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Thread: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    Lately I've been cutting back on dancing to do other types of jobs...I won't elaborate too much, but I started a few new non-dancing jobs lately that I'm really excited about. (I want to make sure they work out before I tell you guys, and then have to tell you guys that I got let go...that happened to my friend M--k before, so I'm always walking on eggshells with new jobs, until I've been there for some time) Last night was one of the two shifts I worked this week at a small, neighborhood strip club bar. Apparently I was taking too long to collect tips from the customers(I was making small convo and basically trying to show a good clean time), and one of the hotter, bitchier girls at the club scolded me like she was my teacher/parent, and I was a small child! She said in a very bossy tone of voice, "You're on stage, and you're taking too long with customers. You're only supposed to go up to customers once for tips." I told her that I wasn't double-dipping, that I was approaching the customers that looked the most interested first, and then working my way up to the other customers. She scolded that I have to go in a straight line around the bar and then sit in a corner until my next set. (That is not a good way to hustle!) She was NOT the manager or anything, by the way. And she said this in front of a guy who seemed happy to have me approaching him.

    So I do my set, dancing to border-line "satanic" metal music so I can unleash my frustration/aggravation through dancing! Afterwards, when I went back to talk to the guy I'd been talking with earlier, he said joking, "Am I allowed to talk to you now? Or, is my talking to you gonna get you yelled at by that girl again?" He also said that she was a "bitch" and that she almost got into a fist fight with him at the strip club last week! Now please understand that it was the end of a very exhausting week for me, I'd worked mad hours b/t several jobs including jobs I value more than dancing, I was tired, I wasn't really taking anything/anyone seriously...so I said really loudly, "NOW EVEN THOUGH MY MOTHER IS DEAD, DOESN'T MEAN THAT SOME GIRL SHOULD TRY TO REPLACE HER AND ACT LIKE MY PARENT." Haha! The bitchy girl's friend(who I lent my make-up to earlier, she seemed fairly cool) said "Excuse me, who are you yelling that about??!" and I glazed things over nicely by saying "Hehe, I was just making an inside joke about politics and George Bush, hehe" in this innocent voice. (I am known to make a lot of political jokes/references at work.) The girl nodded in understandment and went on her way. Then I whispered in the guy's ear, "No, it was NOT an inside joke about politics, you know who I was referring to."

    Was this overly bitchy of me? Or, was it deserved? Normally, I would let girls tell me off, then I would complain to my friends after work and feel bad about myself for the rest of the night. But instead, I fought back. Yeah, maybe I wasn't assertive enough to say it to the girl's face, but I'm working on it. My comment was a double-edged sword...it implied that I didn't appreciate a same-age condescending stripper treating me like a little kid, and it also demonstrated that my mother was deceased so that customers would feel sorry for me and thus be more likely to stay on my side!(I've found that people have given me a lot of sympathy when they hear that my mother died recently.) I'm at the point, where I don't give a shit if it starts drama, because I'll just go to my other club, or at least have my non-dancing jobs as back-up! I'm tired of being the nice little stripper who constantly gets her feet stepped on and doesn't step forward. Haha...

  2. #2
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    I would've said something when the bitch was bitching, rather than waiting. I can't stand girls like that trying to tell me how to work. something like "yeah, I have my own work style, and you have yours".

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
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    Featured Member blondi553's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    good for u for sticking up for urself girl

  4. #4
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    Yeah, she said it in a totally bossy tone of voice. That, and I think she misunderstood that I was going to patches of guys at a time, as opposed to one guy after the other in a straight uniform line, and mistaked it for me "double-dipping" guys for second-time tips. Either way, it was a little bossy. Earlier I talked to her and her friend in the dressing room, and told them about how annoying it was that a lotta customers were trying to be grabby earlier, and she said, "Is this the first place you've danced?" implying I'm naive or something to the industry. It's the fuckin eighth!!! And I was told by the manager and senior dancer that there's no contact at all allowed in the club, so I was following the rules! But yeah, I shoulda said it to her at the time, but I was going on stage next so I didn't have time to. Hopefully she won't hold grudges against me for it tonight...but if she does, who cares! I have other jobs to fall back on!

  5. #5
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    Oh and PS--wanna know where I got the line about her trying to replace my mother? I got it from someone who used that line on ME. My ex-boyfriend K--l Gill was telling me about his ex-wife one day, and when I hugged him, he retorted, "Don't think you can replace her, because you can't." Excuse me??? I didn't do or say anything of the sort, either. And because I was his live-in girlfriend at the time, I think I was closer to replacing his ex-wife, than some same-age stripper is at replacing the woman who gave birth to me and raised me for 18+ years.

    Edit: Come to think of it, K--l Gill had the same out-of-the-blue snotty attitude as that stripper last night...heh they'd be a great match, now that me and K--l Gill have been broken up. Better yet, the snobby good-looking Polish boys that I talked about before would be a better match for her...they're blonde, good-looking, and stuck up! And did I mention that when I was driving on I-95 today, who passed me going 130mph+ but the STUPID POLISH BOYS in their yellow Nissan Z!(small world lol)

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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    None of this is making much sense to me?

    If you think that was bitchy...i must be the devil herself

  7. #7
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    OK OK so maybe I wasn't bitchy enough...but was my comment an appropriate response? Or, was it asking for trouble?

    Don't worry, I can be bitchier, I just reserve that kinda drama for OTC/personal life. Those Polish boys might see that side of me soon if they pass me on I-95 again and I'm in a mood to race them LOL. I generally do not start trouble with dancers and I am often called the "nicest dancer in the club" by customers and employees alike.

  8. #8
    beauty21queen
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    you now ive been wondering for a long time what the hell does OTC mean?(i know i know im stupid)

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    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    Yeah I would have told her. If she has no authority over the way that you work - as in is not your manager or director of any kind - then who cares what she thinks about your work habits if she's not trying to be helpful. Que bitcho.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    I'm a little confused...This other dancer was pissed because you were lingering on stage when it was her turn? or she was pissed because you were lingering too long with non paying customers or was she just trying to intimidate you away from the paying customers?

    I've never heard of a rule where you can only visit a customer's table once. Frequently I'll return to tipping customer's table over and over again, just because they are tipping me. I would figure that if a customer enjoys your company and keeps tipping you, the he would want you to return after your stage set.

    If she was just being bitchy and trying to mess with your money, then I think you were way too passive agressive. You should have told her to find her own customers and to leave you alone.

    Sometimes the customers enjoy getting involved with the club drama, but mostly that is not the case. You should have taken up the issue with either the dancer herself or with your manager. You can't get an issue resolved if you don't tell anyone you have an issue in the first place.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  11. #11
    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    Quote Originally Posted by beauty21queen
    you now ive been wondering for a long time what the hell does OTC mean?(i know i know im stupid)
    OTC = outside the club

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982
    Was this overly bitchy of me? Or, was it deserved? Normally, I would let girls tell me off, then I would complain to my friends after work and feel bad about myself for the rest of the night. But instead, I fought back.
    I don't characterize that as fighting back when it wasn't to her face. You're only increasing the amount of drama by playing games, and if that makes you feel good, that's your decision. If it were me, I'd rise to a higher level of professionalism than she did by either blowing her off completely with silence and no further concern about it, or else I'd respond to her calmly that unless I'm doing something against club policy, my sales style is my own business, and if she feels I am doing something against club policy, she should lodge a formal complaint with management. Also, instead of making a comment intended for another dancer's ears, I would have focused solely on giving the customer some type of "my white knight" positive reinforcement for his kindness in noticing the true villian. There's your potential payoff for enduring her BS. Get even by making more money.

    -Ev

  12. #12
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris
    I'm a little confused...This other dancer was pissed because you were lingering on stage when it was her turn? or she was pissed because you were lingering too long with non paying customers or was she just trying to intimidate you away from the paying customers?
    No, she was pissed because I was talking to customers for a few minutes each engaging small talk and encouraging them to tip a few dollars each insteada $1 each...instead of doing the routine grab tips as quick as possible, run away, then sit in a corner by myself, smoking cigs and ignoring customers til my next set on stage.

    OK OK, maybe my explanation sounded kinda bitchy, but it's...true. And yes, the guys I was talking with were tipping me. I don't spend tons of time on each customer, since it is a tipping bar and we walk around to collect dollars from each guy(unlike most clubs I've worked at, this one has our money relying more on tips than dances), but I will make some small talk. Why spend like 0.2sec on each customer and then 30mins sitting in the corner, when I could spend 2mins on each customer and create a better impression and resultingly get tipped a few dollars extra from each guy? I was due up on stage and yeah, I was a few seconds late but I didn't realize I was up since they do not have a DJ at the club and I am used to there being a rotation that the DJ announces on the mic(DJ's announcements is especially helpful when other girls are in couch room, since I don't keep tabs on every other girl so sometimes I might not realize that I'm up quicker b/c a girl is in couch room). It is something that I will just have to adjust to, since this is one of the first clubs I've worked at that doesn't have a DJ. OK reminding me that it's my turn is fine, but following me from the customer to stage, the whole time lecturing me about other stuff, is NOT fine with me. (puts nose in air like a snob! haha)

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris
    I've never heard of a rule where you can only visit a customer's table once. Frequently I'll return to tipping customer's table over and over again, just because they are tipping me. I would figure that if a customer enjoys your company and keeps tipping you, the he would want you to return after your stage set.
    I've never heard that rule either. But just for the record, I was not "double-dipping" customers, I was simply going back n forth to different patches of guys. I am not the type of girl who approaches customers in a uniform order, because that is a good way to miss out on good customers who are waiting for you. For example, if a customer walks over to the stage during my set and gives me a good tip and tells me to see him afterwards, I'm going to initially visit him, NOT the 3 or 4 cheap bastards sitting along the bar ahead of him. I think your technique sounds similar to mine and it makes more sense than monotonously taking $1 from each customer in a line and then sitting in the corner. My coworker probably honestly mistaked me for "double-dipping" when in fact it was the first time I was approaching people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris
    If she was just being bitchy and trying to mess with your money, then I think you were way too passive agressive. You should have told her to find her own customers and to leave you alone.
    I don't know if she was trying to mess with my money, maybe she was, but I think it was a combination of bitchiness and me not realizing that I was due on stage. But here's what I DO know about her: Other people have written about her on StripClubList's message boards, saying that she is "smoooooookin hot" but also that she recently turned into a snob and that she's mean to new girls. The guy who was interrupted by her, told me later that she was probably jealous that I was hotter than her. (I responded by saying "But she's hot too. I'd *do* her." I said the "I do her" part in a male-chavonistic tone of voice, similar to that of a piggish, womanizing guy) Admittedly though, she IS a very good-looking girl. She probably has herself pegged as "hottest girl of the club" and maybe that's why she tries to intimidate new girls, because she has a big superiority complex.

    After reading the replies, I realize now that I WAS being passive with her. I shoulda responded a little more forcefully when she was literally following me to stage and criticising me. I shoulda said to her right then and there, "OK I understand, and please understand that I have my own techniques of doing things and no it does not involve double dipping like you think it does. And also please do not think you can replace my deceased mother, I don't need you to act like a lecturing parent." But I didn't want to create drama, so I didn't. Instead, I've somewhat created drama by writing about this on StripperWeb, which I most likely wouldn't have written if I completely nipped the problem in the bud. I saw that girl at work again tonight, but she left after only a short time. She didn't start shit with me, but was snobby and kinda had this bossy, tough-girl demeanor. I killed her with kindness. Passive I know, but it was quite satisfying to look at her and meanwhile be thinking, "I might act sweet and innocent, but little do you know that I'm a little bitch who bad-talked you on the Internet! haha!"(I think that a lot about rude customers...the fact that they don't know that they're being majorly shit-talked on Stripperweb is almost therapeutic, to me, in a sadistic way LOL!) Either way, I had a decently good night at work.

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    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    Quote Originally Posted by evan_essence
    I don't characterize that as fighting back when it wasn't to her face. You're only increasing the amount of drama by playing games, and if that makes you feel good, that's your decision. If it were me, I'd rise to a higher level of professionalism than she did by either blowing her off completely with silence and no further concern about it, or else I'd respond to her calmly that unless I'm doing something against club policy, my sales style is my own business, and if she feels I am doing something against club policy, she should lodge a formal complaint with management. Also, instead of making a comment intended for another dancer's ears, I would have focused solely on giving the customer some type of "my white knight" positive reinforcement for his kindness in noticing the true villian. There's your potential payoff for enduring her BS. Get even by making more money.

    -Ev
    I think this is a GREAT way to deal with the situation. Also, I like the comment you made above, where you explained yourself, but I would leave out the part about her acting like your "deceased mother," and that you "don't need her as a parent." The "killing her with kindness" is also good. As Ev said, sometimes it's not worth it to respond to a bitchy girl with drama, as it ends up focusing your energy on her, rather than her customers. If she's messing with your money directly, then you might have to step it up. You can be strong and assertive and stand up for yourself without adding fuel to the fire. The "deceased mother" comment would likely piss this girl off more, and things could escalate if she's really as bitchy as you say. Do you really want more problems and confrontations to deal with when you could be making money? Granted, I don't know this girl, so only you can figure out the best way to deal with her. Don't let a bitch step all over you, but do it in a way that keeps your interactions with her to a minimum. Adding drama will force you to deal with her more, and it sounds like she's not someone you'd want to do that with.
    "Seeing the landscape at this superficial level only captures its boring uniformity, not allowing you to immerse yourself in the spirit of the place; for that you must stop at least several days."

    ~Che Guevara, "The Motorcycle Diaries"

  14. #14
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    ^ That is some very good solid advice. Thank you very much. I will keep doing the "kill with kindness" approach and spending more time being nice with customers, than trying to insult her. If she starts with me again, I will be more confrontational and ask her why she's being that way and if she has a true problem with me. I need to work on being confrontational. I used to be completely passive, at least now I'm able to admit to myself when I don't like someone, and I express my feelings about it. I don't think she's a total bitch, I think she just doesn't like new girls much, esp girls who might be equal to her in the looks department. I'll give the benefit of a doubt that she's not a total bitch, but at the same time stay aware if she tries anything with me. Thanks again for the advice, guys!

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    Featured Member la429's Avatar
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    you shouldn't gripe about other dancers to customers.

  16. #16
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    ^ ^ ^ I know and trust me usually I do not, but he brought it up. She was griping about me AND to me, in front of the guy and later on he brought it up. The only things I said were the comment about how I don't want her to try and replace my mother, and then I said she was "hot" and that "I'd do her" in response to the customer trying to say that she was jealous of me because I was good looking. I'm not one of those gossipy dancers, I'm usually the one who comments how good-looking a girl looks or motivates a guy to give me a dollar so I can tip the girl on stage. I only said the comment about her vs. my mother, because the guy brought it up. That, and I wanted her to hear me voice my feelings, without having to say it to her face(wishy-washy, I know).

  17. #17
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: I was cocky/mean to a bitchy dancer!

    I think you backed down too much. If you're gonna talk back, do it with conviction or no one will take you seriously.

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