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Thread: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

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    Default Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    [FONT=Tahoma]This is a terrible intro post, I am usually just a reader here, but something's been on my mind lately that I have no one to talk to about...some of you will be able to relate to, and some of you might look down on me for even being in this situation...here goes. I have been dancing for alittle over a year now...I've saved up some cash, and planned on working this summer until fall to resume school and just focus on that.
    I started out working at regular clean stripclubs with no touching rules,but in the area I live in lapdances went down to $5-10 all the time and it's harder then ever to make money with the lack of guys and overabundance of girls working there, and I don't think I'm exaggerating.
    I started working in SF recently to see what the money would be like, at a wellknown club where my average is (no joke) over $1000 a night and it's almost always booming with business men customers... Of course, the income increase is amazing and I love the money but it's burning me out faster then ever before and I'm starting to feel really down on myself and on men more then ever, because(too good to be true), this place allows heavy touching in lapdances(lapdances range from $40-60 for clothed or topless on the main floor,girls set prices) and extras are allowed in private rooms(which is totally up to the dancer's discretion, so you could go as far from giving a nude dance for $120(with him being able to touch your breasts and ass), to doing whatever else for any rate you set if the guy is willing to buy)...it's not easy to get by not doing atleast handjobs here because the stage fee is so high(because they know we make alot of money there, plus it's well known that any girl who can't make payout will be canned after the 2nd time doing it).
    There are girls that make way more then me since they are openly doing anything and everything with customers, I am limited in what I will do with them(not that I haven't considered doing more, I am just afraid of a few things about it).. the girls at this club, on average are goodlooking(esp for how nasty this place gets), and alot of them do coke openly and are all out escorts on the side and hookers at work and don't seem to care.
    I thought I could handle it and I thought since I only planned on being there for sucha short term that maybe if I ended up doing more, I could block it out and move on with my life after I'm done working here for the summer, but it's gotten to me...I have no friends at work and there is always pressure to do more, especially on a few nights where it semt like I wouldn't be making profit after paying the high stage fee to work there. This is a club for hustlers who will do whatever it takes to get the money...It's funny how I thought I could handle it for just a little bit just to make alot of quick cash...but I feel like I'm lying to people and damaging myself(I never really felt BAD about stripping before I came to this club).
    Another thing that really irks me about this, is there are a few once-in-awhile customers who just give me the willies with their dirty talk or bad vibes they give me and the having guys pinch or stroke your nipples during lapdances can drive you insane after awhile(it gets painfully sensitive), although for the most part the customers here are above average since they are generally richer well-educated men who don't mind throwing around money(alot of them claim to be business travellers,and dont have time for relationships), so it isn't ALL creeps, but those who are really make the job excruciating at times... plus, there's been a couple of days I had to work there(there is a strict schedule there) and I was on my period and couldn't stand having guys groping me and those were some terrible nights. once in a blue moon, there will be some aggressive guy who go in there making you feel very uncomfortable or degraded(saying they will only give you money if you do something you dont want to and justifying it by saying that you work at a whore house anyway kind of thing)... Plus, there is a wellknown website where the customers review the "dancers" and write summaries on their experiences with them(sometimes explicit reports about a handjob or whatever that they got and they rate the girl's looks and "service") and it creeps me out reading what they have to say about the women who work there. (some people on this board, especially SF dancers will know what club and what review website I am refering too just by this description, since this particular SF stripclub is one of the last real, openly-allowing extras SCs)...
    This is so hard, because as much as I hate it, the amount of money I'm making is the most I've ever made consistently and it's a huge improvement for me, I have this fantasy of just sticking it out to make $80grand or so and investing in a house or something(I haven't been wasting the money away, because I always think about what grimey assholes I have to allow touching me in order to make that money)...
    What would any of you do in this situation?? and have any of you tried to focus solely on school after saving up with your SC earnings or switched to a "regular job" after awhile of stripping??
    It's a strange transition and harder then I thought...especially getting back on track with school considering I am so confused about what I want to do with the rest of my life(one of the main reasons I got into stripping, to make money until I could figure out what I wanted to do in school).... Thanks for letting me vent, to anyone who actually read that novel I just wrote!...I am just in dire need of being related to right now or maybe some advice since I'm so isolated and unable to explain this situation to my friends/family. Any feedback is welcome at this point, I'm very confused about what I will do after this,etc.... (p.s. my paragraph break codes weren't working hence the larges spaces in between paragraphs)[SIZE=3]

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    would you trade less money for less contact? Can you leave San Fransisco to work? I heard Reno is pretty good.

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    huh--
    Everyone has their own boundaries, and often these boundaries get stretched in the clubs, but they should not be completely broken. How far away from your goal are you? how many months do you think that will take?

    I honestly think that if you don't want to find yourself taking a flying leap off of a bridge, you need to make another "transition." You either:
    a) need to take a break from SF and dancing altogether and do something that is going to give you meaning for your life and your goals so you know why you're putting yourself through this, or
    b) downgrade or step sideways. Go to Vegas, Reno, anywhere else. Try doing Bachelor parties (but hire security. Always have security!) You can find ways to make a chunk of money without selling yourself out too much.

    The best plan would be to take a week off and regroup. Maybe it could be your period week if that's when you normally go crazy at work. Tough it out in SF for another month, to a month and a half, and then switch to Vegas. Get your feet over there and then convention season will start.


    However, I want you to focus on this:

    IF YOU ARE EARNING MONEY TO IMPROVE YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE LATER, DON'T FUCK UP YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE SO MUCH RIGHT NOW THAT YOUR SACRIFICE IS WASTED.


    Really-- human beings can deal with a lot, but is what you're dealing with something right now really worth it? I'm all for your earn-now mentality, but if it's just going to fuck you up in the head, you really need to realize that you can slow down, work a different club atmosphere and still reach your goal.

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    well of course, after becoming slightly accustomed to this level of money, its hard going back... but im thinking ill go back to school(for what i dont yet know ha) and just strip about 1-2x a mnth to pay bills(at a clean club mostlikely since they are closer to me,sf is a damn commute).. and Reno wasn't amazing from going there once myself(esp since its predominantly topless clubs and for some reason i dont like working in topless)..i mean it wasnt bad, but you have to get that damned police license, and it wasnt Consistently high, plus Reno is wayy far for me...

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    From the sound of your post, you don't really like what you're having to do. Being groped in a way that makes you uncomfortable is never ok, in my opinion, no matter how much money you're making. If a guy is pinching your nipples and you don't like it, you should be able to say no and still make good money. Find a new club that is within your comfort limits.

    Do you ever have flashbacks about a terrible time at an old job (non-dancing job)? I do, and I dread to think of the flashbacks I might have about dirty things men say to me or ways they try to degrade me. Like another poster said, don't let it ruin your current happiness or mental health just to earn you money.

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    Plus, is it really worth making all that money if you have to spend most of the money you made in therapy later? I think you'll be much happier in a no to low contact club making less money than you are now. I'd much rather make $200 per night in a no contact club than make over a grand a night with getting every orifice of my body groped. Only you can decide what's best for you but I think you already know what you want to do but needed the reassurance.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    Actuaually, now that I'm reading this again, it sounds like you are comfortable with the mileage you're giving (even though it's not the maximum mileage allowed), but you feel like you shouldn't be.

    Just because you're pushing the limits with what many of us are comfortable with, it's not inherently bad. It IS all about the money. That's why 99.9% of us who strip put up with the BS we do. You just seem to have more BS than the average dancer, but you are also get paid far better. And from the looks of it, the money is worth it.

    So from my POV. I don't see anything wrong with it, especially since you are doing the right thing with your money. All this aggrevation is for the greater good so you can keep focused on that without losing your sanity.

  8. #8
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    Baby, get your ass out of there, and fast!

    I'm pretty sure I know what club you're talking about. One of my close girlfriends worked there for a very short period last year. She went in with the same mindset that you did. It didn't work. Even doing no more than handjobs (she said), just knowing what was going on around her messed with her head really bad. She started drinking heavier than she ever had and doing drugs on a regular basis. Her money started to go downhill and she eventually quit.

    Some of the girls who work there, and other places, are okay with it, and I don't look down on them for being there, doing their thing. You, obviously are not and should not be there. Get out! There are other clubs in SF where money can be made, if you just stick through the rough nights. If you're hot enough to get into the club you're talking about, then you're hot enough to work at Gold Club, Hustler or Showgirls.

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    It doesn't sound like a healthy environment to me... This is just my personal opinion, but I honestly feel sad for you.... I don't think any girl should be making money that way.. I don't think you are at all comfortable with whats going on at work, and the things you are doing in order to make that money... If you continue to work at a place like that, getting hard core groped by strange men, its going to catch up with you... You will def need counseling and a strong support system of good friends....Have some integrity and respect for yourself... You should always walk out of work with your head held up high and think to yourself you made your money the "clean" way... whatever way that may be to you.... Just a few points to think about... i hope you make a wise decision...

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    Sounds like Mitchell Bros after reading your post. Emily makes good sense. If you are able to handle the extras you have to perform for the money (you've been doing it for awhile now so obviously you can), then most importantly have a financial goal for putting the money to use.

    For example, if you work 4 days a week and make $3000 after tip outs, are you saving at least 60% of that money?

    Do you have any money invested in stocks? If not have you considered studying investing and putting 25% of your savings in the stock market (once you know what you are doing).

    What about focusing on buying a below market value house, possibly in Solano County where prices are somewhat cheaper?

    Have a goal for the money you are making and use this opportunity to be able to make a living off of your money, instead of having to get a traditional job to make a living.

    If you are focused in this way, I would continue working at this job until you can live off your investments, and then quit. Don't quit and live off of your savings or before you know it, you'll have no savings, right?

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    Senior Member forevernaked's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    This post honestly upsets me. You should NEVER do anything you are not comfortable with for money. It's not worth it! The unpleasant memories will long outlast the cash, I guarantee it. You are describing feelings of desparation, loneliness, confussion, depression, humiliation...come on sweetheart, this is not healthy! And health is more important than anything, because you truly can't do much without it.

    Leogirl is right: if you continue to put yourself in harms way, you are going to need counseling later on. And the truth is, you are the only one forcing yourself into this position. This is why dancers in California always say on this site: stay away from San Francisco! I myself worked one night at the Gold Club back in May. The money was great, but I worked with girls who thought it was ok to let the customer lick their their breasts, touch their naughty bits over their panties, etc. And the Gold Club has an excellent reputation! So I can only imagine what you are putting up with at your current club.

    All I can say is you need to get out of there ASAP. Pack up your shit and go. Otherwise this club is going to change who you are in your heart, and that would be a true loss, because you sound like a sweet girl with a good head on your shoulders.

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    You need to call a counselor and an accountant. You can't buy a house or make any investments unless you are paying taxes on that 1 grand a night income, period. As for counseling, you need to talk to someone not only about how you feel about your job, but also how you feel about yourself and what you want to do with your life. A good, sex worker-friendly therapist will help you understand yourself better without judging you or just telling you to stop stripping.
    PM if you ever need to talk.

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    This experience is allowing you to find out YOUR limits. I used to be envious of a dancer friend that made more money than me because she was comfortable with much more contact and could be at the club six nights a week. Whenever I tried to match her hours and comfort level I felt like a homicidal bitch. Who knows why each of us can handle what we can. There are women who could never set foot in a club, some who could come inside but never dance, those who could dance topless but not nude, those who can handle touching but only on arms and legs, some who need to be touched to feel they're doing a good job, those who can do bachelor parties, those who can escort, those who can hook in the streets, etc.. Personally I found my own limits by crossing them. Maybe that's what your discovering now.

    Chances are when you save $80,000 you'll want $160,000. It's just human nature. We all do it, we write our lists of if I just dance this many nights times this many weeks in a year ....ooh!.....I could be rich! I just don't understand chipping away at your body and soul for a freaking house. The body you're in is the only one you get in this lifetime and it holds memories. You might think you can block out getting your nipples pinched all night as some wild adventure in your twenties but years later maybe you're making love to a guy and he touches you in a certain way and you snap. If it doesn't bother you it doesn't, no problem, but it sounds like it does.

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    NO!! THe mental BS is not worth it!! Yes you can probably make more from one guy by allowing nipple touching...but getting him for one dance and not allowing it is good too. He pays for a dance...he shouldn't get to touch andthing you dont want him too. Learn lap dance kung foo...i did so because i work at a City of Industry Club. THe assholes than say, "But all the other girls let me" SAy sorry you're not sexy enough to let that happen or start saying something ridiculous like..:oooh you like nipples let me twist yours you dirty old man"Get paid for at least one dance..and so you'll be making money by just talking and being stupid until the song is over. It's still like 12-20 dollars for you to take home from one dance! You can be nicer to guys that look good with $ I suppose. Why let a cheapass grab your boobs for a song anyway.

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    yep..it is Mitchell Bros... I am saving, however(know nothing of stocks)...I've asked a few people for some tips and it sounds like they don't know anything either(someone told me religious companies are hot..i was like hmmm ill check into that, psyche)...

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    At this particular club, we are paid SF minimum wage which is about $8.72 or something similar..(it all due to some lawsuit about indep. contractors and employees by dancers awhile back, google daisy anarchy if interested).. so that is taxed and accounted for and then we pay out "stage fee" in the form of buying a bunch of tokens since we cant give them money directly(due to the lawsuit)...but it ends up being close to $500 almost every night..and tip a few staffmembers.

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    i just read all the replies, and thanks for the response, i just needed to hear some voices about it..

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    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    Luxi-check your PM!

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    Mitchell Bros is an extras club. You'll make a reasonable amount of money (about $1000 on good nights) working at a non-extras club like the Gold Club, Showgirls or Hustler.

    Make the change and save your mental health. You'll feel a lot better, money isn't everything.

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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    Hey there Luxi...
    I'm new to the forum-
    I am planning on working in the city within the next couple of weeks and reading your post made me think--this girl needs a 'normal' stripper friend! In my opinion, your scenario at the club is way too negative. Who wants to work with a bunch of cracked out dancers? Not me! I don't do crazy drugs, lie or steal. The clubs are always going to be a bit shady, right? But I need to dance to get out of debt. Period.
    If you would consider going to another club (I'm thinking Hustler) then we should get together and at least chat. Maybe we can work at a club together and watch eachother's backs as the new girls. Think about it...

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    Quote Originally Posted by luvbuniz
    Mitchell Bros is an extras club. You'll make a reasonable amount of money (about $1000 on good nights) working at a non-extras club like the Gold Club, Showgirls or Hustler.
    Sounds to me like Mitchell Bros. is a brothel, not a strip club. Even looking at their website, it seems like that is what kind of business it is.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    Wow...OK girl....well you are some one i wanna talk to in private anyhow...but i wanna respond so others see what i have to say to you on this matter.

    Firstly, i wanna congratulate you on being brave, and being honest about this. I'm sure you are not the only gal on this site who does as you do...and it takes guts to open yourself up like that, knowing you may get judgement and critizism. You even said some may hate you - well...no one seemed to hate or judge and that was really great to see - nice one gals! But really, no one has the right to hate or judge you.

    The thing is...sexuality, is something we all react to due to the way we have been taught. Social conditioning. Up until surprisingly not too long ago, prostitutes (and gals in our biz) were esteemed the world over. Hell being a concupine was a dream come true! But now we live in a world ruled by biblical rhetoric, which teaches us that women are evil sinners for tempting Adam...that sex is dirty. Hence when men express themselves sexually, it is considered dirty talk. It most of the time is...but that's cos they were taught to relate to their sexuality as dirty. Before the male deity came through Judaism...for thousands of years, we worshipped the Godess...sexualty, and giving sexual favors, professionally or otherwise, was considered holy. Prostitution in India was done in temples. Tantra was taught - by women! They believe the ecstasy reached by sexual union with another bought you closer to God. They still do!
    My point is, that the way you feel about what is happening, is down to your perspective about sex. Now the above theory would be all very convenient if we could all go into work and be like...."oh sex aint dirty and we're not doing anything nasty" but in this day and age, with the social condition we live in...even if you have that view point...which takes a lot of personal study of the subject and then work on yourself, it doesn't change the fact that no matter how you approach something, these other people are still living in their world, and will not respect you the way women were respected back then.
    So the bottom line is...what can you do to find a happy medium?

    Yes you can research more about sexual human behaviour and the sex industry...i think we all should do that to be better prepared for what we are doing.

    Then it's a case of...like one gal said...you figure out your boundaries by crossng them...and then...

    Learn to set those boundaries!!! This has been a life long challenge for me in my personal life in many ways....but learn to have the confidence to know, that you can be there, ignore the crack heads, not do it yourself, or let their energy mess with yours, make your money, and let these guys know who's boss! Any shit they give you? You tell em - "first thing....i bet you say that to all the girls! And if they are willing to pay you well for it, your simple and acceptable answer as to why you do things the way you want, is you are an INDEPENDANT CONTRACTOR!!

    Then you just have to be willing to not get every customer, as when you give them the this is what i can do for you, take it or leave it pitch, (in a nice way of course) you gotta be willing to possibly lose that particular customer. It's really the only way you can have your cake and eat it - the only way you can stay at that club, earn almost the same, without having to feel as bad. And when things happen that are out of your control...like the dirty talk...you'll have to find a way of understanding this is the only way men know these days how to express their sexuality in these circumstances and environments. Like the gals said, if you want guys to talk and act more respectfully, you'll have to go to Gold Club or one of those kinda clubs. And you won't make as much money.

    So you have to ask yourself, am i willing to put in the work on myself to change my approach to my current club, maybe earning less but not as less as leaving and working elsewhere, or is that just something i can't envisage doing, or feel would take too long? In which case....are you willing to earn less elsewhere and feel better?

    There are lots of ways you can learn to cope with the job....some of the girls on here were like - get out of there or you'll need therapy - they were right, but then there was another gal who was also right - you could start the therapy now, and with a therapist who helps sex workers...there are some out there who actually support the business! Have you heard of SWAP/Red Book? Also, the great news is, you are in the best place possible to get all the help and support you could possibly need, in all the different ways you can possibly imagine - the bay area. This place is all about open minded liberal alternative thinking. You can find anything from workshops in tantra, all kindsa new agey ways to deal with negative energy, protecting yourself, and manifesting the kinda reality you want, to sex workers therapies - there's s lot out there...i mean lets face it, every job needs training....why not see what help you can get? Whether that means becoming an extra alternative hippy who's in to the rhetorics i was telling you about from days of old, or just finding practical ways to get assistance from other pros who can school you in what you need to know! You could take this whole scenaio as a journey...that could make you better off in the long run than you ever imagined...even to the point where you may feel you have such a better relationship with the industry, - better stratergies for making good money with out taking too much crap etc, that you may even work longer, and make that industry work for YOU - for the school fees AND the house....

    Here's wishing you the best on your journey,

    Gerry.

    There is always a way love...it deosn'tt have to be a dead end. I also think may be taking a week off out of every three, to regroup is good, as well as actually spending just a bit of that money giving yourself some love - go for facials, spas, massage, buy yourself a little something at the end of each week...doesn't have to be expensive, just your little weekly treat, so that it's not all work and no play eh?

  23. #23
    smartcookie
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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    luxi:

    MBOT isn't going to let you work just 1 or 2 shifts per month once you go back to school anyway. And it really doesn't sound like you're comfortable with the work expectations, or with the bullshit SF Redbook "brotherhood" customer segment that is so unavoidable, or with the very depressing and tatty atmosphere (yes - I've been inside). In fact it sounds to me like a classic case of sex worker burnout.

    Have you tried working dayshift at the Gold Club? Alternatively - why don't you fly into Reno as others have suggested? There's also Vegas and Phoenix. You won't make as much money, and your travel expenses will cut into your profits, but you might find the clubs there more to your liking.

    Or if you're ok with handjobs, why don't you try providing fbsm? There's a school of bodywork in Oakland that where a lot of Bay Area fbsm providers started:



    There are a number of women in California who travel between the Bay Area and LA providing only fbsm and they are very successful and in demand. Are you going to make $1000 a night or more? No. Will your working conditions and clientele be a lot better than what you're dealing with now? Yes.

    If you're going to go all out and provide full service you may as well become an independent escort and set your own hours. Provided you market yourself properly (i.e. NOT to the downscale SFRB market which is not the be all/end all) I think you'll be dealing with a much better and less sleazy clientele. Not to mention that your expenses (Eros ad, prepaid phone, and a four-star hotel room for incall bought for about $100 on Priceline) amount to a great deal less than $500 a night.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    Try working a shift doing ONLY what you're comfortable with, and see how much money you make. Decide beforehand what you're willing to do, and be firm with yourself and with customers. If you can't make money you're happy with without crossing your limitations, then you need to find another place to work or something else to do.

    Also consider that dancers have different earning potentials at different clubs. Are you sure you couldn't make decent money at one of the more typical strip clubs in town? MBOT is well known for extras, which is why a lot of customers go there. If you aren't providing extras, you're not the dancer they're looking for. I have a friend of mine who is a non-extras dancers at an extras club. Because she doesn't do everything the other girls do, at that club, she's considered one of the less desirable dancers, since most customers go to this club looking for extras. She's a pretty girl who can hold a conversation with anyone. At a club like mine, where contact expectations are reasonable and some customers will pay for conversation alone, she'd be considered a perfectly good dancer and earn a lot more. She should really change clubs. Maybe you should, too.

  25. #25
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Damage and job confusion anyone?..

    Stuff like this is a large part of the reason I've travelled and moved around so much. I'd rather make a little less money and be happy with what I'm doing, than deal with the bullshit. Because my sanity and self-respect are worth more to me than money - any amount. Temporary or not.

    That said, only YOU can decide if you can truly handle working there or not. It sounds from your post like you don't like it, but of course we don't really know. Only you do. IF you don't like it, you should definitely get out of there and move to a place where you are more comfy with what's going on, and make reasonable money. The extra money you're making isn't worth sacrificing your mental health - it's just not. IF you don't like what you're doing, and you continue, you WILL regret it because selling out your self-respect has a way of sticking with you.

    IF you are truly ok with what you're doing, then just try avoiding the customers who creep you out and focus on the cool ones. You may make a little less money, but isn't your personal comfort worth something?

    I knew that was MBOT and SFredbook. Those names are well-known even to those who've never been there. I think smartcookie made some good suggestions as well

    Good luck hun. My best advice is to stay true to yourself and YOU are the only one who can decide what that means.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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