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Thread: What do I say?

  1. #1
    Yekhefah
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    What do I say?

    My friend's father recently died a rather public death, and my poor friend is having to do his grieving with TV cameras stuck in his face and investigations going on. I'm going to call him later tonight to pay my condolences, but I have no idea what to say to him. I know that when someone dies it's good to get the mourners to talk about him and tell stories about him, but I don't want to be like all the reporters demanding, "Tell me about your dad!" And there's nothing else I can really talk about with him to cheer him up, as his whole year has been pretty bad (he hates his job and gave up on his career dreams, and he's trapped in a dull relationship, and his parents got divorced a year ago and he took that pretty hard, etc). So when I call, what should I say??

  2. #2
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do I say?

    Just tell him that you wanted to call and give your condolences and to let him know that if he ever needs someone to talk to, to give you a call.

    I hope he's ok.

  3. #3
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do I say?

    Remember what I said before. Just say one thing nice and then give him a conversation that has nothing to do with death. It's so nice when someone dies and a person asks what you ate that day and how your diet etc is going. It makes the person feel life can go on.


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    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  4. #4
    missalovelady
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    Default Re: What do I say?

    Just say how sorry you areand offer some help or ask if they need anything or any foods/meals that you could take him.

  5. #5
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: What do I say?

    Say you called to say how sorry you are and if he wants to talk or cry or a hug etc then to just say... Ask how he's doing, check to see if he needs a hand or help with anything. Try to be a bit 'normal" like Lilith said.

  6. #6
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: What do I say?

    Yeah... it's just that there's not really anything I can do but listen, since he's in Australia and I'm here in California. And I can't think of anything positive to talk about because everything in his life is a mess and he was unhappy even before his dad's sudden death. He's such a great guy and I hate to see him going through all this. I would just go over to his house and hug him if I could, but all I can do is call him on the phone and say, "Sorry." That just seems so inadequate.

  7. #7
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do I say?

    Tell him he's still hot and you want to come to Melbourne to bone him! Ha. You're there for him. Nowhere to in but up. Hey, how's the guys from uni doing? Oh man, I miss soandso. Wish I was there. Who knows! Let's go to Brissy and spend on naked ladies! that's how my conversation would go.


    Look like a woman
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    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  8. #8
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: What do I say?

    I dont think so - put yourself in the same situation. I find people are usually relieved to hear a friendly normal voice so they can offload a few things or at least feel better that someone decent cares. Once you get over the hurdle of calling you'll probably be fine. Some things are easier if you just do them without thinking. The thing is with deaths that no-one really knows what the best way is to deal with those left behind, but at the same time no-one expects "perfect" responses either - if there is such a thing...
    My view is if you can say or do something positive, no matter how small do it. If you're likely to make the situation worse and be a drain, dont.

  9. #9
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: What do I say?

    LOL... that might actually work, although he's been talking about feeling isolated. Our uni and all our friends are up in the Brisbane area, and he's several thousand miles away by himself. So I dunno if I want to bring up "how is everyone," since he is just as bummed as me about never seeing them.

    But maybe I can tell him I'll come visit some time next year and we can roadtrip up to QLD to see everyone (and yeah, blow some money on strippers). Maybe I can just talk about that with him, whether I can make it happen or not.

  10. #10
    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do I say?

    It's easy - you tell him that you're sorry....and you pull him aside....and you tell him that if he'd like to tell you something that no one can hear, then he can...and if not....then whatever....and you hug him....and you move on...and so does he.



    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah
    My friend's father recently died a rather public death, and my poor friend is having to do his grieving with TV cameras stuck in his face and investigations going on. I'm going to call him later tonight to pay my condolences, but I have no idea what to say to him. I know that when someone dies it's good to get the mourners to talk about him and tell stories about him, but I don't want to be like all the reporters demanding, "Tell me about your dad!" And there's nothing else I can really talk about with him to cheer him up, as his whole year has been pretty bad (he hates his job and gave up on his career dreams, and he's trapped in a dull relationship, and his parents got divorced a year ago and he took that pretty hard, etc). So when I call, what should I say??
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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