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Thread: sorry if this is totally lame!I have a problem!

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    Member Corian62's Avatar
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    Default sorry if this is totally lame!I have a problem!

    I don't know if I am posting it the correct post, but here it is anyway and I really need advice. I started dancing behind my boyfriends back. I want to dance to make extra money so we can move and so I can pay off my car and actually have a savings account. Plus for some reason it boosts my self esteem, I love all the attention and socialization and hustling. I need to get it out of my system before I am too old and out of shape to climb the pole. Anyway, I did come clean, because he totally flipped and thought I was cheating. after a day of taunting me he said I can do it, he was just pissed I didn't consult him first. I know If I do, I will cause problems. I have married guy friends at work who go to the strip clubs three times a week. I wouldn't feel so well if that were my man, I would think something was wrong with me. I have no intention of cheating or messing up on my boyfriend I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just have no direction in life and this what I really want to do. Should I risk my relationship to dance or should I try again to dance behind his back, because now he'll be more suspicious??

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    Default Re: sorry if this is totally lame!I have a problem!

    Well it's a hard one. You have to choose which is more important to you. Being in a quality relationship, and not dancing, or constantly fighting or feeling bad and dancing. Sometimes in life we have to choose between two things we love. Good luck.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: sorry if this is totally lame!I have a problem!

    Quote Originally Posted by sc0101
    Being in a quality relationship,
    imo a quality relationship is rationalized support, understanding, respect, and equal playing grounds.

    I can understand why she went behind his back, which is why I can understand he flipped out about it. The problem of communication needs fixed

    Good luck!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: sorry if this is totally lame!I have a problem!

    a quality relationship shouldn't include

    1-taunting your partner
    2-feeling the need to go behind their back to do something

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    Default Re: sorry if this is totally lame!I have a problem!

    Yes. I agree ^^^^. Before I returned to dancing...Dude and I talked for a two weeks. Made agreements. Disscussed concerns. Decided our boundries. Even when we fight... we try not to taunt. He does not disrespect me. I do not disrespect him. And its honesty first. Even when its not the easiest thing to hear/say.

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    Default Re: sorry if this is totally lame!I have a problem!

    When I said "quality" relationship, I meant one where they both know what each other are doing, there is trust, etc, which it seemed she didn't have when she was dancing. Pardon for the missunderstanding.

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    madmaxine
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    Default Re: sorry if this is totally lame!I have a problem!

    I know this will sound harsh, but if he wasn't able to support you in the manner you saw fit in the first place, why were you with him? Go ahead & be angry with me, but I suffered through years of being with a broke ass, controlling guy because I thought I "loved" him. In the end I resented him because I wanted more & he wasn't willing to excell, to help provide it...YEAH I know that sounds awful but it's the ugly truth.
    A wise man said a woman doesn't need a man to keep her poor, she can be poor on her own.

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    Member Corian62's Avatar
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    Default Re: sorry if this is totally lame!I have a problem!

    thank you I needed that I didnt think anyone was going to reply.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: sorry if this is totally lame!I have a problem!

    Quote Originally Posted by Corian62
    I have married guy friends at work who go to the strip clubs three times a week. I wouldn't feel so well if that were my man, I would think something was wrong with me.
    Are you sure about that? I used to feel that way... Until I started dancing. Men and women will be attracted to ppl other than their partners... Not a big deal. If you have no direction in your life... Dancing might not be great for you... the money is pretty fast... But I would definately recommend trying it... He said it was okay with him...
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: sorry if this is totally lame!I have a problem!

    Quote Originally Posted by Corian62
    Should I risk my relationship to dance or should I try again to dance behind his back, because now he'll be more suspicious??
    You should decide which is more important. If you need this for (a)money and/or (2) self-esteem more than you need him, then do it....BUT....tell him. If you can't be honest, I am certain it will lead to trouble and pain.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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