I keep thinking I wont love this baby as much as my daughter. I went shopping for baby clothes ( a couple of my customers took me to Target and got me what I need) but I just wasnt excited like I was about Ahrie. I felt wrong buying baby stuff and it wasn't for her. Ahrie is my world and all i wanted was her, no more. Will I have enough love for another little girl? It's even worse being that I hate the man Im pregnant by, and when I look at her, maybe Ill see Shawn. I pray she looks like me,but still, she's not Ahrie. I don't want to feel like this. I made a baby registry and I saw the same things I had for Ahrie and even though I liked them, I couldnt bring myself to adding it to the list and seeing this baby in something Ahrie had or played with. Then I dont want to spend more money than I did on Ahrie either. Why do I feel this way and how do I make it go away?? When I first got pregnant I did everything I could to cause a miscarriage..dancing as hard as I could,lifting heavy stuff, even took a bunch of pills out of anger when Shawn hit me,and starved myself. It took me about 6 months to realize that this baby didn't ask to be here, and that she's really strong to make it through all that.I made the first prenatal appt. She wants to meet her mama. What if she's born with something wrong with her? I dont know how Ill live with myself. How will I love a child that I ruined, a child who's father doesnt want her. Will I feel different when I see her? Does anybody know what I feel like? Thx





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