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Thread: How do I love this baby?? :(

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    Default How do I love this baby?? :(

    I keep thinking I wont love this baby as much as my daughter. I went shopping for baby clothes ( a couple of my customers took me to Target and got me what I need) but I just wasnt excited like I was about Ahrie. I felt wrong buying baby stuff and it wasn't for her. Ahrie is my world and all i wanted was her, no more. Will I have enough love for another little girl? It's even worse being that I hate the man Im pregnant by, and when I look at her, maybe Ill see Shawn. I pray she looks like me,but still, she's not Ahrie. I don't want to feel like this. I made a baby registry and I saw the same things I had for Ahrie and even though I liked them, I couldnt bring myself to adding it to the list and seeing this baby in something Ahrie had or played with. Then I dont want to spend more money than I did on Ahrie either. Why do I feel this way and how do I make it go away?? When I first got pregnant I did everything I could to cause a miscarriage..dancing as hard as I could,lifting heavy stuff, even took a bunch of pills out of anger when Shawn hit me,and starved myself. It took me about 6 months to realize that this baby didn't ask to be here, and that she's really strong to make it through all that.I made the first prenatal appt. She wants to meet her mama. What if she's born with something wrong with her? I dont know how Ill live with myself. How will I love a child that I ruined, a child who's father doesnt want her. Will I feel different when I see her? Does anybody know what I feel like? Thx

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    Veteran Member danijamesxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Well, you're lucky, because miscarriages are awful. And as soon as she's in your arms, you'll love her. That's all there is to it.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Its really that easy? I would be a lot happier if this child was by my daughters father, I still love him and he's a good man. Its just not right.

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    Veteran Member IvyLeague's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Lots of moms go through this with their second child. Its normal to think you dont/cant have enough love for two, but there is always room for more love. Once you see that beautiful baby looking at you and know that she needs you more then anything in the world, it'll all be better.

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    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    I still think you should consider adoption.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Aren't you getting rid of her anyway? Isn't your mother taking care of her?

    And as for that 'all mothers love their children' thing:

    Andrea Yates.


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    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Bad example, Morrigan... Andrea Yates DID love her children, which is why she killed them. In her psychotic delusions, she believed she was a bad mother and she would destroy their chances at eternal life if they grew up to adulthood, so she did what she felt she had to do to save them. That's why it's so sad.

    A better example would be Susan Smith or any of the many women who kill, neglect, and abuse their children every day. You don't always suddenly love it just because you gave birth to it. And with limited resources and this much uncertainty, I think it would be a great idea to adopt it to a family who WILL be able to love and provide for it.

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    Veteran Member danijamesxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Well, I guess I am just an idealist. If I had had my child, even though it was at a bad time with the wrong guy I wanted for the dad, I would still love it. Call me crazy. This is kind of a touchy subject for me, I know everyone has different stories and opinions. I'm just saying....most women are terrified before they have their babies. They are aving hormones surges too which bring about crazy thoughts. I mean, do what's right for you hon, but nothing any of us can say will make you change your mind unless you want to.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    My mom agreed to adopting her until Im ready to provide for her on my own, but I can't watch her walk out with my baby and go across the country with her. I would never hurt her or neglect her, if thats what u are trying to imply. Ill do whatever it is i have to do to take care of her, even if i have to strip the day after shes born, stitches and all. lol
    Maybe you guys are right, once I see her..... Sometimes I smile and glow when I feel her kicking, but sometimes I feel the way i described. As long as Ahrie knows I love her just the same, Ill be ok.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Prenatal Stress Disorder is how I am calling this one.


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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    is that real?

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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Yes. Just like postnatal. I had a friend who was convinced the baby was telling her to throw herself off a bridge and kill them both. NOT SAYING YOU'RE THIS BAD... but you can get stressed and have issues before having a baby. This baby was conceived with not-to-satisfactory results which could be causing undue stress making you worried about loving the baby enough and things like that.


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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Maybe you are right. Hopefully I dont get postnatal depression too! lol I didnt really get it with Ahrie so hopefully this will be the same. I plan on breastfeeding, like I did with Ahrie. I know that creates a close bond.

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    Veteran Member big_daddyII's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Your lucky my wife and I want a child but she can't have kids.
    “Since the ACLU is trying to take away the word ‘Christmas,’ we thought it would be a great time to send the group a Christmas card this year. If everybody did this, they would be buried in mail.”

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    This is why I encourage pro-abortion education from early childhood onward. I'm sorry for your situation Big_Daddy. I can't have kids either.

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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Im sorry u guys cant have babies. I kinda feel bad now for not wanting the one I was fortunate enough to make. wow. Im sorry.

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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Quote Originally Posted by big_daddyII
    Your lucky my wife and I want a child but she can't have kids.
    Adoption. It's still your child... just because you paid a little more for it makes no difference.

    Sorry, off topic a little.

    Anyway -

    Do what you feel is best Xio. Hey, maybe you can give your baby to Big Daddy.


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    Veteran Member big_daddyII's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Quote Originally Posted by lilithmorrigan
    Adoption. It's still your child... just because you paid a little more for it makes no difference.

    Sorry, off topic a little.

    Anyway -

    Do what you feel is best Xio. Hey, maybe you can give your baby to Big Daddy.
    Some states adoption is free and they pay for all the kids needs. The down fall to adoption is it's hard to get a healthy child. It may be wrong but we want a healthy child.
    “Since the ACLU is trying to take away the word ‘Christmas,’ we thought it would be a great time to send the group a Christmas card this year. If everybody did this, they would be buried in mail.”

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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Hehe not a bad idea. I bet Big Daddy would be a good daddy. Have you considered adoption?

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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    I dont think its wrong to want a healthy child. Many families want the ones who are not healthy. My aunt adopted a child with cerebral palsy,and she loves her just the same,9 yrs. later. So they dont ever get left out. When you are pregnant, you pray for a healthy baby,and that doesnt make you wrong.So your not wrong for wanting to adopt only a healthy baby.
    Last edited by Xiomara; 09-06-2006 at 08:39 PM. Reason: forgot somethin

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    Veteran Member big_daddyII's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Xiomara
    Im sorry u guys cant have babies. I kinda feel bad now for not wanting the one I was fortunate enough to make. wow. Im sorry.
    Sorry for making you feel bad, I can understand why you would not want this child, but that child did no wrong and could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
    We are ok with it, were just now buying our first house and might do the foster parent thing. We don't know, we have been free for so long, it will be hard to give up a life style that we have made. No kids in the way go where ever when ever we want, it will be hard.
    “Since the ACLU is trying to take away the word ‘Christmas,’ we thought it would be a great time to send the group a Christmas card this year. If everybody did this, they would be buried in mail.”

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    Veteran Member big_daddyII's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Xiomara
    Hehe not a bad idea. I bet Big Daddy would be a good daddy. Have you considered adoption?
    Thanks, I would like to think I would be.
    “Since the ACLU is trying to take away the word ‘Christmas,’ we thought it would be a great time to send the group a Christmas card this year. If everybody did this, they would be buried in mail.”

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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    ::hugs:: I hope everything goes well for you hon in whatever you choose (whether it's to keep the baby or not.) But be careful of post partum depression. A lot of women, (even those that really want to have kids) don't necessarily "fall in love" and bond with their kids immediatly. It does not make you a bad person. Just be careful for the sake of yourself, your daughter, and your unborn. I think the worst thing you could do is put a guilt trip on yourself about this and believe that you must feel a certain way when you don't. Good luck to you.


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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    Sweetie If you did'nt love your baby you would not be asking yourself these questions. You are going thru a lot right now, pregancy is hard by it self! But from your other thread you posted. You are dealing with alot right now, WHen you are pregant your emotion fly every where! Any other added stress makes life more harder. BE thankful that during all the stuff you just went thru you did'nt have a misscarriage. Sometime things happen in our life and makes us stronger. Why dont you ask your mom if you can stay with her and ask her to help you with the baby. LEt your mom know how you feel, this will be a good time to bond togethier! You are your mothers daughter.
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    Default Re: How do I love this baby?? :(

    You all are so helpful. And to candy.... I cant leave Florida due to the mess Shawn got me into. My mom is CO. I wanted to, but not allowed for a while.
    Im always the one telling someone that certain things makes us stronger and smarter...now herre I am taking my own advice. thanx guys...
    Oh, how come my baby ticker wont work?

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