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Thread: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

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    Default Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    So,

    I was out to dinner the other night with one of my best girlfriends. Love her to death, but god KNOWS we disagree on some shit. However, the other night, I had to set her straight.

    We were discussing women's issues (a favorite topic of ours), and on the complexities involved in rape issues and whatnot, especially when it comes to those who work in the sex industry. So this is what she tells me:

    "The other day, I was reading this story about this woman in the adult industry. She did porn, she saw guys as an escort for obscene amounts of money, and she also toured around the country making various appearances at strip clubs. Recently, she was supposedly out on a date with a client as an escort, and she claims that she was raped by him. And you know, I'm sitting here thinking, 'Okay...you've fucked god knows HOW many men, showed your hoo hah a bajillion times, and then all of a sudden, while you're out on a date with a customer who you're supposed to be having sex with anyway, you're crying rape?'"

    My eyes BLAZED. I said, "EXCUSE ME?? Oh, I'm sorry, so since she voluntary participates in porn or voluntary exchanges sex for money, she can't be raped? What, is it because sex should just be AUTOMATICALLY expected of her, and when someone does and she's not willing, they should just be able to TAKE it and she just has to SHUT UP? So if she's with a guy, and she decides that she is uncomfortable with this man or just does not want to go through sleeping with him, it's okay for him to just TAKE it???"

    My friend started stammering. I said to her, "You listen here, and you listen good. I do not care HOW many times you have jiggled your boobs in someone's face, or HOW many men you have fucked, even if it's on freakin' national live TV...when a woman decides she DOES NOT want to have sex, then NOBODY has the right to force that on her!!! Just because she's done it 1000 times does NOT mean she doesn't have the right to say NO when someone wants it for the 1001st time. It's attitudes like YOURS, that she's just SUPPOSED to be okay with it because she's a sex worker and that no one's going to believe her because of her work status, that's why so many women who get raped in the sex industry won't report it!!! So NOW what do you think of this woman? Still think she couldn't have possibly been raped?"

    She looked away, ashamed and shook her head no.

    I mean, goddammit. I'm not saying the woman is necessarily telling the truth. But don't assume she's LYING simply because she works in the sex industry!

    That just BURNS me!

    Anyone else feel this way or come across this attitude in various forms?

    Sorry...just had to rant about this...

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    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    *applauds* I heard a lot of bullshit like that during the whole Duke Rape Case thing in the news..
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    * standing ovation *

    !! !!


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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    god i know what you mean freinds that are not in the sex industry can be rather harsh. good for you for telling her like it is.

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    Member Rocket10's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    No you are not the only one who thinks this attitude is fucked up. It is an example of peoples small mindedness when it comes to issues like this and a majority of society do have this attitude, it's a shame. So when you hear people talking like that, speak up like BrainyGirl did even to your girlfriends or who ever it is and make them aware and give them another point of view. Everyone has rights!

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    Veteran Member Aine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Peoples pre-conceptions of who you are because of the line of work you do only shows how ignorant they truly are!!!

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    God/dess Gia2608's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    I agree too, I get really angry and usually inform people that in the 1940's and 1950's if a woman reported a rape she was often asked what she was wearing to determine is she "had it coming" but many of the beliefs that were widely accepted in that day are long over. Remember segregated lunch counters and Japanese prison camps and remember that mentally handicapped people were often confined to State Hospitals and tortured as medical experiments. That way of thinking all went out a long time ago and so should the perception of the men and women who work in adult.
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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Yepper. It's crap like that that pissed me off so about the whole Duke rape disaster. And you bet your sweet ass I speak up about it EVERY time I hear somebody spewing that shit.

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    Featured Member blondi553's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    u should get a standing ovation for that one.....glad you spoke ur mind!!!!!!

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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    I would have worked hard to keep myself from smacking her! What a dumbshit thing to say! SO! Exactly HOW many ppl do you have to willingly fuck before it's okay for people to rape you?!

    This PISSES me off! Did she come up with that idea all on her own?!
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Good for you! Those kinds of comments just burn me up too. That is like saying that it is impossible for a husband to rape his wife .


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Uggghhh!!! It's even more aggravating that ignorant beliefs like that are comming out of the mouths of other women!

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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    She really doesn't know the meaning of rape then. That was good, & hopefully she'll learn from your speech.

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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Say it sister....and you are NOT the only one who thinks it's fucked up.

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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Argh! This attitude coming from a WOMAN? I've recently read an article some guy wrote ranting about women who are not virgins but won't have sex with the guy they're dating straight away. This stuff annoys me so much! It's like "but you've already slept with someone else, so you should sleep with anyone that wants you to from now on". Dolts!

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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Quote Originally Posted by terra
    Argh! This attitude coming from a WOMAN? I've recently read an article some guy wrote ranting about women who are not virgins but won't have sex with the guy they're dating straight away. This stuff annoys me so much! It's like "but you've already slept with someone else, so you should sleep with anyone that wants you to from now on". Dolts!
    exactly! people who entertain this dillusional and irrational thought process are on one hell of a slippery slope. i mean, if a girl who works in the sex industry should be available for sex anywhere, anytime, for anyone, then what about girls who just sleep around a lot for free. and then what about girls who've had sex ever. i mean, they've done it at least once, so they're open for business, right? it's ridiculous. people need to start thinking more and talking less, dammit.

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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    That falls under the same logic that a husband can't rape his wife.


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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    It is extremely upsetting to me that not a single man has added this voice to his chorus so let me.

    I agree with all of you %110 percent and more, despite the fact that I am a 29 year old white man. It pains me to see what my peers think women will do and should do. I will say that, as I work in a law firm, these attitudes towards women are, sadly, not limited to women who work in the sex industry.

    I was a former criminal prosecutor. It was almost impossible to secure convictions on rape and sexual assault charges for the very reasons that you all are articulating. The evidence was there, the testimony was there. The jurors had terrible preconceptions of what rape was. And it was not enough to get the "old men" and "lacross players" off the jury. That young woman might, too, and she might be the one who acquits.

    What was the biggest frustration, the biggest saddness, and the biggest failure of my entire career is that the victims knew that, wouldn't testify, dropped the charges and walked away.

    Siber
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    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    ^^So, true, Siber.
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter
    *applauds* I heard a lot of bullshit like that during the whole Duke Rape Case thing in the news..
    Yeah, but I still think based on evidence and the testimony from the other dancer that was there - it probably didn't happen the way she said it did.

    And honestly, if you are going to put yourself in a risky situation like being piss ass drunk with a bunch of college frat boys you're a dumbass.
    Maybe not asking for rape, but if you lack that much common sense you probabaly shouldn't be working as a dancer or anything for that matter.

    Also, the original poster, I understand you're angry at her but she IS allowed to have her own opinion. As dumb as it is, I think you blew it WAYYYY out of proportion seeing as you now have to scream at more than half the American population for thinking the same damn way. It was pretty immature to yell at her and talk down to her like that, two wrongs don't make a right. She is intitled to her own opinion as are you.
    Formerly Known as "MulattoKitten".

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Quote Originally Posted by MulattoKittyn
    Also, the original poster, I understand you're angry at her but she IS allowed to have her own opinion. As dumb as it is, I think you blew it WAYYYY out of proportion seeing as you now have to scream at more than half the American population for thinking the same damn way. It was pretty immature to yell at her and talk down to her like that, two wrongs don't make a right. She is intitled to her own opinion as are you.
    people may be entitled to their own opinions, but we also have an obligation to enlighten the ignorant. if only because argument and debate are what move society forward. either way, you have to be careful about using this particular justification. you could apply it to any form prejudice in order to justify bad behavior. furthermore, some things are not a matter of opinion at all. i know it is unpopular to say so these days, but some things are simply right or wrong. and rape is certainly one of them.

    also, i didn't see BrainyDancerGirl write anything about screaming. yes, it appears that she spoke to her friend passionately, as should should have. that is hardly the same as screaming. from her explanation of the exchange, she seemed quite rational and logical in her argument.

    two wrongs don't make a right? i don't think she did anything wrong at all. in fact, i think she was not only right, but commendable for standing up for her beliefs. and, in general, relying on cliche's to prove a point only reveals the weakness of your argument.

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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Indeed, Georgia. Again, saw this happening in court. Letting rapists get away with it is, from any perspective really, wrong. I don't see how that can possibly be opinion, yes? Essentially, we live in a culture where gender is, under most circumstances, a license to rape. That is, rape is ok because, for the most part, he was a guy and she wasn't.


    Look at it this way......

    This is no different as race being a licence to commit similar crimes. We look back on, say, the Emmitt Till murder, in which two white men beat a young black man to death, then were acquitted by an all white jury, and we shake our heads at how awful the fifties were. We are saddened by the times in history when African-Americans knew that there was no justice in the courts because juries would not be fair to them. We teach our students how awful these times were, and we in New England even point our fingers at the naughty, naughty south (sorry, guys, but we do. ).

    But isn't this the same damn thing we're doing with women and rape cases today?

    Damn straight it is. And I hope, I REALLY hope, that my kids learn in history class about how awful it was back then in the 2000's, when it was different.

    Siber

    PS Stupid epilepsy makes me cloudy. Hope that made sense.

    PPS (See Minx's post below) Gonna bet money that that her friend did not report that, or dropped the charges before trial. Not because she was afraid of cops, or DAs or even damn barracuda defense attorneys, but cuz she thought no one on the jury would care. I hit it, Minx?
    Last edited by Siber; 08-09-2006 at 01:11 PM.
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Yes yes and YES to georgiapeach and Siber. There is NEVER a reasonable defense for rape, and NO it's NOT a matter of opinion.

    There's entitled to your opinion, and then there's plain old bullshit.

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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    That is so fucked up!! My best friend a few years ago was gang raped on Christmas Eve and some of our (at the time but no longer) friends said it was her own fault because they told her that the skirt she was wearing was to short. If she would have listened to them and changed earlier that morning it would have never happened! CRAZY BULSHIT!!! First of all the skirt was not to short and even if she was wearing only a thong it still shouldnt have happened!!!

    Oh god I need a Zanax now..... Shit like this just eats me up!!!!
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    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I the ONLY One Who Thinks This Attitude is FUCKED Up?

    Quote Originally Posted by MulattoKittyn
    Yeah, but I still think based on evidence and the testimony from the other dancer that was there - it probably didn't happen the way she said it did.
    Absolutely. The Duke case is an example of both sides being wrong. There is no physical evidence of rape and no corroborating evidence.
    Quote Originally Posted by MulattoKittyn
    And honestly, if you are going to put yourself in a risky situation like being piss ass drunk with a bunch of college frat boys you're a dumbass.
    Maybe not asking for rape, but if you lack that much common sense you probabaly shouldn't be working as a dancer or anything for that matter.
    Nothing disappoints me more than watching girls get caught up in the attention given to them by a bunch of "whoop it up!" type guys then get upset when the same guys get grabby or pushy.
    Quote Originally Posted by MulattoKittyn
    Also, the original poster, I understand you're angry at her but she IS allowed to have her own opinion. As dumb as it is, I think you blew it WAYYYY out of proportion seeing as you now have to scream at more than half the American population for thinking the same damn way. It was pretty immature to yell at her and talk down to her like that, two wrongs don't make a right. She is intitled to her own opinion as are you.
    Do the people on this forum understand that in 1996, congress created a $4 billion program to report abuse and rape of women by men and provide social services to women who claim to be abused and/or raped by men? Today, it is a $7 billion program. The funds are used to advertise/report/help women who are abused and/or raped by men. No men get these services and no women who were abused by other women.
    And we wonder why reported abuse and rape seem to get worse. Um, it like one of the only growing industries out there, paid by us taxpayers.


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