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Thread: In over my head?

  1. #1
    Newbie banshee's Avatar
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    Default In over my head?

    Wow, where to start.

    I've known this girl for over 10 years. I'm not what you would call a strip-club regular but I would go a couple times a year and I would always seem to run into her and she alway recognized me and would come over to chat. Of course I figured this was just good salesmanship.
    Until about a couple months ago she calls me, out of the blue, and want's to know If I would like to get together. She's a real sweetheart why would I ever say no. Nothing sexual we just go for a motorcycle ride and end up talking and enjoying the day, The next "date" is to play tennis, again it's not a sexual thing at all we just enjoy each other's company and have fun. The next time we get together, we go hiking, this time we talk for hours and our first intimate interactions, you know kissing and what not.
    Since then we have been very intimate (ok, sex) but I get a very funny vibe from her, she wants to be with me but has lots of conditions and "rules". I now suspect and have heard from another dancer that she may be doing escort work on the side. I have this dred feeling that I'm in over my head and am about to get my heart broken.
    Any advice here? I'm pretty open minded and can deal with the stripping work, but an escort, this is probably beyond what I can wrap my head around. Now the problem is, If I confront her and she is doing escort work I'll have to part ways. However, the very act of asking if she's doing escort work (even if she's not) could push her away.
    Am I in over my head?

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: In over my head?

    Does she "benefit" from any of these get together? I think you first need to decide if you're okay with that line of work. Then, you need to find a polite way to bring up the subject, maybe. How many of these dates have you been on? Maybe she just doesn't think it's the time to tell you, yet.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess LuckiCharm's Avatar
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    Default Re: In over my head?

    i think if she is an escort, she isnt gonna tell you if you dont bring it up, and then she still might not even tell you. if you honestly believe thats what shes doing and shes being dishonest about it, then you should probly back off some and try not to get your feelings tied up in her.

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    Newbie banshee's Avatar
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    Default Re: In over my head?

    Define "benefit"? Are you asking if I'm paying her?
    No, we are just doing normal dating type things, hanging out, playing tennis, going to the beach, enjoying each outher's company. If we get something to eat I guess I do pay for that.

    As for her line of work, I can deal with the stripping. However, maybe I'm close minded but escorting would be over the line for me, sorry.

    We've been seeing each other for about a month and a half.

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    Newbie banshee's Avatar
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    Default Re: In over my head?

    Quote Originally Posted by LuckiCharm
    ...then you should probly back off some and try not to get your feelings tied up in her.
    I hear ya. Hmmm, that's easier said than done. I find myself really caring for her.

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    Newbie banshee's Avatar
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    Default Re: In over my head?

    Just as a little background, I'm not some teenager with a crush. I'm 40 and she's 32. Maybe this matters maybe it doesn't.

    I guess I came to this forum for the unique perspective from those of you who work in her field. As if it's not bad enough for the rest of the population, I can Imagine the relationship challenges must be so very different for strippers/dancers.

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    Default Re: In over my head?

    If I were you Id straight up ask her in a non-agressive way. Letting her know before she answers that whatever she says youll always be close. Slightly misleading but youll get an answer.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Default Re: In over my head?

    Dear god, seeing this all in writing is so very depressing. I see the path this is heading down and I really do need to heed the red flags that are going up in my head. It's time she and I had a talk.

    I think I'm going to go out for a walk and get some fresh air.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: In over my head?

    ^ I agree. Ask her. A month and a half of dating is too long if she's not telling you she's an escort... If she IS an escort. You could tell her someone told you about it and ask if it's true. Definately think about the wording.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  10. #10
    missalovelady
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    Default Re: In over my head?

    Rumors arent always true.Give her the benefit of the doubt.I say just flat out ask her and tell her what you heard.Be honest and tell her exactly what you wrote on here of how you feel.The worst could happen is the rumor is true.Maybe she "used to be'' an escort.Could you deal with that?Just have everything thought out before you have the conversation.If she is an escort ,if she would quit doing it to be w/ you,would you be with her then? Just think of all that too.Good luck,and have my fingers crossed for you that its not true.

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    Default Re: In over my head?

    Some times dancer friends aren't exactly "friends." Maybe the person that told you she was an escort was trying to steal you?

    I think my mind is a little corrupted.



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

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    Default Re: In over my head?

    Quote Originally Posted by hardkandee
    Maybe the person that told you she was an escort was trying to steal you?
    Steal me?! (snort)

    Look what you did you made me laugh and shoot milk out my nose.

    Seriously though, There are so many other red flags, that I really should have seen before, that lead me to now think there is something to this. I've also found out that most all the girls at this club entertain gentlemen outside of work. The person who told me this is male so I'm pretty sure he wasn't trying to steal me. Besides he's not my type.

    I'm going to talk to her about this. I would like to remain friends, but I guess that will be up to her.

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    Default Re: In over my head?

    Ah, I didn't realize the other dancer who told you was male.



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

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    Default Re: In over my head?

    No, you were right the first time, the dancer was female.

    This other person I've talked to is male. He knows the DJ/Bartender at the club.

    I really really wanted this information to not be true, this girl is a real sweetheart. Like I said, she and I need to sit down and have a talk. There are just too many warning signs for me to ignore them now.

  15. #15
    missalovelady
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    Default Re: In over my head?

    Men talk shit even more than dancer coworkers.Could it be he wants her or wants to try to get in her pants and dont you in his way?Also some guys just like to get shit stirred up for no particular reason.But you dont even give her a chance and just listening to gossip.It could be she is better off w/out you anyways.I sure wouldnt want to be w/ some asshole who beleived every bad thing said about me and assume the worst w/out even asking me.Most women like men who will stand up for them and not let people speak badly of them.I hope if its not true about her that she really chews on your ass.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: In over my head?

    ^^^^^What she said.

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