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Thread: I need some help!!

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default I need some help!!

    Ok...I want to get a dog. Makayla wants a dog. Joe does NOT want a dog. Now, I've been researching what dogs to get for months now (thinking that I would smooth talk Joe when I find one...heh). A friend of a friend has a 2 1/2 year old German Short-haired pointer that she has to get rid of. The dog is fully trained and is a great dog, but she cannot keep him. Up-to-date on all shots, visits, etc...and she would GIVE the dog to me if I can take her because she just wants to make sure that Snow (dog's name) gets into a good home. Pretty cool.

    So, I get home from vacation and tell Joe that I found the perfect dog for us. We're quite outdoorsy and this dog would fit right in. She's gentle, great with kids, and best of all...NOT a puppy (I don't want to get a puppy so close to having a baby). His response to this great idea...was simply, "No fucking way." He said, "If you get this dog, I'm not walking it, picking up it's shit, or feeding it. Not even after you have the baby...I don't want a dog."

    I'm kinda torn...Makayla has been asking for a dog for 2 years...I want a dog (I grew up with a great German Shepherd) but I don't want to cause problems. Part of me wants to just bring the dog home...another part of me doesn't want to piss Joe off...but I remember my dad didn't want a dog either and ended up LOVING our dog...

    So, what to do? What to do?? Suggestions?

  2. #2
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    First, love that Joe is holding his ground, facing down his powerful and beautiful mate.

    I'd say, get the animal. In a Utilitarian sense you should make the maximum number of people happy: two vs. one. Your side wins.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    I'm with Joe.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess
    ... "If you get this dog, I'm not walking it, picking up it's shit, or feeding it. Not even after you have the baby...I don't want a dog."...
    I think you and your daughter should double team him. If she really wants the dog too, don't fight the battle alone. Heh.

    Obviously you know him best. However, how I read this is he doesn't want a dog, but not that you can't have a dog. Another words, it not "No dogs period" but more like "If you get the dog, it's yours, not mine." He's not going to care for it.

    As long as you don't think it will create a huge rift between the two of you, IMO I think you can get it.

    Just keep in mind, that until he warms to it, you can't blame him for not doing what he said he wouldn't do. Fair is fair. If he eventually comes around, cool, but until then it will be up to you and your daughter.

    Also you'll have to deal with comments about the hair, and smell, as even short hairs shed something.

    Of course the real complication in all this is the new baby, when you'll certainly need help. Can your daugher care the dog on her own? If so, than get the dog. If not, than the dog may in fact cause too much stress.

    Hope you can work things out to get the dog. Best of luck.
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    Quote Originally Posted by verfolgung
    As long as you don't think it will create a huge rift between the two of you, IMO I think you can get it.
    I don't know about not causing a huge rift...LOL...he's pretty adamant that he doesn't want a dog. That's where I'm stuck. Do I get the dog anyways even though he doesn't want one and hope that the dog wins him over...or do I just by-pass the dog? Grrrrrr...I'm tempted to go pick the dog up...

    Just keep in mind, that until he warms to it, you can't blame him for not doing what he said he wouldn't do. Fair is fair. If he eventually comes around, cool, but until then it will be up to you and your daughter.
    Well, Makayla is WAY to young to care for the dog herself (she's only 4). But, my neighbor said that they would take the dog for a walk everyday (with their dog) if needed after I have the baby...so I know that the dog would get a daily walk (or two), etc. I probably wouldn't really need more than that. The dog is house-broken. It's not a puppy, where we'd be cleaning up the kitchen floor a few times a day...

    Also you'll have to deal with comments about the hair, and smell, as even short hairs shed something.
    Well, we have 2 cats...he's got nothing to complain about. Our one cat (who is a medium hair) sheds more than 2 dogs combined...AND they like to stick their asses in your face while you're trying to sleep or they hog the pillows. The dog would sleep on the floor. heh But, I think he just doesn't really like dogs and doesn't want one...but if I wanted to get another cat (which I don't) he would be all over it...I love our cats...but I want a dog.

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    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    Huh, given that feedback, I'm not so sure anymore.

    I wasn't aware you already had cats. It's not just a pet thing, but specifically a dog thing.

    I guess I'd have to know more about why he dislikes dogs so much before I could say anything further. Is there some back story or tramatic experience with a dog?

    Obviously he wouldn't be cruel to the dog, but it may not be fair to the dog to bring him into a house where he's not wanted.

    It's a head scratcher.
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    Veteran Member Paisley's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    Can you have the dog for a "probationary" period? Some of the rescue organizations that I worked for allowed prospective owners to have the pet for 2 weeks. If things didn't work out than the animal was returned to the rescue organization. Maybe you could give it a week or 2 run and address the specific reasons why your husband doesn't want a dog and show him things can be different. (I remember my mom not wanting a dog and then completely falling in love with the pooch.) Also is there something that your husband wants that you have reservations about? Of course you can't compare a living, breathing creature with a motorcycle or pool table and you cant trade one for the other, but it may loosen his reservations.

    Then again, those were rescue organizations and not an individual person. I would try to get in contact with a German Shephard Rescue in your area if you can not keep the dog. They can be a bit crazy but it's much better than a pound where the chance of euthanasia is high.

    I also agree with verf that if your husband is really going to have a large amount of resentment for the dog it may not be the best environment for him.


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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    Hmmm...well, I didn't want him to get a bass fishing boat, but he did anyways despite the fact that I was against it (mainly because it would mean that he would be gone more). That's hard because I don't really tell him that he can or cannot get something he wants. I just let it go. He's a big animal lover on the whole...so I don't get why he doesn't like dogs (well, he says that he doesn't like when they jump all over you and slobber all over the place...but I'm a big "no-jump" kind of person and I'm not getting a St. Bernard!!).

    I'll definitely ask the owner if we can do a trial run to make sure. I don't want to traumatize the dog...but I want to make sure it will work out.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    hate to say, but I think you should not get the dog.

    The dog is a family member and should be part of the whole family.

    Maybe you could volunteer to dogsit for friends and see if he warms up to the idea?

    Some people just aren't into animals. I don't get it, but my ex was like that. He would freak if there was dog hair on his clothing or poop on MY floor.

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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    My dad never let us have a dog, and I realized later I think he had some traumatic experience as a kid in Germany- so said my aunt. He claimed he just didn't like them, but when I started a little dog-sitting business through my vet tech job, and once in a while I'd have a dog in my car and bring it into my parents place for a quick visit- he would freak. And then he got used to it, and would say "well, THAT is a good dog. Doesn't jump up or bark or anything...". But he refused to come inside a house with Rottweilers. I don't know. It's true that many people get to love animals they thought they would resent- that does happen. On the other hand, what if he holds his ground and detests the dog? It would be difficult. And pointers, while adorable and affectionate, are very active dogs. They like to bond and need a lot of attention. Which suits most people fine- not everyone likes a stoic breed- but that might be hard after the baby. It's a hard decision! I feel for you.

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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    Well if Joe says no it would just create drama that wouldnt be good for the moment . But maybe he will change his mind at some point . Good luck

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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    I'd say don't get it. What if you told him you didn't want a dog, and then he brought one home anyway? A pet is a MAJOR decision. THink how unhappy the dog would be if there was resentment felt towards it all the time.

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    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    There's another element here: New baby. Call me excessively cautious, but I think it's a bad idea to introduce a set of canine teeth into a home with a new infant. So, no dog! Make friends with a nearby family with a pooch maybe?

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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    Why dont you and your friend try making up a story (honey jen really needs a pet sitter for such and such because she is going on vaction. She already paid for the tickets but she cant get nobody to wacth susch andsuch. She is like begging me to wacth him and she needs my help, I told her you dont even want a dog. She said it will only be for two weeks.)

    This way if he allow you to pet sit for two weeks. If there anything that will change his mind. It will happen with thin those two weeks about getting a pet. My mm had bought a beautiful puppy(when i was totally scared of dogs about 10 months ago. I did not want anything to do with it! But an emergency came up and I had to house sit for her, Long story short I fell in love with the dog and she fell in love with me. The puppy was so hurt when I let the house. I have to come visit like everyday. I did not get one of my own because of the cost to keep up with one and plus i am never home. That will be cruel to the pet, me getting one and never ther to love it!
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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicagoeditor
    There's another element here: New baby. Call me excessively cautious, but I think it's a bad idea to introduce a set of canine teeth into a home with a new infant. So, no dog! Make friends with a nearby family with a pooch maybe?
    We have neighbors with dogs...but it's not the same. I'm not worried about having a dog with an infant. I know how to train them and address the situation and so it's not an issue with me. In fact, I know I can keep the dog at bay with the baby...but the cats like to curl up next to the baby (they did with Makayla...no matter how many times I shooed them away). But, either way...that's not a concern for me.

    I'm going to talk with Joe again. I know that there was a big dog in his neighborhood when he was really young that used to scare the crap out of him...but I don't know if that's the issue here. I don't want to cause tension...but at the same time...I've always made it clear that I wanted a dog. We obviously didn't get one while we lived at the condo...but now we have our big house with our yard...and plenty of room for a 50 pound dog (which is how much she weighs). When we lived in the condo, he used to say "maybe when we get a house" now that's morphed into, "maybe when we get a bigger house".

    *sigh*

    I just want a dog...and I thought that everything "fell" into my lap with this dog, Snow, which may be why I'm being really persistent. She's been raised around kids of all ages and is great with them...I was really wanting to find a dog that had a good temperament, was active, and good with kids...but that wasn't a puppy. And, then *BAM* 2 days later I get a phone call from this friend of a friend who was telling me about her dog and the situation.

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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    Make it a poll and lets vote on it lol .

  17. #17
    Sitri
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    Well, we were in the same situation and ended up getting a Boxer from the Trading times. He was 2 years old. Now he is a part of the family ... and also sometimes just as irritating..LOL.

    Anyway our son wanted a dog for two years. We waited until he was 10 and could "take care of it". Well, my wife and I do and it doesn't take a lot more work. But, there is wear and tear on the furniture, letting him in and out, etc.

    Since you daughter is 2, she really won't be taking care of the dog and with a new baby coming I would wait. The new baby should keep her (and you) pretty busy. I think the dog will be a distraction personally.

    But, to each his/her own. Good luck.

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    Senior Member HoneyHITZmore's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    this is just my opinion, but it sounds like he just doesnt want to take care of the dog... maybe he thinks the responsibility will fall to him? You dont seem like the type to let that happen, especially when you want the dog so much... and even tho Makayla is only 2, theres still plenty she can learn to do, and it will help her learn responsibility slowly, instead of when she older and may lose interest... I didn't grow up with pets, until I was about 10 when we got a dog, and let me tell you, i was a horrible dog owner... we ended up giving her to a good family who loves her and I've always felt very disappointed in myself for letting that happen....

    okay so i got off topic, but basically, I think that you should still work on him as hard as you can.. and try to find out WHY he doesn't want a dog...
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    Default Re: I need some help!!

    hmm...i would say that you shouldn't get the dog if he is so against it....if you do, at least give him warning about it. my dad brought home three dogs "by suprise" when i was a kid. two ended up leaving within a couple of weeks because my dad could not train them, and my mom had her hands full with young children. she was also supremely pissed at him for getting them after she said no, especially when he used our happy emotional reactions as leverage. the third dog stayed with us for a couple of years, but then my parents gave her away, and i was traumatized for a very long time after that. i was too young to walk her, as she was strong, and my dad was lazy. my parents divorced shortly after that, not because of the dogs, but because my dad could not respect my mom's issues. she ended up taking care of the dogs, etc. i know that in your family the dynamics are very different, but to spring an animal on a SO after a "no" could really cause problems. add a new baby into the mix, and it's a lot of stress. if you do get a dog, consider doing it after you have the baby and are settled, as perhaps that's the reason your SO is nervous. i know the timing of this one seems perfect and all, but his strong reaction is something to take into account.

    could he be afraid you'll have to go on bedrest again, and that he would then be left with the responsibility? or that this dog could inadvertently threaten the health of you and your baby? you know how to handle dogs and such, but it seems like he doesn't have confidence in that. the trial idea sounds good, as then you can see his reaction, and you can reassure him that there's no committment there. but if he still remains firm after that, i think you should respect his feelings.
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