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Thread: Funny

  1. #1
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    Funny


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    Veteran Member kelly514's Avatar
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    Default Re: Funny

    thats funny lol... and pathetic

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    Cally
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    Default Re: Funny


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    Default Re: Funny

    Here's new one ; it's long...but funny as fuck!

    from austin.craigslist.org:

    The girl in the pink Killers shirt at the Killers concert

    I want to take this time to send out a special, special dedication to the
    girl standing to my left at the Killers concert last night at Stubb's.

    Yes, you in the pink Killers shirt. You must be a big fan. I know this not
    because of your attire (although that was a pretty good clue), but because
    of the way that you raised your hands and rocked them back and forth wildly
    in my field of vision for the entire show. At first, I admit I was annoyed
    by the distraction, but soon enough my annoyance turned to curiosity as I
    began to notice what you were doing.

    It started off slowly. There would be a lyric saying "come on" or something
    similar and your raised hands would beckon slightly. I figured that you were
    kind of in the moment and perhaps dreaming about beckoning the dreamy midget
    lead singer to come ravish you in front of your meathead boyfriend. Fair
    enough. But then a few seconds later, there was a line saying "you shouldn't
    do that" or something similar and I noticed that you reverted to a wagging
    finger like Dikembe Mutumbo used to do after blocking a shot.

    Wait a minute, I thought. She can't really be dancing to a literal
    interpretation of the words in the song. That would be too much like that
    old SNL sketch which was clearly derogatory towards the person doing the
    dancing. But it was. I mean, you WERE doing that. At this point, I began to
    ignore the show and focus on you to see what other treats you had in store,
    and I must say I was not disappointed. For the next few songs, I was witness
    to an impressive array of gestures like holding your hand over your heart
    when he said the word "heart" or motioning to your eyes when he said
    something about seeing something.

    It got even better on that one song that had kind of a techno-y opening on
    the keyboard, and you started doing the Robot. Well, sort of. Kind of a
    half-assed version where you just move your hands and don't bother keeping
    your head still or pivoting on your feet. Maybe Mr. Miyagi had you "slicing
    the carrots" as part of your unconventional karate training, but I didn't
    hear any lyrics about carrots so that's probably not it.

    Also, don't think I didn't notice your unique way of cheering. Instead of
    doing the traditional "woo" that is so popular with the kids today, you
    switched it up and tapped your hand in front of your mouth to make it sound
    like an Indian war cry from an old Western. Do you mind if I call it a Sioux
    Woo? Because that rhymes even though it totally doesn't look like it from
    the spelling.

    Anyhow, as I was saying between your gesturing in my line of sight and your
    strident cheering I couldn't NOT pay attention to you. And that was before
    you started smoking! I knew you would burn my arm with a wild flail of your
    arm. Really, I did. What surprised me was how soon it happened. Social
    graces would dictate that you would be a bit more careful when holding
    something that is on fire. I was bracing myself for a lyric that had the
    word "burn" or "fire" in it, but I guess you had already scanned through all
    the lyrics in that particular song and finding nothing worthy of synchronous
    burnination, you decided to get it over with. Well played.

    It was a few minutes later that I began to notice flaws in your work. When
    the lead singer announced that they would be performing a new song, I saw
    the crestfallen look in your eyes. Turns out it's not so fucking easy to do
    exactly what the song is saying when you don't already have the words
    memorized. I would have thought that a pro like yourself could adapt on they
    fly, but I was disappointed. After several more new or non-radio songs where
    all you could manage was a feeble sway, I began to get concerned. Most of
    the popular songs had already been performed and it was beginning to look
    like you would falter after such a strong start.

    But then "Mr. Brightside" came to the rescue. Oh poppy, stick-in-your-head
    "Mr. Brightside". You delivered the highlight of the evening here. On the
    line, "It started out with a kiss" you turned around and forcefully planted
    one on your unsuspecting date. On time. Then you turned around so you could
    make a sleeping motion for the line "Now I'm falling asleep". Finally
    several lines later when they said "But she's touching his chest now" you
    turned back around and made sure to caress your man's pecs right as the
    words were spoken. Outstanding! I was really enthralled by this because I
    saw the possibilities of what came next. I knew that a couple of lines later
    you would have the chance to put the cherry on top of your delicious
    performance art sundae.

    And then the line came, "I just can't look, it's killing me". Sure, you
    looked away, but then you totally didn't pull out a knife and eviscerate
    yourself! You fucking amateur. I believed in you. They didn't pat people
    down coming in. You totally could have done it, but you lacked the vision
    and the commitment to your craft to pull it off.

    So, in summary, I would have enjoyed the concert more if you had killed
    yourself you fucking bitch.

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