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Thread: Does it ever get better?

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    Default Does it ever get better?

    I've been dancing for 4 months total in my life so I'm still very new at all of this. I work in am airdance club where touching the dancers isn't allowed. But we all know customers will do it anyway. Last night this ahole grabbed my breasts and of course blamed me saying "it wasn't my fault, you moved." Yeah, what f$cking ever!! I got him kicked out but whenever a customer touches me where he's not supposed to my breasts & kitty especially it leaves me with this sick feeling and it tends to last a few days sometimes. It definitely puts me in a funcky mood for the rest of the night at work, though I try to not let that ahole win by messing with my money earnings. Usually that night I was grabbed I have bad dreams about men, about them treating me bad and it takes me a few days to get that icky feeling to subside. Does it ever get better with time? Do you get stronger or harder as time goes on to where once it's over, it's over with and you don't let it bother you anymore or is it always like this? Thanks for any replies!

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    Yes. Alas, it will be all too soon when you will wonder where this sense of indignation at being touched without permission goes. Then you will just bat their hands away distracted and keep dancing.
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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    It gets better. Soon, you'll just feel anger at the a-holes who think they have a right to do things like this.
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    Veteran Member jessica_rabbit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    Yeah, it should get easier for you to handle. But if it doesn't, and you don't build up a thicker skin, then you might be better off working in a different environment. Stripping isn't for everyone and if it continues to bother you that much than it really isn't worth it.

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    Featured Member georgiapeach's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    you'll probably get a thicker skin with time. make sure you have ways to relax and decompress; it can be a stessful job for sure.

    and at least your bouncers will kick out punks like that; i don't know what the bouncers have been doing at my club, but they sure as hell aren't working

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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    You'll also give off less of a rookie vibe soon, and the guys won't try as often. (Hopefully)

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    Uhh, I never felt that bad about it. Granted, I despise being groped without permission, but it never bothered me for more than a few minutes when it happened - depending on the severity of course. If some asshole hurts me, it keeps me rather annoyed for the rest of the night. It's more a pissed off feeling though, than a "feeling icky".

    Ultimately my problem with the whole thing is not the "violation" or sleaze part of it; it's the knowledge that the offenders are doing it with a total lack of (or despite) any thought that the dancer might not want him to do what he's doing. That whole lack of human consideration thing really bothers me about people. Any people, not just custies.

    So the point is, I don't feel dirty or whatever when some schmuck goes for the grope uninvited. I just know that my time with him is done because I am not willing to put up with it.

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    Member Stripped Daily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    Quote Originally Posted by jessica_rabbit
    Yeah, it should get easier for you to handle. But if it doesn't, and you don't build up a thicker skin, then you might be better off working in a different environment. Stripping isn't for everyone and if it continues to bother you that much than it really isn't worth it.
    Well said...That's great advice.

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    What Bridgette said! There's no reason for you to feel gross about what someone else does. I know it's a bit of a shock when you see how dumb and piggish men act when they think they don't need to respect you, but don't let it get to you, and remember, not all men are bad, though a lot of them are idiots.

    It could be that you don't know how to say no to these guys, and so they are getting away with doing more than you want. This is a great time for you to learn to set and defend your own boundaries. Girls in our culture are generally brought up to beleive that being "nice" is the best way to stay safe and get what you want, and "nice" doesn't include saying no. This is utter bullshit, of course. As a dancer, customers are going to ask -- nay, demand -- things you don't want to do on a daily basis. The ability to say no is a basic survival skill. You have to decide what you want to do, and you have to enforce those limits. The more confident you feel about this, the more skillfull you'll be at saying no without losing the customer's interest and money, but when in doubt, like Bridgette suggests, just walk away. It's not worth bad dreams and several days of feeling icky.

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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    It's definitely not because I've allowed it. Actually, things like this happen after I've already told them no, like when I'm dancing for them and their hands start wandering like hands going up my leg & farther & keep trying to get away with more. What happened with this dickhead is I was already done dancing for him and after I pushed his hand away while the dance and told him touching wasn't allowed here, he stopped during the dance and then grabbed my breasts afterwards. I put my panties on and was trying to get my top on too and he came up to me and said "Can I have a hug?" So I was going to give him a quick hug and be on my way and that's when he grabbed my breasts. I have never had a problem with saying no, I've walked away from a man who ordered a $1000 in funny money because he didn't understand the concept of no. It's weird too, it's like I get an even ickier feeling on men who only spend $10 then I do on men who spend like $500. Don't get me wrong, all of it makes me sick and pisses me off but I think it's the worst when a man does that and only gives you $10 for a dance, that was the situation the other night. I was so pissed, that I started yelling at him and I had to walk away from him and get the bouncer to kick him out because I was on the verge of punching him in the face or kicking him in the balls.

    Thankfully, this has only happened to me about 4 times since I've been doing this. So it doesn't happen very often!

    Thank you for your advice and support, I appreciate it!

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    Leogirl, I know what you are talking about. I used to have the same problem, but now I can end the dance walk away with a smile on my face and completely forget that it ever happened.

    I play a trick with my thoughts. If the upsetting memory pops into my head, I think of something else immeadately. For instance I like Christmas time, so I'll envision the customer groping me, then flash my mind over to christmas trees, snow, lights on houses, egg nog etc.etc.

    When you are home and it is quiet and those upsetting memories come back up again, just review what happened in your mind, but be an observer, not a participant. Sort of like watching a movie playing in your head. Then play the memory back changing something about it, maybe turn the gropey customer into something silly, like big bird, or something equaly ridiculous. Focus on this for a minute, then change something in your memory about yoruself, maybe visualize yourself in an alien body (my fav is to envision myself as one of the aliens from the Sigourney Weaver movies, I picture myself as a shape shifter, morphing into the scary alien as the customer is violating me, then seeing the terror on his face when he realizes what he is doing). The idea is to keep changing the seniaro in your mind until it is next to impossible to feel the bad emotions that you originally felt when the customer crossed you boundries.

    I learned about this from a therapist when I was getting out of an abusive realtionship. It is amazing what the mind is capable of. I've used these kind of memory games to wipe the bad feelings from bad memories. I'm able to be cheery in the face of awful situations.

    It is tough to practice these kind of memory games, as first, but after a little practice, you'll have amazing control over your feelings. I feel like I can rule the world because it takes a pretty tramatic situation to fluster me.


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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    Hehe, my therapy is to bitch him out for 30 seconds, bitch in the dressing room for about minute, count my money, and look for another target. The best way for me to forget the asshole and get in a better mood is to find a gentleman to dance for

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    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette
    Ultimately my problem with the whole thing is not the "violation" or sleaze part of it; it's the knowledge that the offenders are doing it with a total lack of (or despite) any thought that the dancer might not want him to do what he's doing. That whole lack of human consideration thing really bothers me about people. Any people, not just custies.
    I KNOW!!!!

    LG, I'm in the same boat with you. I won't dance for certain custies. They can't waive enough money around to change my mind. Remember when I told you that I turned down 2 hours because I flat out said I would not touch his cock?

    Had I said or implied that I'd give a little extra, I would have tacitly given him permission to grope and fondle me. And he would have tried. And succeeded. And I would have gotten him kicked out. And I would have felt disgusting and disgusted with myself.

    I'm still disgusted that he thought I'd be a whore.

    Oddly, I am upset that I walked away from $600.

    I wish there was something like Rain-X to use so that the insults could roll off like water.

  14. #14
    missalovelady
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    You will learn to deal w/ it,but if you just cant,it may be the wrong line of work,because there will always be these type of assholes.good luck

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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    Great idea Paris, I have to try that next time!

    I know where you're coming from, though for me, it often has come from not asserting my boundaries enough. A guy does something, I don't want to lose the money, I get momentarily upset, and I continue, and when it's over I feel like shit because I should have ended the dance right away. That being said, it also depends what's being done and what I find offensive, and like Bridgette said the lack of being treated like a human being is what actually gets to me the most, as opposed to actually being touched. It seems to me that you are on the right track, sticking up for yourself and asserting what you want and don't want. With time, you'll get the tougher skin.

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    exotisch23
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    so what do you do when a 70 year old grandpa grabs your tit right out of the blue in front of everyone, blatant disrespect, do you smack him? Or would it be a bad idea to hit someone that old? Stupid fuckers.

    OH and GET THIS, some guy (different guy) actually had the nerve to try grabbing me repeatedly, after I kept telling the shithead NO, at the end of the dance he said I would not make any money not letting guys touch me and held out his 20 dollar bill like it was fucking gold or something.

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    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    Okay, Exo... I have actually smacked a 70-80 year old guy so hard in the back of the head that his head snapped forward. I was raised to always respect my elders, etc etc, and normally that kind of behavior would go strongly against my gut ... but I was sitting on his lap trying to get my top back on real quick (he was buying multiples and i was resting in between, sitting on his lap to talk) ... and he puts his nasty mouth around my entire boob. (i'm small). I immediately, without thinking, stood up and yelled "YOU'RE DONE!!"... and somehow i felt in my gut that yelling and walking away wouldnt justify my anger so i smacked him so hard. It was the oddest feeling. I wish i could have hit him harder actually. Strange what being violated by a nasty old man can make you do.

    To the original poster, I think Paris has a fine idea. I try to use negative situations as a learning experience. I always try to go back and think of how i would react differently or how i might have avoided the situation altogether... this pattern of reviewing a situation will slowly change you over time to a stronger, more alert, and quick-thinking person than you already are.
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    Default Re: Does it ever get better?

    In my opinion: Old men are fucking OLD ENOUGH to know what not to do. If my 18 year old regular can handle simple rules, a 60 year old can. His age gives him no rights to be disrespectful. And if any man any age disrespects me, I'm gonna smack him one.


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