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Thread: Telling new lover about H.P.V...

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    Default Telling new lover about H.P.V...

    Alrighty...so i have not had sex in 3 years...never cared too after i got screwed over a few times....simply enjoyed the casual dating scene...now i have found a guy that i have been dating for three months and i really want to have sex with him. I was diagnosed with the genital warts strain in March(i had first noticed them that previous summer).
    Anyway, i got all my pap tests done and coloscopy...and i was not at risk for cancer...i was prescribed ointment but it took a LOT of time and i did not see fast results for wart removal. Also, I was not too worried because i had not been dating anyone.
    Now, i am dating a guy I really like. I went to planned parent hood last week, they were WAY Better than my other gyno...i was examined and she told me all that i had was 4 small ones. They were on my right outer lip. She burned them off.
    So far, i have talked to this guy and just said that i have not had sex in a while and need time for comfort(which is true as well)...I am serious about this guy and i would like any suggestions on how to bring this all up to him without scaring him away...Anyone else with similar experiances and encouragment? I felt weird and told him my last sexual encounter was a year ago...then he said his was 3 years ago...so now i wish i was honest about that as well....blah i am all torn up. With all the education, i understand the dynamics of H.P.V...but i just feel like he will hear std and warts or something and just be totally turned off =(. Figures when i never cared to have sex i could and now that i really want to i have this to worry about... any help

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telling new lover about H.P.V...

    I would just tell him. Be honest. Say something like, "I'm not sure how to talk about this but there's something I need to tell you before we make love." Have some pamphlets about it so that he can see objective information.

    And don't worry too much. I think more people have HPV than don't, right?



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    Veteran Member obscurity's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telling new lover about H.P.V...

    i believe that it is your duty out of respect and care for this man that you be completely up front and honest about everything. he deserves to know and if he just hears STD and freaks,not that it will be any comfort to you but at least you know you did the right thing by being honest. plus, if he is a good man he will do his homework and weigh his options. i don't think in this day and age of rampant disease that guys run like they use too. i have diabetes, and granted it isn't an std, but i still had drama from some jerks. when i met my husband he researched diabetes in every facet. his parents went so far as to say" i will die early, why put himself in that situation?" he replied i love her, i'm not going to not marry her just because she has a disease! a realman will not be scared, he will educate himself. it really isn't that big of a deal, and ANYTHING can be worked around. just sit him down in quite setting and lay it on the line, never an easy way to start those conversations, ya know? you will feel so much better once you inform him of the situation. good luck to you, you'll be fine!

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    Default Re: Telling new lover about H.P.V...

    okay, so instead of warts let's use the term human paplova virus. I'm sure you've already researched how it can get contracted: can it get contracted with condoms? What about with oral sex? How many guys are carriers but don't exhibit symptoms?

    Armed with this info you can tell him what he risks by having sex with you, but also, there's some ridiculously high percentage of people in the US who have an STD but don't exhibit symptoms, so ironically, he may have it or something else without knowing it. -shrug- just one of those perversities of life, I suppose.

    I would sit him down and tell him that you had a couple things to tell him. First, that you lied about the last time you had sex-- that it WAS three years ago but you didn't want to sound like a freak (which you're not, but it IS a long time and would make me wonder.) Then explain WHY you haven't had sex for three years. I'm sure there's an asshole in there somewhere. Then, after you've shown how you were the wounded party, you can share that you were infected with the HP virus. Your experience with the asshole taught you to take a lot of time for yourself to recover, and having the HP virus has made you also wary of sex. Here's where you trot out how it's contracted, if it can be protected with a condom, and what life with it is like. He may not want to have sex with you and that would suck, but if there's ways around catching it, then I don't see why he wouldn't want to have sex with you.

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telling new lover about H.P.V...

    You really do have to tell him. It's not as bad as it sounds, b/c many many many many people have this, although most may not know it....yet. All that I can really contribute to this thread, is that if/when you tell him, if he runs the other way, then he's just not the guy for you. I can understand why a person may be a little scared by it, b/c it can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact, even if a condom is used.

    I know from experience (having knowingly dated a man who had this) that it can be scary, but that precautions can be taken. He was a great guy, he was open with me about it and I didn't let it bother me. I did not get anything from him - at least nothing that has been detected by my pap tests, etc - but I was a little nervous about it after we broke up.






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    Default Re: Telling new lover about H.P.V...

    Check out the blogs at positivesingles.com They have good advice. Oh, and what about the new vaccine for hpv? Is that for women only? A lot, and I mean alot of people have hpv. I think I know more women that have it than ones who don't. Letting him know is the right thing to do. I am proud of you. Good luck.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

    " If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years
    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

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