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Thread: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    My brother is going away to an Ivy League college in 2 weeks. He is going in to one of their sports programs. (He was admitted b/c of extremely high grades, he was salutatorian and has 11 AP classes with the highest score of 5 and he has won state medals for cross country)

    He has NEVER partied and never drank, not even a beer. He will be spending a week in a junior's house prior to school starting. After that he'll be in a regular dorm. He has told me that he doesn't know what to do when he gets offered a beer. He said he doesn't know if he really wants to drink.

    As an older sister, what should I do. my mom said maybe I should sit with him and have a few drinks so he knows how it feels. I kinda agree that I/we should do something like that - IF he wants to. I think it would be in his best interest, b/c I'm afraid the kids might give him a hard time. He's always been popular even though he doesn't drink (you know how HS can be) and I'm afraid these Ivy League guys won't be like the HS he went to and will give him a hard time and he'll end up depressed or maybe heavily drinking.

    Does any of this make sense? I mean, my brother has had to work very hard to get into this school. My family is a middle-class family from the midwest. he isn't getting b/c of mommy & daddy, if you know what I mean. And also, I'm afraid he won't be ready to find a happy medium of drinking socially and not binge drinking or not drinking at all. Is it possible to go to college and not drink at all? I don't know.

    can anyone relate, or give any advice?






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  2. #2
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    Puking as a freshman is a rite of passage. Waking up hungover with a stranger (a girl, we hope) is likewise part of the standard college experience, even at good schools. Don't worry about him. Sounds like he's smart; he will learn, he will thrive.

  3. #3
    Cally
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    What if he just tells them hes on medication for something or other and he cant drink? Or he could pull the coyote ugly trick and take a shot and spit it into a beer bottle, eventually everyone else will be wasted and they wont notice hes not. As long as he does it in moderation... I know he doesnt want to drink so hopefully the meds thing will work.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    If he is under 21 the answer is already there. It's illegal and he doesn't want to fuck up his scholarships/grants/etc.

    If he falls into the party crowd, he won't be in college very long for you to worry about him there anyway.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    How about if he just says "No Thank You" and holds a glass of coke or water or club soda in the other hand? I mean, he's going to college, not an afterschool special. He can offer to be the designated driver. Everyone will love him. He will be very popular indeed.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    ^ What Jenny said. Twice.

    Alcohol--especially in college--isn't particularly glamourous.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    I normally don't drink if I drove, but it helps to ALWAYS have a cup with anything but water in it. On you at all times.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    yeah, in college, not-drinking was totally acceptable, as long as you weren't being self-righteous and weird about other people deciding to drink.

    it's like with drugs. most drug users don't really care whether anyone around them does or not, if they don't act weird about people using drugs in front of them. this is in my experience of heavy drinkers and druggies in college and beyond.

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    Thanks guys. I'm just kinda freaking out, b/c he's kinda a goody-two-shoes in this respect. Me and my younger sister are quite the opposite and I'm just kinda nervous for him. He's got a really good head on his shoulders, bookwise and streetwise, but ....I just worry that he won't know what to do with himself. He's handled it here fine and it never got in the way of his social life. He said he really didn't WANT to drink. I mean, he and his group didn't even drink on prom night. But then he voiced concern about being in this junior's house and if parties are going on, etc. I know he's worried about fitting in, b/c not only of the drinking situation, but also the different economic background from most of these Ivy League kids.

    I'll keep reading your advice and I'm gonna run it by him. Luckily I have a close relationship with him, I just wasn't sure of the different ways I could/should handle this.






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  10. #10
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    There are no-drinking fraternity houses at some major universities & he can always offer to be the designated driver, which will make him even more popular.

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    Thanks for the no-drinking support and excuses for that. i'm sure it will help while he's trying to figure himself out and see what he wants to.

    I'd also like to bring something else up that I know bothers him - my family has serious addiction problems. Severe alcoholism, heroin addiction, gambling addiction.....you name it, someone in my family is addicted to it.






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    Member TeethOfTheHydra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    I was way over drinking by the time I got to college, having been an enthusiastic underage drinker who had a few too many bad experiences to want to continue drinking in an unfamiliar setting. Although I'll admit my attitude was snobby, no one ever gave me shit about not drinking... my line of choice was "No thanks, I'm over it." You could recommend that he say that too, implying that he's not a goody two-shoes (if that's something he's worried about) while comfortably maintaining his choice not to drink.

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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Deogol
    If he is under 21 the answer is already there. It's illegal and he doesn't want to fuck up his scholarships/grants/etc.

    If he falls into the party crowd, he won't be in college very long for you to worry about him there anyway.
    That's a good idea, he can just tell the other college kids that he doesn't want to risk losing his scholarshipis and grants or whatever. He worked hard to get where he is. I mean, he's not starting middle school, he's starting college, they should be a little more mature about it when he says no.

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    Veteran Member Eques's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Deogol
    If he is under 21 the answer is already there. It's illegal and he doesn't want to fuck up his scholarships/grants/etc.

    If he falls into the party crowd, he won't be in college very long for you to worry about him there anyway.
    You do realize everyone at all colleges from dropouts to 4.0s are 'the party crowd' right?

    As far as not-drinking, its acceptable, no one really cares so long as you're not a prick about it.
    Never stand begging for that which you have the power to earn.

    The truth lies in a man's dreams... perhaps in this unhappy world of ours whose madness is better than a foolish sanity.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Eques
    You do realize everyone at all colleges from dropouts to 4.0s are 'the party crowd' right?

    As far as not-drinking, its acceptable, no one really cares so long as you're not a prick about it.
    Not in my day.

    The partier's generally flunked out in the freshmen year.

    But I have heard school has changed since then.

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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    At UD (my alum) kids get drunk and hit by trains.... EVERY YEAR.

    I am not a party pooper... but... I watched PLENTY of kids flunk. Academic Probation. Probation Probabtion. DUI.

    Your brother sounds like a smart kid. Driven and determined. Tell him that, no doubt, people are going to offer him beer, drugs, other shit... and what he does is his choice... but for every action is consequence... inaction has consequence... ask him what is more important to him... being the party boy... or graduating and having the rest of his life to be an adult and do adult things? to me it sounds as if he already knows that he isn't interested in the party scene... People will like him more for being himself... then compromising who he is just to "fit in."

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    Thanks guys, you've helped put it into perspective for me. I got kicked out of a university for over-partying and under-studying, so I guess I was just over-thinking the whole thing and freaking out. I mean, I'm sure he's been around peer-pressure before and he'll know how to handle himself when the time comes. If he wants to, he'll drink. If not, he won't. I was pretty much a wild child and the concept of him never drinking before scared me, but I'm sure he'll be fine.






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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    I wouldn't recommend sitting down and drinking with him if alcoholism runs in your family. Sometimes if the genetic tendency is there, all it takes is one drink to start down that slippery slope.

    If he is happy and enjoying life w/o alcohol, once he goes to a couple of parties and doesn't drink, he'll see what idiots eveyone else turns into, and likely will get turned off to the whole idea anyway.


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    Senior Member Daniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Hello_Kitty27
    Thanks guys, you've helped put it into perspective for me. I got kicked out of a university for over-partying and under-studying, so I guess I was just over-thinking the whole thing and freaking out. I mean, I'm sure he's been around peer-pressure before and he'll know how to handle himself when the time comes. If he wants to, he'll drink. If not, he won't. I was pretty much a wild child and the concept of him never drinking before scared me, but I'm sure he'll be fine.
    I hear ya. I went to school in NYC, partied my ass off, didn't study and my gpa sucked. I didn't care about it until I decided to change careers and go back to school.
    I'm paying for it now..

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    Default Re: Brother Going to College - need drinking advice

    Life 101 - the class that lasts a lifetime . Let him experience life and learn from it he will do fine .

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