you're already so rich. Not making money is always irritating.

    "how long have you been doing this?"
    • I don't see a problem with this one. However I've noticed some gals offer up this information as a means of giving me a range of their age, and some gals don't like to discuss age. Personally, I don't like them asking those leading questions to figure out my age as the information is most often used to generate a stereotype image of a person.
    Can be another way of asking, "Are you some hardened, jaded veteran who's totally going to use evil stripper mind tricks on me so that I give you all my money? Because I'm saving myself for someone who's putting herself through school but basically agrees that this job is no place for a nice young girl to stay for long." Ugh.

    "Is this the only club you dance at?"
    • Again, I don't see a problem with this, unless the gal had a problem with another club or maintains different persona's for each club. I like talking about different clubs with gals but have noticed a few react strangely after a while when they realize that I'm a connisuer of clubs.
    Try as I might, I can't put a Stripper X spin on this one. Usually guys who ask this just want to nerd out about all the strip clubs in the area, which I've never minded.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Sorry about my suggestion for adultfriendfinder and the like. I was mistaken on what GFE was.

    As for that last question on "is this the only club you dance at?" maybe they think you might track them down and they're not comfortable enough with you yet to let you know where else you might find them.

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    I don't really care what a dancer asks me if it helps the conversation along. I'm fine with just about any topic. I think there is a huge difference between natural human curiosity and potential stalking. Unfortunately, many dancers have experienced or at least fear the latter. This is why I don't ask questions, at least not until we are involved in a topic that makes it OK.
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  24. #24
    Veteran Member ChloeTheRed's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    Those comments are all ones that will irritate different strippers differently -- personally, the only ones I mind are "So do you have a husband/boyfriend?" and "You must make a lot of money doing this."

    "So do you have a husband/boyfriend?"
    They're generally fishing for something, be it an OTC experience, a chance to talk about how awesome they are and what a terrific boyfriend/husband they'd be (I've gotten more ringless marriage proposals than I can even count), or a chance to go off about how they'd never ever ever let their girlfriend/wife do this.
    It tend to put me on the defensive, doing a quick mention of how incredibly awesome my boyfriend is (especially since he lets me do this for a living!) and then shifting the topic of conversation as quickly as possible. It gets under my skin even more recently, because I had a customer ask me this on a super-shitty night, then proceed to try and give me sales coaching about how I "shouldn't ever mention your boyfriend because it ruins the fantasy."
    My response? Fuck you. I don't lie about the important shit in my life, because you aren't worth keeping my stories straight for.

    "You must make lots of money."
    This is a huge red flag, because 90+% of the time that guys say this, they don't spend (after all, I'm rich, heh heh heh, I don't need their money.) If a guy says this and doesn't follow it up with a compliment on how I'm a danger to his paycheck (followed fairly shortly by a request for a dance) or just a request for a dance, it's over, I'm done, and I'm moving on. Short of being a total asshole, this will chase me away from your table the fastest.


    I would say don't worry about it too much. If you're respectful of all the girls (whether on not you buy dances from them) and spend on your favorites, nobody should get very pissed about your conversational quirks.

  25. #25
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: OK..What CAN we say?

    I don't like guys asking how much I make or what my real name is or "so what goes on in the VIP?" (we will play a game of parcheesi, you moron). I also don't like guys asking if I will meet them outside the club, or who will meet them outside the club. Outside of that, I don't really mind. Questions like "so is this all you do" or "what do you do besides this" or "how did you get into this" are perfectly normal small talk questions. Yes, we've answered a million times, but they've heard it a million times. The whole point is to make it interesting.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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