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Thread: so so sad

  1. #1
    God/dess sassysummer's Avatar
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    Default so so sad

    i found out yesterday that my (stay with me..) husbands, cousin's husband shot himself.

    the really sad part is he called his wife at work and told her that he was doing it...their 2 youngest kids, 12 and 7 yrs old, were home when he did it. I guess they heard the the shot and the the 12 yr old ran up to his room and found him...he shot himself in the head So he kept the 7 yr old out.

    He must've been in a REALLY dark place to do that with his kids home. I guess his 15 yr old daughter was away at camp, she came home, and immediatly returned to camp, couldn't stay there.

    I feel aweful for the 12 yr. I hope he's not damaged for life. I couldn't imagine seeing something like that when I was 12.

    I don't know them too well, but I feel like I should be become in involved in the kids lives somehow. Maybe have my husband take the two younger boys out to do boy stuff like fishing or something, so they have some sort of male role model now, ya know? We'll have to give them time though.

    so sad





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  2. #2
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: so so sad

    I'm sorry to hear about this.

    Maybe it's not right for me to say this in any other way than using my own family as examples- there have been times I have wished certain family members of mine would disappear forever because they have often threatened suicide as a manipulation tool & I decided I'd rather never see them again than live around that BS. It sounds f*cked up but I've told them to go ahead & do it if they wanted it so bad.

    Suicide sometimes runs in families, you might want to be aware...sucks to think about that now. A well-known doctor in my area hung himself a few years after his only son hung himself....when I heard about it I said that there was a selfish gene in that family.

    EDIT: I have a point, I wanted that preamble because this hits close to home. Those kids need to be shown love because their dad did one of the cruelest things a person can do to a family member. They also need to be steered towards better ways of problem solving than going into a depressive spiral.

  3. #3
    God/dess sassysummer's Avatar
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    Default Re: so so sad

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine

    EDIT: I have a point, I wanted that preamble because this hits close to home. Those kids need to be shown love because their dad did one of the cruelest things a person can do to a family member. They also need to be steered towards better ways of problem solving than going into a depressive spiral.

    that's exactly why I want to help. They are gonna need some positive influence in their lives. They need time to heal first.





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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: so so sad

    It's great to use a grief counselor to recover. His suicide in the presence of his children was sadistic and it a good idea to have a professional help them slowly and thoroughly process this.

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

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    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Re: so so sad

    how awful.. i couldn't even imagine the pain and sadness the family is going through...

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: so so sad

    I do have to say, though, that they are going to have to deal with the worst kind of abandonment issues EVER. If your husband is not going to be there ALL the time as a father figure...then don't commit to it at all. I cannot tell you how hard it is for a child to lose a parent, find someone else they look up to and can count on only to have that person move on and "leave them behind".

    My condolences go out to your husband's cousin and her family.

  7. #7
    smartcookie
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    Default Re: so so sad

    This is terrible. I am very sorry.

    It seems odd to recommend a book at this time, but perhaps in a few weeks, I'd encourage you to pick up a book called "Trauma and Recovery". It is not a self-help book; it's about people, chidren included, who have suffered many kinds of trauma, and what happens to them, and what can be done to help. I don't mean to turn pop psychologist, but what happened will affect these boys' ability to trust people, particularly adult males, in the future. How things unfold in the next few weeks, months, and years will mean all the difference in their lives.

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    God/dess holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: so so sad

    That is such a sad story! I can't imagine going through what those kids are going through. I agree with Optimist and Smart Cookie - those kids (and their mother) need therapy right away to help work through it. And it is good of you to want to help, it sounds like a great idea to have your husband spend time with them, if it's something that they want. Many people have tragedies in their lives and turn out alright - hopefully they are strong resilient kids.

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    Default Re: so so sad

    Suicide is often seen as the ultimate escape, a pity that it is an ultimate burden and a betrayal placed on the survivors. There have been times so dark in my life I have considered that release. In the end I always chose to keep fighting. I know not why or how, or what drove me to survival. I just know I always chose life. Perhaps I always found hope in those dark times; perhaps I remember times of golden sunrises, and blue skies, with green seas.

    It is a terrible sadness that others do not always make that choice. It pains me to think that a father did this, as many others have done. There are some dark days I live only for my boy, sometimes only his life is important enough for me to stick around. I do keep hope there is more out there. I also actively seek life, rather than trying to retreat from it. It is most important in life to keep dreams, be true to your nature, and when all hope has fled, to have somewhere or someone to escape to.

    Right now, I know my son needs my influence. He needs it for a long time. I wish other fathers and mothers could see how important that is.

    My heat and condolences go out to you and yours sassysummer. Helping with this will be a big commitment. Sometimes though all you can do is be there and hold them.
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