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Thread: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

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    Featured Member cameronfl's Avatar
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    Default ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Whats the dumbest thing a customer has ever said (or done?). Extra points if he was sober when he said it....lol!

    Whenever guys ask me what else i do(because I MUST have another job...stripping isnt real work)I have a cpl answers...
    1) I manually masterbate farm animals for artificial insemination(thank you Clerks!)
    2) I am a professional Jenga player
    3) I'm a rodeo clown

    You'd be amazed how many guys believe all of them....
    People always ask me, did I ever learn anything when I was a stripper? Yeah, I did. One man plus two beers equals 20 dollars.
    -- Anna Nicole Smith

    Myspace is an obsession...much like Stripperweb...
    http://www.myspace.com/cameronkeys (real myspace)

    http://www.myspace.com/sexyhotdancer(work myspace)


    Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    "Man I love CANADIAN girls. American girls are such fucking bitches!"
    "I'M American."
    "No, I think you're Canadian."
    ^Sober^

    *long pause in conversation - about three minutes*
    "DONT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! FUCKING SECURITY! THIS BITCH IS TALKING TO ME LIKE SHIT!!"
    ^drunk^

    "Can I touch your pussy?"
    "What if I had AIDS or Herpes?!"
    "That's sexy."
    ^Sober^


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    Featured Member cameronfl's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Quote Originally Posted by lilithmorrigan
    "Man I love CANADIAN girls. American girls are such fucking bitches!"
    "I'M American."
    "No, I think you're Canadian."
    ^Sober^
    I've had guys do that with my age...
    "how old are you?"
    "32"
    "no ...your only 23"
    "ok...how many women do YOU know who lie to make themselves OLDER??"


    [/QUOTE]"Can I touch your pussy?"
    "What if I had AIDS or Herpes?!"
    "That's sexy."
    ^Sober^[/QUOTE]

    Gross!!
    People always ask me, did I ever learn anything when I was a stripper? Yeah, I did. One man plus two beers equals 20 dollars.
    -- Anna Nicole Smith

    Myspace is an obsession...much like Stripperweb...
    http://www.myspace.com/cameronkeys (real myspace)

    http://www.myspace.com/sexyhotdancer(work myspace)


    Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

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    Veteran Member CallMeSky's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    "It's 0kay, I know the owner/manager/bouncer, ect".
    SUUUUUUURE buddy, and like it would even matter if you actually did.
    Last edited by CallMeSky; 08-29-2006 at 06:46 PM. Reason: editing


    Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    ^ Oh god, I love it when they say that.

    "I know Billy, the boss."
    "Really?" *thinking: So does the rest of Queensland*
    "Yeah!! And I know his daughter... whatshername."

    Yeah, you know the owner SO WELL you can't remember his daughters name who WORKS THERE TOO.

    Fabulous.


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Dumb customer comments?? Where do I begin? There are so many...

    C: Can you get me drugs?
    Me: I don't do drugs.
    C: Yes you do, all strippers do drugs.

    C: Hey baby, I'm going to take you out to the nicest dinner you can imagine!
    Me: Really? where are we going?
    C: Red Lobster
    Me: I have a better imgaination than that.
    C: Huh?

    C: I tipped you a $20 on stage.
    Me: I know, thank you so much for the generous tip (add hugs and kisses)
    C: Uh... I meant to only tip you $1, can I have the other $19 back?
    Me: I'll be right back, I don't have any change. (walks over to the other side of the room and starts dancing for another customer)


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Featured Member cameronfl's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris
    Dumb customer comments?? Where do I begin? There are so many...

    C: Can you get me drugs?
    Me: I don't do drugs.
    C: Yes you do, all strippers do drugs.
    Yeah I get that a lot too. Or they'll tehn ask how often I smoke pot....and when I say that I just told them I dont do drugs they answer "pots not a drug". Uh huh...


    On the taking-a-tip-back note...I had a guy tip me a 5 (on a fri)..then take it right back saying" oh..I meant to give you this(a 1 dollar bill)...this (the 5) is for tonight. I couldnt help it..I said" wow..$5...big Friday night in store for you huh???"
    People always ask me, did I ever learn anything when I was a stripper? Yeah, I did. One man plus two beers equals 20 dollars.
    -- Anna Nicole Smith

    Myspace is an obsession...much like Stripperweb...
    http://www.myspace.com/cameronkeys (real myspace)

    http://www.myspace.com/sexyhotdancer(work myspace)


    Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

  9. #8
    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Lots of customers said weird things to me....but one did a thing that stuck out at me. There was this asshole who was asking all of the girls in the club if he could get sex in the club....he had to keep asking because he kept getting laughed at and/or chastized. then he got belligerant and started yelling, calling the girls sluts, ugly, etc., bragging that he was rich because he had his own fish shop, etc.

    he then went outside of the main club area to get a sandwich on the patio....there was an open-aired cafe at the back of the club which directly bordered a deep river/canal (deep enough for ships to anchor and pass through it). one girl came out to get some coffee, and he told her she "better fuck him or she was worth nothing" and that she'd "be lucky to fuck him for free." she took her coffee and approached him, making it look like she was going to throw it at him, so he got up from the table and backed away facing her. he moved so far back and fell into the canal because he was facing away from it. the water was putrid from the ships emptying their oils and bilge, etc. the bouncer came out and threw him a life preserver, and pulled him up to the boat docked on the river. he yelled at the bouncer, who then pushed him back in. then threw him the preserver again, and the guy left the club smelling like oil and rotten fish. ironic, considering his profession. what an idiot. was never allowed inside again.
    "Seeing the landscape at this superficial level only captures its boring uniformity, not allowing you to immerse yourself in the spirit of the place; for that you must stop at least several days."

    ~Che Guevara, "The Motorcycle Diaries"

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    Featured Member cameronfl's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    We had one guy come in and sit at the bar. He declined a drink and kept moving around the bar to keep away from the bartender. Finally he was told that he HAD to buy a drink or leave. He refused and was thrown out...he proceeded to stand outside screaming to everyone who drove past that this place was a rip off that FORCED you to buy drinks(at a BAR...who would've thunk it??).
    We laughed at him for a little while, then called the cops and had him arrested.
    People always ask me, did I ever learn anything when I was a stripper? Yeah, I did. One man plus two beers equals 20 dollars.
    -- Anna Nicole Smith

    Myspace is an obsession...much like Stripperweb...
    http://www.myspace.com/cameronkeys (real myspace)

    http://www.myspace.com/sexyhotdancer(work myspace)


    Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

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    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    oh...i thought of something stupid a custy said once....i came to get my tip during a tip walk after a stage show, and he said, "you're cute, but you have flaws. i'm a plastic surgeon and can fix you. you don't have to pay with money either." ass. i took his tip, smiled, and said, "but who can fix your flaws? not enough money in the world can do that..."
    "Seeing the landscape at this superficial level only captures its boring uniformity, not allowing you to immerse yourself in the spirit of the place; for that you must stop at least several days."

    ~Che Guevara, "The Motorcycle Diaries"

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    Featured Member tootsie's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    yah, i make up a lot of stuff and they do find it believable!

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    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    C: Can you get me drugs?
    Me: I don't do drugs.
    C: Yes you do, all strippers do drugs.
    C: do you know where I can get some coke?

    Me: hmmm...let me think. Hey, why don't we go do a dance?

    C: no, I just want some coke, can you help me?

    Me: hmmm...ask the bouncer [the bouncer is straight-edge]

    C: asks the bouncer



    Feature costumes for sale!

  16. #13
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    i remember dancing for this guy, and i'd been trying out some new pole tricks that day and my legs were absolutely black with bruises. anyway this guy is like, "what happened to your legs?" and i said, "it's from pole dancing". he rolls his eyes and says, "the only way you got those bruises from a pole is if someone hit you with one!" so in my best sarcastic voice i was like, "yes, it's true, my boyfriend beats me if i don't sell enough of his drugs at work. he beats me with a stick." anyway this guy gets $20 out of his wallet, gives it to me, looks at me sympathetically and says, "look, take this, and just promise me that you'll never let another guy do this to you again"

    ahaha.

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    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Quote Originally Posted by scarlett_vancouver
    C: do you know where I can get some coke?

    Me: hmmm...let me think. Hey, why don't we go do a dance?

    C: no, I just want some coke, can you help me?

    Me: hmmm...ask the bouncer [the bouncer is straight-edge]

    C: asks the bouncer


    Hahaha. That is quick thinking, miss.

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    Veteran Member Aprilleigh's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Quote Originally Posted by scarlett_vancouver
    C: do you know where I can get some coke?

    Me: hmmm...let me think. Hey, why don't we go do a dance?

    C: no, I just want some coke, can you help me?

    Me: hmmm...ask the bouncer [the bouncer is straight-edge]

    C: asks the bouncer


    i am sooo gonna use that! thanks.... it's always the young dumbasses that ask so i'm sure they'll be dumb enough to fall for it
    Appearing at Dreams Gentlemen's Club, Melbourne

  19. #16
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    A man threw an ashtray at me to get my attention & it shattered on a table behind me. He was drunk. I offered another cutomer an OTC date if he would beat Ashtray Thrower into the pavement. (He didn't, so no date.)

  20. #17
    Featured Member cameronfl's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Quote Originally Posted by Darcy Foxx
    i remember dancing for this guy, and i'd been trying out some new pole tricks that day and my legs were absolutely black with bruises. anyway this guy is like, "what happened to your legs?" and i said, "it's from pole dancing". he rolls his eyes and says, "the only way you got those bruises from a pole is if someone hit you with one!" so in my best sarcastic voice i was like, "yes, it's true, my boyfriend beats me if i don't sell enough of his drugs at work. he beats me with a stick." anyway this guy gets $20 out of his wallet, gives it to me, looks at me sympathetically and says, "look, take this, and just promise me that you'll never let another guy do this to you again"

    ahaha.
    This is actually as running joke with me and my friends. Sinc eteh bruises are all on our shins...
    "your boyfriend must beat you"
    "no..its from the stage"
    "Nooo...I KNOW yuor boyfriend beats you"
    "ok,,you got me..he beats me if I dont make enough...JUST in the shins. I'm dating a violent midget"
    People always ask me, did I ever learn anything when I was a stripper? Yeah, I did. One man plus two beers equals 20 dollars.
    -- Anna Nicole Smith

    Myspace is an obsession...much like Stripperweb...
    http://www.myspace.com/cameronkeys (real myspace)

    http://www.myspace.com/sexyhotdancer(work myspace)


    Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

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  22. #18
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    damn, I wish I could remember some of the 100s of stupid things customers have said. I will definately have to get back to this thread.

    But in a similar vein, what are some stupid things that guys in general have said to you? My all time fav was this one guy that I got together with. One day he goes to me, " I can't wait for us to get to know each other well enough not to use a condom and you can feel all of my little spermies swimming inside of you." ! Yup, so want to jump in bed with you now!

  23. #19
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    ^ if a guy ever utters the phrase 'my little spermies', he's totally out of my life.


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  24. #20
    Member Tora's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    OMG ther are so many incidents on a nightly bassis that its scary how dumb some customers really are.

    I get this a lot:

    C: so how old are you really …let me guess 18 is that why you wont buy a cocktail?
    Me: I m 23 and I don’t drink but thank you for the offer
    C: come on your not 23 who are you kidding? Why do you have to lie about your age
    M: excuse me I don’t lie and don’t accuse me plus when I m 50 I will look 35 so I have a baby face…it’s a blessing

    What a dumb ass…I get this conversation all the time

    Or this one

    C: so do you have a man?
    M: do you have a girl?
    C: yes I have a wife
    M: actually im married too!
    C: married? OMG how do you do this job and be married? Do you go to curch too?
    M: no im not religious and marriage is wonderful..this is just a job that I take seriously

    Its like does your wife know you come here and visit me? God it gets so old…

  25. #21
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Yeah the age question is asked every single night and I'm sooooo over it!!!!

    Cust: How old are you?

    Me: Don't you know you shouldn't ask a woman how old she is!!!

    Cust: No, really, how old are you?

    Me: No, really, it's rude to ask someone how old they are!!!

    Cust: C'mon, tell me how old you are.

    Me: Ok, I just turned 30 3 weeks ago!

    Cust: No you're not! You're lying, you're only about 21 or 22.

    Me: You know what, maybe I should start lying to everyone because I'm tired of everyone not believing me!

    Cust: WOW, you're really 30, you don't look 30!

    All the time!!! Every customer says "you're lying, you're not 30!" Why the f$ck would I lie about being older? If anything, I'd like to say that I'm 21! *rolls eyes*

  26. #22
    Member Gypsy_Dancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    There is this one absolute nutso that comes into the club a few times a week, never gets dances, tips once in a blue moon, and doesn't even offer to buy drinks. He spouts some of the most insane drivel. We always try to warn the new girls before they get sucked into a 30 minute convo with the loser. Here's an example:

    C: You know, if you think about it, this place is like a church.
    D: Huh?
    C: Yeah, this is exactly like a church.
    D: What do you mean? How can a strip club be anything like a church?
    C: Well, all the people that come in here are the worshippers.
    D: (trying not to roll eyes) Oh, okay, I get it.
    C: No, I don't think you do... See, this is the Church of the Holy Orrifice.
    D: (nervous/disbelieving laugh) What?
    C: Yes, just think about it. The guys come in, and sit down in front of it, and stare at it, and think only about it. We all came from The Holy Orrifice, and we are all trying to get back in.
    D: Okay, now I get it... Do you want to get a dance so you can get a closer look?
    C: Well, see, that's the thing. You girls are just like the guys on TV... You know, the ones always asking everyone to send them money. Which, you know, you should never do, because worship shouldn't cost anything.


    WTF?? Comparing the club to a church, and us to televangalists???
    Always remember: Everyone you meet has loved something, has lost something, and is afraid of something.

  27. #23
    Featured Member cameronfl's Avatar
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Quote Originally Posted by Gypsy_Dancer
    There is this one absolute nutso that comes into the club a few times a week, never gets dances, tips once in a blue moon, and doesn't even offer to buy drinks. He spouts some of the most insane drivel. We always try to warn the new girls before they get sucked into a 30 minute convo with the loser. Here's an example:

    C: You know, if you think about it, this place is like a church.
    D: Huh?
    C: Yeah, this is exactly like a church.
    D: What do you mean? How can a strip club be anything like a church?
    C: Well, all the people that come in here are the worshippers.
    D: (trying not to roll eyes) Oh, okay, I get it.
    C: No, I don't think you do... See, this is the Church of the Holy Orrifice.
    D: (nervous/disbelieving laugh) What?
    C: Yes, just think about it. The guys come in, and sit down in front of it, and stare at it, and think only about it. We all came from The Holy Orrifice, and we are all trying to get back in.
    D: Okay, now I get it... Do you want to get a dance so you can get a closer look?
    C: Well, see, that's the thing. You girls are just like the guys on TV... You know, the ones always asking everyone to send them money. Which, you know, you should never do, because worship shouldn't cost anything.


    WTF?? Comparing the club to a church, and us to televangalists???

    LOL...I've said this 100 x...welcome to the Church of the Holy Clitoris....on your knees and pray bitch!!!!! Sorry..I meant PAY!!!
    People always ask me, did I ever learn anything when I was a stripper? Yeah, I did. One man plus two beers equals 20 dollars.
    -- Anna Nicole Smith

    Myspace is an obsession...much like Stripperweb...
    http://www.myspace.com/cameronkeys (real myspace)

    http://www.myspace.com/sexyhotdancer(work myspace)


    Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

  28. #24
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Quote Originally Posted by lilithmorrigan
    "Man I love CANADIAN girls. American girls are such fucking bitches!"
    "I'M American."
    "No, I think you're Canadian."
    ^Sober^
    I have something similar like that happen to me, and it infuriates me. Here it goes:
    "You have an accent. Where are you from?"
    "Philly."
    "No, where are you originally from?"
    "PHILLY."
    "No you're not, come on. You're from Russia or somewhere in Europe. You don't sound American."
    WTF?? I've lived in America my whole life, except for the time I lived in Australia during study abroad in college. I think I know my life story better than some strangers...And I do NOT have an accent. Same annoying scenario seems to happen to one of my guy friends, as well.

  29. #25
    TheSexKitten
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    Default Re: ok we have dumb dancers...what about dumb custies...

    Haha one of my friends was sitting in a salon reading a magazine when a woman randomly asked her if she was American.

    "no..."

    "oh, gee, I thought you were like, Ukranian or something!"

    OT but hey

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