OK a few days ago, I was in a bad mood so I wrote a thread titled "I'm tired of being a pushover" or something to that effect. I wrote that I let myself get used by employers, acquaintences, customers, etc simply because I'm too nice and am deathly afraid of looking like an out-of-line bitch if I say "no." This has been a major weakness of mine and something I kinda hate myself for. I started thinking about this issue again when I gave my guy friend Brian a ride home from a concert, costing me all this gas money and misc expenses. Then I found out that same day that earlier, he'd paid his female friend $100 to drive him to the concert, yet he wasn't paying me anything to drive him home even though I've been strapped for cash.
Well, yesterday I was talking to my friend Mike Nobody on the phone. Mike Nobody is a mutual friend of Brian and I, and in case you can't tell by his nickname, he is this kinda scrawny dweeby guy who has a timid nature and can't stand up for himself. For example, his parents forbid him to hang out with friends even though he's 20 and a good kid, use him as their personal Cinderella to clean the house, and stole money from him before. Also, Brian's borrowed money from Mike Nobody and to this day hasn't paid Mike back. So I vented to Mike about how the situation with driving Brian home, and how I feel like a pushover, he related to this, and I asked him for advice. He told me that I should gradually become less and less lenient over time, and that because Brian and them already have me pegged as a pushover, if I stand up for myself 100% all of a sudden, that they won't take well to it and will think I'm being a bitch. For example, next time I should give him a ride but ask for a fraction of the gas expense, then next time ask him to pay a larger amount for gas, etc progressing slowly over time. He said that the reason Brian's female friend can command $100 for giving a ride, is because she is known to demand things like this all the time. What???How does that make the female friend's ride more "valuable" than mine?
I do not agree with this and I think Mike's advice demonstrates his being a pushover! I don't WANT to wait a prolonged period of time and "paying my dues" before I can demand the rights that other people demand right off the bat. This isn't like a corporate job where I have to start at the bottom and work my way up the job ladder, or like rebuilding a credit score where I have to start small and gradually wait time for my credit to improve...this is standing up for myself so that I stop fuckin losing out on things in life! But at the same time, I don't know how to go about being more assertive in a way that won't be construed as bitchy. What do you think?


How does that make the female friend's ride more "valuable" than mine?
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