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Thread: Third wheel advice

  1. #1
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Third wheel advice

    A woman friend of mine is in the rush of a new romance. Because we're quite close, she's eager I meet the lad. But I'm reluctant to comply because, simply, I'm not dating at the moment myself and hanging with a new (especially a "new") couple can make me depressed. This unappealing emotion (let's call it envy) has hit me hard more than once before--in fact, once with her and a different guy--so I'm on guard about it.

    While I'm happy for her, I worry I'll behave badly if forced into third wheel-ness. She's already started hinting it is time I meet her boy. My preference would be to meet them at some larger social gathering, where I could excuse myself more easily if my mood sours.

    Should I tell her how I feel or just keep declining the invites as they arrive?

    Any advice?

  2. #2
    Member I_am_Bwitched's Avatar
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    Default Re: Third wheel advice

    Don't decline her invites, just explain to her how you feel about being the dreaded third wheel. If your as close as you say to her, she will understand. Who know's maybe her new boyfriend has a friend that you make enjoy sharing company with. Could be a great oppertunity to meet a few new people!

  3. #3
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Third wheel advice

    Thanks, bwitched. I was leaning in the boldly-honest direction.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Third wheel advice

    Just go and be sociable and have fun dont think of it as a third wheel you will be with friends . She invited you for a reason as she values your friendship .

  5. #5
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Third wheel advice

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousJ
    ...she values your friendship .
    She values it highly, true. I just hate when I fall into crabby-old-man mode. Not fair to her, not fair to me. She's traveling on business, and so I have about three weeks to find myself a partner suitable for double-date duty.
    Last edited by Chicagoeditor; 08-29-2006 at 01:52 PM.

  6. #6
    God/dess FrustratedBunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Third wheel advice

    I can understand how you'd feel that way. I'd just tell her about it.

  7. #7
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Third wheel advice

    Update: My pal is back from her trip and is eager to hang out. Now, unfortunately, I'm even wiggy about THAT prospect, with or without her new boyfriend.

    Please, please tell me I'm not alone in finding the giddy joy of a newly-paired friend taxing and unpleasant to be around? I feel myself getting sullen just thinking about seeing her. (In fairness to her: She hasn't excessively raved about the new boy to me, and I suspect she hasn't because she's being delicate out of respect for my feelings. This kindness on her part, of course, only makes me feel more miserable. LOL!)

    Fortunately, I've been out of town and so have dodged her for a week. And I begged off seeing her this weekend on a night when she was solo and suggested we cook dinner at her place.

    I suppose I'm hoping she gets, appropriately, busy with the new boy and backs off. At the same time, I miss her (she's a doll) and I know she misses me (she says so).

    It sucks to have to EXPLAIN myself to her about all this. At the end of the day, it's my problem, not her's.

    Maybe with a little effort I can bluff my way through the awkwardness for her sake? That would be the strong, noble, manly thing to do. Just not sure I can pull off this performance.

  8. #8
    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Third wheel advice

    You are just going to have to fake it for the sake of the friendship. Otherwise you just look like a poopyhead. I know how you feel though. It's usually not so bad once you get it over with.

  9. #9
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Third wheel advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Zabrina
    You are just going to have to fake it for the sake of the friendship.
    Update: I decided to come clean, figuring that our friendship was healthy and deep enough to absorb this sort of thing. Wrong. While we had a couple of friendly outings after I outed my feelings, it's been about six weeks since I heard a peep from the lass. I've quit expecting to hear from her again.

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