






thats funny lol... and pathetic




Here's new one ; it's long...but funny as fuck!
from austin.craigslist.org:
The girl in the pink Killers shirt at the Killers concert
I want to take this time to send out a special, special dedication to the
girl standing to my left at the Killers concert last night at Stubb's.
Yes, you in the pink Killers shirt. You must be a big fan. I know this not
because of your attire (although that was a pretty good clue), but because
of the way that you raised your hands and rocked them back and forth wildly
in my field of vision for the entire show. At first, I admit I was annoyed
by the distraction, but soon enough my annoyance turned to curiosity as I
began to notice what you were doing.
It started off slowly. There would be a lyric saying "come on" or something
similar and your raised hands would beckon slightly. I figured that you were
kind of in the moment and perhaps dreaming about beckoning the dreamy midget
lead singer to come ravish you in front of your meathead boyfriend. Fair
enough. But then a few seconds later, there was a line saying "you shouldn't
do that" or something similar and I noticed that you reverted to a wagging
finger like Dikembe Mutumbo used to do after blocking a shot.
Wait a minute, I thought. She can't really be dancing to a literal
interpretation of the words in the song. That would be too much like that
old SNL sketch which was clearly derogatory towards the person doing the
dancing. But it was. I mean, you WERE doing that. At this point, I began to
ignore the show and focus on you to see what other treats you had in store,
and I must say I was not disappointed. For the next few songs, I was witness
to an impressive array of gestures like holding your hand over your heart
when he said the word "heart" or motioning to your eyes when he said
something about seeing something.
It got even better on that one song that had kind of a techno-y opening on
the keyboard, and you started doing the Robot. Well, sort of. Kind of a
half-assed version where you just move your hands and don't bother keeping
your head still or pivoting on your feet. Maybe Mr. Miyagi had you "slicing
the carrots" as part of your unconventional karate training, but I didn't
hear any lyrics about carrots so that's probably not it.
Also, don't think I didn't notice your unique way of cheering. Instead of
doing the traditional "woo" that is so popular with the kids today, you
switched it up and tapped your hand in front of your mouth to make it sound
like an Indian war cry from an old Western. Do you mind if I call it a Sioux
Woo? Because that rhymes even though it totally doesn't look like it from
the spelling.
Anyhow, as I was saying between your gesturing in my line of sight and your
strident cheering I couldn't NOT pay attention to you. And that was before
you started smoking! I knew you would burn my arm with a wild flail of your
arm. Really, I did. What surprised me was how soon it happened. Social
graces would dictate that you would be a bit more careful when holding
something that is on fire. I was bracing myself for a lyric that had the
word "burn" or "fire" in it, but I guess you had already scanned through all
the lyrics in that particular song and finding nothing worthy of synchronous
burnination, you decided to get it over with. Well played.
It was a few minutes later that I began to notice flaws in your work. When
the lead singer announced that they would be performing a new song, I saw
the crestfallen look in your eyes. Turns out it's not so fucking easy to do
exactly what the song is saying when you don't already have the words
memorized. I would have thought that a pro like yourself could adapt on they
fly, but I was disappointed. After several more new or non-radio songs where
all you could manage was a feeble sway, I began to get concerned. Most of
the popular songs had already been performed and it was beginning to look
like you would falter after such a strong start.
But then "Mr. Brightside" came to the rescue. Oh poppy, stick-in-your-head
"Mr. Brightside". You delivered the highlight of the evening here. On the
line, "It started out with a kiss" you turned around and forcefully planted
one on your unsuspecting date. On time. Then you turned around so you could
make a sleeping motion for the line "Now I'm falling asleep". Finally
several lines later when they said "But she's touching his chest now" you
turned back around and made sure to caress your man's pecs right as the
words were spoken. Outstanding! I was really enthralled by this because I
saw the possibilities of what came next. I knew that a couple of lines later
you would have the chance to put the cherry on top of your delicious
performance art sundae.
And then the line came, "I just can't look, it's killing me". Sure, you
looked away, but then you totally didn't pull out a knife and eviscerate
yourself! You fucking amateur. I believed in you. They didn't pat people
down coming in. You totally could have done it, but you lacked the vision
and the commitment to your craft to pull it off.
So, in summary, I would have enjoyed the concert more if you had killed
yourself you fucking bitch.
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