It’s been maybe 2 years, since we last seen each other.. it’s been maybe 1.5 years this has been going on… we been communicating through online journals, writing our thoughts and updates on our lives… it’s been that long and I still care, I don’t want to care because caring for her hurts..
I go crazy jealous when I read updates of her and her new relationships and keeping thinking I wish that was me holding her… I don’t want to be like this but it’s hard to stop.. I’ve always been a passionate person, through my cooking and dance but for sometime now I’ve been just getting all emotional and just eating my feelings away.
I went to the beach last Sunday, looking at all the pretty girls and most importantly seeing my friends with their GFs.. which made me kind of sad being one of the only 2 single guys in the group.. realizing how I just let life pass me by, .. it’s hard for me to be flower-hearted because I have always had the thought…idea of finding that one person to be with for the rest of my life, one girl, one love, one wife, one soul-mate. I’m really bad at dating people, because I don’t believe in the concept of dating people, you know you go out with someone dressing your best, behaving your best and trying your best to have a good conversation relating to that person.. it just that, why can’t you just be with someone, you know, sitting in the sofa watching a movie together and just be with someone for the sake of being with them? No bullshit that comes with dating, sigh…
What do you do when you’ve experienced love at first sight and having it turn out not to be… you have believed in magic for so long and going from one person to another without feeling that magic again, do you give up of that silly little idea of magic? Do you reform to not how you believe this world should be but to how this world actually is? I remember a smile, who made my heart beat really fast, giving me millions and zillions of butterflies in my tummy, making my soul and body weak as she got closer to me, waving at me, making me blush, out of breath just trying, trying to say a simple “hello”
I don’t know how love is but I hate this feeling that comes and go, I JUST HATE IT!!
I’m just ranting I guess, deciding, trying to let go and just stop reading her journal because for the most part, it’s not helping me![]()


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