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Thread: JOB affecting personal life?

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    Veteran Member laplover69's Avatar
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    Default JOB affecting personal life?

    I have known many dancers over the years seriously dated a few and am just "good friends" with others... A fair percentage of them are bascially asexual or use their toys as the JOB of a "stripper" has desensitized them to any meaningful sexual or romantic relationships with ANY MAN. I can understand how being groped all day by disrespectful men may make one very jaded towards ALL men, but when the JOB really affects your personal life this much is it time for counseling or another job even though the liklihood of finding a JOB that pays as much is slim to none for a lot of dancers?? Sad thing is there are a lot of guy "friends" who genuinely care for dancers and accept the just "friends" aspect, and there are "custies" who could give a flying fuc whether they live or die get more action (albeit paid) than the guy "friends" who genuinely care for them both ITC and OTC. Guess there are a lot of dancers that feel awkward giving a paid groping dance to someone they consider a "friend" instead of a "custie"? I always like to think if you have to pay for even just a groping lapdance the liklihood of sincerity for either party is slim, therefore if you have mutual "feelings" of just "friends" then you shouldn't pay directly for a false affection lapper... (it even feels awkward for me to) . You will ultimately pay in several other ways though by being just their "friend".
    Last edited by laplover69; 08-18-2006 at 12:00 PM.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    you are assuming that the job has made us bitter towards men.....

    Have you considered that the women were already bitter towards men before the dancing? Or maybe they just claim they are "asexual" around you because they really don't want a sexual relationship with you. Just because you "genuinely care", it doesn't mean it's reciprocated.

    Because, as someone who has been dancing for 4+ years, I can say I love men. I love the men in my personal life even MORE because of dancing. They are regular men around whom I can be myself.. I cherish them because they are not like the losers at the club. It keeps me sane to have that normalcy. And....I've told guys that dancing has made me desensitized. It's a cop-out (lie).

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    *Hands laplover69 back his carriage return and comma key*


    What you say is very true for some. Not true at all for others.

    However one thing is for sure. What you're describing afflicts many women, being a stripper has nothing to do with it.

    As proof by your posts, us men have a problem with being afflicted by the same 'React to the general group based on the action of a specific person" as well

    What you're speaking of is relative to the individual in question. And the answer is most certainly a definative "maybe".

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    Veteran Member Rockette's Avatar
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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    My job never made me "asexual" towards men at all. I try not to tell them what I do until we're really close, but that's another issue entirely.
    Isocrates: “Democracy destroys itself because it abuses its right to freedom and equality. Because it teaches its citizens to consider audacity as a right, lawlessness as a freedom, abrasive speech as equality, and anarchy as progress.”

  5. #5
    Miss. Kristina Lee
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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    i love men, i even really like some of my custies. but it has affected my personal life to what degree im not sure. one can only tell when you step outside the box i suppose.

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    Veteran Member casaubon1's Avatar
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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    I just think it is an error to draw broad conclusions about what dancers are like, or what customers are like.

    There are plenty of dancers who are wonderful people and very professional about what they do. And there are customers (maybe not enough, from what I read here) who are delighted to be their clients, treat them respectfully and wish them well.

    All of us have had bad experiences, and I am sure there are some dancers who are bitter at men, and probably more dancers who have a right to be. But most of the time I find a very friendly experience, and if there is any bitterness on the dancer's part it is amazingly well hidden.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    Quote Originally Posted by laplover69
    Sad thing is there are a lot of guy "friends" who genuinely care for dancers and accept the just "friends" aspect, and there are "custies" who could give a flying fuc whether they live or die get more action (albeit paid) than the guy "friends" who genuinely care for them both ITC and OTC.
    I think this is what you have the biggest issue with - the fact that those "loser" customers who pay the girls are getting more action from these girls than YOU, the "friend". If you are their friend, you don't want action from them, you want their friendship. But since you apparently want some action, and aren't getting it, you think they must have some problem. Nah, the problem is you. They lead you to believe they are "desensitized" as an easy way to turn you down - but trust me, when they see a guy they are really attracted to, they are NOT desensitized, at least not as much as they are with you This "desensitization" is an excuse to keep you from trying to get in their pants - or any guy they call a "friend".

    These girls know that a true friend doesn't want any action from them, no matter how much he may "care" about them, and for whatever reason they don't want to simply tell you to fuck off.

    So, my suggestion is: Stop trying to be "friends" with strippers because that ain't gettin ya laid either!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    B, there is really no use trying to convince him they aren't his friends.

    now I remember why this sounded familiar....it's because he asked it before. Except now the stripper "friend" is giving him classic stripper lines on why she can't have sex with him.

    http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=71295

    I wish I had more "friends" like laplover.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    LOL! I guess I didn't see that one. Sheesh! He's helped them all move, takes them to eat after work, etc etc, gets none of the play he wants, and calls this friendship??

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    Quote Originally Posted by Emily
    http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=71295

    I wish I had more "friends" like laplover.
    You want poetry?

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgette
    So, my suggestion is: Stop trying to be "friends" with strippers because that ain't gettin ya laid either!
    Way to read right through the Bullshit. Soooooo many words for a simple question "Why don't I get laid by these women?"
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    My girl and I are friends with a dancer who seems to have her personal life in pretty good order and she has done this job for years. It was interesting to learn that she is in the biz as we met her through her regular job. She's quiet and almost shy until you get to know her well and then she's very warm, open and friendly. She was sporting a sparkler on her left hand sometime back but that relationship ended for whatever reason and she's now in another potential long term with a guy from her club. She seems to have no more problems than any other person trying to make it through an unforgiving world. We have no contact with her through the club but we do occasionally see her socially in regular life so her reaction to us is probably much different than if we had met her dancing. Better to be a real friend than a custy, I believe.

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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    although he didn't state things in any kind of useful way, i will say that there were several discussions among dancers here noting that stripping does often impact one's sexlife and romantic relationships. that is a valid point to sit around and discuss without using it to mask some personal issue with specific dancers who will not bed one.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    Stripping didn't help my issues with me, that's for sure, but it didn't make me asexual either. That's just what I told me customers to make them feel better as I was getting plenty of ass elsewhere....

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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    I don't understand why anyone would tell a customer that they're "desensitized", as I'm sure that would destroy any of their fantasies of dating or sleeping with you. Killing those fantasies = killing your money, no? I would think that they like seeing us as highly sexual people.

    Personally, I'm not desensitized. It's that I mistrust any kind of relationship with a man now. I assume every guy that befriends me has ulterior motives.

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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    I havn't read the replies just the OP. For one it is not a JOB to me... it is a business. I am a business woman. A job emplies I am an employee not self-employed (owner operator of my own business). Okay... now onto how it has affected my relationship and/or view of men.

    I went thru at one a man-hating (as such) phases however I can definately tell you that ...that phase ended a long time ago. There are men out there who do care for me "as a friend". I may be jaded and cynical at the best of times in re: men however I do not "hate" them. I understand them to a certain degree and whilst I may not like everything I (think) I know about men... so be it. I bet there are things that men who (think) they know women don't like about us ....

    Anyway... the only way it has affected my relationships is that I find it very hard to attract meaningful relationships. Long term relationships. Intimate relationships that are friendship based not just sexual.... and because of "what I do for work". It is the men that turn around and want me more as a lover and piece of ass than me. I have given up nearly the search for a meaningful relationship... I said nearly.

    I will continue to search however I have also come to the realisation that I may not be able to actually have a meaningful intimate relationship until I am done pretty much with this business. Look at this way... when introducing me to the folks... what are you going to say? How is what I do for a living not going to impact on how "parent friendly" I am... as such. I am not the girl in a lot of guys minds that you bring home to meet the folks due to what I do for a living............ nevermind I totally see myself as a businesswoman not a stripper.

    Ah well. Then again, I'm not in the "good" frame of mind about life and humanity as it is right now. *sigh* My answer may be different once I have "gotten over" a recent event in my life (see The Lounge... "Stolen" thread).


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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    Okay seriously... Your all caps on words and overuse of quotation marks on words like friend, show me you're not serious. Who the hell says someone is their 'friend' unless they didn't mean it?


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    Veteran Member laplover69's Avatar
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    Default Re: JOB affecting personal life?

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoastGirl
    I havn't read the replies just the OP. For one it is not a JOB to me... it is a business. I am a business woman. A job emplies I am an employee not self-employed (owner operator of my own business). Okay... now onto how it has affected my relationship and/or view of men.

    I went thru at one a man-hating (as such) phases however I can definately tell you that ...that phase ended a long time ago. There are men out there who do care for me "as a friend". I may be jaded and cynical at the best of times in re: men however I do not "hate" them. I understand them to a certain degree and whilst I may not like everything I (think) I know about men... so be it. I bet there are things that men who (think) they know women don't like about us ....

    Anyway... the only way it has affected my relationships is that I find it very hard to attract meaningful relationships. Long term relationships. Intimate relationships that are friendship based not just sexual.... and because of "what I do for work". It is the men that turn around and want me more as a lover and piece of ass than me. I have given up nearly the search for a meaningful relationship... I said nearly.

    I will continue to search however I have also come to the realisation that I may not be able to actually have a meaningful intimate relationship until I am done pretty much with this business. Look at this way... when introducing me to the folks... what are you going to say? How is what I do for a living not going to impact on how "parent friendly" I am... as such. I am not the girl in a lot of guys minds that you bring home to meet the folks due to what I do for a living............ nevermind I totally see myself as a businesswoman not a stripper.

    Ah well. Then again, I'm not in the "good" frame of mind about life and humanity as it is right now. *sigh* My answer may be different once I have "gotten over" a recent event in my life (see The Lounge... "Stolen" thread).
    This is very similiar to how some of my "stripper friends" feel... I still believe it's much better to befriend strippers compared with being attatched to the dubiious "customer" labels. Although being friends with dancers may not get you laid either the chances of this developing into something more are far greater than that of just being a "custie" as you are no longer labled as just a $$$$ sign for the dancers. Perhaps you may find a whore who is willing to fuc for you for $$$ though this is stricly BUSINESS. Most of the strippers I know that are desensitized to men outside of work and very hateful/untrustuing of men were that way BEFORE they became strippers, but the JOB has amplified this hatred even more, they clearly are not lying to me about these unfortunate realities as I have no desire to sleep with them or visa versa.

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