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Thread: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Angry A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    Do you know what is annoying? When I was still dating my drama-king long-term boyfriend, he started telling me about how he wanted me to look for a "real" job after I finished college and quit dancing altogether. My boyfriend always tried to act like a parent and tell me what he thought "would be best for me," even after we broke up, which was annoying in itself but anyway...yeah, so he told me that it was "stupid" and slightly degrading for me to be stripping full-time with a college degree and not do anything else. He also told me that once I had a full-time job making at least $30,000/yr, that I shouldn't even be stripping part-time. WTF?...If I could get a full-time job and strip like 2nights/week, that'd be ideal because I'd have side money to put towards paying off my car loan early, or put as savings towards a house.

    So my ex says that it's stupid for me to still be stripping after college and how if my mom was alive, she'd be ashamed of me for stripping at all...but then goes and brags to his guy friends about how I'm a dancer! Oh, I guess it helps him to gain control of me by playing role of the "mom" and say to stop dancing, but in front of his guy friends it looks *cool* to have a "hot little stripper girlfriend"????? WTF?

    One instance in particular steamed me. Me and my ex were getting food at this cafe, and he recognized one of his acquaintences who was now working there. They were talking for a bit, and I think I urged my ex that we need hurry because I had to get to work soon, and my ex's friend asked, "Where do you work?" I lied by saying some bar as a bartender or something common, then my ex interrupted and said really loudly(we were in a public place), "Stop lying, you're a stripper and you know it!" In front of public!!! Part of the reason I lie to people I do not know about my job is because of security issues...announcing that I'm a dancer in public is a great way to gain stalkers or robbers! Then later on, I found out that my ex had told his friend about me being a stripper before, and that the friend was being a smart ass when asking me where I worked, as a test to see if I'd tell the truth or not. Then my ex goes on with his stupid spheel(sp?) about how bad lying is...he lectures about honesty so much, that my guy friends started mockingly calling him the "honesty police" for a while. But I think I was justified in being vague, esp since I didn't know my ex's friend and we were in public. Come to think of it, SEVERAL of my ex's friends have asked me where I work and when I lie, they call my bluff.

    But WTF? WHY does my ex pull those games, telling me the "responsible thing" that it is stupid for me to dance full-time after college, but then telling his boys the "cool thing" that he is *hot* enough to obtain a hot stripper as a girlfriend? God I'm beginning to hate my ex more and more every day...hence his being an EX.

  2. #2
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    The real question is WHY are you still hanging around these little pricks? What could you possibly gain from having them in your life? And if this scumbag is an ex, then why is he still around?

  3. #3
    Featured Member hot4ablackchick's Avatar
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    My ex always bitched how embarassed he was that I was dancer, and how degrading, immoral, and against god it was. He was a fucking loser, who didn't work, was irresponsible, and was a stupid asshole. Funny how the guys who bitch about it the most, are bitches themselves.
    CARMEN IS HOTT 4 A BLACK CHICK!!!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings View Post
    Why does he have a headset on his head, like Janet Jackson or some shit?
    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    why does Janet Jackson have a headset on her head?!

  4. #4
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    Yes, I agree that the guys who bitch the most are bitches! And Yekhefah, in answer to your question, the reason I still hung out with him is because he would always cry that he still cared about me and I felt sorry for him. Also because we were good friends before we ever dated, and I didn't want to lose a friend in the process of a break-up. But the incident at the cafe was a month ago, and since then I have decided that I do not want to talk to him any longer! If I want to hook up with other guys, then I should, because I'm single and have been since end of January! Fuck him!!!

    But anyways, has anyone else noticed this double standard?? I hate the way guys think/act sometimes...

  5. #5
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    I've found the younger the guy is, the more likely he is to feel this way. So there is hope for boys/men. They eventually DO grow up.

  6. #6
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982
    So my ex says that it's stupid for me to still be stripping after college and how if my mom was alive, she'd be ashamed of me for stripping at all...but then goes and brags to his guy friends about how I'm a dancer! Oh, I guess it helps him to gain control of me by playing role of the "mom" and say to stop dancing, but in front of his guy friends it looks *cool* to have a "hot little stripper girlfriend"????? WTF?

    One instance in particular steamed me. Me and my ex were getting food at this cafe, and he recognized one of his acquaintences who was now working there. They were talking for a bit, and I think I urged my ex that we need hurry because I had to get to work soon, and my ex's friend asked, "Where do you work?" I lied by saying some bar as a bartender or something common, then my ex interrupted and said really loudly(we were in a public place), "Stop lying, you're a stripper and you know it!"
    He's a manipulative piece of shit. He wont place his opinion on you without drawing on some external force in your life to drive his points home. Cowardly.

    Secondly he has little concern for you and your values.

    Had you met this person today knowing this, you wouldn't give him 5 minutes of your time.

    Yek's advice, as per the norm, is best. Cease all contact with this person. He doesn't deserve your time. He should be dead to you, or he should think you feel that way.

    Seriously. Suck.


    As for the mentality, I really don't get it. I just don't. When people post on this board about meeting men that they meet/date and express an issues with, I am least capable in understanding and putting myself in their shoes to understand it. But then again, I'm not challenged by the thought of anyone I date being/turning someone else on as long as I am not made to feel like I take second place to anything. Insecurity in this area based on job title just baffles me. Sorry :/

    It's your job, keeping it to yourself is your right. If he knew that, and had a problem with it, and it got to this, I wouldn't trust him with much of anything at all. He disrespected you by embarassing you like that. He deserved a kick in the nuts
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  7. #7
    Veteran Member NoCoverLover's Avatar
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    Shame on you for putting up with this shit!

    Sounds to me like he wasn't ever a real friend. Friends don't pull this kind of crap with people they truely care about.

    I had one friend of mine pull a stunt like that and try to get me to go along. No way Jose! He got an earful from me in front of his girl too! I don't associate with him anymore becaue of that type of behavior.

  8. #8
    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    God, the only thing I hate more than emotional children are emotional children who try to convince YOU that you are the emotional child so they can seem like a wise, sensible paternal figure for once in their lives.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    Annoying bofriend + annoying friend = Annoying Person

  10. #10
    Veteran Member luckischalk's Avatar
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    That was really rude for him to do that!!

  11. #11
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    Wow, he is really out of line. You can't be too nice to these types of people, it will only escalate...cut him out of your life now. I've cut friends out of my life for less than that and better ones always come along. You deserve much better.

  12. #12
    Veteran Member ChloeTheRed's Avatar
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    What the hell is wrong with him?
    I'm glad you've cut off contact with him, and I hope you stay away. That's absolutely ridiculous of him to play mindgames like that with you. Between bringing your mom into it and calling you out in public, yeesh!

  13. #13
    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    Okay:
    1) You're still really angry about this even though he's your ex. You know he's an asshole, and that's why you're not dating him anymore. There are a lot of people out there who are good people and won't be shitheads like this. Focus on surrounding yourself more with them. Don't hand out with the shit heads or you'll get more wound up.
    2) When I date, when I eventually tell the guy, he knows he's not allowed to tell anyone unless I say it's okay. We have an official story, and that's what he says I do. Now, if you run it like this, yes, it sucks. You're not being honest, but you do feel safer and you don't have to deal with judgemental shit unless you feel like it. But the nice part in relation to your experience, is that the guy DOESN'T get to feel cool by association because no one knows he's dating a stripper.

    All of the things he did-- yeah, I'd have dumped his ass quicker, but you live you learn.
    Try to cycle the anger out of your system and from now on, avoid dating guys who are throwing around all these serious red flags.

  14. #14
    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    sounds like my ex.. what a degrading piece of shit...... Stay way from loosers like that who judge and criticize your job.... Its your decision what you want to do in life, and if they don't like it, they can shove it.....

  15. #15
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by hot4ablackchick
    and against god it was.
    I'm no bible scholar, but I honestly don't remember a passage about the evils of nude dancing. (Although there have been various film versions of Salome dancing--at her mother's behest, so as to ask for the head of John the Baptist on a platter from Herod. Always found that scene pretty freaking hot myself.)

  16. #16
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    Thanks for all of your responses.

    Emily: That is true that sometimes people need to mature, but he is THIRTY. He's not a young boy anymore. He does need to grow up some, but maybe he's just a born asshole.

    Whaddyaknow, he's calling me right now as I write this! =-O He's calling because he misplaced his Social Security card and wants me to search my car for it...I hit "ignore" on my phone. But anyways, he's been my ex since January, and this whole incident occured AFTER we were already broken up but I was trying to maintain a friendship...what a waste.

    As far as how he viewed me dancing, we were friends/fuck buddies for years before we started officially dating. A few years ago(before I danced), I was bitching about how my college wouldn't let me continue because I owed them $1,000s of dollars, and that's when my now-ex suggested stripping. I declined, but about a year later when my now-ex stopped talking to me, I ended up turning to stripping on my own. Then a few months later when my now-ex decided to start actually talking to me, he heard that I was making "more money than the min wage jobs of before" and he guessed on his own that it was stripping...without me telling him anything but that now I would have the money to get my own apartment. So he told all his friends his "prediction" about my job and was soooo happy for me to be a stripper. A few months later, we started dating and he was glad to have a little stripper girlfriend, but as soon as I graduated college he started changing his tune. What an ASSHOLE. Oh, and WHY did he "stop talking to me" for some time before I became a dancer??...Because he claimed that I wanted to have sex with him too much! What an asshole! Gee, I guess I need the implants and professional hair dye to look remotely attractive!

  17. #17
    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    In short, he's an emotional child who's found someone who he can get away with looking down on and treat like shit.

  18. #18
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: A stupid double standard about how the bf views you as a stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by Emily
    I've found the younger the guy is, the more likely he is to feel this way. So there is hope for boys/men. They eventually DO grow up.
    Very true. My bf used to have that double standard (although he wasn't THAT bad) a couple of years ago... Now he doesn't like it, but he deals with it and doesn't tell people anymore... Except for his closest friends.

    Lol, philly, when he says something about you being a stripper in front of ppl. you should be like, "don't lie, YOU wet the bed". Or something really embarrassing (it would be best if it were something true, though). Give that jerk a taste of his own medicine.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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