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Thread: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    OK me and a friend just had a conversation about this. We were discussing the concept of the "ugly duckling" and whether or not the ugly duckling(aka the nerd, outcast, etc) really does blossom into a swan later in life. We were also talking about whether or not the "popular crowd" of high school, and whether or not they stay beautiful and successful in life, or if they end up on the wrong path. I told my friend that from what I've seen/heard, the majority of the people who were nerds when they were younger, generally stay kinda introverted and nerdy when they're older. The people that were nerdy but undergo a drastic metamorphosis are the exceptions that stick out from the rest and make people go "wow." When I wrote the thread titled "What were you like in high school," a guy wrote about how he'd just attended his high school reunion, and how most of the popular kids were STILL good-looking, most of the nerds were still kinda nerdy, there were definite exceptions, but generally speaking no one really changed drastically. Yeah it's fun to think that the snobby prom queen turns really ugly later in life, but unfortunately I guess this doesn't happen often?

    The media commonly uses the theme of "from ugly duckling to swan," as exhibited in episodes of Montel, movies such as "She's All That"(a teen flick with Freddie Prince Jr.), etc. The reason why the media uses this theme, is because it is uncommon, therefore will strike interest with people. (For example, Hollywood doesn't make movies about people brushing their teeth or balancing their checkbooks, because it's mundane and boring! lol)

    For the most part, I don't think a whole lot of people drastically change who they are later in life. It takes an exceptional person to change, whether it be because of unforseen events in their life, external influences, or a conscious effort to change who they are or what they look like. I think that strippers are a lot more likely to change drastically from what they were like in high school, than most, because well, us strippers are a very unique group of people. Change CAN be done, but it can sometimes be very hard and take a decent amount of effort, risk, money, etc. When I observe my friends, I see good-looking "players" who were "ladies men" in high school; I see successful/focused people with great jobs, who were super-involved in school activities, student government, and had internships awaiting them when they were younger; I see my introverted, unconfident friend M--k looking and acting the exact same reclusive way that he was in high school(lol he looks exactly the same as his senior pic from 9 yrs ago, except he's aged slightly but hey that happens in 9 yrs time). What do you guys think? Have any of you guys noticed this with previous classmates/friends?

    When I was younger, we were always told by parents/teachers that it wouldn't matter if I was nerdy, because someday I would be something. But for more than half of cases, I just don't see this. The people who were rich & popular when younger, ended up having the money to go to college right away without taking time off to save up tuition money, had good social skills/charisma for landing jobs, had good genes and also money to spend on cosmetics/surgery so they could stay looking good. I think the "ugly duckling" concept is more of an exception than the norm, and we are told that when we are younger, to keep our hopes up and prevent us from giving up(i.e., dropping outta high school, etc). Any thoughts on this?

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    I agree. Generally, people don't really change. I can see that by way of Myspace... the popular girls are still popular, the geeky ppl are still geeky... Even my friends didn't change. Their lives are different than they were in highschool, but they still have the same basic personality and the same things (marriage and kids vs. graduate school... stuff like that) are important to them.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  3. #3
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    Mmmm, you have to realize economic/cultural class has a lot to do with how far someone can go in life & how much they can change. Example- most of the "popular" chicks in my high school are fat housewives with kids now, because they came from a small town where not much more was expected of them. A lot of normal kids joined the military to see the world & get away from the backwater town- it's a gamble that usually turns out to be a step up in the world. A lot of the stoners & troublemakers are either in prison or still all wasted.....
    I don't think about it much- I didn't care about it in high school & I still don't care now.

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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    most people i knew from high school didn't change much through life, but i have seen a few who became almost the opposite of what they were.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    Mmmm, you have to realize economic/cultural class has a lot to do with how far someone can go in life & how much they can change. Example- most of the "popular" chicks in my high school are fat housewives with kids now, because they came from a small town where not much more was expected of them. A lot of normal kids joined the military to see the world & get away from the backwater town- it's a gamble that usually turns out to be a step up in the world. A lot of the stoners & troublemakers are either in prison or still all wasted.....
    I don't think about it much- I didn't care about it in high school & I still don't care now.
    That about sums up my estimation of the situation.

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  6. #6
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    Mmmm, you have to realize economic/cultural class has a lot to do with how far someone can go in life & how much they can change. Example- most of the "popular" chicks in my high school are fat housewives with kids now, because they came from a small town where not much more was expected of them. A lot of normal kids joined the military to see the world & get away from the backwater town- it's a gamble that usually turns out to be a step up in the world. A lot of the stoners & troublemakers are either in prison or still all wasted.....
    I don't think about it much- I didn't care about it in high school & I still don't care now.
    You said it precisely right. My high school's location and economic/cultural class(along with my friends' nearby area schools) has a LOT of influence on why people turned out the way they did. My school was in a small, fairly upper class town where kids were pushed to succeed in school, go to good colleges, etc. The "cool" people were also the ones who were super-involved in activities and had good grades. The "outcasts" were usually the ones who had bad grades...whether it be from being in Special Ed, rebelling against school and society in general, etc. The rich popular kids were the ones who had the money to be able to go to any prestigious college they wanted, enough money to finish college on time without "leave of absences," obtain good job networking through their prestigious college, etc. Whereas the poor kids(like me) had to go to "safety schools," take time off from college due to money issues, forfeit spending time looking for worthwhile internships to work crazy hours at bullshit min wage jobs, etc. And because my school considered goals and academic success to be "cool," it makes sense that the popular kids would be the same ones to succeed jobwise, avoid pregnancy, etc.

    And yeah, people CAN change...I've seen it with people, myself included. HOWEVER those people are in the minority. I think that most people can metamorphize if they truly put the effort into it. However, having money, good social skills, good credit, etc definitely make it easier...for example, an ugly person can undergo plastic surgery to look better, but that surgery involves money and/or good credit. Using my school's situation as a model, generally the poor kids who needed the plastic surgery, lacked the wealth to be able to afford it. I am an exception, but only because I was fairly good-looking to start, so I was able to earn the money for my breast augmentation via dancing. But what if I were too ugly/insecure to dance?...I'd still be flat chested.

    It's not just high school I'm talking about...I'm talking about youth hood in general. This subject can broadly cover the college years, entire teenage years, etc. For example, 2 years ago I had a few guy friends who would kinda make fun of M--k behind his back and talk about what a "loser" he was and how he'd probably never get girls(M--k was finished college at this time). I shot back that I was gonna help M--k become a stud. Well, that didn't work. Two years later, M--k ran into those same guy friends, and they saw him looking and acting the same insecure, bitter way he'd been 2 years prior...nothing had changed at all. That's how this whole subject got brought up...I was telling my friend about what a failure I felt like, because I wasn't able to help out M--k enough, and that's when she told me that maybe he just wasn't "meant" to be a stud or anything better. I really hope that isn't true...M--k is unhappy with his current self and he NEEDS to have things turn around for the better.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    It really doesnt matter how they turn out as long as they are happy with who they are .

  8. #8
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    i guess it depends on how you define 'change'

    i wasn't popular at school. i wasn't particularly attractive. i was really nerdy, blonde, chubby and i had braces. i didn't know how to wear makeup properly and i had frizzy hair. needless to say, i've physically changed a LOT since high school. but i'm still nerdy. i still spend more time infront of a computer screen/video game than i do interacting with real people. i'm still a bit insecure and paranoid of people picking on me, i'm still very intelligent... personality wise, i'm still me. yeah i moved to the city, became a stripper, got a boyfriend, made some awesome new friends and started modeling... but i'm still me.

    very occasionally, i run into the girls from the 'popular' crew at high school. these people were so shallow that they actually referred to themselves as "the cool group" and publically voiced their opinions that the school should actually hold separate events that only they could attend, as they didn't want to go on camps/excursions etc with the rest of us. they haven't changed a bit. we finished highschool nearly 4 years ago, and they're still living in that shitty little country town, they're still working in the check-out of the local supermarket, they're still spending every saturday night at a house party somewhere with exactly the same people we were partying with 5 years ago. some of them moved to the city for university, and almost all of them moved back home within 2 months because they couldn't handle it that nobody there gave a fuck that they were 'cool'. they all still look EXACTLY the same as they always did.

    so yeah. even though physically i changed quite dramatically, i'm still me, and they're still them. it's the circumstances that have changed. once upon a time, i viewed them as having the ultimate lives and yearned to be them, and now i look at them and laugh at how much better everything in my life now seems.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousJ
    It really doesnt matter how they turn out as long as they are happy with who they are .

    So true. I was a nerd then and I'm a nerd now, the difference is, now I like it At least I'm a cute nerd~

  10. #10
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousJ
    It really doesnt matter how they turn out as long as they are happy with who they are .
    Well, I definitely know a few people who hated who they were back then, haven't changed, and hate themselves now. One of my friends during high school(he went to the same school as me, but a few years older, so he'd already graduated for most of the time that I was in high school) was like that. He felt like he didn't quite fit in while in high school, partly because he didn't have much money. What was he doing after high school?...working at the town's gas station, only full-time instead of part-time. He had a slight depression problem and he'd complain to me about how he didn't like running into his old classmates when they came in to fill up their gas tanks. He has a better job now, but even that job involves custodial duties at his high school, and being belittled by the snobby front-office old-lady secretary(I always hated her too).

    Then there is my friend M--k...He was dateless, insecure, and picked on back in high school, plus he worked at McDonalds. Nine years later, he is STILL dateless, insecure, picked on by people here and there, only this time he's working at Acme insteada McDonalds. Yeah, Acme's a "big step" up from McDonalds(sarcasm). Luckily he recently got a job at a bank, but it doesn't pay very much so he's stuck working nights at Acme AND days at the bank. He doesn't have enough money to move away from home, and his overprotective parents nag him about moving out several times a day. (NOTE: My parents used to do that to me too, and that was quickly followed up by them kicking me to the curb. So yeah, the future doesn't look great for M--k.) A short time ago, I was looking at his empty Myspace site and was making suggestions on how to jazz it up a bit. He blatantly refused, started shaking his hands all around and hissing at me in a hostile manner. I asked him what was wrong, then he explained to me that he didn't WANT old friends to find him on Myspace, because he didn't want them to see how badly he was doing. That's the job part of it...then there is the social part. I wrote about M--k before. My guy friends would kinda mock him behind his back and call him words like "bitter" or "loser." He still assumes the niche of "wallflower," only this time it's at bars insteada school dances. Girls at bars have slapped him for simply looking at them nonchalantly, told him he was a -4 on a scale of 0-10, told him he was uglier than a bouquet of flowers, etc. And this is a very quiet guy who doesn't do anything wrong but kinda stay aloof. The only thing he does wrong, is not talking much, because it makes him look a little shady/creepy but he's really a perfectly nice guy. I do not know what to do with him, I really want to help him because I know his self-esteem sucks and I know he's not happy with who he is. Many people have suggested I get counseling for him(LOL my friend Brian even so much as SINCERELY told me I should buy him counseling sessions for Christmas!). What should I do?

  11. #11
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    I've changed so much, for the better, that its the major reason I am going to my high school reunion next month. I Went from nerdy tomboy to hottie and I want to rub it in!

    I've run into a few classmates of mine on MySpace and other sites... most of them have gone downhill since school.
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  12. #12
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    Ok, I did a bad, bad thing. I searched for an old high school flame that broke my heart, on MySpace.

    I found him, he's bald and looks terrible. So I kept searching. Everyone I knew is 28-32 now, and 98% of them look like CRAP and are fat. I especially snickered in regards to the girls that were considered soooo desirable in high school, whereas I was pretty average.

    BUT, to their credit, they have seemed to do ok. Some people have started families, found professional success, quit doing drugs like they did. Waaaaaaay too many of them stayed in Houston though. I asked a few of them to be added as friends, but not all of them. Let them ASK ME this time

    {{runs back to stalker dorkville}}

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  13. #13
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    I've changed tremendously, and it's been a good thing.

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    Veteran Member Paisley's Avatar
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    I agree that most people really don't change after Highschool. I think most people's basic personality is solidified around adolescense. Like I think most geeks remain geeks at heart and most of the popular people still think that they are gods, but I do think that people generally become more comfortable in who they are as a person after high school. Like I was extremely awkward and gawky in high school. I am pretty much still the same nerdy introvert, but I am more secure in who I am and because of that, I think I have more grace and confidence.

    And at least at my school, (I went to a very small private school) the people who were popular were not necessarily the prettiest. They just thougt that they were pretty and had more money than the other ones. I really have seen nerds blossom in college and the "cool" people who go off to college realize that they are no longer a big fish in a small pond.

    Also I think that most of the people on this board are rather young. Life is long and how people are 10 to 20 to 30 years I believe can be more dramatically changing. Going through a nasty divorce, having children, and loosing a job is probably going to change a person more and their views on life than just a couple of years out of highschool will.


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    Featured Member london's Avatar
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    I think success and "change" happens to those who 'plan' for it, whatever their present condition may be. One thing about the American spirit that I truly admire and live by is the fact that we can 'do anything if we put our minds to it'. Oh, and another, by a hip hop artist, If you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. Some people never have this sort of positive feedback all their lives and just live day to day. Those who can see ahead and take things as moving forward, even if at times they fail or even change direction, are the ones who never go stagnant.

    I've seen some of my high school friends now, five years after graduation and for the most part, those who had a plan and stuck to it are now sitting pretty and those who didn't and relied on...gosh, knows what, are now just working whatever job they can find and do not bother to go for more. But, if that makes them happy, that is great because just because you change for the better or become successful financially doesn't mean that you are happy. In fact, you keep searching for more things to fill your life with and happiness becomes all the more complicated to attain.

    On a different note, I HAVE seen the horrible effects of the "fast food" lifestyle of a few friends who I thought would always be a sort of average size and it scares me to think of how they don't even resemble their former selves at all!
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  16. #16
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    I think alot of the major changes as far as looks go happen around or after the age of 30.
    Of course some changes happen before, but my observations are that you find alot of men suddenly "fill out" and start going bald around that age. For the skinnier men the filling out can be a good thing, but alot of men this means they are suddenly overweight. Ive noticed that for some males who may have been considered unattractive in their younger years become quite attractive with facial hair and maybe the confidance that goes with being a bit older. Some men look much better bald than they did with hair too. Other men can go downhill quite rapidly. A few seem to stay more or less the same.
    Women, well I dont have enough long term female friends to comment. Certainly when you work within a strip club you tend to be around women who make an effort to look good, but Im guessing this doesnt apply to the general population.

  17. #17
    mermaidnz
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    meh. i was an absolute loser at school. had the geeky glasses and frizzy hair to boot. i was even in the accelerate geek classes for the smart kids! haha
    my my, have i changed.

    i like to think im awesome now! hehe i still look at myself in pics tho, and dont recognise myself from the girl i remember being for so long. i still hate the popular kids, i still have the same group of geeky friends, and i love it!

    im the same person i was on the inside, but the outside has changed drastically!! ha

  18. #18
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    All my nerdy friends back in high school have killer jobs that enjoy, and are well-balanced adults. Some of the shallow popular folks are on their X divorce- and some are doing well, but I think the more challenges you have in life, the more insightful you tend to get.

  19. #19
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: The truth about how people turn out in lives...

    I think strippers deviate a bit from the norm. From what I read on this site, I've noticed that a lot of strippers felt different or maybe even outcasted when they were younger(as MermaidNZ wrote above). Also, I've seen pictures on this site of strippers who had drastic metamorphosis from high school to now. I think in general, strippers go through more changes and stuff than the average person.

    What I mostly meant was in the way of jobs. For example, my friend M--k was always a goody two-shoes, but what comes along with being nerdy/goody-two-shoes is his shyness and being an introvert. His shyness and introversion are two flaws that hinder his success in job interviews. Yeah he might have the qualifications and be a hard worker or a "nice guy," but that doesn't mean shit when you have to also compete against multiple other job candidates...candidates that are generally a lot more outgoing, charismatic, and confident than M--k is. As a result, he was still working his geeky Acme supermarket job after college, as opposed to working in a high-rise firm or corporation. Before I got into dancing, I saw the same things with myself...despite my good grades and years of kissing butt at dead-end jobs that did nothing but screw me over despite my work ethic, I was stuck in shitty retail jobs...jobs that made Acme look like a palace in comparison. No one cared that I'd humbled myself to tolerate shit from places like Friendly's Ice Cream or McDonalds...if anything, those things made me look worse when I applied for jobs.

    I'm doing a little better now, because dancing raised my confidence. The aspect of myself that required a decent confidence boost was the financial/independence aspect. Before I was dancing, I couldn't afford my bills, even when I was driving an old car and living with my parents rent-free...that's pretty sad. I felt depressed that all of my hard work had gotten me a retail job that paid less money than a few of the jobs I'd held in high school. That really brought down my self-esteem, esp when I saw "punks" starting to make it better than me. People I knew started misjudging me when they found out that I was working a "stupid" retail job, such as ASSuming that I was "lazy" or not very intelligent or didn't go to college when in fact I had...those things lowered my esteem even more. Luckily, the money I made from dancing allowed me to finally do things like get my own place, finish college, etc so my esteem has started to rebuild. I finally got a job recently, but it took waaaay too long and I feel like I'm behind where I should be right now. If it weren't for the confidence boost I received from dancing(which drastically changed my economic status), I probably wouldn't have been extroverted enough to obtain the job that I have now.

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