I am on a very short fuse right now. I just got here after driving around aimlessly through thick traffic, applying to temp agencies for "regular" jobs...why am I looking for regular jobs?? Because I stripped to get through college...however I did NOT go to college to be a stripper. Besides, dancing has been burning me out lately and I want to desperately be able to use my hard-earned, high-GPA B.A. in mathematics for SOMETHING. But oh, even the rinky-dink $10-12/hr temp agencies don't want me, because I don't have experience. So I ask them well what if I take a $9/hr solicitation call job, will that give me enough experience to go after the entry level accounting/finance positions that require like 1/100000000th the education level that I have. They vaguely said they "don't know," which basically means no...that I'd be slaving my butt off for $9/hr, not being able to even cover rent and car insurance alone on that kinda money, and not have it even lead anywhere but to more $9/hr call jobs. You can say that I have a bad attitude to call the temp agencies' jobs "rinky-dink," but the truth is, if I was qualified enough for the accounts payable/receivable jobs, I would think the world of the temp agency and would never think to call it rinky-dink.
How do I get experience??? Companies were as willing to give me an internship in college, as boys were willing to give me a date in middle school/part of high school...basically ZILCH. I WAS in a good mood, but now I am feeling so depressed and defeated. Jobsearching puts me in such a foul mood. Then again, so does dancing, or even thinking about the 160mile round-trip I have to make to work to and fro...just to be fined outta the ass by the managers at my club who thinks it's "cute" to fine every girl $25 each and every time the toilet gets a little clogged. If it weren't for dancing money, alcohol/pot, and most of all sex, I would be suicidal by now. It's because of my bad luck getting jobs & experience, that my own family disowned me and kicked me out on the streets. And it's only because I went against every single itty bitty stupid little moral that I was taught by these "loving" parents, that I started dancing and saved my ass from ending up like the idiotic smelly fugly homeless bums that clog up the sidewalks of center city. Back then, my family was about as good as "no family," maybe worse, because I had to put up with them e-mailing me insults and then threatening to call the cops on me if I dare showed up at their place. It's because of my dead-end "career," that some guys are turned off by me because they wrongly view me to be "irresponsible" with only stripping one-day-at-a-time as my career goal, despite my constant hourly announcements about my college degree. I'm not that kinda dancer, and I understand that a lot of dancers are also responsible, but I hate those stereotypes that come with saying "I'm a dancer and it's my only job/agenda." People never remember that I went to college or graduated.
I feel so depressed right now that no one will give me a fighting chance to do a good job at a non-dancing job above the level of McDonalds or Wal-Mart. When people hear that I have no experience, I try my best to use fluent, sophisticated vocabulary while explaining that I DO have skills & knowledge, am easily trainable, adapt quickly to new work environments and projects, are team oriented, etc...and all employers hear is shit. They don't give two shits about my "soft skills" or anything, if I don't have experience, they don't want me. It's like being branded with a big red "I" on my forehead, I for inexperienced. I'm starting to see why my Acme-working college graduate friend M--K is so bitter and introverted all the time now. I swear to god, if it werent for me being able to do ok as a dancer to support myself(e.g., I'm not fat, physically handicapped, deformed, etc), I would probably be left on the streets by now and I would be looking to kill myself.
Thanks for listening to my rant...sorry that I went on. I hope you guys don't think I'm some kinda psycho now. :-( It's just that my #1 biggest insecurity has, and has been for MANY years now, been my lack of a stimulating job/career. It sucks when 3 yrs ago, you find out that your little sister even has a job related to her career track before you do. I feel so miserable right now.![]()


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