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Thread: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

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    Featured Member sophiemarie's Avatar
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    Thumbs down Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    For the past year I have been depressed about my job and not having a man. I have been dancing nearly 10 years now and for most of it I have had a man. I feel very depressed, lonely and unsettled. It's hard to dance and not have a real man to emotionally support you. I have been doing this along with dancing in every major city and boy do I feel lonely as hell.
    I try not to think about it and rarely discuss it. Does anyone else out there have the same problem?
    How can I help myself?

    This is an issue I believe that I am not the only one out there in the stripper world dealing with this delicate issue.

  2. #2
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    I gave up on having a man. No man is worth the cut in revenue. Or the constant bitching & whining.

    Look, it sucks, but you have to learn to be OK by yourself. Get a pet. I love my dog. I miss having cats & can't wait to get some new ones. Fill your life up with good people & good works and maybe having a man won't seem like such an important thing.

    Failing that, there's always Voodoo love spells.

  3. #3
    exotisch23
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    Yes a pet helps when you're single! I had two twin kittens before I met my current b/f. Now I'm probably going to be single again soon so I'll have to get another pet.


    Maxine is totally right.

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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    I kinda feel what you are saying, because it's like okay you go to work and deal with men there but have no relationship with them then you get free time it's like you want to have someone whos not just paying you for being around...is that what you mean?

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    Veteran Member sent_from_heaven11's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    I am sorry=( I just went through a bad breakup so I feel you! We moved out to California together so I don't know anybody. I agree with maxine, you have to learn to be OK by yourself and to enjoy your own compan.
    You will feel better=) Good luck honey

  6. #6
    jaimeduffy
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    yeah, pets are good company, and they genuinely are happy to see you.... all the time! it's hard on a man, dancing. they take pride in their woman, and want exclusivity when it comes to private things, such as thier womans body. it is suppose to be a gift, sexuality, and they don't want assholes leering at what they have so much pride for. like for me, i am married now. idanced 8 yrs. ago, before i knew my husband. i want to go back, but he says he will divorce me. which i can totally understand, marriage is sacred, and my body is included in that. you know how men are.... and the sad thing is if you did find a man that was ok with it, he'd probably be a douche, or cool at first then go pyscho!

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    God/dess FrustratedBunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    I've had my dog for 12 years and been through at least that many men probably since I've had her. Guess who's sitting in my lap right now and loving me more than any man has??? Dogs rule!

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    I know what you mean. I just left my long-term bf. And, while I'm happy that my self-esteem will rise back up to what it used to be... It sucks being lonely. On the brightside, it's made me get in touch with friends I'd otherwise cut time with because of him. Spend time with friends, and I definately recommend a pet! My Pookiekins helps when I'm lonely.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Veteran Member candie00's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    I gave up on having a man. No man is worth the cut in revenue. Or the constant bitching & whining.

    Look, it sucks, but you have to learn to be OK by yourself. Get a pet. I love my dog. I miss having cats & can't wait to get some new ones. Fill your life up with good people & good works and maybe having a man won't seem like such an important thing.

    Failing that, there's always Voodoo love spells.

    I agree with this. I'm getting a kitty soon and I can't wait cause I just moved here from Newfoundland and bearly know anyone so I'm SO lonley!

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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    Quote Originally Posted by sophiemarie
    It's hard to dance and not have a real man to emotionally support you.
    Its hard to dance when YOU dont support you. If you always need someone else to be the 4th leg to your table then its time you learn to balance on your own. I believe loving to support yourself is a great direction in a more fullfilled life all around, inside and out.

    Yes, its lonely out there when guys dont understand the job, thinking were ROB or hookers, want to "save us", widdle down your self-esteem scrutinizing you for working in the business, controlling yadda yadda yadda. People enter our lives at odd times and especially when we least expect it. So take care of yourself in the mean time. Oh - I 2nd the pet idea. I have a cat. Its nice to come home to someone who will love you if you dump some food in its bowl first. lol
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  11. #11

    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    (((Sophie)))

    Your self worth will draw to you the people in your life. I am sure you are a lovely person and deserve to be happy. A man is not necessisarily what you need at the moment.

    I do understand about loneliness and I also understand the results of finding a man that I am looking to fill a void in me. Believe me a fill the void man is not a good thing... Everything you need is inside of you.

    Try to find out why you think a man will do the job for you that you have not done for yourself. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself I am sure you are worth it...

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    Senior Member bite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    Independence and solitary strength comes naturally to some but others thrive in company... we can't choose how we are but we can adapt. Perhaps your confidence and self-love isn't as high as you deserve it to be.

    You could try taking up a hobby that you're really, really good at and prove to yourself just how talented and valuable you are... with time you won't need to hear it from someone else.

    Dixie's right - a man is not what you need right now. In fact a man could be pretty damaging for you at the moment. You have identified a chink in your armor that you can work on - if you cover up the problem with a man, it will not go away. You are an individual, you go your own way, you do your own thing, you do not dilute yourself with other people. Eagles don't flock

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    Member danceoverload's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    I definitely needed to read this.
    I'm getting a kitty really soon and will be rebuilding the pieces of me he destroyed.
    I love this forum. <33

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    Featured Member london's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    I concur 100% with getting a pet. I will be getting one soon as well. As often as I get lonely from time to time, have a fairly good support system of girl and guy friends who keep me grounded. Just think of all the people who are 'stuck' in unhealthy or unhappy relationships and remember to count your blessings!

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  15. #15
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    Quote Originally Posted by jaimeduffy
    and the sad thing is if you did find a man that was ok with it, he'd probably be a douche, or cool at first then go pyscho!
    Mine is not a douche, nor has he gone psycho. We've been together two years and I've been dancing for half that time. It's my job, nothing more and nothing less. He's dated a stripper before so maybe that's why there's no drama, but he knows the game and has no problems, no jealousy, and no sniping. It's hard to find dancer-friendly men but they are out there.

    Until they come along though, I agree - pets are awesome.

  16. #16
    jaimeduffy
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    ^^^ that's awesome Yekhefah! i'm glad you have a man that hasn't turned your job against you! it takes a strong man and sounds like you found him! while i was dancing i didn't really bother dating cause i'm the type on a bad nite i would wanna give up and go snuggle on the couch, wasn't good for my game! heehee. i did have one boyfriend though that was great for about a yr. it does help having a good man, and you're right they are out there. but let love find you, focus on yourself, and save an animal from being put down at the pound! you'll feel great about it! good luck.

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    Featured Member sophiemarie's Avatar
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    Search Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    I have a sweet male cat that we shared together. He goes on LV trips with me and the works. He can't go with me to London and Paris though. I know I don't need anyone it would be nice though.
    I love my cat Mao but I want more. This job is hard enough. Staying hot nad young and keeping your spirits up when times are truely rough is hard. I try not to think about it or even speak about it but I have to.
    I am far from weak I just need to express my feelings to fellow dancers.

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    Veteran Member badpixie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    Quote Originally Posted by jaimeduffy
    but let love find you, focus on yourself, and save an animal from being put down at the pound! you'll feel great about it! good luck.
    Yes! I used to volunteer at a shelter. You would not believe how much the animals appreciate the people who take them home and show them real love. Shelter animals are also already spayed/neutered if they are old enough, and have their shots. You might also want to consider an adult animal, as kittens and especially puppies are a lot of work to train and they require a lot of energy and attention, which a working single person might not be able to provide. There are lots of healthy, trained, sociable pets people dump in shelters or on the streets just because they don't want an animal anymore/the animal isn't cute enough/they are moving and they liked the pet-free apartment better than the pet-friendly one.

    I am in a relationship now, but I'm very happy that I had time as a single person after my last difficult breakup. It's important to be able to like yourself and feel complete without a man.. and it will make your next relationship so much healthier and more fulfilling. You will be happiest when you discover you don't "need" a man, but you like having one around anyway.

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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    Sophiemarie,
    I've been with my ex for five years and it didn't worked out, because i was independent thinking woman...really i just did what i wanted not what he wanted. and we broke up.
    i was single for nearly a year..(hard to believe) and it was hard - as you say.
    but then i met my new boyfriend and we are still together.(five years) he is also respectful regarding dancing. he is not psycho nor he is against it so there are men outthere who are like that. what i would say about him he is a self confident person, same as me -- who needed the time to become self confident during my single times...
    with love
    mm

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    Featured Member sophiemarie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    It's not that I don't like myself. I am very self centered. I just want my man back. And maybe that is what is stopping me. Dancing is hard because most men won't accept it. Just like my last man for 5 years.
    If I had a normal home like I would take in more kittie but I know I can't. I got my cat from the Humane Society 2 years ago. And I really do love him. He thinks he's my man.

  21. #21
    Veteran Member Sinful333's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing and not having a man:Depression City

    I understand what you are saying and I have been dealing with something similar myself recently. But, I luckily have found someone and you will to.

    Love travels in mysterious ways, good luck.

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