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Thread: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

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    Default 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Hey everyone...I have some new updates....Ive been on several interviews and after months of no offers......I FINALLY HAVE 2!!!!!!!!!!!Im jumping up and down. Im so excited! My big problem....Im pregnant. Im showing but not to the point where people can tell im pregnant....I just look chubby. But in about 1 month i think I will be obvious. The job i really want it working for a non-profit organization as an admin. assistant. Its an awesome cause and i'd love it but it starts in Sept. The 2nd one is something im not too crazy about but begins immediatley as part time and will progress to part time. The employer of the 2nd offer just had a baby herself 1 year ago but the job is more demanding and we didnt exactly have the best chemistry going due to something with my resume. Things got better though and now she wants me.
    Ive been hired at both but I dont know what to do? should I start at the 2nd job that begins immediately and tell her after 1 or 2 weeks? Should I tell the employer of the position that I really want 1 week before im supposed to start? Should I wanit until I cant hide it anymore? I dont want to decieve anyone but I REALLY need a job....
    Im willing to work til my 9th month and resume about 1-1 1/2 months after the baby's born...I dont know what to do. I'd really appreciate the advice. Thanks!

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    I think you should wait until you kow you're legally safe (you might be now, especially if you have the offer in writing.) Find out for sure.

    Then say to your new boss, "I wasn't sure when to tell you, but I wanted to tell you as soon as possible....." Make sure you tell them you intend to stay for the long haul and after the baby is born (employers aren't too crazy about you leaving, but they are even less crazy about training someone to only have them stay a short time.)

    I think that's doing the responsible thing.

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    I would suggest waiting a bit. MOST women wait to tell their employers about pregnancy until around the 4th month (you know, to make sure they're out of the "red zone"). If you are not quite 4 months, you could always say you were "making sure".

    After you've been hired and are getting trained, I think is the best time to say something. If they like you and you do good work, and you KNOW you'll be going back, then it doesn't matter that you'll be having a baby. They'll be happy to have you back.

    When are you due?

    BTW...legally, you have 6-8 weeks (depends on the company) for maternity leave. That's for non-complicated vaginal birth. It's a bit more if you have a C-Section and no matter what, they have to give you until whenever the doctor gives you a medical release. The company is REQUIRED to give you your job back with equal pay. It doesn't exactly have to be the same position, but it has to be the same hours/pay.

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Thanks for the advice Emily and Venus.....I dont have anything in writing though. The 1st employer(not for profit) wants me to come in Sept and the other one wants me to start immediately under a part time trial.If things go well...she will take me on as full time. Im just scared both of them are going to take back their offers if they know im pregnant. i wish i had at least built somekind of relationship with them 1st so i'd feel safer.....Im due Feb 14...Im scheduled to start the non profit Sept. after the holiday...

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Well, I would go with the Sept. opening.

    With the part-time "trial" job, they could let you go with no reason. But, with the other job, once you start, you're started, correct?

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    i would go with the september job too....the fact that the job has u on a trial period and can fire you at any moment sucks, so go with the sept. one......and dont tell them u r pregnant until u have to, thats what i would do

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Yep, They can not ask you if you are pregnant, how you will get to work, etc. So, certainly don't volunteer it.
    Don't take the temp one as VG says they can let you go with out cause at any time.
    As long as you can still do your job -- pregnancy should have no impact on the decision to hire you.

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Yep, all signs point to job number one as the one to pick.

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    yes, and here's why...

    1-If you don't tell them, it's akin to lying. Not quite the same, but close.

    2-If a company would then withdraw its offer because of your pregnancy, would you really want to work for them anyway?

    3-A company worth working for would hire you no matter your parental status.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    It is akin to lying... but I still wouldn't tell them. There is a reason laws have been passed protecting pregnant women. It is because they face rampant discrimination in the workforce. You are under no legal obligation to tell them - in fact I think you are specifcially legally exonerated from telling them (see the above reason). And so many companies, big and small engage in this behaviour that taking a "well, it's their loss" attitude is not comforting. Tell them after you are hired.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Do not tell them... Even if they ask. It's completely illegal for them to ask. It's not lying at all. Don't risk the discrimination.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    I didn't want to say anything but I'm going to put it this way:

    If I were a company I'd be PISSED you lied. You're four months along almost, right? That means you have five months. That also means that once you FINALLY learn the ins and outs of a job I need to TRAIN SOMEONE ELSE to take your place after five months so you can take time off (That I PAY for, because of the law)... so essentially, because you lied, I'm paying almost triple (training of you, them and preg. leave) so that you can work.

    Of course, because of the above reasons, I wouldn't hire a pregnant woman. I would consider it a liability.

    I'm so going to get flamed now.


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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Lillith, I half agree with you. I was put in that position earlier this year, in a way. I hired a woman with three kids. She didn't tell me anything about the kids in the interview, but I did ask her if there was anything that would take time away from her job, and she said no. Well, the kids HAVE taken time away. I'd have still hired her, because she was the best candidate, but I felt lied to.

    If the person was high enough quality, I'd work with them. But I want to know. Starting out any relationship based on deceit...that's not good. If you want to work, wait to get pregnant, or vice versa.

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde
    If the person was high enough quality, I'd work with them. But I want to know. Starting out any relationship based on deceit...that's not good. If you want to work, wait to get pregnant, or vice versa.
    LOL...Yeah, wait to get pregnant. Or if the person wants to work for your company..."Wait to adopt kids until after you've retired."

    How is you training the person now or 5 years ago going to affect that when she leaves on maternity leave, you'll still be "training" someone for the position...and paying for maternity leave? Do you think that after 5 years it doesn't cost you anything? How is hiring a pregnant woman who is good at what she does and shows up and works hard the whole time any worse than hiring someone who only does what is needed, never does anything more...someone who you'll have to fire in 5 months because they just aren't making the cut?

    You're being very closed-minded about hiring a pregnant woman...and people like you are the reason that the law does not require a pregnant woman to disclose that she is pregnant. It's also the reason why a lot of people do not disclose that they have kids...most employers do not want to hire people who have kids for fear that they will take time off to *gasp* take care of their kids.

    But, I'm wondering...would you feel just as pissed if the person was in the process of adopting a child and all? The law also requires that you give adoptive parents a sort of "maternity leave" to bond with the child just as you would give a new mom.


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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde
    Lillith, I half agree with you. I was put in that position earlier this year, in a way. I hired a woman with three kids. She didn't tell me anything about the kids in the interview, but I did ask her if there was anything that would take time away from her job, and she said no. Well, the kids HAVE taken time away. I'd have still hired her, because she was the best candidate, but I felt lied to.
    That is really good - I mean that you are so open to working with women, and acknowledge the different and greater demands that are put on them. But you must realize that most people aren't as fair and open as you.

    If the person was high enough quality, I'd work with them. But I want to know. Starting out any relationship based on deceit...that's not good. If you want to work, wait to get pregnant, or vice versa.
    Unfortunately, that is not the way the world works. It is rather simple to set up employment laws and practices like the company is a vacuum hurtling through space with no social context, or world surrounding it, and in that world both men and women get pregnant and have children. I agree that generally women subsidize men's careers so that employers have traditionally not needed to consider their family life, but that is slowly changing, and many women don't consider not working an option. When all employers are as fair and decent to job candidates as you seem to be, this will no longer be an issue.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess
    LOL...Yeah, wait to get pregnant. Or if the person wants to work for your company..."Wait to adopt kids until after you've retired."

    How is you training the person now or 5 years ago going to affect that when she leaves on maternity leave, you'll still be "training" someone for the position...and paying for maternity leave? Do you think that after 5 years it doesn't cost you anything? How is hiring a pregnant woman who is good at what she does and shows up and works hard the whole time any worse than hiring someone who only does what is needed, never does anything more...someone who you'll have to fire in 5 months because they just aren't making the cut?

    You're being very closed-minded about hiring a pregnant woman...and people like you are the reason that the law does not require a pregnant woman to disclose that she is pregnant. It's also the reason why a lot of people do not disclose that they have kids...most employers do not want to hire people who have kids for fear that they will take time off to *gasp* take care of their kids.

    But, I'm wondering...would you feel just as pissed if the person was in the process of adopting a child and all? The law also requires that you give adoptive parents a sort of "maternity leave" to bond with the child just as you would give a new mom.

    You are only thinking about this from YOUR POV. Think about the other way around...you are in charge of hiring someone that will affect YOUR income. If the person misses a lot of work, it affects how much money YOU make and maybe even your career and possibly even you keeping your job. Wouldn't you want to know everything about a person that might affect YOU before you hire them?

    I appreciate that women want to have kids and I am all ok with that...but why are you looking right when you KNOW you're pregnant? Can't you wait til you have your kid, take a few months, then look for work?

    WOuld you date a guy for a few months before telling him you're pregnant?

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde
    You are only thinking about this from YOUR POV. Think about the other way around...you are in charge of hiring someone that will affect YOUR income. If the person misses a lot of work, it affects how much money YOU make and maybe even your career and possibly even you keeping your job. Wouldn't you want to know everything about a person that might affect YOU before you hire them?
    How are they AFFECTING you? "What are the odds that you will fall and get hurt on the job? Do you bruise easily? Do you have any allergies or other medical problems that could prevent you from doing your job a day or two a month? Can you tell me which days you will need to have off if you get sick so I can make a determination on whether you would be right for the job? Are you thinking of birthing/adopting any children while you work here? Do you already have children? If so, is there a way that you can put them into foster care or adopt them out so it won't interfere with your work?"

    What information, exactly, do you think you are privy to? Also, why not just fire the person when you find this information out? Either way, by denying them a job or firing them for the same reason, you are discriminating and I guess all that money you "saved" will be used up in lawyer fees and court costs...so whatever rocks your boat, baby.

    I appreciate that women want to have kids and I am all ok with that...but why are you looking right when you KNOW you're pregnant? Can't you wait til you have your kid, take a few months, then look for work?
    How arrogant is this? Why is she looking for a job now??? Can't she wait?

    "Hi *mortgage company, landlord, bill collector, My name is __________ and I am pregnant. I would get a job right now, but I'd sure hate to inconvenience anyone. I had a job but lost it right when I found out I was preggers. So, since no one should have to hire and train me so that I can make money and pay my bills, I am respectfully requesting that you all hold off on trying to collect money from me, foreclosing on my house, or evicting me because I would like to just finish out the 5 months of my pregnancy, do my 8 weeks maternity leave and THEN go look for a job. Oh, could I have a credit line increase as well??? I'll need to buy lots of diapers and formula after the baby is born...and being that I won't have a job until about 8 months from now...I'll need the space on the credit card."

    WOuld you date a guy for a few months before telling him you're pregnant?
    This is stupid. The guy doesn't pay my bills.

    But, since you asked: I didn't tell Joe I was pregnant until I was almost 3 months...but we live togther, so I guess that doesn't count.

    You're being very selfish. You are thinking from YOUR POV. You have a business and within the confines of having a business, there are certain risks that you have to take. Businesses make and lose money all the time. It's a RISK of owning a business. You think that a woman should decide whether to have kids or have a job. What would you tell a MAN if he didn't tell you he was a single father? The same thing? "Why don't you raise your kids on welfare and when they are grown, come back and see if there is a position open."???

    Oh, and BTW...that is why you have INSURANCE. The COMPANY doesn't pay for the actual hours...it's covered by Short Term Disability. You may pay the premiums, but what's the difference?

    Oh, geez...please tell me when you're hiring again so I can apply there. Must be a super stellar place to work.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    VG, let me give you my specific instance. I manage a sales district. Each of the reps that reports to me is responsible for 1.5-3 million dollars in sales each year. I have 10 reps that report to me and my district's 06 sales goal is 21.5 million dollars. A new rep takes a few months to get off the ground. During that time, I am working with that rep very heavily, which means the other reps see less of me and I have less of an impact with them. So, let's say I hire a rep who is 4 months pregnant. Just as I am getting her to the point where she is ok, she goes on leave for 3 months. That's essentially like not having a rep in that territory for 8 months, and me having to work it as if there were no rep. Meanwhile the other reps don't see me as much, and that affects their bottom line. So...let's say because of all of this, 3-4 of my reps miss goal (including the pregnant one) and my district misses goal...all because I hired a pregnant rep. My boss asks me why I missed goal, and I have to say "well, you know, my new hire was pregnant when she was hired and it kind of screwed things up etc." Next thing you know, I'm being scrutinized, and that pregnant rep is under the gun the following year.

    You see how this can affect other people? What is so wrong with waiting til you've had your kid to look for work? Corporate America is not a bread line, it's a business.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    And let me add....if I miss goal, it means at LEAST $25k that I miss out on, and the reps that miss goal miss out on at least $16k. The average yearly bonus we pay to managers is $40k and reps make $25-30K. That's a lot to take a chance on with a pregnant rep.

    I'm not saying I wouldn't hire one...but if it came down to two people, I'd rather hire the non-pregnant one. Would YOU want to take a chance on missing out on 40 grand?

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    To Mr. Hyde: I understand your perspective but I've made sure both jobs werent going to involve any serious training that will be disrupted by my leave. Neither job is in the type of field where I'm out pitching sales or have a montly quota that im in charge of filling. I couldnt "wait" until after I had the baby to look for a job. I support myself. As for waiting to tell a guy...LOL. What a "guy" thing to say. Sorry but there's no comparrison b/w having a baby and working and having a babay and starting a new relationship with a guy....My personal and professional life do not have anything to do with each other.

    Anyway Everyone else, Thanks again for all of your advice! I've taken the 1st job and have decided to wait to tell them until about my 16-18th week. That will give me time to research their policies toward having a child and also come up with a maternity leave plan. Im so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 14 weeks this week!

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Good luck...I did NOT mean to come across as a jerk...but I just agree with Lillith...things like this affect more than just yourself. I hope it all works out for you, I really do.

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    this is actually a tough one.

    technically, the company couldn't discriminate on the basis of pregnancy or family responsibilities (in australia at least). whether you're pregnant or not should have no bearing on your viability as a qualified candidate. to do so is just straight up discrimination.

    looking at the bottom line from a pragmatic view is one thing - but it is a wholly sexist and discriminatory view, which discounts the human person involved.

    if men carried the children, there would have been paid maternity leave worldwide, paid for by an employee/employer contributory scheme, long before now.

    i would keep my mouth shut re: pregnancy until you're out of the danger zone, because the rest of the world has not caught up with what constitutes direct discrimination, and why it is wrong. a pregnancy is not a disability in my view, it is a massive service to humanity.

    one day the laws will be written by legislatures comprised of 50% men and 50% women (representative of the society for which they write), perhaps then the importance of pregnancy will be recognised and actually properly provided for by the society that reaps its benefit.

    i do apologise if this is soapboxy and serious.. it's just REALLY important!

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    Default Re: 2 job offers...do i tell them im pregnant?

    Hey guys...quick update. Ive started my job and everything seems to be going great. I love this place and am sooooo happy with it! Im 4 months now and everything is going great. 2-3 supervisors know...the last one is a biggie but he'll know as of tonight and i will know his response Monday. Im scred but so excited that i have this off my chest! Yayyyy!

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